Yet another sick joke!

[Lovecrafty]

A rich man has a taste for exotic pets, and buys a female Orangutan. He hasn't considered what will happen when she goes into heat, so when she does, he is horrified at the destruction this ape is causing.

He calls in a veterinarian, who tells him the ape needs to get laid. The vet suggests buying a male Orangutan as soon as possible, or the destruction is sure to continue.

The man cannot buy a male Orangutan, as his money is tied up with insurance rates rising from his original ape.

Then he remembers Murphy: a security guard at his office; a swaggering Irishman, whose prowess with women is legendary. He even has pictures to prove the crazier stories.

So the man goes to Murphy and says:

"I have a weird proposal for you: would you do it to a female Orangutan for $5000?"

Murphy is a little surprised, but thinks a moment, and says:

"Alroight, but I've three conditions:

Forst: Noo body ever hears of this.

Second: If there's offspring, they haf ta be raised Catholic.

Thord: Ya haf ta gimme a week ta coom up wit' $5000."

[bahrbearian]

1. LOL

[NC_Nurse]

2. OMG!

That is so bad! And damn funny!

[Lovecrafty]

3. Here's another one I posted in case you missed it!

One evening Mike went over to his friend Terry's house to play cards with some friends.

Mike sat directly across from Terry's wife. Mike dropped a card on the floor and bent down to pick it up. When he looked across the table he saw that Terry's wife had her legs open and no panties on. He sat up and was flushed.

He went into the kitchen to get a drink of water. To his surprise Terry's wife had followed him into the kitchen and said, " Did you like what you saw?" Mike said "Yes I did." She said, Well you can get more than that but it will cost you $500." So Mike thought about this financial situation and said, "O.K." She said, "Come here tomorrow at 2:30 because Terry will be at work then." Mike said, "I'll see you then."

The next day, Mike came over, they had sex, he paid her, then he left. Later, Terry came home and asked, "Has Mike been over here today" She said, thinking she had been caught, "As a matter of fact, he did." Terry said, "Good because that fool came by my job this morning and asked to borrow $500 till this evening, and he said he would leave it with you."

[LDS Jock]

4. heres one..

The Madam opened the brothel door and saw a frail, elderly gentleman.

Can I help you? the madam asked.

I want Natalie, the old man replied.

Sir, Natalie is one of our most expensive ladies, perhaps someone else...?

No, said the man, I must see Natalie.?

Just then Natalie appeared and announced to the old man that she charges $1,000 per visit.

Without blinking, the man reached into his pocket and handed her ten $100 bills. The two went up to a room for an hour, whereupon the man calmly left.

The next night he appeared again demanding to see Natalie. Natalie explained that no one had ever come back two nights in a row and that there were no discounts. It was still $1,000 a visit.

Again the old man took out the money, the two went up to the room and an hour later, he left. When he showed up the third consecutive night, no one could believe it.

Again he handed Natalie the money and up to the room they went. At the end of the hour Natalie questioned the old man: No one has services three nights in a row. Where are you from?

The old man replied, ?I?m from Philadelphia.?

Really?? replied Natalie. I have family who lives there.

Yes, I know, said the old man. Your father died, and I'm your sister's attorney. She asked me to give you this $3,000.

[Lovecrafty]

5. I'll see your joke and raise you one!

Dolly Parton and Princess Diana (God rest here soul) died on the same day, and they're up at the pearly gates of heaven.

Saint Peter comes out and says "Show me something good and I'll let you in.."

Dolly rips open her shirt and shakes her tits and says "How are these? How are these?"

St. Peter says "Their ok. Lets see what the Princess has to offer"

Princess Diana pulls down her pants and douches right in front of them...

St Peter replies "Ok ladies I'll be back to let you know who's in."

5...10...15 minutes go by and here comes St Peter again..

"I'm sorry Dolly" He says

And she crys "But what about these? What about these?" as she's jigglin her tits around.

St Peter replies. "I'm sorry Dolly but a Royal flush beats a pair."

[murray hill farm]

6. My two favorite jokes about men

Why does a man name his penis? He does not like to be led around by a stranger. What are three two letter words that mean "small"? Is it in?

[Deja Q]

7. What's the similarity between Kentucky Fried Chicken and a woman?

Once you get done with the breasts and thighs, all that's left is the greasy box to put the bone in.

:eyes:

Oh, and before you can get at it, you have to pay for it.

Good grief, these jokes are sick.

(Oh. I did not make this horrid joke up. A friend, who is a lady, sent it to me and did warn me up front it was sick!)