Help!!!

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

I've had this pain in my ass since approximately December of 2000. It got worse in January of 2001 around the 20th and has festered and festered.

It began to wane around October of 2004 but then worsened shortly after the beginning of November until it became excrutiating again today. I don't envision it going away for at least 4 more years.

I know there are many armchair practicioners on DU and I am humbly seeking your expert advice.

PLEASE HELP ME!!!!!

[greatauntoftriplets]

1. This is a medical issue and you should call a doctor.

I know of a good one named Dr. Strangelove.

:evilgrin: and :hi:

[democracyindanger]

2. No truly permanent cure. May reappear like herpes.

[Spirochete]

3. Sounds like a bad case of

fascistelectuscheatusitis. There seems to be an epidemic of that every 4 years this century. Take two revotes and call me in the morning.

[MuseRider]

4. You are supposed

to bury your head in the sand NSMA!

[Aristus]

5. Does it have anything to do with the hood of your car?

:evilgrin:

[Hotdiggitydog]

6. You had and unsuccessful Bushectomy in November.

The cancerous tumor grew right back. Fortunately, it will only last for 4 more years, but there is a chance that another rupunant tumor will pop up in its place.

[Maddy McCall]

7. I hate to have to ask you to do this, but BEND OVER.

Yep, just what I thought. You've got a small deciduous coniferous growth in your ass. I hate to tell you, but this small tumor cannot be removed surgically. I know it is offensive to yourself and many of your friends, however, half of the people with which you come in contact will not recognize the offensive nature of this tumor. However, your immune system is working overtime, and, in four years, this growth should disappear on its on. Sadly, though, in absence of this tumor, it is highly possible that another will appear in its place.

;-)

[Ariana Celeste]

8. :)

Bang head into wall repeatedly until coma ensues- wake up in time for the primaries.

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

9. Thanks. You guys are the greatest. Best doctors on the net

[JimmyJazz]

10. I am not a medical doctor, but I believe there is no cure for this...one

can only treat the symptoms: :hug: sorry. I feel the same way.

[Parche]

11. pain

Paging Dr Dover, Dr Dover

Or Paging Dr Bombay....come right away

I incyst you see Dr Frist

[Floogeldy]

12. You're the victim of a presidential-sized hemorrhoid

It will be cured, in time.

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

13. Is that like the thing that kept Limpballs out of Viet Nam?

[Floogeldy]

14. Eggzackly!

[OmmmSweetOmmm]

15. For immediate relief? Sell all of your belongings, and hop on the

nearest plane that will take you to the Costa Del Sol in Spain. As I understand, reasonable to live there, and that pain will be thousands of miles away from you.

Best of luck! Or should I wish the rest of us that have to remain here the best of luck. Gosh, I must be an empath..starting to feel it too...ouchhhhhhhhhhh