Social anxiety/paranoia - how do you reduce it?

[Deja Q]

Or is it just a matter for me to get out more and realize that people are okay and it's only after they get to know me which is when they start shying away? :D

[I Have A Dream]

1. When you find a cure for social anxiety, I'd like to know what it is...

(besides liquor or drugs). I even tell people that I can't accept their invitations because I am socially phobic; I figure that I might as well be honest rather than their taking my declining their invitation personally. For the most part, I really like people, but being in social settings where there are groups is just too much stress for me.

If you feel that people shy away after getting to know you, do you have any idea why that might be happening? (Or were you just kidding?)

[Deja Q]

2. I was not kidding.

I had been diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome back in March. It's been suggested by others who know me before.

And I believe that has a big part to play. I am just... different... to regular, normal people.

[I Have A Dream]

19. .

[Joey Liberal]

3. Hit the gym

When you are working out and feeling good, you will have more confidence. Also, try Tai Chi. It's good for the soul.

[purr]

4. I have some serious anxiety issues...

mainly about driving.. As I was sitting here tonight I was feeling my neck and I think I can move my thyroid. I'm always anxious, uptight, ready to explode, etc.. I also can drop weight like clothing being removed during a hot time. So I googled hyperthyroid and I found a TON of my symptoms including BAD anxiety attcks are akined to hyperthyroidism. So off to dr for me.

BUT... On a lighter note.. I get the same feeling :)

[Deja Q]

7. I wish it was hyperthyroidism for me...

But they've checked it often enough. :(

[purr]

9. Are you sure??

I've been reading on thyroid problems and A LOT of the people on message boards have NORMAL values. I'm ready for the arsenal at the drs office this week.. mine have always been right on target but the symptoms I've been having nearly my entire adult life are right on with it.

I have a bottle of effexor ready for me on my stove... I'm not sure about taking it yet until I get my thyroid tested once again. There has to be a logical reason for my anxiety and I dont think anti-anxiety drugs are for me (never worked in the past).. Well, thats a lie.. I took ativan during an anxiety attack once and it smacked me back into earth.

[Metta]

5. That's a tough load to carry.

I've worked with an acting out Aspberger's teenager. We wanted to educate him about how he differed in his social perceptions/ responses to others and what everyday social cues were. He was smart enough to get it intellectually and to respond in an if/ then/ to to way. So, I offer that to you.

I don't know if your central nervous system's wiring is any different from mine so I can't say if you need to compensate for something there. I certainly wouldn't just recommend meds. There's all kinds of meditation, one of my specialties, including clearing and healing that I think would help.

It's been awhile so I don't know if rational/ affect balancing would have any positive effect. Have you read the DSM description? I'd bet you googled it? I hope you have a good support group.

[Deja Q]

8. I read it. It fits me to a "T" and the counselor agreed too.

(That was after she made the diagnosis; knowing more abouot my past helped to solidify it.)

As for drugs, I'm already on strattera. And it's given me a few months of time... (it's boosted my waning metabolism...) unfortunately, put any other drug with it (or even a beer) and I react to it quite adversely. :( :(

[Metta]

22. More initial thoughts.

I'm going to ask my cardiologist friend about Strattera. Are you a vegetarian or do you eat animal protein? My initial perceptions are that you'd benefit from learning to do some clearing which would also balance you to one degree or another. I've been teaching self development, meditation and therapy since the late '60s. Are you open to a couple of tips?

[tibbir]

6. I don't make myself go to things I know I'll hate

and, even if I'm pretty sure I'm going to do something, I always talk to the host and explain that I may get so nervous I may not be able to show up at the last minute. If they're ok with that then I'm almost always able to go and have a reasonably good time.

[Floogeldy]

10. Stop caring.

Worked for me.

}(

[hickman1937]

16. Me too. n/t

I don't have AS, I just don't like social situations period. Work is fine because we're all there for a reason, but the only way I can make family holidays is to shut off.

[Ivan Sputnik]

11. With medication?

I believe Paxil is recommended, if the problem is crippling. Otherwise, talk therapy or meditation might help.

[Deja Q]

14. Paxil worked in reverse for me... gave me OCD too.

Nobody's perfect. :D

[electron_blue]

25. love the pong!

Cool avatar. Good luck with this. I used to have this problem big time and got over it by just immersing myself in horribly public places. I don't recommend it - it was pretty miserable, but it was my job (I had to teach in front of 100-200 people) and I nearly threw up every day for 2 years until finally I quit reacting. I found a way to just shut it off. Maybe drugs or therapy would have helped way back then, LOL. Ugh.

Now, if I find myself uncomfortable in a social situation and unable to just leave, I find it helps tremendously to redirect attention back to the person I'm talking to. You know, ask them their opinion, their life story, ask them how to make that pastry they brought in, etc. They usually love it and I can retreat a little, while still being "out there". This is only a short-term solution, of course, but I still find it helps sometimes.

[Whoa_Nelly]

12. I understand some of what you are dealing with

During my years as a SpEd teacher, I had several students who were diagnosed with Asperger Syndrome (AS). One child I became very actively involved in by first mentoring, then having him as a student, and eventually going back to mentoring him when I was able to help him, and his family, in gaining a classroom placement outside of the Learning Disabled category.

This boy was exceptionally bright, and he and I actually bonded, in that he came to trust me above everyone else...very unusual. One of the highlights, and breakthrough moments for him, happened when I was in a meeting with his mother and him. At the end of the meeting, when I told him I loved him (which I always told all my students...fuck school policies...kids need to hear this from people they are with 6+ hours/day-5 days/week), he ran up to me, gave me a very big hug, and told me he loved me, too. It was a first for him! His mother burst out crying...he had never hugged her or told her that he loved her Because of his degree of AS, and there are many shades of gray when it comes to this syndrome, it just wasn't a part of his natural response repertoire. When this breakthrough moment happened, I was smiling at him through my tears and asked him if he loved his mother. He said yes, he thinks he does. I told him it is OK to hug her and tell her that, too. I don't think I have ever seen the light go on for a child as it did for this dear sweetheart of a kid as I witnessed on that day. He was age 8 at the time.

Anyway, the whole point is that with AS, social skills, interactions and responses all have to be learned to different degrees and in different ways per individual. So, I was wondering: have you ever gone to any Adult AS online forum groups? You may get some information that works for you in your wish to deal up front with your anxieties, and to learn more about how to socially interact at your comfort level through trying things that have worked for other AS adults.

Here's a site that has many AS forum groups:
http://tinyurl.com/7aodb

And here's site that, while it's in New Jersey, there are links that you may find informative, as well as possibly contacting this group for connections within your geographic area.

http://www.aspennj.org/

xo
Love, Nelly

[DanCa]

13. Panic Attack Suck big time

I carry a small stress ball with me and squeeze that sucker until i feel better. If i have to leave the room i politely excuse myself and that's pretty much the end of it.

[Whoa_Nelly]

15. Kick for Hypno!

Since he's such an awesome DU'er!

:kick:

[clu]

17. all glory to the hypnotoad!

[MrScorpio]

18. By turning the whole world into AMSTERDAM

Nowhere is mellower than Amsterdam



I know this street and I've been there

[GreenPartyVoter]

20. I dunno. I prefer to stay under my blankets, but if I do have to go out

there had better be a lot of food.

[supernova]

21. Part of it is a conditioned response

:hug: for HT.

I've had SA at times too, even spent some time in group therapy for it several years ago.

Knowing that it is a conditioned response, I could begin to "reprogram" myself by gradually having different experiences. And just do things at first, where there you know it will have little consequence. Just go for coffee, or sit in a movie theatre. I used to say "I'll introduce myself to three people." That's all. Just say "hi." Not because you are looking for a friend, or a romantic prospect, or any thing else. Dial your expectations waaayyyyy down. You want to do it just for the sheer social practice.

Strangers are good to practice on because you aren't likely to meet them again if you feel especially stupid afterwards. :crazy: And, even if they would think you're odd, you'll just be some eccentric person they crossed paths with today. Believe me, you won't stick in their heads nearly as long as they will stick in yours.

When you feel fairly comfortable introducing yourself to random strangers briefly, you can move on to something like meeting people who say, share a hobby, or an interest. They're still strangers, but you have a built-in conversation starter. And you can keep your interaction to just that subject that you are comfortable with.

Or take up some activity at church. Choir, a study group, the homeless shelter. Whatever. The point is, seeing the same people every week or month can also provide some constancy and some security for you too. :hug:

When you feel comfortable with that stage, go on to do other things like hang out with a group of people on Friday night. Er... make that a small group, 4 or 5, or whatever feels comfortable for you. The purpose here is to hang out with people you know you like, and the conversation topics don't matter. You're quite OK, by this point with discussing anything with this group. The hallmark of this group is you discussed the fact that you have SA and AS and they are OK with it. It doesn't matter to them and they still enjoy you.

The overall goal here is to take your boundaries and *gradually* extend them, emphasis on "gradually." Do whatever feels right at any point. Give yourself permission to experiment, then call off the experiement at any time if it doesn't feel right. At all times, honor the the fact that dealing with people is hard on you. :hug:

I do well enough now, but I haven't completed excluded the idea of paxil or something like it. But I no longer feel anxious in social situations. And I am more selective about which activities I choose to engage it.

And for all my hard work, I'm hosting my first ever party AT MY HOUSE this friday! :D

It does take work and you will get hurt, perhaps moreso than others, :-( But to find the people who like you and love you, it is worth it in the end. They're out there, believe me..... 'cuz we're here on DU too. :-)

[Monkey see Monkey Do]

24. Great post

The last few years I've had the stuffing knocked out of me through a run of mental/psychotic illness. I'm now at the stage where I'm trying to piece my life back together & have been confronted by unhealthy dollops of SA. I agree totally about the 'reprogramming' approach. It started a few months ago with trips to the local shop, and then when I was cool with that, striking up small-talk with the cashiers. Weeks later & I'm comfortable getting the bus into town & browsing the shops & even stopping for coffee. Two weeks ago I went out with friends for the first time in about 3 years (they knew my problem & didn't tell me they were coming until the day itself, so I couldn't build up the anxiety levels) and, a few bad moments aside, actually enjoyed myself & rarely thought about how scary the situation was.

I'm currently taking an anti-psychotic as well as a mood-stabalizer so I didn't want to do it with drugs -- and so far I've been successful.

Finally -- have a great house party!!

And to HypnoToad - you'll get there, I promise.

[AngryAmish]

23. Booze

It really lowers inhibitions.

[kwassa]

26. This is actually the social purpose of alcohol

Most people drink to reduce social anxiety, and to feel less inhibited.

Social skills can be learned, by the way. We are not condemned to be socially awkward forever.

[MadHound]

27. I learned long ago not to give a shit.

I'm intelligent, odd, strange, and wear mismatching socks. I figure that the people who are worth knowing will speak with me anyway, and those who don't aren't worth knowing. Thus I have gone through life, and I have a normal social life. Perhaps I don't have quite the number of friends that "normal" people do, but so what. I care about them deeply, they care about me the same, and life goes on. If people start to shy away from me for no good reason, I growl at them a bit to make them go away even faster:evilgrin:

Just be yourself friend, if people like you, there is nothing you can do to prevent that. If they don't like you, there is little that you can do to change that. But never, ever be dishonest about who you are, that is the quickest way to get everybody to stay away from you.

[AVulgarianHue]

28. By adopting an understated...

and affable "<insert rude vexatious phrase of choice here>" attitude.
It's a winning combination.:smoke: