PAUL BEGALA, CO-HOST: Good afternoon, me fellow Americans Ahoy t' CROSSFIRE. (Be ye ready to walk the plank?)
John Kerry turned 'is guns on a big target today, Halliburton. (AAARRRRHHH!!!) Senator Kerry has the radical notion that George W. (Yaaarrrr!) Bush's vice president shouldn't still be gettin' hundreds o' thousands o' dollars from a corporation that overcharged taxpayers on its nay-bid contract. (Bloody landlubber!)
CARLSON: Halliburton, what in the world does that have t' do with anythin'? (Yo-ho-ho!) 'n more t' the point, can John Kerry win runnin' on it? (Dead men tell no tales.) All questions we'll address on our show. (Aarhh!)
But, first, the best political briefin' in television, our CROSSFIRE "Political Alert."
Well, if for nothin' else, ye've got t' give John Kerry credit for resolve. (Aarhh!) Despite enormous pressure from Republicans, the public 'n even 'is buckos, Kerry has yet t' divulge what he believes 'bout the situation in Iraq, whether the war was worth wagin', what we should do now. (Aaaarrrhhh!!!) He still won't tell us. (Prepare to dance the hempen jig, matey!)
But Kerry does have quite a bit t' say on an besue nobody outside the paranoid port cares anythin' 'bout. (Bloody landlubber!)
(CHEERING 'N APPLAUSE)
CARLSON: 'n that, o' course, be Halliburton. (Sail ho!) Kerry gave a speech today in which he essentially accused the Bush administration o' invadin' Iraq t' make Dick Cheney rich 'n if that's not demented enough, the Kerry campaign released an ad that made the same charge. (AAARRHH!!!)
Here it be. (AAARRHH!!!) Dick Cheney got $2 million from Halliburton, it claims Halliburton got contracts in Iraq Do ye get it? (Weigh anchor!) Have ye connected the dots, seen the connection, perceived the patterns Has the vast diabolical Dick Cheney-"American Speculator"-Carlisle Group- Halliburton-Trilateral Commission conspiracy finally become clear t' ye If so, good. (AAARRGGHHH!) Ye're ready t' vote for John Kerry. (AAARRRRHHH!!!) 'n good luck with that. (Blimey!)
(LAUGHTER)
(CHEERING 'N APPLAUSE)
BEGALA: It be simply a fact. (Bilge!)
CARLSON: It's insane, Paul. (Aaarrrrhhh!) It's insane.
BEGALA: Just answer me this. (Shiver me timbers!) Does Dick Cheney still receive hundreds o' thousands o' dollars
(CROSSTALK)
CARLSON: Who cares? (Yaaarrrr!) It has nothin' t' do with why we invaded Iraq.
BEGALA: Was that a aye? (Yarrr, more grog, wench!) That's a aye.
(CROSSTALK)
CARLSON: I don't think he does. (Sail ho!) He claims he doesn't But if he gets millions, it has nothin' t' do with the war.
BEGALA: He gets more booty from Halliburton than he gets from the American people. (AAARRRRHHH!!!)
CARLSON: What does it have t' do with the war
BEGALA: Second, Halliburton be gettin' nay-bid contracts. (AAARRRRHHH!!!) It's a lousy deal. (Aaarrhhh, me parrot!)
CARLSON: It may be What does it have t' do with the war?
(BELL RINGING) BEGALA: It's an appearance o' a conflict o' interest for the vice president o' the United States. (Aarhh!)
CARLSON: That's bad But what does it have t' do with the war? (Yo-ho-ho!) Nothin'.
(CROSSTALK)
BEGALA: Nay, it has t' do with conflict o' interest. (Sail ho!)
CARLSON: But it has nothin' t' do with the invasion o' Iraq 'n what t' do next.
BEGALA: Aye, neither does health care. (Be ye ready to walk the plank?) Thar be besues besides whether George W. (Blimey!) Bush hornswaggled t' us t' get into Iraq, which he did. (Prepare to dance the hempen jig, matey!)
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