Do you hate when relatives visit?

[tjdee]

My mother just called to say she's coming tomorrow morning and I already feel like ripping my hair out.
As you know, I don't have a job, so all day long tomorrow after the kid goes to school, she's going to be on my back about that. She's going to want to know why the house isn't spotless, especially if I'm "sitting on my ass all day".

Then she's going to be on my back about what I'm cooking the kid for dinner. Then she's going to frown when anyone mentions television.
She's just coming to see the kid, she thinks I'm a lazy, incompetent loser--and she'll have the opportunity to imply that for a whole three days! She's going to lend me some money, which I HATE, because that's her license to say whatever she wants.

Ohhh god. But everyone hates when their relatives visit. Right? Right? :scared:

[Chovexani]

1. Oh yeah.

My aunt's coming up to visit from MD this weekend and I'm dreading it. She likes to hit the sauce, if you get my drift. :scared:

[tjdee]

8. I know what you mean....got one of those too.

But he doesn't visit...yet!

[Gothic Sponge]

2. My mother only lives 20 minutes away.

I hate when she drops over without calling first.

[alittlelark]

3. I like many relatives

but there are some that will never enter my home. Unfortunately Fundie Mom is one of them (I live 1000 miles away)

[politicat]

4. Can you reject the money?

Yes, I hate it when my family comes to visit, but for different reasons. (Mostly because they're clueless.)

Don't give her the license if you can help it.

Another thing I'd suggest is mirroring her behavior. It's a very effective tactic for dealing with the difficult. The hard part is staying emotionally neutral, but when she complains about something you're doing or not doing, then you give her the same behavior - complain about what she's doing or not doing. When she behaves well, mirror that back, too.

And if you're looking for a job, you're not "sitting on your ass." That IS your job at the moment.

Are you partnered or are you living on your savings or is this a question that's too nosy?

Pcat

[tjdee]

6. I'm living on my savings, which is running out.

I'm not married/involved...I'm a grad student, so I do have some loan money coming mid-October.
I would reject the money and live on peanut butter until then, but I do have the kid here and my mom is already going to bitch about how I'm not feeding her enough, etc.

My mother thinks I'm not trying hard enough to find a job. while she's here I half expect her to request a list of places I've gone for a job so she can make sure I'm not lying.
:(

[Butterflies]

5. I don't let them come to my house

it's easier to be the visitor (and you can leave anytime you want.)

[fudge stripe cookays]

7. Gee, this sounds familiar

Nothing like a mother on a power trip. And they feel they're entitled because they've given you money/bought you groceries/helped you with a car repair/you name it.

Iw as so happy when I finally got married and got my life back. My mother is a control fanatic. When I cut off her source of control (the money), she lost it and threatened to kill me because I would not do what she said (I'm 38 years old, by the way).

Believe me, I've been there.
FSC

[tjdee]

12. I am DREAMING of that day....

If I didn't have a kid, I'd be LONG gone and away from her.

I want to take my kid and leave the house, LOL.
Actually, not LOL.

She actually threatened to kill you? If she's anything like my mom, I'm sure it was over something REALLY important. :eyes:

[fudge stripe cookays]

16. Hey tj.

Sorry you're stuck in that sitch.

My mom and I have a long complicated history. My dad died when I was 13, so we've been at each other's throats ever since.

A lot of the friction was caused by her "boyfriend" for lack of a better word.

Last Mother's Day, I was busy all day during the day, but called her in the evening. I'd forgotten to buy a card ebcause I'd been very busy at work. But I wanted to let her know that I was going to get her a really nice $200 day spa gift certificate. I'd never been able to buy her a present that nice before, and I was really excited. I thought she would appreciate this. Silly me.

She answered the phone with monosyllables, allowing no doubt that she was pissed because I'd forgotten a card and that my phone call was coming later than she wanted.

I finally hung up on her.

She called me back several days later to apologize, but 37 years of putting up with her bullshit just took over. I told her that was it for me, I was disgusted, and I never wanted to talk to her again.

She went ballistic.

We eventually did speak again, and when we did, she told me she had planned on driving up here (about 200 miles) and shooting me when I opened the door.

And you thought YOUR family was dysfunctional! :eyes:
FSC

[Shoeempress]

9. You have my deepest sympathy. I haven't spoken to my folks since

1992, (Clinton Election) but they used to come and make me miserable. Now it's just my husbands family. We've been married 20 years, and may I say very happily, but my MIL acts like I'm going to steal everything we own. We once sent him out to visit them, Cuz they drive me crazy, and she had my SIL come stay with me Cuz I might change the locks and start a divorce while he's gone. Last year we sold our place and moved to a new place, and she called everyone in the family and told them we were getting divorced. Found out from a Cousin who called and asked if everything was OK. Thank god she lives 3000 miles away, another planet would have been better.

[skygazer]

10. Absolutely

I am fortunate in that I live in California and most of my relatives live in Vermont. I visit every year but I've been known to go there for a full week telling no one but my best friend with whom I stay. I love my family but they drive me nuts. I have three sisters and two brothers and my dad and half of them are uninformed freepers and the other half are just lunatics.

The last time I visited, I went out for the evening with 2 sisters, a brother, a cousin and a nephew. I was exhausted by the end of the evening (which couldn't end early enough for me) and required quite a few vodka lemonades once I got back to my room.

You have my sympathy. May I suggest the vodka lemonades?

[daddybear]

11. Actually.....

I would like to have my mother and dad come by for a visit just once more anyway... just so I could hug em both... but... they are no longer among the living so I will wait for a brighter day for that.

Now, "in-laws".... that's another story altogether! :-)

[HEyHEY]

13. Nope - I look forward to it

And I look forward to visiting them when I'm in town :shrug:

I think it's cause we hated each other so much when we were younger - now we're older and getting over it all so it's kinda fun.

[tjdee]

14. See, now, that's siblings/cousins, right?

Now, my SISTER came the other week, and that was awesome.

[HEyHEY]

15. Parents too - it was shaky for a bit but I still like to see them

[happyasaclam]

17. I actually like when

two of my aunts visit. They are exactly like Patsy and Eddy from Absolutely Fabulous.
However, they are the only relatives I like visiting, all of the others just give me grief about everything going on in my life.