The Onion: White Foragers Report Threat of Black Looters

[Sandpiper]

White Foragers Report Threat Of Black Looters

NEW ORLEANS— Throughout the Gulf Coast, Caucasian suburbanites attempting to gather food and drink in the shattered wreckage of shopping districts have reported seeing African­ Americans "looting snacks and beer from damaged businesses."

"I was in the abandoned Wal-Mart gathering an air mattress so I could float out the potato chips, beef jerky, and Budweiser I'd managed to find," said white survivor Lars Wrightson, who had carefully selected foodstuffs whose salt and alcohol content provide protection against contamination. "Then I look up, and I see a whole family of (African-Americans) going straight for the booze. Hell, you could see they had already looted a fortune in diapers."

Radio stations still in operation are advising store owners and white people in the affected areas to locate firearms in sporting-goods stores in order to protect themselves against marauding blacks looting gun shops.


http://www.theonion.com/content/node/40305

[Fight_n_back]

1. Is that real?

Im kidding. I know its not real, I just love it when people wonder if my posts are sarcastic or not.

a hint. My posts are generally sarcastic.

[Crazy Guggenheim]

2. But there are some true stories on that. I tried to get it off Newsmeat

but the site is very slow. I'll try later.

[jane_pippin]

3. There're music reviews and stuff like that in the AV Club part, but

anything remotely close to typical newspaper stories is total satire. Wonderful, hilarious satire.

edit: sorry if I misread your post's intent, by the way. I'm very tired and about to hit the sack.

[Crazy Guggenheim]

5. I meant to say on the issue of blacks being portrayed as

looters.

http://www.newsmeat.com/

It's the third story down. I can't seem to get the link to work.

[jane_pippin]

6. OOOH. Gotcha.

I thought you meant some of the Onion stories were true. (They've been picked up and treated as real in the press a few times, so that's where my head went.)

Sorry 'bout that CG.

[Mojambo]

4. Another bullseye from the Onion. n/t

[NMMNG]

7. Funny, and essentially not far from the truth

Which also makes it sad.