Child Custody Hearing Tomorrow

[lazarus]

So, it's finally here. My hearing for custody is tomorrow.

Anybody got any experience with this sort of thing? I'm sorta nervous, but not really. Fairly slam-dunk case, according to the legal aid help I've gotten.

[GOPisEvil]

1. No experience, thank goodness, but good luck!

I'm sure everything will go your way. :thumbsup:

[LisaLynne]

2. Good luck.

I wish I could offer advice, but I'll be thinking about you.

[Cheswick2.0]

3. no, we worked it out ourselves

but I would guess listening to your lawyer is the best advice.

[edbermac]

4. Don't go dressed as Batman...

I think that will cut down your odds...

Good luck!

:kick:

[LincolnMcGrath]

17. lol

very sage advice.

[lazarus]

20. Damn

That means I have to find my tie....

[Redbear]

5. I handled a few hundred such cases in a former life.

My advice.

1. There is no such thing as a slam dunk.
2. Stay calm. Your ability to stay cool and focused under the stress of trial is your best proof of your ability to raise children.

[lazarus]

13. Thanks

1. This is awfully close to a slam dunk, I think. As I posted downthread:

It gets complicated. The mother had custody through the courts. Last year, she gave me the child for a year, while she got herself straightened out.

She was in an abusive relationship, and was in the process of leaving him. She did, and immediately moved in with another man who was still married to his previous wife.

And last month, she decided to return to the abuser.

According to the legal aid help I've gotten, the court will be loathe to uproot the child after 15 months of living here, during the school year, to move her across country into a home with a record of domestic abuse.

2. That's the key. I'm lucky; my wife will be there, my dad and his wife are flying out for moral support. And I'm a naturally cocky SOB. :evilgrin: In my past life, as a retail sales manager, I thrived on pressure. So I'm using this thread as a way of thrashing out the last remnants of doubt and anxiety.

[Hepburn]

6. Are you a guy or a gal?

Have to know in order to give any advice.

[lazarus]

9. guy

I'm the father. I currently have custody, sort of.

It gets complicated. The mother had custody through the courts. Last year, she gave me the child for a year, while she got herself straightened out.

She was in an abusive relationship, and was in the process of leaving him. She did, and immediately moved in with another man who was still married to his previous wife.

And last month, she decided to return to the abuser.

I don't want my daughter in that sort of environment.

[Maddy McCall]

12. Good for you.

I agree...the child does not need to be in that environment.

:hug:

[Hepburn]

14. What state is your case in?

Are you represented by counsel? Are there any experts involved? How old is the child? Are there any siblings? (Half and/or whole.) Are either of you involved in any SO relationships where the SO has children? Are either of you still in the family residence? If custody were changed back to the mother, would it mean a change in schools for the child? How much contact has the mother had with the child since she gave you custody? How is the child progressing in school, socially, etc? Are both parents employed outside of the home? Are there any police reports about violence between the mother and the SO with whom she is not living? When you say the mother has custody thru the courts, is this because of some agreement between the two of you or was there a prior contested hearing in which the mother was awarded custody by the court? Do you have any witnesses who will testify on your behalf and same question as to the mother?

I have a ga-zillion questions, but the above is a good start.

[lazarus]

18. answers

Edited to send the answers via PM. This is getting to be a lot of personal info.

:hi:

[Hepburn]

21. No problem and will look for PM. n/t

[hlthe2b]

7. No experience, but good luck!

:toast:

[cally]

8. Good luck Laz!

I hope it goes well. I assume this is in California?

[lazarus]

10. yup

California. I'm nervous!

[Hepburn]

15. Which court? n/t

[mairceridwen]

11. good luck!

A few years after my parents got divorced, I asked my mom if there was a big "custody battle."

There wasn't.

For some reason that bothered me. Of course, I was about 10 years old and wanted my life to be melodramatic--hollywood style.


Take care. Good luck.

[LincolnMcGrath]

16. I won custody of my sons

Men getting custudy is very rare. The laws are tilted towards mothers for some reason.

Have you visited any mens rights websites? The stats are very telling.

Are you planning on getting Child-support?

[lazarus]

19. Yeah, I know

Although it's changing, particularly out here in California.

Already having physical custody is a big point in my favour, as is her living with an abuser.

I'll be filing for child support once the custody issue is resolved.

[LincolnMcGrath]

22. Illinois is making some sloooooooow process as well.

Yet nothing is a sure thing here. Some cases I know of would blow your mind.

The judge wanted to have my ex pay support, but I told him not to bother. Took allot of convincing, but he finally agreed.

[lazarus]

24. In many states

You have no choice. And the process of determining child support is just bizarre. Instead of helping in any substantial way, it often simply puts both parents into poverty.

I knew people who had to pay 40-50% of their net income in child support. Judge told them to get a second job.

[LincolnMcGrath]

25. Yep lost a good apprentice in Fl.

After you go over X amount of dollars you go to jail. Thanks Jebby!
Cause you catch up allot quicker behind bars!! :think: He (apprentice)was kicked out of the program, being a felon and all. Lose lose for all involved.

[jukes]

23. good luck!

hope things work out best for you & your child(ren)!

[arwalden]

26. I Imagine That Your Stomach Flips Every Time You Think About It...

I know that you've been working on (and worried about) this for quite a while now. I don't have any advice for you. All I can do is to let you know that I'm thinking about ya and that I hope it all works out for the best.

Keep us posted! Have a shot of maalox!

-- Allen

[lazarus]

27. thanks, allen

It's der tag, and that's always queasy business. No matter how confident I am, there's always that chance...

[Madrone]

29. Hey Laz - a website for you to check out-

www.deltabravo.net

You will find a huge amount of info there, and a message board with many people who have been there, and seen it all. They give some pretty damned good advice regarding custody cases - just avoid bringing up politics ;)

[LincolnMcGrath]

31. Cool link

When joint custody is not possible or workable, we often advocate for fathers as custodial parents. Statistics show that custodial fathers are the most likely to encourage a positive relationship between their children and the other parent and to raise happy, healthy children.

[lapislzi]

28. The truth just smiles

Be cool; let the facts speak for themselves.

And good luck! Been through it. There's no way to keep your knees from knocking together. Your mantra: best interest of the child. That's the court's job.

[Phillycat]

30. I don't have any advice, but best of luck!

You seem like a nice man and you have your daughter's best interests at heart. I hope everything works out.

[Tikki]

32. Small world....

We (our adult son, us: Grandma and Grandpa Tikki and our grandson<2y.o.) fought this battle for almost all of this last year.

We won...(in California court)...but, it was exhausting.

The most important thing a Court wants is the TRUTH of the situations a child will be exposed to. First and foremost the Courts want the TRUTH.

Never tell a lie, stretch the truth or try cover up any situations at home. Have all your documentation current and available for the judge or mediator to review.

Sound compassionate (not bitter) but FIRM with your knowledge that the mother is not ready to take on the custody of your daughter. The mother is not in a stable environment...stress that your child's mother's situation has not changed for the better during this last year.

Your family's presence and support in Court will aid you, immensely. This is one of the most important things the Court took into consideration in our case. The Court even told us so.

Good luck....and remember...Dad's make for a wonderful parent, that's why they are called Daddy, otherwise, they would be called..Just 'that person'.

[LincolnMcGrath]

33. I love it!

Dad's make for a wonderful parent, that's why they are called Daddy, otherwise, they would be called..Just 'that person'.