How is it OK to just stop talking to someone?

[YellowRubberDuckie]

How is it ever ok to not be honest with someone and just suck it up and tell them why? I watched Skip struggle with getting into a new relationship after someone just stopped talking to him, and I've had it happen to me too. Why not just say, hey, I'm really not interested in dating you anymore? Is it that hard? :shrug: Be Honest!
Duckie

[Kenneth ken]

1. I don't really know

that it is okay. But I've done as well as had done to me.

It happened more often when I was younger; all of my high school friendships faded away within a couple years of graduating high school. People go in different directions and find thy have less and less in common. And maybe less free time, so they prune friendships to the ones that matter most.

I did lose a friend a few years ago (and I'm in my forties now), I'm not sure why. It had lasted over a dozen years.

It's best just to shrug and tell yourself that it is their loss.

[LeftyMom]

2. I did that to a guy once

and I've regreted it ever since. His self esteem was a bit fragile to begin with (which was the problem, he was very nervous around me) and I think I may have done him a lot of harm because I lacked the ovaries to break it off in a healthier manner.

:(

The only reason I'd ever cut off communication with a guy after that experience was if he gave some sort of creepy stalker vibe or something.

[BlueIris]

3. Why do you owe an explanation to someone you don't want to be around?

That person doesn't need to "cosign" your decision to not have anymore contact with him/her. People don't own each other anymore--that was the 19th century. A relationship, especially a new one, isn't like the relationship you have with someone you're paying to provide you with professional services. I know some people like to think of their new significant others as individuals who are "contracted" to "service" them--especially if these people paid for dinner a couple of times--but in the 21st century, we're supposed to be around (and not be around) those we socialize with of our own choosing. Sure, I can see some situations in which a person breaking off contact with a normal individual would be kind of rude, but--why is it "OK"? Why would it not be "OK"? That's how a lot of people end relationships that aren't satisfying to them, or are negative and abusive...like with immature control freaks who can't handle rejection. Simply breaking off contact really is the smart way to go if you find yourself with one of those.

[Marshall McClueless]

4. To be honest, I've done that.

I don't remember ever being friends with an ex. Some of them, I just cut out of my life completely. Mind you, they were the ones who dumped me, so it was that or the stalking, and the stalking is very time-consuming.

[Wetzelbill]

5. you know, this semester this girl and I talked a few times after class...

and we got along really well. Then all of a sudden we just stopped in the last month. For no reason. I don't even know why myself. We never even say hi anymore. We talk to other people but don't even acknowledge each other's presence. Weird as hell now that I think about it. I'm going to say hi to her next week. For sure.

[tjdee]

6. Does the explanation really matter?

Maybe it's that I'm old and jaded now, but if a guy just stopped calling/talking to me, I'd go "gee, he's not interested. Next."

Do the reasons really matter?

I create my own closure at this point and very seriously, their disappearing act is about them, not about the other person.

God, this relationship stuff really does give me a headache when I think about it! Sigh.