Ladies this one is for you. I laughed so hard I cried.

[Maraya1969]

My night began as any other normal weeknight. Come home, fix dinner,
play with the kids. I then had the thought that would ring painfully
in my mind for the next few hours: "Maybe I should pull the waxing kit
out of the medicine cabinet." So I headed to the site of my demise: the

bathroom. It was one of those "cold wax" kits. No melting a clump of
hot wax, you just rub the strips together in your hand, they get warm
and you peel them apart and press them to your leg (or wherever else)
and you pull the hair right off. No muss, no fuss. How hard can it be?
I mean, I'm not a genius, but I am mechanically inclined enough to
figure this out. (YA THINK!?!)


So I pull one of the thin strips out. Its two strips facing each other
stuck together. Instead of rubbing them together, my genius kicks in
so I get out the hair dryer and heat it to 1000 degrees. ("Cold wax,"
yeah...right!) I lay the strip across my thigh. Hold the skin around
it tight and pull. It works! OK, so it wasn't the best feeling, but it
wasn't too bad. I can do this! Hair removal no longer eludes me! I am
She-rah, fighter of all wayward body hair and maker of smooth skin
extraordinaire.

With my next wax strip I move north. After checking on the kids, I
sneak back into the bathroom, for the ultimate hair fighting
championship. I drop my panties and place one foot on the toilet.


Using the same procedure, I apply the wax strip across the right side
of my bikini line, covering the right half of my *%&#@ and stretching
down to the inside of my butt cheek (it was a long strip) I inhale
deeply
and brace myself....RRRRIIIPPP!!!! I'm blind!!! Blinded from
pain!!!!....OH
MY GAWD!!!!!!!!! Vision returning, I notice that I've only managed to
pull
off half the strip. CRAP! Another deep breath and RIPP! Everything is
spinning and spotted. I think I may pass out...must stay
conscious...must stay conscious. Do I hear crashing drums??? Breathe,
breathe...OK, back to normal. I want to see my trophy - a wax covered
strip,
the one that has caused me so much pain, with my hairy pelt sticking to
it. I want to revel in the glory that is my triumph over body hair. I
hold up the strip! There's no hair on it. Where is the hair??? WHERE IS
THE WAX???
Slowly I ease my head down, foot still perched on the toilet. I see the
hair. The hair that should be on the strip...it's not! I touch. I am
touching wax.

I run my fingers over the most sensitive part of my body, which is now
covered in cold wax and matted hair. Then I make the next BIG mistake...
remember my foot is still propped up on the toilet? I know I need to do
something. So I put my foot down. *%&#@! I hear the slamming of a cell
door. $&%#$! Sealed shut! My butt is sealed shut... Sealed shut! I
penguin walk around the bathroom trying to figure out what to do and
think to myself "Please don't let me get the urge to poop. My head may
pop off!" What can I do to melt the wax?

Hot water!! Hot water melts wax!! I'll run the hottest water I can
stand into the bathtub, get in, immerse the wax-covered bits and the wax
should melt and I can gently wipe it off, right??? WRONG!!!!!!!*
I get in the tub - the water is slightly hotter than that used to
torture prisoners of war or sterilize surgical equipment - I sit.
Now, the only thing worse than having your nether regions glued
together, is having them glued together and then glued to the bottom of
the tub...in scalding hot water. Which, by the way, doesn't melt cold
wax.
So, now I'm stuck to the bottom of the tub as though I had
cement-epoxied myself to the porcelain!! God bless the man who had
convinced me a few months ago to have a phone put in the bathroom!!!!!

I call my friend, thinking surely she has waxed before and had some
secret of how to get me undone. It's a very good conversation starter -
"So, my butt and who-ha are glued together to the bottom of the tub!"
There is a slight pause. She doesn't know any secret tricks for removal
but she does try to hide her laughter from me. She wants to know exactly
where the wax is located, "Are we talking cheeks or hole or hoo-ha?"
She's laughing out loud by now...I can hear her. I give her the rundown
and she suggests I call the number on the side of the box.

YEAH!!!!! Right!! I should be the joke of someone else's night. While
we go through various solutions, I resort to scraping the wax off with a
razor. Nothing feels better then to have your girlie goodies covered in
hot wax, glued shut, stuck to the tub in super hot water and then
dry-shaving the sticky wax off!! By now the brain is not working,
dignity has taken a major hike and I'm pretty sure I'm going to need
Post-Traumatic Stress counseling for this event.

My friend is still talking with me when I finally see my saving
grace....the lotion they give you to remove the excess wax. What do I
really have to lose at this point? I rub some on and OH MY GOD!!!!!!!
The scream probably woke the kids and scared the dickens out of my
friend. It's sooo painful, but I really don't care.

"IT WORKS!! It works!!" I get a hearty congratulation from my friend and
she hangs up. I successfully remove the remainder of the wax and then
notice to my grief and despair....THE HAIR IS STILL THERE.......ALL OF
IT!

So I recklessly shave it off. Heck, I'm numb by now. Nothing hurts. I
could have amputated my own leg at this point. Next week I'm going to
try hair color......

[SeattleGirl]

1. OMG! This is so f-ing funny!!!!

I have tears in my eyes from laughing so hard!!!!!

[NMMNG]

2. Please forgive me for laughing hysterically

But that was just too funny, even though I could feel your pain. I've used those strips myself (albeit only on my legs), and I know how painful they are. x( I would never recommend them for waxing the nether region. :scared:

[radfringe]

3. sorry, I don't mean to laugh but......

[AirmensMom]

4. I have one suggestion ...

DON'T TRY HAIR COLOR! :rofl: That was too funny. :rofl:

[LaurenG]

5. ROFLMAO (tell's self, shhh you're at work )

I am so sorry. :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :hug: I hope you're ok now.

[plcdude]

6. well

as tragic as the tale is you did a wonderful job in the telling. I could almost picture it in my mind not that I was of course but well written. You have a gift for writing not for waxing. Next time PM me pictures.

[grace0418]

7. OH. MY. GOD. I am so sorry!

But it made for a hilarious story. I hope you're feeling better now. OUCH!

[sarahinmexico]

8. O.M.G

put down the box of hair coloring and move away SLOWLY, VERY SLOWLY. Don't go back, don't even think about it!! Don't be too upset however you are definately a gifted writer. I could feel your pain. I'm so sorry you had to go through that. I hope your significant other at least appreciated your effort.

[peekaloo]

9. Good gawd woman.

:rofl:

Phase two begins when the hair starts to grow back. If you exercise and get sweaty BE PREPARED.

Keep a hairbrush and cooling agent nearby. :o

[eyesroll]

10. (cough cough)

(This one's been floating around the Internet for awhile -- I don't think the OP needs our sympathy.)

On edit: I'm not implying the OP is taking credit for it -- she indicated she laughed at it in the thread title.

[Maraya1969]

12. Yes, I got it in an email! I feel so embarrassed now

:blush: I can't even edit it because the "editing time is over" (what is that for anyway?)

Thanks for setting it straight and I am sorry if I misled anyone.

It is really F&%&^ing funny though isn't it?

[Maraya1969]

11. It's not me !!! - I got it in an email! But thanks for the compliments

on my writing.:) JUST KIDDING!