Dumb Yankees - the "north of the mason dixon line kind"

[kick-ass-bob]

Lowell, Massachusetts Police asked a 21 year-old motorist if he would like to take anything from his car before they took him to the station to be booked on motor vehicle charges.

Police say he pulled a one-pound bag of marijuana out of the trunk.

The man now faces charges of possession of the drug, with intent to distribute.


---


Eleven days before the statute of limitations was to expire on the Brink's robbery in Boston, Massachusetts, that netted nearly $3 million in January 1950, one of the robbers confessed and betrayed his fellow robbers.

---

Massachusetts: A bunch of young punks decided they'd rob the McDonald's in Bedford a few years ago. Unfortunately for them, none of them could keep their mouths shut about the plan, and when they showed up to rob the place they were greeted by half a dozen cops -- behind the counter, in McDonald's uniforms.

---



Lots of guys like to stop for a beer after finishing a job. But getting brew after a bank job isn’t such a good idea.

Police in Taunton, Massachusetts, say a bank robbery suspect had a brewski just two blocks away from the scene of the crime.

Detective Dennis Smith says the beer “did him in.”

The bar manager at an American Legion post told police that suspect Joaquim Grace was a regular customer. Witnesses said Grace ran into the American Legion had a quick beer and hailed a cab.

He was busted at his home, where detectives say they found some of the stolen loot.

---

Boston, Massachusetts
An "Einstein protege" had been casing a Boston bank for several days, waiting for just the right moment to commit robbery. He went through the customer line, and approached the teller's window, he produced a handgun and announced in a very loudly "THIS IS A HOLDUP, NOBODY MOVE!" Much to his dismay, the next five customers were armed FBI agents on their lunch breaks, attempting to cash their checks. The man quickly surrendered with no shots fired. His "genius" casing job had failed to notice the FBI Field Office two doors down.

---

In Boston, Massachusetts, two people are not allowed to kiss in front of a church and in Hartford, Connecticut it's illegal for a husband to kiss his wife on Sundays.


---

Just to make sure Matcom remembers where the true dumbasses come from:
George W. Bush:
Place of birth: New Haven, Connecticut
College: Yale University, Bachelor of Arts degree in history
Graduate School: Harvard University, Masters of Business Administration

Don't fuck with me, buddy.
:grr:





:P

[Midlodemocrat]

1. LOL

Good work!!! :thumbsup:

(But, I am from CT)

[underpants]

2. Oooh look the foppish dandies threw tea and the hAH-buh

Oooh what rebellion!!!

[In_The_Wind]

3. You make me proud to be born a Southerner!

[matcom]

4. HA! stupid redneck

:D

North Carolina Laws On The Books

All couples staying overnight in a hotel must have a room with double beds that are at least two feet apart. Making love in the space between the beds is strictly forbidden.


If a man and a woman who aren't married go to a hotel/motel and register themselves as married then, according to state law, they are legally married.

It's against the law to sing off key.


Elephants may not be used to plow cotton fields.


A marriage can be declared void if either of the two persons is physically impotent.


Barber
Fights between cats and dogs are prohibited.


Chapel Hill
It is a misdemeanor to urinate or defecate publicly.


Charlotte
Women must have their bodies covered by at least 16 yards of cloth at all times.


Elon College
There is to be no rollerblading during daylight hours, on the roads, or on the bricks. All the sidewalks at this college are made of brick. (Repealed in 1998)


Forest City
You must stop and call City Hall before entering town in an automobile. This is so the townspeople will have time to go out and hold their horses until you get through town.


Greensboro
Restaurants "with on sidewalk dining" must post their menu so that it is clearly readable from the sidewalk, but is not readable from the street.


Hornytown
Massage parlors have been banned.


Kill Devil Hills
You may not ride a bicycle without having both your hands on the handle bars.


Rocky Mount
It is required that you must pay a property tax on your dog.


Southern Shores
It is against the law to rollerblade on a state highway.

[Midlodemocrat]

5. pulls chair closer

:popcorn:

[matcom]

8. should i tell him i was born in Maryland?

naaaaaaah ;)

[kick-ass-bob]

11. THAT is still the north, buddy.

NoVa and up is yank territory.

[matcom]

12. see. i WAS born smarter than you

:bounce:

oh and you have big hair :rofl:

[kick-ass-bob]

15. So does that mean that you claim to be a southerner?

:think:

[matcom]

16. no way in hell!

i have my dignity

[kick-ass-bob]

9. Oh really?

Massachusetts Laws on the Books

It is illegal to give beer to hospital patients.

Candy may not contain more than 1% of alcohol.

Shooting ranges may not set up targets that resemble human beings.

At a wake, mourners may eat no more than three sandwiches.

Snoring is prohibited unless all bedroom windows are closed and securely locked.

An old ordinance declares goatees illegal unless you first pay a special license fee for the privilege of wearing one in public.

Taxi drivers are prohibited from making love in the front seat of their taxi during their shifts.

All men must carry a rifle to church on Sunday.

Hunting on Sundays is prohibited.

It is illegal to go to bed without first having a full bath.

A woman can not be on top in sexual activities.

No gorilla is allowed in the back seat of any car.

Tattooing and body piercing is illegal.

Children may smoke, but they may not purchase cigarettes.

Tomatoes may not be used in the production of clam chowder.

Quakers and witches are banned.

Bullets may not be used as currency.

Massachusetts liquor stores can only open on Sundays if they are in Berkshire, Essex, Franklin, Middlesex or Worcester counties and are within 10 miles of the Vermont or New Hampshire borders.

Alcoholic drink specials are illegal.

Public boxing matches are outlawed.

[madinmaryland]

20. Hornytown?

"Massage parlors have been banned." I guess they'll have to change the name of the town.

:rofl:

[terrya]

6. Those dumbass Yankees!

Wait...I'm one of those dumbass Yankees. :blush:

[La Lioness Priyanka]

7. say what you want to

but we all saw where the blue states were...and where the red states are...

[kick-ass-bob]

17. Meh. Jimmy Carter.

:D

:hi:





(this is an ongoing joke w/Matcom, btw)

[calico1]

10. Thanks.

We all know Southerners never do stupid things. Ever. :eyes:

[Midlodemocrat]

13. It's the CIVIL WAR all over again!!!!!! This is the greatest thread ever!

[matcom]

14. that's

"evah" ;)

[kick-ass-bob]

18. No - that's the

"War of Northern Aggression"


:D

[underpants]

24. AND it's like the East Coast /West Coast Rap wars

I'm getting my 9

[Shell Beau]

19. Woohoo!

You tell them!

[Deep13]

21. On the other hand...

...my favorite interstate highway sign in North Carolina reads, "Exit at designated points only." Really? I was just going to go flying off the road into the woods, but hey, if you insist, I will wait for an off-ramp.

:shrug:

[kick-ass-bob]

22. But we all have trucks. Didn't you get the memo?

:shrug:


:D

[Deep13]

23. Trucks can't fly. Didn't you get the memo?

This wasn't some through-the-town kind of highway, it was an interstate with actual woods (not open space) surrounding it.

[matcom]

25. memo?

North Carolina rednecks can't read silly :D

[kick-ass-bob]

26. our trucks just knock down the trees.

they ain't the piddly trucks you see up in the north.

[Deep13]

27. Yeah, well good luck with that.

:spray:

[GOPisEvil]

28. Wait...I'm a M.A.T.C.O.M. member, but I live in Texas.

I'm so confused. :crazy:

[matcom]

29. i gave you an exemption

your good :D

[GOPisEvil]

30. I used to live in Illinois, if that counts.

:D

[matcom]

31. we took that into consideration

its not like you NEVER left the confederacy :P

unlike SOME :eyes:

[GOPisEvil]

32. Oh everyone should get out where the people talk funny.

:D