A Texas cowboy

[B Calm]

A Texas cowboy was herding his herd in a remote pasture when suddenly
> a brand-new BMW advanced out of a dust cloud towards him.
>
> The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban
> sunglasses and YSL tie, leans out the window and asks the cowboy, "If
> If I can tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd,
> will you give me a calf?"
>
> The cowboy looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at his
> peacefully grazing herd and calmly answers, "Sure, Why not?"
>
> The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell notebook computer,
> connects it to his AT&T cell phone, and surfs to a NASA page on the
> Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite navigation system to get
> an exact fix on his location which he then feeds to another NASA
> satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo.
>
> The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop and
> exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg, Germany.
>
> Within seconds, he receives an email on his Palm Pilot that the image
> has been processed and the data stored.
>
> He then accesses a MS-SQL database through an ODBC connected Excel
> spreadsheet with email on his Blackberry and, after a few minutes,
> receives a response.
>
> Soon he prints out a full-color, 150-page report on his hi-tech,
> miniaturized HP LaserJet printer and finally turns to the cowboy and
> says,"You have exactly 1586 cows and calves."
>
> "That's right. Well, I guess you can take one of my calves," says the
> cowboy.
>
> He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on amused
> as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his car.
>
> Then the cowboy says to the young man, "Hey, if I can tell you exactly
> what your business is, will you give me back my animal?"
>
> The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, "Okay, why
> not?"
>
> "You're a consultant for the National Republican Party." says the
> cowboy.
>
> "Wow! That's correct," says the yuppie, "but how did you guess that?"
>
> "No guessing required." answered the cowboy. "You showed up here even
> though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I already
> knew, to a question I never asked. You tried to show me how much
> smarter than me you are and you don't know a damn thing about cows...
> Now give me back my dog."

[mikeiddy]

1. Post Turtle

While suturing a cut of a 80 year old Texas rancher who got his hand caught in a gate while working cattle, the doctor working on him struck up a conversation. Eventually the topic got around to former Texas Governor George W. Bush and his elevation to the White House.

The Texan said, "Well ya know, Bush is a 'post turtle'." Not being familiar with the term, the doctor asked him what a 'post turtle' was.

The rancher said, "When you're driving down a country road and you come across a fence post with a turtle balanced on top - that's a post turtle."

The elderly man saw a puzzled look on the doctor's face, so he continued to explain. "You know he didn't get there by himself, You know he doesn't belong there, You know he doesn't know what to do while he's up there and, you just want to get the dumb shit down."

[djeseru]

2. These are both good.

I find it interesting how the Texans are considered the wisest in these two humorous tales when normally Texans usually get the worst of the bashing that goes on out here. :)

*bookmarks*