Welcome to All Things Scottish. If it's not Scottish, IT'S CRAP!!!!

[coloradodem2005]

[hfojvt]

1. "It is not necessary to blow out the other fellow's candle

in order to make yours shine brighter."
Can I be pro Scot without calling the rest of the world "crap"? After all, I am only 1/8th scotch, so by them I must be 7/8ths crap. I do not think I am that full of it. I would say 5/8ths tops.

[coloradodem2005]

2. You're still full of it.

:P

[Tom Kitten]

3. Stop it, you're kilting me...

There's a store nearby that sells canned haggis...which is the best variety to buy as a gag gift for my friends?

[Panda1]

4. Haha.. (groan)

Hoot, mon! Haggis? Blecchhh!
Unless it's for a rousing game of toss the haggis.

[TreasonousBastard]

5. CANNED HAGGIS???!!!!! No, no, no,...

there is no such thing as canned haggis. Any attempt to process it that way leaves it a frail, faint shadow of the supreme culinary majesty that is haggis.

Haggis should be self-preserving, as it has nothing we would normally call food in it, but it somehow does manage to disintegrate while looking at it. The greatest minds in Scotland have been studying this for 300 years as yet have no clue.

There is still a guy in Kearney, NJ who makes vast amounts of haggis during the holiday season and for special occasions, but it does not ship well and barely makes it south to Rahway. However, if you don't live within a half-hour of a master haggis-maker, you can make it yourself:

2lb sheep liver and kidneys
1lb onions
1lb steel cut oats
5lbs roadkill
2lbs of the green stuff you found in a bowl in the back of the refrigerator
1/2lb leaves and roots from the vegetable garden that you don't know what else to do with

Mix it all together and mash and grind it finely so nothing can be identified.

Stuff mashed glop into a sheep's stomach and sew it up

Simmer the shimmering globe in a huge pot until it rises.

Throw out the water where no bird or animal can drink it lest you risk animal cruelty charges.

Before celebrating the cutting of the haggis, make sure the room is adequately ventilated.

[Atlas Mugged]

12. I thought haggis had sheep lungs in it?

Lovely recipe, nonetheless!

[TreasonousBastard]

13. Sheep lungs, snouts...

eyelids, testicles...

It's one of those things that seems to have a lot to do with 16th century garbage disposal problems and the fear of starvation amongst those tenant farmers who had to give up the good cuts of meat to the laird.

I met a guy in Edinburgh who would stick chicken legs on a haggis and try to talk the tourists into how it was a rare Highlands creature with no internal organs.

The real fun was when he met up with an Aussie who astounded him with tales of the fearsome Australian Drop Bear.

[Robeson]

18. Love your picture in the sig line.....

...alas, if only life could be that way....

:spray: :rofl: :rofl:

[ghostsofgiants]

6. Must... resist... urge... to... quote... Rent boy... from... Trainspotting

[dbt]

7. And what about bush-hogging?

How DARE the Scots pervert such a fine American term?????

[VOX]

8. Time for another viewing of "Local Hero."

I love that movie!

[NewHampshireDem]

9. Let's get pissed!

That was one of the funniest SNL skits ever ... when he spits on the floor, OMG! I've definately had nights like THAT :evilgrin:

[warrens]

10. Hmm, the top five things about the Scots

1. Scotch
2. Someone help me here
3. Ditto
4. Ditto
5. Ditto

(And I was born in Aberdeen, btw)

[SarahB]

11. Scots are cool.

I just changed my mind about my semi-snarky comment.

[libodem]

14. Aye, your 'ead is enormous

and you'll be cryin' your eyes out on your gigantic pillow.

[cornermouse]

15. Erin go bragh

[maveric]

16. If its not Irish, its Shite!

[phusion]

17. Aut Pax Aut Bellum

My crest:

[sasquatch]

19. The only thing better that that skit is "Scottish Soccer Hooligans"

"PISS OFF!"