How do you deal with overly sensitive people?

[RevCheesehead]

I know I can have my moments (as can we all). But seriously - how do you deal with people who project all of their problems on you, on the dog, on the boss, or whomever? And what ever happened to personal responsibilty?

[Ptah]

1. Sometimes, I just walk away

[RevCheesehead]

6. Great pic.

And even better advice. :hi:

[Ptah]

10. It is good to see you again, Rev.

I took a clue from Cargo mazg. and did
a complete makeover this weekend.
Had most of my hair cut off, and spent some serious money (for me) on some
clothes:



How did I do?

:hug:

[RevCheesehead]

14. What matters is how YOU feel.

Do you feel good? Then you did the right thing! :hug:

[Ptah]

26. I'm feeling unsynchronized:

woohoo

[RevCheesehead]

27. Fortunately, synchronized smileys is not an olympic sport!

I love it when they do that!! :rofl:

[GoddessOfGuinness]

2. What is "overly-sensitive"?

I've been accused of being overly sensitive from time to time...most often by people who have also accused me of being INsensitive...but I'm boggled by what the true meaning of the term is.

[Wapsie B]

4. To me the term is used

normally by some who can be very insensitive at times. To them it's a pejorative term.

[GoddessOfGuinness]

9. My mother-in-law was like that...

At least she was when I first met her. Lately I like to speculate that she was suffering from a form of senility, and that she was a gentler person when she was younger.

[Wapsie B]

15. Yes unfortunately that can happen.

I've seen that too. That's a terrible way to go, to not be your true self.

[barb162]

29. I wish I could say that about mine.

She likes to really rib people

[RevCheesehead]

5. I mean people who consistently take things the wrong way.

People who project an aura of fragility, and if you look at them the wrong way, or say the wrong thing, they fall apart, and then blame you for making them feel that way.

I had a boss like that. Everything was fine, until we disagreed about something. Suddenly, I became "the enemy" and he did all that he could to destroy my career. Pathological shit. And yes, he's clergy, too.

[bettyellen]

7. well, that's called topping from the botttom.....

and you can thank the BD/SMcommunity for that insight.
some people have to get their way, and when reasoning doesn't work they create an irrational scene so shit gets all foggy and you just cave to make it stop. very manipulative, been there, seen that. :hi:

[RevCheesehead]

12. It's butt-ugly, ain't it?

Fortunately, I'm out of that situation now. But I still encounter people who keep using that "you make me feel that..." shit. Seriously - NOBODY can make anyone feel anything. Like I said, whatever happened to personal responsibility?

It's good to see you, bettyellen! I LOVED your pic in the KOEB thread! (you are one beautiful woman - Keith should be very upset that he missed meeting you - and the rest of the KOEBabes!)

[bettyellen]

22. they gotta learn you can't control other people, only their reactions....

unfortunately, they'll often find weak people they can control to an extent, and forget that the rest of us are not their codependants.
tks, that pic is a bit phony, it helps you can't see much but my eyes, huh? LOL. Yep, Keith missed a real good time. And we missed you. :loveya:

[hfojvt]

8. what is that supposed to mean?

I cannot believe you are talking this way about me. :cry: :cry: :cry:

Your not as nice as I once believed :spank: :grr: :spank:

Once upon a time I was falling in love. Now I'm only falling apart.
Nothing I can do. A total eclipse of the heart.

[bettyellen]

17. that is your best post ever

i forgive you and am happy, now that i've made you totally insane and weak with grief.
;)

[GoddessOfGuinness]

19. So he's not REALLY sensitive...

just self-absorbed. A sensitive person would consider your difference of opinion, respect it, and learn from it...even if their mind was not changed as a result.

When I dealt with someone similar to the person you've described, I recommended that they read Thich Nhat Hanh's "Anger"; because the book had helped me deal with my own feelings after 9/11. I don't think he ever read it; but at least I felt like I'd made a positive gesture.

:hug::hug::hug:
Hope you feel better soon!

[RevCheesehead]

24. At the time, his behavior was affecting the whole church.

Everyone said they felt like they were walking around on eggshells, hoping they didn't do anything to upset him. That's a hell of a lot of power for someone to wield. And I was the only one in a position to call bullshit on the whole thing.

Oddly enough, I think he DID consider others feelings - it's just that his own feelings and needs trumped anyone else's at any given time. I have no doubt that when the encounter ended, he went home and beat up on himself, stirring up his wife's sympathy. And another triangle was born.

I'm not currently upset, or facing anything near to what I once did. It's more of an observation on human behavior. We are complex, odd, and fascinating creatures. :)

[Kerrytravelers]

3. I kick them.

Then I run so I don't get kicked back.

[Nicole]

11. I calmly tell them

to bite me. :rofl:

I tell them I can see that they are upset so I think it would be better to resume our conversation after they've had time to get their emotions in check.

If they are that sensitive I figure anything I say will most likely, at that point, make it worse.

Personal responsibility is reserved for the good things for some people, they are never going to claim it for the bad stuff.

[RevCheesehead]

16. Great answer!

(no, not the "bite me" - but it was :rofl:)

I have a tendency to avoid problems, but I'm getting better at dealing with people directly. I like the suggestion of waiting a little bit before things get too ugly.

Thanks for your thoughtful response. :hi:

[Aristus]

13. I just cry a lot and kick things.

:+

[leftstreet]

18. Respond as if they have mild dementia, cognitive dysfunction, etc

They can't express themselves well, and they're terrible at interpreting what you're saying. If you always try to respond to the emotional content of what they're saying - NOT the factual content - you'll do well.

It's much like someone accusing you of something outlandish, they're ready to give details, but you re-direct them by saying things like "Well, how did that make you feel when that happened?" That's what they REALLY want to talk about: the "feelings" they can't seem to articulate, or don't feel they should articulate.

[RevCheesehead]

20. Hey - I like that!

Kind of the Bob Hartley approach to disagreements. :)

[leftstreet]

21. Exactly! "Bob Hartley" approach

And it works.
:)

[barb162]

23. that's a good idea; I will have to remember that

(versus wanting to slug them? me bad)

[RevCheesehead]

25. If I recall correctly,

Emily DID slug Bob in one episode. :)

[barb162]

There was a guy I worked with who only wanted to date

these Miss America types who were rich. But he wasn't Mr. America and was not rich. He'd always be angry at women. The first hundred times I was sympathetic but after that I lost it and told him to try going out with "regular" people. He thought I was talking down to him. Sometimes you can't win.

[RevCheesehead]

31. Shallow Hal.

Have you seen the movie? I loved it.

[JustDoIt]

28. ignore them

nt

[amitten]

30. Smack the shit out of 'em. n/t