A Cthulhu worshiper shows up at your door with the Necronomicon in hand

[MrScorpio]

Poll question: A Cthulhu worshiper shows up at your door with the Necronomicon in hand

This smart looking young man states that he's a representative of the Campus Crusade for Cthulhu.

He wants to give you some literature stating that his all consuming lord and master is about to awaken from his slumber in R'lyeh and will feast on the flesh of humanity. Of course to him, somehow this really a good thing.

He points out that the Great Old One is running to be elected president on the platform, "Why vote for the lesser evil?"

The worshiper also points out that only Cthulhu is capable of simultaneously defeating the enemies of America and uniting its citizens by eating mankind whole. Can either Bush or Kerry claim that they can do such a wonderful thing?

As a true believer, he doesn't see your obvious discomfort at all this talk of global consumption and wholesale death because he's engulfed in a state of religious euphoria. Despite this, he comes to the purpose of his visit to your doorstep which is to urge your support for the tentacled elder of unparalleled evil.

As he holds out the colorful campaign literature to you, you have a dilemma; either you can make a statement of your unequivocal support of John Kerry as you slam your door in his face, or you can humor the sick fuck by accepting his gift. Come to think of it, there are other choices all well.

The question is, what do you do? What do you do? :shrug:

[Swamp Rat]

1. Other: Say, "OK" then club him, drag him into the back yard and roast him.

[Raster]

2. well, that is certainly an option...

[Raven Macabre]

4. haha

Let's assume for a moment that something like that would happen in a universe where Cthulu is possible. First thing I'd do is politely ask him to leave, then head on down to miskatonic university and start reading the necronomicon, learning as much magic as I can, just in case old squid face or yog-sothoth or nyarlehotep or one of the other old one's gets snippy.

[The_Casual_Observer]

3. I would accept the gift only if the unwelcome visitor

was misshapen, unspeakable, and unutterable.

[BlueHandDuo]

12. Misshapen, unspeakable, unutterable...

...and ELDRITCH! You forgot ELDRITCH!

Geeze, kids nowadays!

[The_Casual_Observer]

15. Singular

[Bryan]

5. I'd invite him in for coffee

...and I'd try to steer the conversation towards the Church of the SubGenius and Bob's glorious Plan for us. Have you read any of our literature, sir?

[mikehiggins]

6. Hey, its a free country

until we all get eaten, of course

[Khephra]

7. As Cthulhu is well known to be my roommate

I'd offer the young cultist a chance to meet his master earlier than the rest of humanity as I'm impressed with his zeal and piety toward his lord--and my roomie--Cthulhu.

Plus I was about to rustle up some food for Cthulhu anyway, so serving up the young lad would save me some time.

:evilgrin:

(Between you and me, don't worry about Cthulhu screwing things up--he's only running to take votes away from Bush. He'll drop out before the actual election, so there's no need to worry about him being a spoiler candidate.

What? You thought he was evil enough to support Bush over Kerry? Man, my boy Cthulhu is awesomely evil, but he's not evil and stupid like the sheep that follow Bush around.)

[Bride of Cthulhu]

8. first take his literature

then use it in my own campaign to get Cthulhu elected.

[MrScorpio]

9. Why don't you join the Crusade instead?

Wouldn't make more sense to join up with other supplicants to the dark and evil elder gods?

[Bride of Cthulhu]

18. Perhaps,

but i prefer to do things on my own. besides i don't work well in groups.

[NuttyFluffers]

10. I'd say my vote is already given to He Who Must Not Be Named.

either that or you already pledged yourself to Nyarlathotep and his candidate is but a mere Great Old One and not an Outer God like Nyarlathotep.

Besides, I've received Cthulhu campagin literature before. Got a 2000 election bumper sticker for him too. Great stuff. Was leaning towards Byatis, seems more like a party god, flailing the innocent in a chaotic dance of bloodlust and all... but then they all kinda do that and Byatis is stuck behind an Elder Sign, so...

you make it seem that the end of humanity when the stars are right is a bad thing. :evilgrin:

[mark11727]

11. Invite him in for a little chat....

...then eat his liver with some fava beans and nice chianti.

[starroute]

13. I'd invite him in to have a chat with my husband

My husband loves to deal with people like that -- kind of in the same way our cat loves to deal with voles. He talks sweetly and pleasantly to them and does his best to undermine their faith. Unfortunately, the Jehovah's Witnesses and Mormons have stopped calling on us -- I guess the word got around.

Lately, he's been having fun with the telemarketers who call up from India three times a day and say their name is Joe Smith and they're in Pasadena and could we use some help with our mortgage. First he gets them to admit they're not really Americans and then he asks them if they feel it's morally wrong to lie to people.

They're not nearly as crunchy as the Jehovah's Witnesses were, though. I think he'd love to be able to get his teeth into a good Cthulhuite or two. (Do the Cthulhuites travel in pairs for safety? The Jehovah's Witnesses always did.)

[MrScorpio]

16. Do they travel in pairs?

That's a good question.

I think that if you're expecting to one day fester in the bowels of a great and all powerful consumptive menace, fear for you own safety from Mr. and Mrs America might be pretty low on your list of priorities.

[roguevalley]

14. this is the best poll of all time.

[MrScorpio]

29. I don't know about that

But thanks anyways

[DemBones DemBones]

17. Other: tell him we're Catholic -- it works on JWs, Mormons,

and other proselytizers.

Usually, our big dog scares them off before we have a chance, though. I suppose our dogs are Catholic, too. ;-)

[MrScorpio]

19. Catholicism and big dogs

Sounds like a plan

[undergroundpanther]

20. Take him

by the hand and lead him downstairs,as he stood on the threshold I'd rip up the area carpet on the floor and toss it somewhere,as he stod around with his phamplets,I'd show him the gate on my floor prefectly chalked out,,hen before he could say a peep, I'd be placing candles around it talking about the weather,Howabout them O's...,than I'd bustle over to my secret cabinet behind the stereo,get out my big 'ol brass ceremonial bowl with strange symbols in unknown tounges onm it ,the bronze sword of barzi,a mummmie's thigh bone and grab a handful of leeches outta my aquarium hold them up and say to him, Hey buddy...wanna make death die today ?" *wink wink* and flick my lighter in my other hand "lets do this thang"!!...and see if he bolts upstairs. (heh I'd love to do this kinda shit to Jehovah's witnesses mormons and RNC lackeys..LOL Bet they wouldn't knock on MY door again.)

[MrScorpio]

21. I bet that you're real fun at Birthday parties and Bar Mitzvahs

Do you charge by the hour?

[undergroundpanther]

22. I charge

by the pint..;) Bwahahahahahuhhh..

If you throw in a severed finger or toe we might be able to cut you a good deal...Bwhahharrrr *cough* arrrh.

[UdoKier]

23. Slam!

Just like any other religio-nut peddling supersttition at my door.

[baldguy]

24. Is the Necronomicon something that a person would carry around?

I always got the impression that it was a rather large-format volume.

[Rabrrrrrr]

25. No, it's availabe in paperback

Mine is a paperback.

[MrScorpio]

26. My paperback is bound in human skin

As any proper Necronomicon should be

[Rabrrrrrr]

27. Children's skin, I should hope?

Not just any human skin will do, you know.

[MrScorpio]

28. Quite natch

I wouldn't have it any other way