Why aren't you in shul?

[eyesroll]

This isn't a question for the goyim, mind you.
But you -- you know who you are. What, do you want to make your mother cry? Six years of Hebrew school and a big bat mitzvah -- your mother got the fortune teller you wanted, never mind how she had to explain that to the Rabbi, remember? -- and what? It's not like it's one of the holiest days on the Jewish calendar or anything.
But I'm not going to tell you what to do. I'm not a meddler.
Feh.
</my fictional bubbeh>

Happy new year, everyone.

[redqueen]

1. Happy Rosh Hashanah to you!

:hi:

[eyesroll]

5. Thank you!

Truth be told, I am one of the least observant Jews on the planet (which is why I'm not in shul -- that and Racist Mary's retirement luncheon is today -- there are no truly observant Jews here -- and I wouldn't miss the chance to send her obnoxious ass off for the world).

[redqueen]

7. Ha!

Well then make a subtly snarky comment at her send-off for us, then. And happy Liberation From Racist Mary Day, too!

:party:

[eyesroll]

9. She once asked one of the other non-observant Jews here

if she could hire her on Christmas -- to wash dishes for her party!

My last name isn't Jewish-sounding, so she didn't approach me. Thank god. I probably would have diplomatically referred her to a staffing agency specializing in domestic help, but not without a lot of restraint.

[asthmaticeog]

2. Because there is no god.

L'shanah Tovah, Shaquille O'Neal, what's the dif?

[eyesroll]

3. L'shana Tovah is has a better free-throw percentage.

[Cassandra]

4. Probably because I wasn't sent to Hebrew school...

or given a bat mitzvah. I'm being thoughtful for awhile.

[eyesroll]

10. Fair enough.

I didn't get a bat mitzvah either. (My parents gave me a choice -- Hebrew school or girl scouts.)

I did sit through 10 years of non-language religious instruction, though.

[ThomCat]

6. Why are you here posting instead of in Shule?

:evilgrin:

[eyesroll]

8. See above.

My family members are "food Jews." We know what to cook on what holidays. (Today, pretty much anything goes, but you need apples, challah and honey.) That's about it.

[fudge stripe cookays]

11. Happy New Year, bubbah-la.

Mazel Tov. Other than "feh" and "oi," my inner Jew is at a loss for just the right words.

Happy day to the diaspora
FSC, Goy.

[eyesroll]

16. You're also a shiksa!

That is, you're a shiksa to his mother if you've ever dated a MOT (member of the tribe).

Thanks!

[SW FL Dem]

19. My MIL referred to me as "The Shiksa" for the first year of so

she refused to call me by my name.

[eyesroll]

21. I was "that Jewish hippie" to a high school BF's mother

Let me put it this way -- she was born in Germany in the mid-1930s (she had her kids late in life). Her parents were actual Nazis. She was the "I'm not prejudiced, but..." type.

His dad was career military, complete hawk, and didn't care for my peace-sign necklace. Hence, Jewish hippie.

[fudge stripe cookays]

27. Yes, I figured that.

But I thought I had to be blonde to be a shiksa. ;)

And no, no tribal lovin for me. Although it was not for lack of trying! They just never crossed paths with me very much.

And that's too bad, cuz I make a mean roast chicken with tzimmes, baby.

I got me a cousin (pronounced "couzhin") instead (our word for Native American/Canadian). I highly recommend it. Now I have to learn to make frybread.

FSC

[AlienGirl]

12. 'Cause this morning's service doesn't start till 10:30!

[eyesroll]

18. Try not to get "Who By Fire" stuck in your head.

[Mizmoon]

13. Let me show my ignorance here

Isn't it that Jewish people need to be home by dark today and tomorrow, or am I mixing this up with another holiday? Can't they go to work today as long as they're home by dark?

[eyesroll]

15. Very observant Jews don't work on the Sabbath -- sundown

Friday to sundown Saturday. "Work" includes driving, operating anything electronic, cooking, etc.

On Rosh Hoshannah (and I've probably spelled it 10 different ways today, but it's a transliteration), Jews can drive (many choose not to engage in commerce -- my parents always paid babysitters in advance during their observant years) and turn on the lights and all that -- but the holiday goes from sundown yesterday to sundown tomorrow; much of that time is spent in synagogue and thus not at work.

[dolo amber]

14. Omg...

Went to a family gathering a couple months ago...about 90 Jews in one room. One of them looks at Corinne and asks "So, are you in shul?"...she just looked at him like he was retarded and said "Uhhh...yeah, I go to school...:crazy: :eyes:..."

Go anti-theism!! :D

HNY anyway. ;) :toast:

[eyesroll]

17. My sister got asked at a similar 90-jews-in-a-room gathering

"So, are you active in the synagogue? What? Don't tell me you're not observing anymore." (by a friend of my grandparents -- total stranger to us)

Her reply?

"Well, I believe in Hanukkah."

Perfect. :bounce:
:toast:

[northzax]

20. well, you know I would be

but those Jews for Jesus people with their knock offs of the Simpsons and South Park have convinced me to mend the errors of my ways.

[asthmaticeog]

22. HA! My former boss, also a Jew,

just called me on my cel to tell me he hoped I wasn't at work today!

I am. He's not. Fucker.

[RetroLounge]

23. I used to be married to a MOT, and dated a few more.

I was an honorary MOT for a while there...

Must say, my Jewish ex-Mother-in-law, bless her bleeding liberal heart, fed me very well.

First Date, her first words to me when I stopped to pick up my future ex-wife: "You are Soooo skinny. Here, sit down, we eat." and she proceeded to fill me with a ton of incredible food of the made-by-a-Jewish-mother variety.

May she be blessed on this day...

RL

[eyesroll]

24. It's in our genes.

I'm not a Jewish mother, but I can make a kickass chicken soup.

[RetroLounge]

25. I call ya next time I'm sick!

To this day, I crave fresh Lox & Bagels from Sam and Hi's Deli in Skokie, Illinois. Best Sunday Morning breakfast...

They were "Food Jews" too. Cooked great stuff for the holidays, did some readings on the holidays, but didn't go to temple or anything like that.

RL

[jukes]

26. Happy new year

from a lapsed catholic/atheist!


:hi:

[eyesroll]

28. Thanks jukes!

And put on a little sweater...it's freezing in here...