Telling your parents you spent too much on their credit cards

[Scooter24]

How do you tell your parents that in one day you put $1800 on their credit cards for clothes, shoes, haircut, and other various things? Then again, they told me to go buy what I need and have some fun, but I've never spent this much before at one time and now feel somewhat guilty. I hope they are in a good mood in the morning..lol

Parents- what would your reaction be if your kids came to you with this?

School/Apartment shopping is so stressful these days. :P

Do they make appropriate Hallmark cards for these moments?

[BelleCarolinaPeridot]

1. Before telling them ...

make sure you used that credit card to buy your plane ticket that you have to run away with - make sure you get the tickets before telling them . After you tell them - RUN ! LOL !

[Scooter24]

4. LOL

Interesting Idea. Tiny problem, my dad runs marathons. Me, I barely get a mile before passing out.

Now maybe a getaway car? hmmm..

[HEyHEY]

125. I recomend having a cab waiting

[REP]

2. Are They Adopting?

I already have a college degree and my own apartment, and am very, very responsible...

[LeighAnn]

3. You'll be lookin' so good, how could they object?

Once they get a load of the $1800 "new you", they'll be so impressed that they'll no doubt insist that you have more.

[Blayde Starrfyre]

5. How on EARTH did you spend $1800?! (n/t)

[Scooter24]

6. My receipts-

$800 on Clothes
$250 on TV
$70 on Haircut
$400 on Shoes
$100 on Bedding
$100 on Watch
$80 on Sunglasses

That's going to be the same question they ask. :P

[mrbill]

11. be glad mrbill isn't your parent, can you say ass-kicking?

RED FLAGS on......

$800 on clothes? WTF? This is some kind of manic behavior. Money saving tip, try the the outlet malls and ebay.

$70 for a haircut? Get a job and buy your own haircut.

$400 on shoes? An Imelda Marcos complex or an idenity problem.

$100 watch? That's your christmas present early.

$80 for sunglasses? What a dumbass.

Sha na na - get a job.

Did you buy any food?

[StopTheMorans]

14. hear hear!

couldn't have said it better meself:)

[Donkeyboy75]

12. You are a male...and you spent $70 on a haircut?!?!?!

$400 on shoes? Do you have a job? I would kick your ass if I was your parent.

[Scooter24]

15. hmm?

1 pair of Gucci loafers is $389.

No job. Parent's have refused to let me work while in school.

Haircut at Tony&Guy $70

[StopTheMorans]

16. allow me to take the liberty of rephrasing that for

Donkeyboy75: you're a male, and you spent 400 dollars on ONE pair of shoes? :crazy:

[Donkeyboy75]

17. Why the hell does a college student (or anyone)

need Gucci loafers?

See, your parents told you to buy what you needed. I don't think Italian loafers fit into that equation.

[Scooter24]

20. Because

they are finely made and look sharp.

They are a neccessity as far as I'm concerned.

[StopTheMorans]

22. if they are a "necessity"

then this discussion isn't worth continuing; many things are "finely made" and also "look sharp" for 1/4 of the price, but label-whoring is always a choice...

[blondeatlast]

24. I get compliments on my clothes all the time; I really look pretty

sharp most of the time.

Probably 60% of my clothing came from...

TARGET.

I have to go there anyway, so...

[StopTheMorans]

27. that's kind of what i was getting at

it's nearly impossible to tell the difference between clothes that are made well and look good vs. clothes that are made well, look good, and cost a fortune. the only reason i can see to buy the latter is that so you can tell people you paid a fortune for clothes that look the same as ones that cost a fraction of the price. the reason for doing that? you got me :shrug:

[Scooter24]

33. That might apply to something

off the rack. But a well-constructed tailored jacket or suit is well worth the expense, especially for someone like me that has a small frame and who doesn't look good in a sport coat from JC Penny's.

[StopTheMorans]

36. fine, a sport coat or a suit for 400?

i can see that. a sportcoat is not a pair of shoes.

[RivetJoint]

41. Nice pair of J &M shoes

is about $300. Will last forever and look sharp.

[StopTheMorans]

43. knock yourself out

you can find shoes that will both "look sharp" and "last forever" for ~$100, but if you want to spend $300, no skin off my back (especially if it's your own cash:)

[RivetJoint]

44. Good point

It IS my own cash!

[blondeatlast]

45. And when you earn your own dough, you can make an investment like that.

BIG effing difference.

I have some very good shoes, a beautiful suit, etc.

But I paid for them, not my mom and dad.

[RivetJoint]

47. So did I.

Don't confuse me with the spoiled, "small frame" college kid.

[blondeatlast]

Apologies. My mistake. nt

[Scooter24]

57. what difference does it make?

Whether my parents approve of it or not? Is it wrong nowadays to let your children enjoy your good fortune as long as they are still responsible? I'm on track to graduate magna cum laude next year, no arrests, not even a traffic ticket and yet you assume that a spoiled individual's future is doomed.

[blondeatlast]

70. You wanted advice from parents. I've given it to you as have others.

You haven't responded to that.

I had to work my way through college and am paying off student loans as well. My parents couldn't afford it, but they helped when they could.

Kerry/Edwards are right--there are two Americas; and apparently you and I represent both.

Kerry comes from a priveleged background and understands what it means to have to work for a living. You'd be wise to learn from him.

[RivetJoint]

37. Very true!

[blondeatlast]

42. True, and I have some well-tailored stuff BUT...

I'm a professional and I earn my own money.

:wtf: do you need Guccis for in college.

Take the stuff back, and take your lumps. You were wrong to do what you did.

[blondeatlast]

39. That's my philosophy.

My hubby always wants me to buy "labels," ut I don't see why I should!

And I pay my OWN way (maybe that's the difference!)

[Donkeyboy75]

23. A necessity as long as you don't want to work for it.

Look, I don't know why you posted this in the first place. Are you looking for pity? Are you bragging? Either way, it's pretty pathetic. Enjoy your new wardrobe.

[Scooter24]

28. actually...

none of the above. The question was genuine. What I bought doesn't matter- I wanted to know what other parents would do if their child came home and surprised them with this question. It's really not a difficult question to answer.

[StopTheMorans]

31. it's an impossibility

if and/or when i become a parent, my child WILL NOT have a credit card of mine. if my child wants a credit car of their own; fine. they can get a job and work to pay off their purchases as well. money for nothing? what the hell does that teach a kid other than they don't really have to put forth any meaningful effort to achieve the things that they want. not something i'd be looking to pass on to my progeny...

[RivetJoint]

32. Easy

I'd kick your spoiled ass and then make you WORK around the house (polish my shoes, wax the car, scrub the floor, use your effing toothbrush to clean the toilet) until I got $1,800 worth of work out of your prissy ass. Then I'd never let you near my credit card again. Clear enough answer?

[blondeatlast]

40. Some parents have answered, you just aren't responding to their posts. nt

[Cheswick2.0]

48. I am a parent and I would be disapointed

I hope you take what you can back and replace it with much cheaper goods.
80 dollars for sunglasses is ridiculous when you can get them for 11 bucks at the drug store.

[MadHound]

92. Damn dude, your idea of a neccessity is really, truly warped

Be happy I'm not your parent. I'd be cutting off your material ass cold so you could find out what the TRUE meaning of neccessity is.

Sheesh, you're in college guy, not the business world. Get a grip on reality before you bankrupt your poor parents.

[blondeatlast]

18. Return what you can and replenish from Target.

I'm a mom, and I'm deadly serious; that's how I'd handle it.

I would accompany you to the stores to see that you did it, too.

[Cheswick2.0]

30. you need a values transplant

389 dollars would feed a lot of people in Haiti for a week.

[ncrainbowgrrl]

124. I hope your loafers are more practical than these:

[Cheswick2.0]

29. 800 hundred dollars on clothes?

What, did all of yours burn up in a fire?
My son's clothes did burn up in a fire when his fraternity house burned down last spring. He lost everthing, all his clothes, shoes, computer, stereo etc.... no way did he get 800 dollars to replace them. He is wearing clothes people gave him and a few things he could afford to buy himself from working all summer.

[RivetJoint]

35. I can easily spend 800 dollars

on a suit, shirt, and tie, BUT it's money I earned!

[Cheswick2.0]

38. how often do you wear that suit to a college class?

I would suggest that 800 on one suit is wasteful, but if you have the mone and want to spend it that way, that's your perogative.
On the other hand if you spent 400 and sent the rest to the woman's shelter or to feed the homeless I would think you'd get more satisfaction than your 800 dollar suite could ever give you.

[RivetJoint]

46. I'm not in college

And the $800 was for suit, shirt and tie. I wear a suit EVERYDAY; work requires it.

[Scooter24]

51. ...

My parents have give a lot to charities worldwide. Pediatric AIDS, Breast Cancer, Alzheimers, I can't begin to tell you how many fundraisers, dinners, and events I've been dragged to as a child. It's something that we don't ignore nor publicize either.

However, I have interned in the past for a few non-profit groups, and have worked on-campus fundraisers that benefit many local and regional charities.

The jacket and tie I bought was for a date this weekend.

[MallRat]

49. $800 for clothes? $400 for shoes?

:wtf:

I don't think I've ever spent more than $300 in a single clothes-shopping trip. And I certainly haven't spent more than $100 on a pair of shoes.

-MR

[YellowRubberDuckie]

53. GOOD GOD...

$70 on a hair cut? Jesus God Almighty.
$400 on shoes? Good Lord, if you were my kid, I'd probably kill you...
The rest of the shit you could have gotten cheaper stuff. I think you probably took advantage and should get a job and pay back at least half. You didn't need a $100 watch or $80 sunglasses. My $5 sunglasses are just as cute and have lasted me three years now.
Duckie

[slinkerwink]

76. did you really have to spend $400 on shoes?

[curse10]

111. eh. that's not so bad

wouldn't have done it on my parents card, though.

I've blown that much on clothes on my own cards. And I would have taken that $250 spent on TV and bought more clothes.

I really don't see why some people are in a tizzy over this. Yes, you fucked up by doing it on your parents card, but most people seem to be upset about what you were buying. Glad no one here has seen my credit card receipts from the 2000/2001 year. Jeesh!

[unblock]

7. tell them you think you spent around $3000. let them flip out a bit.

then get the receipts together and say, oh, look, it's only $1800.

[unblock]

8. when mrs unblock does this, she says, "look, i have big breasts"

but that's probably not very helpful in your situation.

[Scooter24]

9. omg

haha...they would die. But I probably couldn't pull it off without laughing.

[miss_kitty]

119. it so works

My friend in high school skipped 48 days of school over a 90 day period. She forged notes from her mom, saying "I kept Kathy at home to help me while I recover from my heart attack." Finally, someone called while Mrs B was having a bridge fete, she was very cool, and said, "I knew she'd missed some days, but I was unaware she'd missed that many days" Then she was asked how her recovery was going. That's when she found out about her own heart attack...she asked Kathy how things went at school that day when she got home...Kathy laid it on thick. Mrs B was infuriated, told her she'd heard from school, and it was on Kathy to tell her dad, Mr Fly-Off-the Handle, and HE would be in charge of her punishment. So at dinner Mrs B said "Bill, Kathy has something to tell you." Kathy said "Dad, I'm pregnant" He hit the ceiling. He was SOOOOO glad she WAS NOT pregnant, he didn't give a shit about skipping school.

[sbj405]

10. I'd think about returning some stuff.

At least until they get over the initial shock. Spread the $1800 over a few months.

$70 for a haircut?

[LWolf]

13. My reaction?

My sons would not approach me. They would not spend $1800 of my hard-earned dollars. It would never occur to them. And if some trouble-maker possessed them for the day, and they woke up to find that they'd charged $1800 on my credit card, they'd be taking the stuff back before they came to talk to me.

Of course, it's been a long time since I had to buy school stuff. But I used to; I never sent them to do it themselves. I took them with me, and paid for one pair of shoes, a package of socks and underwear, a stack of t-shirts, and a couple of pairs of jeans. Not designer jeans. If their jacket had reached the end of it's useful life, a jacket. That's it. And of course, a binder and some paper. Some pencils. A $10 haircut as supercuts, if they were cutting their hair that year. If not, a few hair ties to put it in a ponytail.

We never came anywhere close to $1800 for a whole year for the three of us. It takes me about 5 years to rack up $1800 on clothes, shoes and haircuts for myself.

If they needed me to fund school stuff for them, we'd probably sit there and do it together from my computer. And I would sit back and watch them budget; make a list, price it, cut the list down, and when it seems reasonable, glance back at mom to see how she's doing before clicking the "add to the cart" button.

I must pass this question on to them; the shock, the momentary cold sweat, and then the cleansing gales of laughter will be good for them.

:evilgrin:

[mrboba1]

19. If I were your dad

I would rescind the card, pay it off myself, and charge you 18.99% interest (a good rate for a youngun) until you had it paid off (and charge late fees). This is exactly how the average credit card debt of $8000 per person was accumulated. Stupid sprees. One you will never get out from under if you don't learn - and fast.



Then I'd come and shave your head for free. :evilgrin:

[blondeatlast]

21. Nah, just have the haircut "corrected."

At Supercuts...

[Scooter24]

25. Eeekk..

Damn. 18.99%?!?!

Though it was a spree, it's something that is far from unordinary. It's just that usually I have their permission to buy or spend a given amount before I buy whatever item I want.

Thankfully, they were cool with it this morning when I called them.

[mrboba1]

34. Yes 18.99. I had typed 24.99 but backed off since you would be family.

Though it was a spree, it's something that is far from unordinary. This worries me even more.

IMNSHO, your parents are doing you a disservice by teaching you that you can use credit to get whatever you want. Later in life, when you are out of school and earning your own money, and not making near as much as you thought you would, you will still be craving the $400 shoes, $70 haircut and $100 sunglasses, but you won't have the means to pay for them. So you'll put it on credit.

Sooner or later, the minimum credit payments eat up every last extra dollar you have, and it will take you 40 years to pay all that off. DO you really want to be paying for a 40 year old haircut? or a 40 year old dinner (hope it was good.) Because, in essence, that is what you will be doing. That $70 haircut will cost you $140 (at least).

I've been down this road - and its not a happy place - creditors calling daily, late fees piling on - its pretty depressing. I just don't want to see this happen to someone when it doesn't have to.

Just watch out for yourself...

:hi:

[mac56]

50. "Thankfully, they were cool with it this morning when I called them."

Un-fricking-believable.

My dad would have kicked my ass for a week. When he was done, my mom would start.

Kids today...hell in a handbasket...grumble grumble grumble...

[mrboba1]

52. And now that his parents were cool with it - he won't take any

of the warnings that were listed here.

Care to set the Over/Under on number of bankruptcies he will file?

I say 3.5

:eyes:

[Scooter24]

54. no....

I have been listening with great interest.

No bankruptcies. Won't ever happen and I won't say why.

[mrboba1]

61. Good.

Please do listen.
Living above your means (which is what you, personally, are doing) is very dangerous. Always keep your spending under your earnings - never take your assets (like an inheritance) and spend them on things like you listed above. That is a sure way to lose everything you have.

The inheritance is an asset that should be used to create income - not to be treated as income, because if you do, eventually it will disappear.


Good luck.

[blondeatlast]

73. Most of us know why. Most of us are not in the same

situation.

There are two Americas.

Most of DU is the "other" to you.

[mrboba1]

78. Even the richest go into bankruptcy

because they inherit money and don't know how to use it. It disappears and they don't know why. It's happened before, and it'll happen again.

[blondeatlast]

82. Pretty sure in at least one case... nt

[YellowRubberDuckie]

55. Where the hell do you live?

You can get a hair cut at the mall for $25, and that's with style. Or if you go to an independent hair salon, $15 for a hair cut, $20 with style, and the girl I go to is so great, you have to book a month and a half in advance!
Duckie

[Scooter24]

Dallas, TX

Tony&Guy in the Galleria. A male cut ranges from $40-$90 depending on who cuts it. My stylist charges $70, and have never been let down.

[YellowRubberDuckie]

62. And you're a dude!! WTF?

Scooter, you're a guy. A $15 haircut at the most should suffice. I'm just shocked.
Duckie

[mac56]

64. especially on someone else's dime...

Honest to God, I think getting one's hair cut at a place called Tony&Guy is itself probable cause that you're spending too damn much money.

[Scooter24]

66. And I've had many botched

haircuts from people that charge $10 or $15. Either that or they were more interested in getting me in and out quickly to see more clients.

[blondeatlast]

80. Again, two Americas. I don't want to live in yours. nt

[mrboba1]

71. Mine is a local girl who opened her own shop...

$15. She's awesome.

[miss_kitty]

120. I'll bet they pay in full when they get the bill

i have had 2 friends who have had the credit card for school. one is 55 or so and the other is 35. It's the parents money and it's their decision as to how they want to distribute it. both of them were excellent students, and shared their bounty with their pals. my older friend said she was the 'pizza and beer gal'. This was known and approved of by dad. The dad of my younger friend used to send the driver to school with hampers of food for her to share with her friends.
I'd loved it if I'd had the parents with the wherewithal , but I didn't. you sound like you enjoy yourself, I haven't gotten to the end of the flaming yet, but graduating with honours, not getting in trouble, very good...i hope you stay as grounded as you sound. :)
now I'll duck the flames.

[eyesroll]

26. Sorry, Scooter, you're screwed.

I have a job, my own credit card and some disposable income...and I've never spent $400 on a pair of shoes, $100 on a watch, or $70 on a haircut. The only reason I'd ever spend more than even $40 on a pair of shoes would be if I absolutely needed them for medical, employment or training-type purposes. A $70 haircut is flat out. What the hell were you thinking? Are you even serious?

If you can return the shoes, the sunglasses (were they prescription? I guess I can understand prescription, since I need those to drive), the watch, the TV and all of the unnecessary clothes...and then go buy a lesser TV at Goodwill and perfectly reasonable shoes at Famous Footwear or something....that may be the only way you can save yourself.

The $100 for bedding (and perhaps the sunglasses, but only if they're prescription) is really the only reasonable purchase I can see on that list (assuming that's for a decent amount of bedding and not a single zillion-thread-count sheet).

Then, shred the card. Seriously. You need to knock that smirk of entitlement off your face -- that you feel only "somewhat" guilty is a big problem, Scooter.

[YellowRubberDuckie]

56. Seconded.

If I were your mom, you'd no longer have the credit card, and by the end of the month, you'd have a job and start paying me back. I'm not even your mom and I'm pissed that you have so little respect for your parents' hard earned dollar.
Duckie

[mac56]

58. Word.

Sounds like Scooter's got his parents' number, and I don't mean the credit card number either. Sadly, it sounds like Dad and Mom are okay with getting taken like this. Backbone-less parents, what a concept.

[YellowRubberDuckie]

59. Scooter's a dude?!

That makes it even worse!!!! I could see a girl taking advantage of their parents for $400 on shoes, but a dude!? SHIT...
Duckie

[Scooter24]

63. That's a bit far-reaching

[blondeatlast]

79. Then respond to the parental advice you've been given by me and

others.

You didn't want advice, you wanted validation. You aren't getting it here.

This is closer to the real world than what you are living in now, friend.

[Scooter24]

87. give me post numbers

and I will reply as I get time.

[StopTheMorans]

90. you can't even do the small amount of work required

to read the replies in a thread that you posted and respond to them; you have to have someone else do it? i don't think you can put this one on your parents credit card my friend;)

[mrboba1]

67. Not defending their actions,

because they are wrong, wrong, wrong.

But some parents don't want their children to go without anything - needs or wants. The 'wants' part is where things go awry. What they don't realize is how dangerous that is to the child when they become an adult. They don't understand money and how it should be used.

It's not Scooter's fault he's been taught this way, but it will be his fault if he keeps living this way.

[blondeatlast]

77. My thoughts exactly. nt

[blondeatlast]

75. Exactly. He wanted parental advice and his ignored or dissed

every bit that was offered to him.

I'm sure he just has just as much respect for his mom and dad's efforts on his behalf.

:eyes:

[Scooter24]

88. no.

I've respected everyone's reply.

And I love and respect both my parent's very much.

[pagerbear]

60. OK, I haven't ready every reply yet, but....

...how much can you return?

Beyond that, the best option is usually the Band-Aid approach--get it over with quickly.

[Tracer]

65. Unless your parents have dollar bills shooting out their ears ...

... both you and your parents have made a mistake.

If you know your parents, and know their financial circumstances, you can make a good judgement on how they will react:

Indulgent parents, floating in dough Ñ they'll laugh it off.

Not so indulgent, watching their expenses Ñ you'll be taking the stuff back to the stores so fast your head will spin.

In a criticism of your parents, they should have told you what the spending limit should have been.

[Scooter24]

68. Normally,

when I reach a certain amount, I have to call them and ask before buying. This includes things like airline tickets, hotels, etc. Big ticket items. However, I didn't do that this time and was scolded accordingly.

[mac56]

69. Scolded accordingly?

Wow.

No dessert for a week?

[Bunny]

72. Probably took away his credit card for the rest of the day!

Unbelievable, isn't it?

:eyes:

[Scooter24]

74. lol

This doesn't happen every day. And I'm not one to throw their trust away that easily. Sure, I made a mistake. They weren't angry with the amount of what I bought; they were angry that I did not call them first.

[blondeatlast]

84. Then why piss and moan on a public forum?

You need to send your mom some flowers and both a thank-you card.

ON YOUR DIME, buddy.

[Scooter24]

85. not moaning

gauging reactions and to listen to how people would handle the situation

[blondeatlast]

96. But you've only LISTENED to posts that tell you what you want to hear. nt

[mac56]

81. I think the answer is right there in your subject line.

"You spent too much on their credit cards".

You know you did. Whether they're "cool with it" or "scolded you accordingly" doesn't even matter. You've got them pegged; their consequences for you will be immaterial. You, however, have to live with the knowledge that you did this: used your parents' largesse inappropriately.

So now that you know better, you have to do better. What are you going to do?

Some of the best college lessons aren't in the course descriptions.

[Scooter24]

86. I still fail to see

what lesson there is to learn about the items I bought. So what if I spent $400 on shoes or $70 on a haircut. It's immaterial. Of course I could have bought cheaper shoes, but so can a lot of people.

So my question is: What do you define as "doing better?"

[mac56]

89. If you have to ask

you're just not getting it.

"So what if I spent $400 on shoes or $70 on a haircut. It's immaterial. Of course I could have bought cheaper shoes, but so can a lot of people." That's just the point. You didn't buy them. Dad and Mom did.

What are your goals for college? Is learning to live independently, within your own means and capabilities, part of them? Here was a golden opportunity to do just that. But instead you ran to parental plastic, and then came here looking for validation.

You may have to wean yourself.

[Scooter24]

94. So your saying

I should return everything I own- my car, my apt, my furniture, clothes, and other various items because I didn't pay for them?

And it wasn't what I bought. If I would have asked I would have gotten them. I was worried that because I spent a lot and didn't ask, they would be angry and they were.

My goals? Graduate magna cum laude, get into Yale Law, graduate law school, then probably take a few years off to live in Europe before returning and getting a nice apt in uptown NYC working 60+ hours a week for a nice corporate law firm.

[mac56]

95. I missed "live independently within your own means and capabilities"

on that list. Must not be part of the goal package.

Good luck with all that. Life is what happens while you're making other plans.

[blondeatlast]

100. Life is having to put life-saving medical treatment, to the tune of

10,000 dollars, on you credit cards because your employer didn't pay the health insurance premiums.

Like what happened to my family.

But Scooter will never know that hardship.

I hope.

[mrboba1]

101. Your goal is to work 60+ hours?

Mine is to retire when I'm 45 yrs old and never work 60 hours/wk in my life.

Have fun. And I hope YOU can pay for that apt. (not your parents' money)

[Scooter24]

102. It's a short term goal

And the apartment is already bought. They tend to hold on to property as sound investments and sell them when they are not needed or when the market goes up. For instance, the apartment that I live in now was paid for by my parents in 1997. When I graduate next year, they will sell the property and pocket a hefty difference.

[mrboba1]

106. oy.

You will find out sooner or later, but your life is being defined by someone else. You will live and have nice things, but there will be something empty that keeps gnawing at you during your life. You may never find out what it is, and it could haunt you till you die.

Self determination. You don't have it now, and as long as you keep living under your parents umbrella, you won't develop it. If you wait too long, you may not even realize that you need it - hence the gnawing.

Good luck to you, but for now I'm done posting in this thread. If you ever want to talk about this further, feel free to PM me.

If not, I wish you the best.

Bob

[mrboba1]

91. I think the general message is this:

Going to college is supposed to be your first steps out into the real world - and you cannot see the real world if you continue to use your parents' credit cards. You may as well be living at home. Living on your own is a much different world, and if you experience that, and what it's like living with a budget will prepare you for life.

If you go out and make $100,000 a year, you will still need to live on a budget, no matter what it seems like now. I remember thinking 35k was a lot - it's not.

[RivetJoint]

97. Neither is $100K/year

[mrboba1]

99. No it isn't.

But it seems like a billion to a college student.

[2bfree]

83. Honestly...............

I think you have some deep issues if you think this is normal spending for a college age boy. I have two sons and they have never spent that kind of money on clothes and shoes. Are your folks really rich or something? What am I missing?

[Burma Jones]

93. You had damn well better make Dean's List

And you will be paying an extra $1,000 in tuition next year......


That's what I would say if you were my offspring.

[tsakshaug]

98. I'm coming in late but

as a parent and step parent
I would never give one of them a credit card.
I don't like using a credit card.
As a child that grew up in and upper middle class home..I never was given a credit card. Perhaps it is still some of that farmer in the depression blood in me from my parents and grandparents.
My kids know where goodwill is, most of my clothes come from there..pants are difficult to buy because the waist sizes are in the 40's usually. Wearing a name brand shirt that I bought for $1, and a silk tie for $0.50. I am a professional and meet with all sorts of folks every day, no problems with my clothes

my wife cuts my hair and the hair of all the kids.

I cook all our meals. my wife and I might go to dinner once every 4 months or so.

I will buy shoes, and some have approached the $100 mark (hiking boots, running shoes) but for the most part Wal-Mart, Target for $10-40.

This is how I live, this is how my kids have been raised.

[mopinko]

103. unless this is the kind of things your parents have

flipping for all your life, i would hope you are in for a whippin'. we don't have to pinch pennies in my house, but the thought of $400 shoes is just making me nauseous. i would kill you. you should have called them before you pulled the trigger. $80 sunglasses? really, i would kill you. you would be eating mac and cheese for the rest of your college career.

[Scooter24]

105. Parents are against corporal punishment.

Would your perspective towards your children change if your own closet was filled with $300-$400 shoes and $4000 suits?

[MissB]

107. Several people have said it already

There are two Americas, even here on DU. You seem to be suggesting that it isn't any big deal for your parents to drop $1800 on you. You seem to be suggesting that your own parents have $300-$400 shoes and $4k suits.

So?

You asked for people's opinions, especially parents. You've gotten them. You have yet to get a very wealthy parent to come here and tell you it's okay.

It has been said before, and I'll say it again. Your parents are doing you a great disservice by not teaching you about money. I hope they are always there to provide you with the many thousands of dollars you will need each season to update your wardrobe or home or car or whatever.

Most people have to work for it- that is the perspective that you're getting around here. No one here is going to tell you it's okay to do what you did.

As a parent of two boys, I can tell you that my kids would figure out what they need, how much it costs and then tell me how much money they need. I wouldn't worry about the money per se, as long as they had done their part- i.e. - researching what they needed, evaluated needs versus wants, etc. I know they would do this, because they are being taught about money and how to manage it.

At 5 and 6, my kids divide their weekly allowance three ways. They have long term savings, short term savings, and spend now money. They understand the differences between the three categories and what they can and cannot do with each one. It is quite possible that they are more money savvy than you, and I do not mean that in a nasty way at all. I'm just sad that your parents haven't taught you how to manage money.

[Scooter24]

108. No.

It was a hypothetical question with no correlation to myself. The point to my question is if say someone was to obtain great wealth, then would their position on the value of items change to reflect it or stay the same?

[slinkerwink]

110. If I had great wealth, I wouldn't spend money like a billionaire

I would buy nice things for my house---a comfortable couch, a nice TV, nice kitchen stuff, and comfy stuff for my bedroom. I wouldn't splurge on faucets that are made out of gold or something like that. I would buy clothes from the usual places I shop at like Banana Republic, J. Crew, and Club Monaco, and I'd feel a little less guilty about shopping for suits for work, because presentation is everything in a career.

I draw the line at splurging all that money on clothes that I really don't need. Do you really need ten cashmere sweaters of different colors? Do you really need five leather jackets? Do you really need that pair of leather pants? I'd spend about $400 on clothes to wear casually every two or three months if I had that money.

I wouldn't buy an expensive car, just a nice car for me, and that would just be satisfactory enough for me. I feel no need to spend my money as if there's no tomorrow----I want there to be a tomorrow, so I'd budget my money for the future within my comfortable means.

As of now, I get $400 per month from my disability benefit check, and I'm getting a job so that I can get more money to put towards Christmas presents and clothes for work. My Christmas gift budget is like $500 dollars for my grandparents, my mother, my dad, my four siblings, my stepmother, and my great-grandmother.

[bratcatinok]

109. Well, dear, it sounds as if you are one of the

priviledged few whose parents can easily afford and possibly encourage you to indulge in expensive tastes. Did you attend St. Mark's by chance?

I have no problem with you spending the amount you did on the items you did. From what little I've gathered about your parent's lifestyle, they wouldn't be upset over what you purchased. Obviously they were upset you went over the "approved" limit without their permission.

A little lesson you need to learn though is the when and why one discloses the amount they've spent. Coming on to a public bulletin board where the majority of people are middle class and don't have the money to spend in the manner you did is declasse. While your family may have the money to spend, they obviously haven't taught you not to show up others. That's a very important lesson you need to learn.

Did it make you feel more important than the majority of people here to let us know how much your shoes cost or how much you spent on your haircut? It sounds as if it did. One day you'll learn true class and importance comes from character and not the items you place on your body.

[blondeatlast]

113. Did you bother to read MoPaul's post.

He pretty much said that that was the case.

[hunter]

104. Wow. If I'd borrowed my parent's credit cards in college...

Hmmm, wait, I don't think my parents had credit cards then.

My mom once wrote a check to my college landlord and it bounced.

After that, if I couldn't pay my rent for some stupid reason, I'd ask my grandma, but that was almost never worth her scrutiny. If I'd bought a single beer that month, or gone to a fast food place, I'd hear about it forever.

My kids had better not ever do what you did...

(Actually I'm smiling here. I don't know why. $1800. Wow. Different worlds.)

[Longhorn]

112. Having experienced something similar with my son, here's my answer.

Our 19-year-old son had possession of our credit card in the weeks before he left for Marine boot camp. He had permission to use it for something limited like gas for the car -- I don't exactly recall. He did not have permission to use it for anything else, as you did. However, two days after he left for boot camp, we got the first bill -- $1,800. The next month, the second bill -- another $500, for a total of $2,300.

Communication at boot camp is very limited and you're not supposed to send bad news so we delayed discussing it. He did comment in a letter that he was sure we had the bill by now and he would pay us back when he got out. As a result of that incident, the fact that he already owed us money, and that we had co-signed a loan on a 2001 Saleen Mustang convertible shortly before he left and were supposed to make car and insurance payments while he was gone, we realized that by the time he got out of boot camp, he would owe us about $10,000! So we decided that he no longer had a car. I sold mine and started driving the Saleen. The $2,000 he put down on it went toward his debt with us. Since he no longer owed us for accrued car/insurance payments while he was gone, his debt was reduced to about $1,700, which he is still paying.

We were afraid hearing such news would be similar to receiving a "Dear John" letter so we didn't tell him until just before graduation. As soon as we saw him (and quit hugging him) we talked about it and he said he was relieved to get the letter. He had been to budget and finance classes during basic training and realized what a hole he was in and was quite worried about it so he truly appreciated our solution. I get to drive a really cool car and I let him drive it when he's home on leave -- which won't be that often now that he's assigned to Japan for two years.

Now, here's my advice: Go to your parents and tell them that you don't know how much they had in mind but here's what you spent. If that is more than they planned, then you will pay the difference. If they can't pay the balance all at once, you will also pay the finance charges resulting from carrying a balance. And since you're an adult, you don't need your parents' permission to get a job, which you may wish to do so that you can start paying them back as soon as possible. A few hours a week isn't going to keep you from getting good grades -- in fact, I was always a better student during the semesters I worked part-time, which was most of them. I did a better job of building study time into my schedule knowing that I couldn't procrastinate. If that isn't satisfactory with them, then take back some of the stuff you bought that will reduce the charges to what they had in mind.

In other words, act like a grown-up! Good luck!

[Phillycat]

114. Interesting thread.

At first I thought you were winding us up. I still partially think that, but I also think there's a possibility that you truly don't know that talking about $400 shoes on a forum where there are a lot of unemployed people and people who have trouble feeding their children is thoughtless and rude.

[MadHound]

115. Scooter, Scooter, Scooter

Friend, you have a lot of growing up to do. It is apparent that you and your parents have lots of money. It is also apparent from your posts here that all of that money is bankrupting your soul. You, and apparently your parents, seem to be trapped by material things, yet completely ignore the health of ones spirit. And that is a shame.

Instead of buying expensive things, buy what you need, and donate the rest. Instead of spending time wandering Europe, spend time getting to know what the real world is like. I've been on both sides of the money divide, and you sound like the majority of the wealthy people that I've met, wrapped up in material possesions and concerns, cocooned from the real world, and spiritually barren.

You are even planning on becoming one of the worst, most ignoble professions, a corporate lawyer. Do you realize have many people your actions will harm in that proffession? Do you realize how badly your actions will harm the world that we live in? I understand a love of the law, but you can satisfy that need by participating in other, more caring areas, like enviromental law, or working with the poor. Apparently you and your family are well off enough that you won't have to worry about money in your lifetime. You therefore have been given a gift, why not pass that gift on to those who really need it?

I hope you think about all of this, you are in college and that is a time for a young person to explore, both the world and themselves. I suggest that you take the time to do both. Otherwise you will wind up a bitter, souless old man, rife with money, but lacking in humanity.

[Book Lover]

116. I've got two things to say

First, as a parent, I would kick your ass if you did that to me if it were outside our normal spending paradigm. Second, why the hell did you post this query? You are a showoff and nobody likes a showoff (especially if the sampling of replies you've gotten that I've read are any indication).

[Pithlet]

117. So, which was more fun

Buying the stuff, or going on line to brag about how rich your parents are that you can afford to buy 400 dollar shoes on their credit card?

Either your parents have always indulged you so the probably won't care about the bill, or you've just really pissed them off and blew their trust in you.

Either there was nothing wrong with what you did, because your parents always indulge you, and won't miss a dime of it, or you just took advantage of your parent's trust because they gave you that card and trusted you to spend their money responsibly.

The kind of answer you get from anyone is going to depend on what kind of parent is giving the answer. And it has nothing to do with how much money that person has. I went to school with lots of kids who's parents wouldn't have blinked at what you did. I know, because they usually liked to brag about it, too. They thought they sounded classy. Some of them grew up to realize that they came across as exactly the opposite.

[Pithlet]

129. Ugh. That came off as self rightious

But, today was probably a bad day to post about blowing three figures on a pair of shoes, particularly on a political message board.

[GOPNotForMe]

118. I just put $500 on my mom's CC

And she authorized every purchase beforehand. But she still got pissed when the bill came!

Moveon concert: $200
Hurricane supplies: $100+
Groceries: $100+
Knife: $100

[mark414]

121. no sympathy

you only feel somewhat guilty?

you don't get it.

[mark414]

126. i should add

don't come on here whining about how your parents will react.

i'm being self-righteous here, but i don't get paid for 2 weeks, and i have $20 to last me that two weeks, and i'm debating whether or not to call my parents for help.

you should be ashamed for wasting that much money.

[strategery blunder]

122. Hell, I feel ashamed to tell Mom I spent $70 to go to a sports event

Between the ticket, food, and a gas contribution for a 3-hour drive...

And this is money that I earned, working my butt off at O'Hare over the summer. Things were so tight throughout my childhood that I'm afraid to tell Mom that I spent a dime on anything other than books and food.

I'm 19, btw. This is another COLLEGE STUDENT'S reactions to your predicament, the one that YOU put yourself in.

Surely, if you become a kkkorporatefascist lawyer, you will have no problem paying your parents back.

[Barney Rocks]

123. I have to say

that I am more disgusted by your parents than by you. Of course if you have been raised to look to your parents to take care of your every need, well you will live dependent on them without ever knowing the difference. It is the responsibility of good parents to encourage their children to get on their own feet financially and to have financial responsibility. (and that is true for ALL parents--whether they are on welfare or are billionaires).

I was fortunate enough to come from a family that was quite well-off, my father was an extremely wealthy land developer. But, even when I was young and lived at home, we were very careful about money. Sometimes us kids would be like--but Dad, you are rich--you can afford it! And he would say that is how I got to be rich--I take care of my money, I don't waste it. It was a good lesson for me. When I went off to college, my parents paid the bill--but they put me on a VERY strict budget. Before I went to school they calculated to the penny what my expenses should be in every category--and I had to live within my budget. No ifs ands or buts about it! I appreciate that so much now. Financial responsibility is the best gift that they gave me. And after I graduated from college, I never took another dime from them. In fact, when I would visit their home I always tried to bring a THEM a gift, even if it was just some small insignificant thing that I thought they might enjoy.

And, my parents surprised us by leaving all of their money to charities. With some, they created a foundation for disadvantaged youths, some went to their alma mater, some to their church etc. In spite of the fact that they were worth many millions, all I inherited from them was a cane fishing pole (to remind me of my father).

I am not wealthy, but I know how to take care of myself. And I know that if I have extra money that a priority is to be responsible with it and to help people who are in need if I can. It sounds as if your parents are not teaching you that--but instead are teaching you to be extravagent and there will always be someone to bail you out. You will not do well in life with this attitude.

On a personal note--why haven't you contributed to DU since you are so rich? I would contribute in a heartbeat, but really do not have any extra funds. People who are here enjoying the site without contributing a penny should keep their mouths shut about how wealthy they are and how they spend $400 on a pair of shoes.

Rant over.

[RoyGBiv]

128. Well said ...

For my own little rant, this thread disgusts me.

So, for the original poster, here's a little story.

I have a cousin who seems to be much like the OP. Her parents were quite wealthy, and when she went to college, she was not allowed to work and had every perceived need given to her. She graduated in the top of her class. I don't remember at this late date the specific honor she earned, but it was up there, and she was one of the graduates that gave a speech. She was smart and seemed to have everything going for her.

She got a good job in her field -- finance -- within a month of graduation, arranged by her father naturally, and worked with the same company for nearly 20 years. She moved up through the ranks, getting promotion after promotion and salary increases to match. She accumulated a good deal of wealth, but she always had this problem that didn't seem like a problem when she was making 6 figures. She shopped incessantly, and actually said things like "$70 shoes are a necessity," and meant it, only in her case it was more like half a dozen pairs of $200 shoes every other month. Nine months ago, she lost her job. Downsizing, don'cha know.

At this point, her wealth is all but gone. Credit card and other debt has eaten up her liquid assets. What was in her retirement account has been used to pay for her lavish home and the associated bills. She got her first call from a creditor a few months ago, and it freaked her out so, one would have thought the world had ended.

She doesn't even know how to go about looking for a job. She doesn't understand that when one doesn't have an income, one cannot eat $100 meals every evening at a fine restaurant. Macaroni and Cheese as a main course is a foreign concept. Amazingly, with no income and no prospect of any in the foreseeable future, she spent several thousand dollars on a doll collection she just *had* to have. Yeah, she has a degree in finance, and she used it well when working with enormous sums of money. Figuring out how to eat on less than $20 a week is an idea she may never grasp.

She'll be losing her home at the beginning of the year, that is if her father doesn't bail her out, which he probably will. But, if he doesn't, what does she do? She's in her mid-40's, nearly broke, and has lived her life having everything handed to her. Yeah, she got her degree, which is a fine accomplishment. Of course, she's a bit less accomplished than those who got similar degrees that had to pay for the experience of college themselves and left school understanding what life was like from different ends of the spectrum. She may never know what it's like to work for a company where her father can't intervene when she makes a series of multi-thousand dollar accounting mistakes.

None of this makes her a bad person in and of itself. What matters is how she's used her life, and in her case, the socialization she received was used to make her a lazy, spoiled brat, the kind of person who would think it kinda funny that she spent almost $2000 on crap no one really needs. Self-sacrifice, self-sufficiency: these things are not concepts with which she is acquainted.

Nothing about this is funny. It is tragically sad.

[WindRavenX]

127. as a 19 year old college student who used Mom's CC...

I ALWAYS call her to ask permission on ANYTHING I buy. When I go out shopping with my girls, I ask if it's ok and what the limit is and I STICK to that limit. Every now and then she let me buy something expensive- like 20$ at Victoria's Secret or something.