Confessions of a failed Vegetarian- How I went Veg and failed

[Modem Butterfly]

I graduated in fall term, but my lease was up at the end of summer, so I needed to rent a room for three months. I found a house full of women that had a roommate on exchange for fall term, so it seemed like the perfect match. There were two catches though. Number 1, everyone in the house was vegan or at least vegetarian, so no meat. And number 2, everyone in the house was a lesbian, so no meat. I mean men.

I was single at the time, and the room was nice and big with a great tub and a garden. The rent was inexpensive, too, so I was sure I could handle the rules for three months. Besides, I really liked animals, and it seemed cruel to eat them.

Boy, that didn't last long. By the end of week three I was sneaking meat into the house anyway that I could, and that began an addiction to sausages and preserved meats that has lasted 12+ years. Pun totally intended. I couldn't afford to eat at restaurants, but I did have a job in the catering department at the University, so I was able to indulge my addiction during the day. It was the nights that got long.

Somehow, forbidden meat tastes so much better than other meat. Two weeks before the end of the term, I had a friend sneak an all-meat pizza in my bedroom window. We stuffed a towel under the door and lit some incense, but it was to no avail. We were discovered, eating meat pizza naked on my futon.

Have you ever been lectured by an angry vegetarian lesbian? It wasn't pretty. It was surreal to be called "unnatural" and "sick" by someone who spelled woman with a "y". Another roommate told me to seek "spiritual guidance". My third roommate began to smudge sage to rid our house of the smell of rotting flesh.

Ah well, maybe a tiger can't change her stripes. I ended the term in icy silence and disapproving stares. I have nothing against lesbians, or vegetarians. Or even vegans for that matter. But man, that forbidden meat sure tasted good.

[Goldmund]

1. Sounds like a household of fascists.

[Modem Butterfly]

2. I rubbed them the wrong way

They seemed like nice people, but I think I really offended them with the meat-eating and the heterosexual sex.

[Goldmund]

3. Which YOU were doing in YOUR room...

as I said, fascists.

[Occulus]

5. Were you paying rent?

Was mail being delivered there?
Was "no meat consumption" a condition of the lease?

Sounds illegal as well, at least where I live.

[Modem Butterfly]

7. It was purely an oral contract

Someone else's name was on the lease. They'd shared the same house for about six months prior (I believe). They all seemed pretty chummy and were fine with me, until they started to suspect I was continuing to dine on the charred flesh of my fellow creatures. Then they shunned me.

[GumboYaYa]

4. "That forbidden meat sure tasted good..."

I'm confused are talking about men or food?

[Modem Butterfly]

6. As I said, all puns fully intended

;)

Ironically, the man in that story sent me an e-mail the other day. At the age of 34 his cholesterol is so high his doctor and his wife have insisted he go vegetarian, at least for awhile. We still laugh about the incident however.

[jswordy]

9. The next time you are lectured, tell the veggie head that...

...at least your food is DEAD when you eat it. Fresh plants aren't.

Then ask them why it is that they consider themselves to be God. Obviously they do, since they rank the life of an animal as superior over the life of a plant. Tell them you reject the arogance of that argument. Funny, without the sacrifice of the plants' lives, there would be no life for the animals, would there?

Then ask them if they realize that they must kill to live, be it plant or animal.

Then tell them you respect their life choice in what to eat, and that they should respect your opinion that homo sapiens has both masticulating and canine teeth because homo sapiens is an omnivore. And that as king of the food chain, you will eat what you please.

That oughta do it! If not, you can throw that some nutrients are just plain not available nor adequately duplicable by eating plants only. Numerous nutritionists agree!

Then enjoy a nice steak. Hell, prime rib! Why not?

[SemiCharmedQuark]

12. I think we ought to respect each other's food choice and that's enough

Which is a good thing because as for your arguments...they are not valid.

1.) Plants don't feel pain. No central nervous system so no pain. Even if they did feel pain, it takes 16 pounds of grain to get one pound of meat. Which fills a person up for longer, 16 pounds of grain or 1 pound of meat?

2.) I'm not sure if anyone has ever eaten a live plant...mine are usually long since removed from the soil when I eat them

3.) Just because we have to destroy some life (a plant for instance) doesn't mean we should just say "the hell with it" and destroy even more life.

4.) Our "canines" are pathetic. Our omnivore past includes basically eating whatever we could come across. Mostly fish, small birds, insects and lizards--things that we could tear apart with our pitiful canines. And these bits of meat were mostly eaten when plants weren't available. Yes, our bodies have the capacity for omnivorous activity, but we CAN live without meat and be perfectly healthy. You say that numerous nutritionists agree, buuut...you don't cite any.

If one wants to eat meat, that is fine. They should be able to without being harassed. However, they should just say "I like to eat meat" as the OP has done and not hide behind phony arguments.

[Sequoia]

8. That is SO funny!

Sneaking in pizza through the window and getting caught, what a riot!

[WI_DEM]

10. I went vegetarian for a year

It was a great experience, but I wasn't strong enough to keep it up. But I do eat less meat now, so something good came out of it.

[Rowdyboy]

11. LOL...One of the funniest stories I've ever read on DU

You could get a great short story on that semester........

[slutticus]

13. LOL!

Sounds like an episode worthy of Seinfeld.

[Placebo]

14. That is the funniest thing I've read in weeks.

You should be writer.

H I L A R I O U S :D

[name not needed]

15. I'm so disappointed in you

You should have gone back a week later with a vat of beef broth and ten pounds of ground beef. :P

[jonnyblitz]

16. forbidden meat...hahahaha

that was good. :thumbsup:

[Placebo]

17. 'Forbidden meat'--something us gay guys know a lil SOMETHING about!

:D

[Modem Butterfly]

19. Mmmmmmm... Forbidden Sausage....

(insert Homeresque noise here!)

[HEyHEY]

18. And you're redundant!