Married Or Coupled DUers: Did Either Of You Change Your Last Name...

[arwalden]

Poll question: Married Or Coupled DUers: Did Either Of You Change Your Last Name...

... when you made your relationship official or permanent?

DISCUSSION: If either of you changed your last names, which one of you made the change? How did you decide which one of you would make the change?

Also... If a couple decides to keep their original last names, and if they have children... which last name should their children be given? The father's? The mother's? Both? Child's choice?

Is the act of changing one's name a symbol of love, solidarity, and family, and one-ness? Or is it the result of gender inequality, servitude, oppressiveness, and symbolically establishing dominance of one partner over the other?

[Magrittes Pipe]

1. She's not going to change hers.

She doesn't really love me. :cry:

[JohnKleeb]

4. Doesnt Hedges mean Dorkus Maximus in German?

If so, can't blame the future mrs.

[KG]

5. ouch!

[JohnKleeb]

10. all in love

he insults me too ya know.

[Magrittes Pipe]

7. No. It means "well-trimmed and maintained bushes."

:o

[JohnKleeb]

12. hahaha so if you married a cousin of mine

and hyphend, she would be glue well trimmed and maintained bushes.

[arwalden]

13. Their First Daughter Will Be Named Rose...

:rofl:

[Mutley]

2. Other

My relationship hasn't been made "officially" permanent yet, but when it is I will take my SOs last name. I don't know why. Tradition? Plus, his last name sounds better with my first name than my current last name sounds.

[Shell Beau]

3. I am traditional in that sense!

I took my husband's name, as will my children. He is the last son with the name and I would like it to continue. It is a very unusual name and no one outside of his family has it in the USA at least that is what the phone books and his family say.

[AlienGirl]

6. My original last name was *ultra* common and boring

It was a pain in the butt because my mail got lost a lot. So I changed my name in my first marriage. I'm content with the last name I have now (not as common, not really weird either) and not likely to change it again because it's the same as my kids' surname and it makes for less confusion.

Tucker

[arwalden]

8. My Mom Did Something Similar...

... She's had a total of three marriages and three name changes. After the third (and last?) marriage ended, she re-assumed her FIRST married last name so that it would match the kids.

My brother and I teased her and suggested to her that she was only taking it because she "missed" Dad and wanted to get back together with him. (She laughed and laughed at that one!)

[jobycom]

21. Girl is an unusual last name. nt.

[trackfan]

9. My wife uses all forms indicriminately

but hasn't officially changed her name. She says that ideally she would like to change it, but she's not sure how, and neither am I. We're both shy, and inept in dealing with stores, governments, friends, doctors..well basically everybody. So pretty it's much the status quo for us.

[Shell Beau]

15. Go to the social security office with the original marriage

license. Same goes with changing the driver's license. Most others will take copies of it (name changes on bills and stuff)!

[grace0418]

39. I don't mind if people call me by my husband's last name but I

never changed it. My maiden name starts with "A" and I think it's awfully convenient to always be on the first page of lists when you're signing up for something, or picking up tickets, or whatever. Plus, neither of our names gets spelled or pronounced correctly, so either way I'm screwed.

If we have kids, they'll have my husband's last name.

[matcom]

11. Mrs Matcom didn't change hers

[arwalden]

14. Whipped, huh?

:loveya:

[matcom]

16. you KNOW i am

:D :loveya:

i'd change mine for YOU though

[GalleryGod]

20. I'm with you,Mat..and we had to go to Springfield for the license.

Married on the Outer Cape:loveya:

[jobycom]

17. My wife decided to change her name, even though I suggested that

she keep her old one. I didn't try to force her, I just let her know I liked the idea of her keeping the old one.

As for what it means, it means what you want it to. She changed her name to symbolize becoming one family with me. I think it was also a way for her to claim me--she was very insecure about herself, and very territorial, and taking my name proved to her that she'd won me over a couple of others she seemed to think she was in competition with. At the time my offer to let her keep her name offended her, like she thought I was pushing her away, and I had to assure her that it wasn't the case.

I've known others who have taken the man's name just to avoid the problem with naming the children, and to keep the children from having problems because of the parents' political statement.

And I've known couples who have kept their own names, for a variety of reasons. The kids usually take a hyphenated name. One of my daughter's best friends in her younger days had parents who hyphenated their names, but gave the daughter only the father's name. However, they combined their first names to name her. Came up with a beautiful name, too. Then they divorced. Kind of like getting a tattoo and then breaking up, I guess.

Choose your own symbols, and you'll be happier.

[skygazer]

18. I took my husband's name when I married in 1982

I was 21 years old and didn't really think about it - at the time, it didn't seem like a big deal. Getting married didn't seem like a big deal - the main reason we did was because his Catholic mother kept telling us how she was going to die of shame because we had a baby and were living together and not married. So we shrugged, went down to a local judge's office and got married.

Surprisingly enough, it didn't last.

When I married for the second time, I took his name because it seemed wierd to keep my first husband's name (I hadn't gone back to my own when we divorced).

When THAT marriage ended, I went back to my original name and I'll be damned if I ever change it again! As a matter of fact, my SO jokes that he wants to take my name, just to be different.

edited because I'm sick and can't type

[GalleryGod]

23. Actually-you could've used the 2nd marriage license to REVERT to

your original name...that's what my bride did!
Thank god for Massachusetts
O8) O8)

[GalleryGod]

19. No. Never. Why?

:shrug:

[eyesroll]

22. I changed for my first marriage. Changed it back with the divorce.

I was young and didn't really give the name change much thought -- I changed it because the married name was shorter and easier to pronounce. I changed it back because, well, I was divorced; we had no kids or anything to worry about.

Should there be a second marriage, I will be keeping my current name legally and professionally. I do not care if I'm known as "Mrs. Hislast" or "Ms. Mylast-Hislast" socially. The kids can have his last name. Mine's long and difficult to spell anyway.

[arwalden]

24. Some Older Women, And Characters In Old Movies Still Amuse Me When...

... they introduce themselves as "I'm Mrs. Stephen Haines" or "I'm Mrs. Howard Fowler".

It's as though they have NO identity of their own... they are chattle and property of their husbands.

But then again... if their husband's name has clout and power and influence... then who could blame them?

[eyesroll]

25. I once stood up at a formal wedding, and my place card said...

"Mrs. Albert Hedges." (I was at the head table and he was at the dates' table.)

I was 23 years old, as was the bride at the wedding. Something tells me her mother did the place cards.

I was ready to puke.

[Left Is Write]

29. That's really the way it was; women's identity was their husband's.

There are notations like that all through my first edition (1950) Betty Crocker cookbook:

The clever idea for this custardy one-dish meal was brought to us by Mrs. Frank J. Ebsen of Wisconsin Rapids, Wisconsin.

Holiday Oysters. A tasty, sophisticated dish for any fall and winter supper. Perfected by Marguerite Truesdale (Mrs. Clark Truesdale of Glencoe, Minnesota) when she was a member of our staff.

Beautifully colored apples with little sausages...Marian South (now Mrs. Russell K. Johnson of Davenport, Iowa) perfected the recipe as a Christmas Eve Supper specialty when she was on our staff.

[arwalden]

34. That's Creepy.

How awful.

[livetohike]

26. Married in 1975 and changed to my husband's last name

My maiden name was always hard for people to pronounce/spell. My husband's is more common. Keeping your own name wasn't very prevalent in 1975 for married women.

[Book Lover]

27. I didn't change, and our child's

middle name is my surname, and his surname is my spouse's surname. Next kid, we'll probably reverse that. No one ever pressured me one way or another. Then again, everyone in my family learned not to pull that kind of shit with me many, many years ago.

[Left Is Write]

28. I took my husband's name.

I did it because I wanted to, not because I had to or because my husband expected it. I wanted us and our children together to have the same name.

I have an older daughter who was ten when I got married. She has my name. Whether I had kept my name or taken my husband's, I would have had a different last name than at least one of my children.

I gave my oldest daughter my name because her father and I were not married when she was born, and we never got married. I knew I would be doing most of the raising of that child myself, so I opted to give her my name. Her father was pissed off about that, claiming I "stole" her birthright deprived her of her "true" name. I asked him why his name was more her "true" name than mine was.

Names can be so tricky, because for many of us, it's the source of our self-identity. I love my birth name, have strong feelings about my roots and my family connection, and sometimes I wish I had kept it as my middle name while changing my last name. (The problem with that is that I also love my middle name, chosen by my mother after her favorite aunt, and two middle names would have been unwieldy. My birth last name is also rather long.) However, I'm still the person who so strongly identifies with that name, even though I've changed it. If I ever get published - or go back into radio - I will use that name. My husband knows this and completely understands.

I like sharing a name with my husband. There is a certain solidarity in doing so.

One of my sisters kept her birth name when she got married. She and her husband have one daughter, and they gave her her father's last name.

[arwalden]

35. Good Question!!

<<I asked him why his name was more her "true" name than mine was. >>

... and did he have an answer to that?

[Left Is Write]

37. Oh, yes.

His answer was, "Because I'm her father."

That told me volumes about his opinion of me as her mother.

[arwalden]

50. Asshole.

(Him, I mean.)

You're very fortunate NOT to have been chained to a guy like that.

-- Allen

[Redstone]

30. First marriage, my name instantly changed

to Mud.

That's why I'm not married to her anymore.

Redstone

[Jeff In Milwaukee]

31. I offered to change my last name...

My very traditional father-in-law just fixed me with one of those "Don't be a wise-ass, boy" looks of his and we dropped the subject.

[MissB]

32. I did change it eventually, after hyphenating for a bit.

I had my reasons for hyphenating the name, but it had more to do with my career than any sense of wanting to keep the name. I abhorred my maiden name, so I was quite eager to dump it.

[Bunny]

33. Didn't change mine during my first experiment with wedded

bliss. Wouldn't change it for the next one, either, which is pretty unlikely to occur anyway.

However, Mrs. Jude Law does have a nice ring, doesn't it? Hmmmm...

:D

[Taverner]

36. My wife hyphenated

I agree with hyphenation - it should be seen as a comprimise, although many freepers are upset at it and think it is a concession

[JanMichael]

38. No change.

It has caused some confusion with those that assume that we have the same name but usually we make it clear at the start.

"Is the act of changing one's name a symbol of love, solidarity, and family, and one-ness? Or is it the result of gender inequality, servitude, oppressiveness, and symbolically establishing dominance of one partner over the other?"

Both.

[grace0418]

40. What I really hate is when I get a piece of mail addressed to

"Mr. and Mrs. (my husband's first name) (my husband's last name)."

I wasn't physically absorbed by my husband when I married him! Sheesh!

I know, I know, that's traditional but screw that. When I got married my invitations were addressed to "Mr. John and Mrs. Jane Doe" (or I used "Ms." if I knew the woman preferred it). Or, if the names were too long when written that way, I simply wrote "Mr. and M(r)s. Doe." What is with that Mr. and Mrs. John Doe crap? That drives me batty!

[margaritamama]

41. Changed my name

The day I took him as my husband..changed my name and couldn't be more proud.

[MrSlayer]

42. My wife changed to mine and the kids have mine.

I think it's kind of weird not to. Tradition and all.

[SarahB]

43. I just got mine back!!!

:bounce:

I'm so happy, I'm going to start a thread about.

:bounce:

[distantearlywarning]

44. We both changed our last name.

It seemed like the only fair thing to do. We just sat down and picked something we liked better than either of our two original last names.

It was a little bit of a hassle legally and my husband got some strange looks, but we're going on 6 months and so far both of us are very happy with it. I really like the new name and I think he does too.

[UncleSepp]

45. Changed mine, wouldn't do it again

It was a giant pain in the neck, still causes problems, and I hate it that my name on my diplomas is wrong. I did it because as a sign of committment, but also because people tended to have problems spelling and saying my last name. Also, there was baggage attached to my last name that I really wanted to leave at the Lost Luggage office.

[Orangepeel]

46. I kept my name, although I'll answer to his.

I needed to keep my last name professionally. Besides, I didn't want to go through the trouble of changing it with government agencies, etc.

I asked my husband for his opinion and he said that he didn't mind either way. He leaned toward me not changing it, just because he didn't see why women should be the ones to take another name, but of course it was entirely my decision. :-) What a sweetie I married!

[tjdee]

47. I just want to have the same last name! Geez!

I'm not married (and therefore probably shouldn't talk), but...

When I get married, I will take whoever's name just for the sake of continuity. Or maybe he'll take my name. Maybe we'll hyphenate. To present a united front and all that. We're the same family, we will all have the same name, by golly!

[VOX]

48. My wife kept hers. It was a second marriage for both of us...

and we did some living in between. She had merged her name to a hyphenate-form in her first marriage, then got her name back, and all the while developed a considerable reputation in her profession under her birth name.

No way would I have ever suggested or insisted on anything regarding a name change for her. She will use my last name in expedient situations, and that's fine.

[seaglass]

49. I kept my name, my kids have my husband's last name.

I wanted us both to have a new last name but he wouldn't go for it - THAT would have been a symbol of oneness. Changing my name to his would have felt like I was disappearing and I didn't want to be addressed as Mrs. - though there is no way of stopping that.

I actually like his last name better than mine.

Having my kids with my husband's last name was something I wasn't willing to do battle over, it didn't really matter to me.

[lildreamer316]

51. He changed his!!our baby has my name too. n/t

[NNadir]

52. We gave my children my wife's last name. People find it weird.

My last name is very, very common and my wife's last name is beautifully unique.

Believe it or not, I had to sign a release saying that I accepted my children having my wife's last name. (I live in New Jersey, not Texas.) My wife would have had to sign no such release.

It was completely stupid.

That I have such fine sons is mostly my wife's doing, not mine. She did the majority of the hard work. Yet people still act if there was something bizarre in the boys having their mother's name. I think it would have been bizarre the other way around.

[Tikki]

53. I like going by my given name,my full middle, and my last name is my

...married name. All three names start with an 'R' and my first name is a derivative of my last name. All put together it is kinda "cutsie"..


Tikki

[scarlet_owl]

54. I changed mine. My name was already hyphenated before

I got married, and I was glad to change to a single last name.

[bleedingheart]

55. it was really really a touchy issue with Mr. B...

he wanted me to have his last name...in his mind there was no question...

Funny part is that he views me as his equal but for some reason that tradition was very important to him...

[CaliforniaPeggy]

56. My husband and I got married in 1965, and I took his name. I wanted

to get rid of my maiden name as it had attracted a lot of unwanted attention during my growing up years. I turned it into my middle name, and dropped my birth middle name. I wanted to be part of my husband, and taking his name enabled me to do so. I did NOT feel eclipsed or ignored, or less important when I did that. I am quite liberated in spite of taking his name. And so are our daughters...one took her husband's name, and the other one didn't. It's whatever you want...

:kick:

[fortyfeetunder]

57. Yeah, it was easier to spell and pronounce

I figured in my professional life it was worth it to ditch the maiden name because I'd have to change countless documents for all the bureaucrats misspelling it and misprounouncing it.

However, my old school relatives don't take too kindly to my married name and some even hyphenate my last name.

But life is too short and I don't gripe about it any more....

[Heidi]

58. Hypenated "maiden" and married names. (nt)