A Poem for My Wife (Critiques Welcomed)

[BurtWorm]

On your island are
Two great wounds being fitted with a single scar
Named “Freedom”
(Unhappy, stolen name!)
Inflicting a shard of shiv-like finger into the very air
Where foreign bodies
(The disease itself? Mere symptoms?)
Ravaged.

Facing “Freedom”—or its fierce, caged back—
Liberty: human, woman, mother of rebirth—
Too frankly dix-neuvieme siècle
For this century-corrupted piece of Earth.

You were born on this island under Liberty.
You are a child of that isle’s promise
To your strange persecuted line,
A promise kept in your own child’s birth.
You named her in your womb after Wisdom
Six blind years before these wounds were opened
Before Liberty’s eyes—
(Oh, happy to be blind of this confusion!)—
Her name, a sign that we had hope in Wisdom.
She was our tower, not of our design,
But for our witness of her self-design,
Free standing, free forming,
On Wisdom’s solid ground.

And then that flawless morning:
Fruits of fear and error
Free falling through a
Sky of fire,
Black ash, gray cloud—
Peace is finished now, they said,
And safety gone.
And what once was is now no more.
And irony is dead.

What, then, is this:
Liberty imprisoned—and shackled “Freedom”
Pitching from the pit of awful memory?

Don’t be afraid.
Freedom is born, an infant, naked.
She will find it
Or she will make it.

[Mikimouse]

1. Beautiful sentiments, both hopeful and terribly sad

but still beautifully written. Do I dare venture so far as to ask what prompted you to write this? I haven't read every thread and if I missed something important, I apologize.

Edit: to clarify my question. I understand that the scars represent the towers, but my question was more one of a personal nature. Sorry, it is early.

[BurtWorm]

2. Thank you. It was inspired by wife's birthday, which was yesterday.

I spent the whole day yesterday, practically, working on it. It's based on a conversation we had about the new "Freedom" Tower being built at Ground Zero.

PS: Interestingly, my wife had two major surgeries last year as well, but this was not about those. However, my daughter picked up on the word scar right away. (My wife's surgeries left her with two scars!)

[Droopy]

3. Good job

How can I critique you? I wish I could write poetry like that. And I must say that you are a lucky guy to have a relationship that inspires poetry.

[BurtWorm]

4. Thank you.

I was hoping she would notice the same thing. ;)

[zbird]

5. That is absolutely beautiful.

What a lucky woman!

[BurtWorm]

6. Thank you!

I'll accept those compliments gladly! :hi: