How do some morons even dress themselves in the morning?

[Dookus]

I just went to my local bagel shop. I get in line behind some Heather who's staring and staring and staring at the menu.

They sell bagels. You can get 'em with tuna, egg salad, lox or cream cheese. The menu is large and clear.

She stares and stares some more. The cashier is waiting. Can I help you? "I don't know what I want yet...."

Another minute... then...

"OK, I'll have a bagel with egg salad."

"What kind of bagel"

Oh shit.... that threw her. Another minute of pondering before choosing "plain".

"Anything to drink with that?"

Now I'm ready to punch the cashier for giving her an opening.

Another minute... to decide "soda".

sigh...

Finally, the order is placed. She gets the total. NOW she decides to dig through her purse. I figure she needs her wallet. Nope... out comes the fucking CHECKBOOK!! FOR A GODDAMN BAGEL!!!!

Now the clerk, surely intent on killing me, asks her to put her drivers license number on the check.

Naturally, Heather doesn't know her license #. Back into the bag of tricks to root around for the license so she can transcribe the number.

How do people like this SURVIVE?!?!?!

[Mizmoon]

1. Relax or you'll die young

and that's coming from a New Yorker ...

[Dookus]

2. I'm too old to die young

[newsguyatl]

3. LOL

[Beaverhausen]

4. I'm guessing she may have been stoned

and wanted the absolutely perfect food to appear on that menu.

[MsUnderstood]

5. When she was rifiling through her purse

Did you notice any pill bottles pop out? Maybe her meds were due. . .

I was waiting for the line "Which soda" in that scenario. (thank god for the fountain dipsensers out in the eating area).

[4morewars]

6. Worse than that :

I'm stuck behind Mrs. Heather, she's pointing Heather junior, maybe 2 years old, at the menu, "What do you want honey?" This goes on for like 100 years, meanwhile the line is now spilling out the door, cuz it is the lunch time rush ! Finally, someone behind me,"Lets go lady, the rest of us have to go back to work!" Un-fucking-believable !

[Iris]

7. chill out.

jeez. You could have told her you were in a hurray and asked her if she'd mind if you went ahead of her.

jeez. Don't let a stranger steal so much energy!

[Dookus]

8. ah

the soul police.

It was humor. This is the lounge. Mind your own business.

[YellowRubberDuckie]

31. Ever notice its the ones you've never seen in the lounge that do this?

[NoPasaran]

22. I haven't been in a hurray in ages

Although I took a spin in a yowzah last week.

[Dookus]

32. last week

I took a nice ride in a hurray with the fringe on top.

[HEyHEY]

9. The took a cheque...for a bagel

Jesus christ

[skypilot]

10. It will probably bounce.

Wouldn't that be a bitch?

[BelleCarolinaPeridot]

11. And just Dookus' luck ...

she will be at the bank teller right in front of him .

[Bunny]

12. Slo-o-o-o-o-o-o-wly fishing her ID out of her purse, then

h-a-a-a-a-a-n-n-n-d-i--n-g it to the teller! ;)

[Dookus]

13. No jury would convict me

if I punched her in the neck.

[Hand]

27. BWAHAHAHA!!!

Sorry, Dookus... but that was a good one!

:yourock:

[name not needed]

14. They don't

They have oompa loompas to do it for them.

[Dookus]

16. no fair!

I want an oompa loompa! DADDY!!!

[Beaverhausen]

15. I'm surprised she wasn't on her cell phone

that's what I have to constantly deal with.

Why can't people wait 5 minutes till they are out of the store to have their *very important* conversation?

[Dookus]

17. oh lord

if she'd pulled out a cell phone, radiologists at the local hospital would STILL be laughing at the x-rays of where I shoved it.

[arwalden]

18. Astrology?

[Dookus]

19. don't make me crawl

through my DSL line and throttle you.

[arwalden]

20. Well...

that's the only answer I could come up with to explain how they survived. I tried. Sometimes my best just isn't good enough.

-- Allen :hi:

"Heather"? ... Is that the new "Debbie"?

[Dookus]

23. While I had

all that time in line to fill, I pondered long and hard on whether she was a Heather or a Donna. I went back and forth. But I had a lot of time, so I just meditated on it.

[skygazer]

21. Don't you just love it?

As someone who works in a grocery store, I'm often on the other end of it and these are the same people who give ME dirty looks for ... well, I'm not sure what. Giving them too many choices?

I like the ones who buy $500 worth of groceries and stand there like a zombie while I ring the whole thing up and bag it and then, when I say, "that will be $500", FINALLY pull out their purse, rustle through it for ten minutes and discover they left their wallet in the car.

They then saunter, not hurry, out to the car (which, judging from the time they spend, is parked in the next town over) and stroll back in in a liesurely way only to spend more time finding the correct credit card.

However, if they're in line behind someone with more than six items, they're screaming at me to get another checker.

I love retail!

[matcom]

24. you should have stabbed her in the back of the head with a knife

then twisted it counter-clockwise, slowly

then pulled the knife out (with as much tissue as possible)

then reinserted, handle side first, so you could spin it around and twirl it.

when she fell to the floor, you could have then stepped on her head as you made your way to the counter to order your bagel.

just a suggestion.

[YellowRubberDuckie]

33. Matcom, you truly have a sick mind...

I like it.
Duckie

[StlMo]

25. With aunt Condi's help?

:D

[Dookus]

26. they must have live-in help

I can just see this woman staring, jaw agape, into her closet for hours on end.

Hell, she probably spends 20 minutes trying to figure out which foot to put each sock on. And the sad part, is half the time's spent figuring out the second foot.

[Pithlet]

28. Sometimes they do

I had a long, horrible, time wasting, and soul sucking encounter with a customer while working at a shoe store. She was returning a well worn pair of high healed shoes (no receipt, naturally) with hard black soles and yelling at me because they scuffed her floor. "It took my maid all day to scrub them off!"

[Maddy McCall]

29. The world is about nothing but her.

That's the problem. She isn't only stupid, she's also inconsiderate. They world is hers, and fuck everyone else.

[jmm]

30. You should've had some fun at her expense.

A few weeks go while I was waiting in line at 7-11 a woman, who had just left a minute ago, comes back in with an open package of bacon complaining. There was a guy in front of me and two behind me. She cuts to the front of the line and asks the cashier to smell it because she can't smell anything so she doesn't know if it's good. The cashier politely tells her he doesn't know what it is suppose to smell like. He is a friend of my mother so I know he is Muslim. Then she turns and asks everyone in line to smell and touch her bacon because it has no odor and feels greasy. I take the top off of my soda and start waving my cup in front of everyone saying that my soda is too wet and smells funny so everyone has to touch it. Everyone in line laughs and she walked right out the door.

[Dookus]

34. LOL

way cool.

I'm reminded of a time I was getting coffee at McDonald's on my way to work, and there was a HUGE line and the lady at the front of the line was spending MINUTES picking out which Beanie Baby she wanted with her value meal. Nobody said anything for a long time, but finally I said "c'mon lady... there's a huge line and it's a beanbag - just pick one" and then everybody in line started piping in. It was funny. Ya just gotta break the ice.