Please, folks, I beg you (Re: Snakes On a Plane)

[Pale Blue Dot]

Please, please, please do not waste your money on the marketing-gimmick-disguised-as-a-motion-picture Snakes on a Plane. I promise, from the bottom of my heart, that this "film" will not even be good in a campy, fun way.

Hollywood thinks that you all are morons. If Snakes On a Plane becomes the smash that it's expected to, you can expect many, many more films that are all concept and no story. There are other, far more worthy movies for you to see this weekend. Little Miss Sunshine. Talladega Nights. Or, if you really want something scary/fun, The Descent. All of the those films attempt to do what they do with intelligence, wit, and a real story.

Snakes on a Plane has not been screened for critics. Even if it were bad in a good way, the studio would have wanted critics to see it. Snakes on a Plane sucks.

Snakes on a Plane had scenes of extra gore added to give it an "R" rating. This is always a sign of desperation. Snakes on a Plane sucks.

Snakes on a Plane is directed by Mark Ellis, whose most notable film to date was Homeward Bound 2. Snakes on a Plane sucks.

And as for Samuel L. Jackson? Mister "Motherfuckin' Cool" himself? He's undeniably a great actor, but check out some of the many other "cool" movies he's been in:

The Man
XXX: State of the Union
Deep Blue Sea
The Long Kiss Goodnight
Basic
Twisted

The guy is hardly an arbiter of motherfuckin' taste.

So please. Don't let Hollywood win. Don't let them continue to dumb down our movies. Show them you're smarter than that.

Take your $10 and spend it on something, anything, other than Snakes on a Plane.

[GirlinContempt]

1. Have you see it?

[Pale Blue Dot]

5. Nobody has seen it.

The studio isn't letting people see it.

This is always, always, always the sign of a real stinker.

I've been following movies for all of my adult life, and I consider myself an minor amateur film scholar. I particularly have an interest in bad movies and how they're marketed. I've read numerous books on the subject, and visit about 20 "bad movie" sites a month. I therefore feel somewhat qualified to pronounce that: based on how the studio is handling this; and based on the re-editing after test screenings, Snakes on a Plane is an unqualified stinker.

I'll even make a bet. If Snakes on a Plane gets higher than a 15% on the tomatometer (www.rottentomatoes.com), I will spend my $10 and go see it.

[GirlinContempt]

8. In the immortal words of Jules Winnfield

I don't wanna hear about no motherfuckin' ifs. All I wanna hear from your ass is, You ain't got no problem, Jules. I'm on the motherfucker.

[Pale Blue Dot]

10. Great. Let me know how you like it.

Again, I'll bet you're going to be sorry you parted with that money.

[GirlinContempt]

16. And I bet nothing because I haven't seen it yet.

But I rarely regret parting with money for entertainment purposes. It's always a gamble. However, if I don't like it, I'll be sorely tempted to claim I do just because posts like yours make me feel contrary.

[Pale Blue Dot]

31. If you're that influenced by my opinion,

then for God's sake, do NOT go see Little Miss Sunshine! It's horrible! Much worse than Snakes On a Plane!

[GirlinContempt]

35. It's not YOUR opinion

it's just this kind of thing in general.

[ghostsofgiants]

26. Dude, what are this weeks winninng lotto numbers?

[Pale Blue Dot]

29. 15 18 29 30 45 powerball 5

And your opinion on this doesn't really matter to me since you've admitted you're not going to pay to see this anyway. Maybe someday I'll start a rant about that particular subject.

[ghostsofgiants]

30. Thanks.

And that's a shame, really.

[terrya]

2. I myself have no interest in seeing it.

And I'm not that big of a Samuel L. Jackson fan.

There are other movies out there I'd rather see (for instance, I think I'm the only one here at DU who HASN'T seen "An Inconvenient Truth" yet. :blush:

[SteppingRazor]

6. Me either. So don't feel bad.

I just don't make it to the movies too often. :shrug:

[last_texas_dem]

14. I'd still like to see that one, too

The closest theater to me that had An Inconvenient Truth was more than one hundred miles away (The Woodlands, ironically, considering that city's general political leaning) so I'm waiting until it comes out on video to rent it.

[supernova]

3. You haven't seen it, either Finnfan

Who's to say it's not good? :shrug: And what's the matter with a movie production crew and their fans on the 'net feeding off each other, creatively speaking?

I have no idea if SOAP movie will be good, but this whole story and process has been fun for everyone for months now, so again, why not? If this movie isn't that great, I sure hope someone else will want to take this whole development/fan synergy thing to the next level.

[Pale Blue Dot]

9. "why not?"

I strongly feel that this film's success will send the wrong message to Hollywood about how to create and market movies. If it's a hit, we'll see even fewer Good Night and Good Lucks and more high-concept movies with no story.

[supernova]

17. I disagree

for a couple of reasons:

1) I think there is room for both types of movies: the Serious (GN,AGL) and the merely entertaining (SOAP). And yes, I'm the type of person that can handle both genres. If I weren't, I'd have to consider myself severely limited in either the humor category or the intellect category. I consider myself well-rounded enough to appreciate the virtues of both.

2) I think more interaction between movie crews and fans might mean less Star Wars Episode XIV, Jaws XXV, Rocky XXXV, etc. I mean, get the bean counters off their duffs and let the creative people make more movies that tickle our entertainment itch, not just repeat formulas that worked once well enough to now give them permission to pound the idea into the ground.

3) I'll add one more: There is probably right now, this very minute, somebody on the SOAP crew, either an actor, writer, technical person, who has something else in development, something terrific, but in the future would not be able to realize, except for their involvement and contacts made from SOAP.

[Pale Blue Dot]

25. My responses:

1. I like both types of movies, too. My contention is that SOAP will not be entertaining, but will become a hit purely on the marketing. If that's the case, it will not longer matter if a movie is "serious" or "entertaining." It will only matter if it can be sold quickly to the internet fanbase.

2. SOAP 2. 'Nuff said.

3. There are also actors, writer, and techinical people on the other, more deserving movies that will not be seen this weekend. Those people may NOT have their "terrific" film made.

[SteppingRazor]

4. I haven't seen it either, but I can almost guarantee it's terrible...

at the paper where I work, our film critic informs me that they're keeping critics away until opening day -- no previews for critics to write reviews. That's not a very common thing to do, unless the film is terrible and the production company knows it.

[Pale Blue Dot]

7. Exactly.

[ohiosmith]

11. I understand what you saying, but......it's muthafucking snakes on a

muthafucking plane.

[Pale Blue Dot]

12. ...sigh...

:cry:

[jobycom]

15. You win that round! Who can argue with that?

:rofl:

[Nicholas D Wolfwood]

55. I'm not sure, but I don't think there's anything you can do about that.

:D

[ohiosmith]

63. I know man. What you gonna do about muthafuck'n snakes on a

muthafuck'n plane?

[jobycom]

13. You just talked me into going to see it!

Damn you, I really didn't want to, either.

And XXX ROCKED!

I have basically the same feelings about the movie as you do, but I hate being told I shouldn't do something. Ask my parents, it never works! :rofl:

(I'm just messin', I'm not going to see it, but only because I don't like scary films, unless they are really good.)

[Phillycat]

18. But...it's snakes! On a motherfuckin' plane!

And there ain't a got-damned thing you can do about it!

I mean, come on!

[Susang]

68. Exactly!

:D

[QuestionAll...]

19. I don't go to the movies very often.

Last one was to see V for Vendetta on opening night. No, actually it was for An Inconveniet Truth.

It's got to be a pretty special offering for me to get off my ass and stand in line for and pay those idiotic ridiculous prices for popcorn and pepsi.

So Snakes is a definite no go for me. I doubt I'd even bother renting it in 4 years time.

Jackson, although I do like him generally, is being a jackass with all this mofo thing. It's just stupid to no end. Hope school marm Cosby gets on his ass. ;)

I will just not get suckered in by this grand experiment testing of how low a product can be and still be sold to a gaping audience.

tsk tsk.

[GirlinContempt]

21. Sister Mary? Is that you?!

I didn't know you posted on DU :o

[QuestionAll...]

24. have no idea who/what Sister Mary refers to.

Not okay for me to have an opinion on this that may differ from yours, brother Bristly ?

[GirlinContempt]

28. Oh, have an opinion that differs all you like

Your presentation and implications of superiority just reminded me of a nun I used to know.

Whats the problem with 'mofo' btw?

[QuestionAll...]

44. implications of superiority? lol

just because I can smell a load of trash from a distance makes me 'uppity', is that the word too - ha!

you have fun Brother Bristley, take your whole family and enjoy yurself at the 'theatah'... no skin off of my mofo'in ass.

[GirlinContempt]

46. This does come off as rather self-congratulatory and superior

"I will just not get suckered in by this grand experiment testing of how low a product can be and still be sold to a gaping audience.

tsk tsk."

Just, you know, FYI.

[xmas74]

81. I thought it was Sister Mary Margaret.

They both speak in the same manner.

[QuestionAll...]

20. Long Kiss Goodnight was Great! you mofo!

;)

thats the one with Gina Davis, right? as a spy with amnesia or something- wow made a long time ago. I remember really enjoying it way back then.

[Phillycat]

23. OMG, I loved that movie!

I want to buy it on DVD actually. She is so badass in that movie!

[QuestionAll...]

Gina does great in action movies.

Cutthroat Island I loved too!

She sure did some great action stuff in that movie - but you could just hear the eyerolls and groans from some men (and women) that thought this kind of action movie was just 'not believeable' (like a 007 is or any Arnie movie, etc. sheesh and lol) - sure brought out a lot of mysogynist reviews, as i recall.

but she did great. dang, gonna rent it again in the next few days.

[enigmatic]

22. Bleh, I'm passing

I have zero desire to see it, though when it turns up on cable I may check it out for a few minutes. I'd rather watch TCM...

[begin_within]

27. Samuel L. Jackson said this yesterday on the Regis & Kelly show:

He said that no member of the cast ever touched any snakes, not even once during the filming. The scenes of the cast were filmed separately. They used more than 400 snakes, but they were all handled by the animal wranglers. Certain scenes of individual cast members encountering snakes were filmed individually. No cast member actually touched any snake at any time.

[Pale Blue Dot]

32. But what about MRS. Samuel L. Jackson?

Did she touch a snake?

[begin_within]

82. No she had one of the animal wranglers handle it.

[jane_pippin]

33. But he hits a guy in the FACE with a SNAKE! Come on!

That's worth it right there.

Of course it's going to suck. I want it to be worse than Teen Wolf Too. I want it to be worse than Battlefield Earth. I want it to be worse than if Teen Wolf Too and Battlefield Earth had a baby.

I want to see gore and blood and snakes and mayhem--the worse the better. I want to see teens making out and then getting swallowed whole by a snake. I want to see the captain's face get stuck in a snake's jaw, and then I want him to run around the cockpit with a flailing snake on his head. I want screaming flight attendants, screaming babies and screaming business men. I want a totally implausable plot, (if any), and I want to see Samuel L. Jackson get fed up with these motherfucking snakes on this motherfucking plane.

And then I want a sequel.

Fuck yeah. I can't wait.

[Pale Blue Dot]

34. Again, I'll bet you'll hate it....

I'll bet you a million bucks that you'll be singing a different tune next week.

[jane_pippin]

43. You don't understand--I have a soft spot in my heart for shitty movies

I love--LOVE--Teen Wolf Too. Love it. It's one of my all time favorites.

I like good movies too, but sometimes all I want is the most ridiculous, groan inducing, utterly unwatchable crap I can find.

So, while I'm positive this movie will be godawful, I'm positive that I'll enjoy it. I could be wrong, but I'd be really surprised if I don't enjoy it.

[Pale Blue Dot]

47. I can except that. I'm a fan of bad movies, too.

I'm a HUGE MST3K fan. My copy of Bloodrayne arrived from Netflix today. I watched Battlefield Earth TWICE, so I could hear the director's commentary.

The difference for me is that all of those movies, including the ones you mentioned that you love, were bombs. None of them had the power to change the way we see movies for years to come.

That's my beef with SOAP.

[ghostsofgiants]

50. You think that Snakes On A Plane is going to change the way we see movies

For years to come?

It's a dumb, shitty movie that has generated a bunch of ironic internet hype. You're giving it far more credit than it deserves.

[Pale Blue Dot]

53. Anything that makes a lot of money

changes Hollywood for years. That's a undeniable fact.

[ghostsofgiants]

61. Hollywood has been fucking horrible for years anyway.

I think that's part of why people are drawn to Snakes On A Plane. People know it's going to be awful, and people know that the filmmakers and those involved with it know it's going to suck, and that kind of honesty is rare in Hollywood. So if anything, it might actually make Hollywood a little more honest about how awful the movies it spews forth actually are. What other repercussions do you foresee?

[Pale Blue Dot]

71. Let's say you own a studio.

Snakes on a Plane becomes a huge hit, even though it sucks, all because of a catchy title and concept. You can only greenlight an ever decreasing number of movies every year.

Do you greenlight the next Inconvient Truth? Good Night and Good Luck? Or do you go with the next Snakes on a Plane?

[Phillycat]

75. Snakes on a Plane! Snakes on a Plane!

:bounce:

[ghostsofgiants]

76. The flaw with this analogy is what jane_pippin mentioned above...

It's incredibly unlikely that there will be another Snakes On A Plane. They'll try to reproduce the phenomenon, but it won't work. That's another thing that's great about Snakes On A Plane, its hype is, for the most part, quite organic. The likelihood of a studio being able to generate that as a marketing ploy is slim, in my opinion. It happened with the Blair Witch Project, for example, but only because the film had a pretty novel concept behind it (and that film itself was actually an independent production). Just tacking on a dumb name and a dumb plot won't work all the time, and if studios DO try that, they're going to learn this pretty quickly, I think. Like Jane said, it's just this particular combination that makes it work.

Also keep in mind that Snakes On A Plane is being distributed by New Line Cinema, a major Hollywood studio. Good Night and Good Luck? Warner Independent. An Inconvenient Truth? Paramount Classics. While both are subsidiaries of major studios, they deal in independently produced films. Films like those are going to be independently produced in spite of shitty movies. It's why these subsidiaries exist in the first place.

[jane_pippin]

52. Unless I'm sitting on my head in the seat, it's not changing anything.

I see what you mean, what with the Internet influence, but I really don't think that's going to happen often. I think if this movie was about anything else, or if it was starring anybody else, nobody would give a rip. But as it is, it's got something of a magic combination of circumstances that I don't think will or can be repeated.

And really, it's not that much different than a focus group anyway and those stupid things aren't going away any time soon, so big deal.

[Pale Blue Dot]

54. I hope you're right.

...and I do hope you have a good time. Let me know what you think. :thumbsup:

[Phillycat]

37. YES! YES!

Preach it, sister!

[GirlinContempt]

39. TAKE THAT BET

[seemunkee]

36. My daughter ordered tickets for her and several friends

She also has a stewardess costume and made me bring home the rubber snake that has been wrapped around my computer for the last 9 years.
The money is already spent and there aint a goddamned thing you can do about it.

[Phillycat]

41. ..

HAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[fudge stripe cookays]

49. Ooooh....Halloween idea brewing..... n/t

[hedgehog]

73. I expect most people who go to see it will be participating in some way

Even if it's only to shout along with Samuel L. Jackson. I suggested to my kids that they take Gummi worms to eat. It doesn't matter how good or bad the film is. It's about bringing together people with a common sense of humor at this point. Think Rocky Horror Picture Show.

[hedgehog]

74. I expect most people who go to see it will be participating in some way

Even if it's only to shout along with Samuel L. Jackson. I suggested to my kids that they take Gummi worms to eat. It doesn't matter how good or bad the film is. It's about bringing together people with a common sense of humor at this point. Think Rocky Horror Picture Show.

[HarukaTheTrophyWife]

38. Whatever, it's got snakes on a motherfuckin' plane and that's good enough.

Anyway, how can I resist the banners that are flying over the shores of southern New England telling me that...

SNAKES + PLANE = 8.18.06

[GirlinContempt]

40. Yeah, dude, banners and phonecalls from Samuel L Jackson

trump internet rants every time

[HarukaTheTrophyWife]

42. You should have seen the fangs on the banner snake.

They were longer than the motherfucking snake. Plus, you've got to love that they're using planes to advertise Snakes on a Motherfuckin Plane. I hope there were really snakes on that plane.

[GirlinContempt]

45. That is so awesome.

I wish I had something that awesome in my sky

[HarukaTheTrophyWife]

48. I don't know why I didn't try to get a picture of it.

I think I was paralyzed by it's awesomeness.

[Phillycat]

51. Poor Finnfan,,,sequel already on the way!

http://www.giantmag.com/2006/08/movies/snakes-on-atrain/

[Pale Blue Dot]

56. ...

:cry:

Actually, this doesn't look like a sequel. It looks more like a low-budget cash-in.

[seemunkee]

59. Holy crap. some dude got a tattoo

Edited because I typed dud and not dude although dud probably works just as well

[HarukaTheTrophyWife]

77. He has the skinniest, hairiest arm I've ever seen.

Soon the fur will cover it. The tattoo can't make that arm anymore unattractive anyway.

[Phillycat]

79. That is not a dude, that is a sasquatch

:wtf:

[HiFructosePronSyrup]

57. This is a "new" business model in Hollywood.

They promote a movie based on its name, and cash in on opening weekend box office reciepts. It doesn't matter if the movie stinks and nobody goes back to see it, they've already made a profit.

Sometimes they purposefully make the movie bad, just so they can joke about how stupid the moviegoers are. Uwe Boll movies for instance.

I don't blame the movie makers. I blame the audience for not wising up.

[Pale Blue Dot]

62. Uwe Boll!

I'm watching Bloodrayne tonight! :bounce:

[HiFructosePronSyrup]

64. I hope you're not paying for it.

But if you are, why don't you just give me twenty bucks and I'll swing over and kick you in the junk?

[Pale Blue Dot]

66. It's from netflix.

So technically, yes, I'm paying for it, but hopefully it's balanced out by the copies of Syriana and Brick that are also sitting here.

[Zomby Woof]

58. Although I have no pressing plans to see it...

In fact, I have Little Miss Sunshine and Talladega Nights in my 'possibilities' queue, But I can't bring myself to tell people what to see or not see. It's simply one's business how one spends their time and money.

I can be as critical as all get-out on pop culture. There are plenty of bad movies I can rant about and question between here and hell on why anyone would want to see them, let alone wonder why they enjoyed them (if they did).

But ultimately, no matter my private feelings and opinions, I must cut people slack. Although we have a right to be critical and well-meaning on how others want to spend their time and money, that right is trumped by others having a right to spend their time and money as they see fit.

Or in other words, people hate being lectured to about what is essentially their private business. You know I loves ya Finn, but if people want to see this movie, whether due to marketing, hype, individual taste, or just plain old curiosity - cut 'em some slack. :-)

[Pale Blue Dot]

65. I loves you too, Zomby.

But I fail to see why my post should really bother anyone. I'm presenting an argument, with supporting statements, the same way people do a thousand times a day on DU. I don't hold anyone in lower esteem who sees this movie, nor do I think I've posted anything that would indicate such a thing. I feel rather strongly that the phenomenon is not good for movies in general, and that is the argument I make. People then are free to disagree.

[jpgray]

60. What are you, a bitter failed screenwriter or something?

:D

It's a movie, with stupid stuff in it. If you are entertained by that sort of thing, it's something to go see. If not, avoid it. But they'll option your esoteric character drama--loosely based on a collection of blank pages that are assumed to be a lost Samuel Beckett manuscript--next year, maybe. Pregenerating an opinion based on a Hollywood stereotype is just silly--the Dawn of the Dead remake for example had everything about it I would normally despise: the involvement of a Scooby Doo screenwriter; being a remake of an old untouchable classic; being a major studio zombie release... and yet it was still loads of fun. Especially the first twenty minutes.

[Pale Blue Dot]

67. No... to be a "failed" screenwriter you actually have to write one....

And thanks for opening up THAT wound. :cry:

[jpgray]

69. Holy shit! Sorry

This is like when I sang "I Wear My Sunglasses at Night" to the guy with an eye condition. :cry:

[Pale Blue Dot]

72. You fucker! I can't write because I'm blind!!!

:cry:


...just kidding....

:rofl:

[MrSlayer]

70. I want to see it because I know it's going to be terrible.

And so I will not heed your pleas and go see it anyway. Sorry.

[elperromagico]

78. I don't know; Samuel L. makes some damn good beer.

"A shark ate me!!! A motherfuckin' shark ate me!!! Drink, b*tch!!!"

[xmas74]

80. It's nothing to do w/ the quality of the film.

By the name alone it's destined to become a cult classic.

I can't afford to see it in the theatres but I suspect that this will be the perfect dvd to sit around, BS w/ some friends, drink really cheap beer and yell out your own script.

Everyone involved w/ the film knows it's crap. They are marketing it for the internet audiences who love crappy movies on a cult scale.

[Ramsey]

83. I'm with you!

I for one have absoultely no plans to ever see SOAP, much less waste $10 on it! It sounds totally inane and stupid. :P

[Pale Blue Dot]

84. Ramsey!

:hi:

[Mojambo]

85. How about Snakes in a Movie Theater?

Now that I'd love to see.

I totally think they should release a whole shit load of dangerous (looking) snakes into the theater during the movie.

How awesome would THAT be?

[Iniquitous Bunny]

86. You're a movie snob.

Are you ok with that?

Edit: Not that I have any urge to see it myself. :D