Need some stalker advice, folks.

[Robb]

My wakeboard instructor (grin) has picked one up. Fellow she waited on at the restaurant about two months ago, has turned up at work a couple of times looking for her, told friends of hers that she's ignoring him and the power of their relationship, disturbingly left a two-page handwritten note with no white space at all on her car about three weeks ago, telling her she needs to think about their "relationship" and how good he is for her, etc.

The note is now with the local cops, who apparently had some sort of informal talk with him. He came by the gym where she works and approached her, she spun and walked the hell out and went home.

So this morning her car's in my driveway, and there's a mix CD under the windshield wiper, every song has her name in the title, a note saying "I'll do anything you want but go away".

Seems crystal clear to me he's off his nut. How do we convince the local constabulary to step in?

[punpirate]

1. Have her file a restraining order...

... to include no communications by any means.

That should do it, if the cops are in any way sympathetic.

Cheers.

[MrScorpio]

2. Sounds like Restraining Order time to me

His happy ass can end up behind bars if he breaks it.

I hope she has a lawyer (and maybe some pepper spray.)

[mike_c]

3. I believe she must first obtain a restraining order...

...prohibiting him from coming within 200 m or so of her or initiating direct communications-- then the next time he leaves a note or anything, press charges for violation of the order. The cops will have a more formal discussion with him then.

[underpants]

4. Call the cops

I don't really have ANY experience with this (or anyone I know) but that would be the first thing I would do and see if they have any advice. Actually GO to a police station and ask them so they know how serious it is.

[Infomaniac]

5. Resources

You can find local resources for help re: stalkers at http://www.aardvarc.org/stalking/about.shtml. The local support groups can help you navigate the police and local justice system to get the help you need. Good luck.

[MrScorpio]

6. You don't call yourself Infomaniac for nothing

Good call

[curse10]

7. Restraining order! Restraining order!!!!

He'll either get the message and leave her alone or violate it and get his ass in jail. It's a win-win situation.

[JimmyJazz]

8. Get a copy of Galvin DeBecker's Book

the Gift of Fear - a must reading for every human being. The main thing she cannot do is make ANY contact with this guy whatsoever. She must NEVER speak to him. For example, if he starts calling her and harassing her and she finally, after the 40th time, says, "I don't want to speak to you." Guess What? She IS speaking to him and she just taught him that it takes 40 phone calls to get her attention. I'm not saying this the best way possible. PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE read the book.

A restraining order may just piss him off. How many people were hurt or worse after obtaining a restraining order. Thanks for listening.

[JimmyJazz]

9. I don't recommend a restraining order at this time

Read this first and then decide. Sometimes we are hasty with that decision and it can be a costly mistake.

http://www.kidpower.org/Articles/stalking.html

[jukes]

10. retraining orders

can be a 2 edged sword. stalkers frequently ignore them, as the penalty is slight.

they can also escalate the stalker to abusive or even violent reactions. many people have had to change their entire lives, inc moving to other cities, to rid themselves.

STALKERS ARE SERIOUSLY INSANE & MUST NOT BE TAKEN LIGHTLY.

another resource: http://www.antistalking.com/aboutstalkers.htm

[skygazer]

11. Keep every piece of paper

I made the mistake of throwing away all the hate filled letters and notes my ex husband sent me - they would have been very handy when we got into a custody battle that wound up being my word against his.

Keep all those notes for evidence, for sure. Make sure the friends he's talked to will testify to what he's said, if need be. Scary.

[DS1]

12. Spandex pants and a sock

make him think she's a dude.