I am crying right now.

[FatSlob]

The time is one in the morning. I can barely see through the tears. On October 31, 1999, I met my future wife. I was at a popular cincinnati eatery with a few buds, and this tall, brunette was my waitress. I was hitting on her, very mildly. A few months later, I got the balls to ask her out. We had a semi-decent date. A month or two later, I asked if she wanted to be my girlfriend. She was raped two days later. I couldn't deal with it, and dumped her. She, in a state of extreme depression, started dating an abuser. We saw each other at a lunch spot. She asked me to dinner. I said yes. She dumped the abuser. We started seeing each other. She called me. She was pregnant. The child was the abuser's. I was devastated. I dumped her. I hated myself and sought refuge in the bottle. She called me. She was now 7 months along. I went to see her. We went to dinner. I asked for a kiss before she went into her home. Some time passed. I was in torment. She had the baby. I asked her to marry me. I adopted the child. I married her. Tonight, I am having flashbacks to everything that happened. I couldn't be happier, but I can't stop crying. I have a daughter who adores me. I have a wife who I can't live without. None of this would have happened had my wife and I not fucked up our lives. A man and musician named Keith Kane of Vertical Horizon has been with me the entire time. His music, particularly the song, "Japan" has helped me. Without Keith and the fucked up shit, I would never have been as happy as I am now. I cry because I love. I love a little girl who is not mine, but who is mine . She calls me "Daddy" and sings little songs about me. I call her "Sweetheart" and can't imagine a life without her and her Mommy. My life is now complete. I have my world and know my place. My tears keep falling, even though my wife and my baby are in bed. I can't stop. I'm so happy that I can't stop crying. Sure, it was Sting or Toby Keith who said it, but it applies. I love them, and I can't stop crying.

[Moonbeam_Starlight]

1. Oh my gosh fatslob

that was so touching, sad and happy all at the same time.

:hug:

[mike_c]

2. check your PM

eom

[medeak]

3. very heartfelt post

and can hear your feelings. A blessed man you are.

Perhaps you need to talk to someone to get some skills to deal with the trauma you and wife have been through? Rape and abuse affects not only the victim but loved ones as well.

Thinking very good thoughts for you tonight....

[faithnotgreed]

4. im truly happy for all of you

may i ask a very personal question? please know this is very optional and my intention is out of respect, trying to understand even though none of it is my business.

it struck me esp when you said that when your wife (then gf) was raped, may i ask what you were feeling that caused you to break off with her because of that?

i cant imagine so dont want to speculate at all. again, no answer is required or expected

take care and best to all of you!

[madmax]

5. It's ok....

:hug:

[Seldona]

6. You are one lucky man.

Sure, you got there through tragedy.

I know what that is all about.

But somehow that makes it sweeter.

Have your cry, go look at your daughter as she sleeps, then wake the wife and share it with her.

It gets even better...

Just my experiance.

[JanMichael]

7. I was 8 when my step-dad became my father. It's a wonderful thing.

I'm 36 and have a "dad" who isn't biologically my "Dad", but he's my FATHER! to hell with that biological shit!

And as your own personal relationship...Real, and you and I know what I mean, hardships get diminished by the goodness of the present I can again empathise with that too. Isn't it amazing how wonderful we damaged creatures can make our lives if we just open up enough to care again???!!!

[FatSlob]

8. To those concerned about me...read on.

A few kind souls have PMed me. I could reply to each of you with a canned answer, but I choose to write everybody here. Read on.

I'm pretty damn happy. I've got a baby, a wife, and a home. Have you ever had a time when life was so good, unexpectedly, that it hurt? I'm there. I could not care less about the election, or my job, or what I am doing on Sunday. I have the greatest things ever. The love of a wonderful woman, and a beautiful daughter. They are asleep, and I just drank a $50 bottle of wine. My life is at its high point. All my friends and family are either asleep or dead. I decided to bare my heart to a bunch of strangers on DU. Why? The anonymity is part of it, the empathy is another. I normally hang around the gungeon, but this is a time to share my pain and love and joy with everybody. Thank you for the offers of conversation, but I meant it. I am so happy that I can't stop crying. My life is perfect, and my tears are running free. Thank you for your concern, I appreciate your gestures. Fare well.

[medeak]

9. sleep well

btw...what exactly was the brand of $50 wine? :-)

[FatSlob]

10. I lied.

It was two bottles of $25 wine. Burnett Ridge and Kinkead Ridge. My wife and I split one, I drank the other. I'm mostly drunk, my wife is asleep. I'm loving life.

[medeak]

11. guilty

of that other night....drailing....(drunk emailing) (((hugs)))

[Skittles]

12. that little girl is YOURS

who is there for her? YOU. You're her DAD. STOP OBSESSING OVER DETAILS. You've got a woman and a daughter you love and who love you - YOU'RE A LUCKY GUY.

[FatSlob]

13. No shit, that's why I'm so damn happy.

Thanks, friend, for your thoughts. I feel at peace.

[Skittles]

17. not a problem

and FS, if you truly think you still have conflicted feelings, DON'T HESITATE TO SEEK SOME COUNSELING. You're a good guy (you've made mistakes but you so readily admit them) and you are worth it.

[NVMojo]

14. you are blessed and so are they...

hang in there.

:yourock:

[medeak]

16. WELCOME TO DU!

NVwriter!!!!

[Sperk]

15. You made me cry "happy" tears, I love crying "happy" tears ...

that's a lovely story, thanks for sharing it.
:-) :hug:

[snowbear]

18. xoxo!

I had the same thought as JanMichael.. I adopted a little girl and the fact that she's not biologically mine never even crosses my mind. We're a family :pals:

What matters is that you love her and she loves her daddy... YOU! :hug:

[slinkerwink]

19. I'm amazed that she's still with you after you dumped her twice

for being raped, and for being pregnant and stuck in an abusive relationship.

I don't know whether to say "good job" for being with her now or condemn you as an idiot for not having stood by her when she was raped.

[ofrfxsk]

20. Thank you so much for sharing that

you big poop, you made me cry. Your wife and daughter are so very lucky to have you. Keep loving each other. You get what this is all about.

[FatSlob]

21. Being a big poop feels good.

I'm going to bed. See y'all in the morn.

[ofrfxsk]

22. Night night, poopy.

[Rhiannon12866]

23. Stop crying right now

I have no idea if you are fat, but you are certainly not a slob. You are with a woman that you love and have a child that adores you and that you adore. Yes, you had a really tough time getting there, but you have achieved all that you ever wanted. Just enjoy your blessings, your wife and child. The child really is yours, though she is adopted. Lots of people adopt children and love them as their own. And you love this child who knows you are her Daddy. I get choked up thinking about just how lucky you are.:-)

[johnnie]

24. Your post touched me

I just turned 40. I am alone tonight like every other night. I am happy, but only because I am alive. I envy you, but am so happy for you. We all live lives and it isn't up to us to ask why it is what it is.
Be happy with what you have. I will wake up alone again... my choice? maybe...but it is what it is. you will wake up to a family, and that is so cool.
Happiness is what we all want, and you are one of the lucky ones to find it. Keep it, hold it, treasure it and feel it for what it is...your happiness.