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opiate69 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jan-18-07 08:46 AM
Original message
My Life With a Murderer.....
Barbaric' slaying in Plainfield detailed

The man pictured in the link above, one Roger A. Fenner, was arrested early last friday morning for brutally stabbing to death his on-again, off-again former girlfriend. Take a good, hard look at his mug shot. What do you see? Most likely, you see a drugged-out, murderous animal. Right?
Just about 19 yeas ago, I was an 18 year old kid, playing guitar in a very crappy little cover band in some guy's basement just outside of Jewitt City, Connecticut. I was the "lead" guitarist, and we had gone through several rythym guitarists when a 26 year-old named Roger came down to audition for us. Right from the first chord, we knew he was the guy... not only did he know all of the songs we were playing, but he had flair, style and about 5 years of experence in some of Rhode Island's "A-circuit" cover bands. We jammed for several months, and Roger and I grew pretty close. He was working as an installer for a fence building company in Rhode Island, and offered to get me hired on there for almost double what I was making as a donation pick-up driver for the local soup kitchen. I jumped at the chance, naturally. I would drive every morning to his house in Sterling (and usually have to go in and wake him from his beer-soaked sleep), and after he had made himself a giant mug of tea, we'd hop into his Granada and drive over to the shop. I tell ya, it was pretty good times. We'd drive around Rhode Island building fences, often stopping off at a park overlookng Narragansett Bay for lunch. We'd sit and talk about how we were going to put a band together that would get all the prime gigs (and, of course, the prime women), or he'd regale me with stories from his past bands...in the immortal words of Tom Petty, "the future was wide open".

One spring evening, when my girlfriend and I were living at my sister's house, Roger came over seriously stressed out. Seems he owed the state of Rhode Island a fair amount of back-child support, and they had issued a warrant for his arrest. He had an older brother living in Tacoma, Washington and had already arranged to fly out and stay with him until he could save some money to pay off his debt. Not that he ever would have actually paid, but that's neither here nor there. He asked if I wanted to go with him... naturally, just picking up and movng 3000 some-odd miles away wasn't something I could just do at the drop of a hat, but the idea had some serious merit. The area I lived in was (is?) very economically depressed and seemingly isolated from the rest of the world. Although,maybe when you're young and extraordinarily ambitious, any place feels isolated and small.. in any case, he left that weekend, and we spent the next 3 months or so in almost daily contact. I finally agreed, and his brother sent plane tickets for my girlfriend and I.

I moved to Tacoma in October of '89. Roger, my girlfriend and myself shared a nice 2 bedroom apartment. I found a job at Goodwill (paying a whole $3.85/hour!) which was supposed to be temporary until the rainy season ended and we cuold go build fences. Meanwhile, he worked as a DJ at a local strip club. He would occasionally bring a dancer or two home after his shift, and stay up drinking and screwing until sunrise. In January of 1990, I turned 21. Roger and my girlfriend threw me a kick-ass party. Shortly after that, things started to sour. Roger and one of the dancers "became serious". She moved in with us, and there was tons of tension between her and my girlfriend. Naturally, this all spilled over into my friendship with Roger. Everything came to a head one evening when Deena and I came home, and found His girlfriend on the phone with my mother. After a minute, she handed the phone to me and my mother proceeded to ream me up one side and down the other.. I don't even remember what it was over, but I'm sure it was pretty damned stupid of all of us. When I hung up, I laid into his girlfriend.. after all this time, I have no idea what all I said, but I do know that by the time I had said my peace, she was in tears. Deena and I went into our room, where I got undressed and climbed into bed and read Lord of the Rings. ABout 45 minutes later, Roger came bursting in (he had been at work) and proceeded to stand over me threatening me with allmanner of bodily harm. I showed him no reaction.. none of the fear he had hoped to instill in me.. just stared at him impassively until he was done. That weeknd, Deena and I moved out.

Several months later, I received a letter from my mother. Seems Roger and his girlfriend had moved back east. To make things even more interesting, at some point when Roger lived in Tacoma, his parents sold their house and moved into a 55+ condo, so, when Roger got back east, they had no place to stay. They ended up staying at my mom's for several months. At some point, Roger got into a fight with my mom's boyfriend, and he and his girlfriend moved on. That was the last I had heard of him. Until last friday, that is.

I'm not really sure why I'm even writing all this... it's just been bugging me I guess.. I suppose in some weird way, it's got me to thinking about where I am in life, and how all those dreams we had never quite did come to fruition. Don't get me wrong... I am very happy with my life. I have a great wife who I love dearly, who not only loves me, but actually gets me.. you know... on that level that only a very few people in one's life can. And while we're "officially" poor, with a house that's literally falling apart around our ears, we're happy, and healthy. But I guess it all comes back to choices. And of course, some things none of us can control. I can tell you that Roger made some bad, bad choices throughout his life. But I can also tell you that there were things in his past that, I believe, fundamentally changed the course of his life for the worse. In any case, take another look at the mugshot. I know you see a cold-blooded murderer, but I see the cocky young guitarist who was going to help me set the world on fire.
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GalleryGod Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jan-18-07 08:52 AM
Response to Original message
1. Good Read.
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opiate69 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jan-18-07 08:53 AM
Response to Reply #1
2. Thank you..
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Robb Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jan-18-07 09:00 AM
Response to Original message
3. Nice.
I can appreciate it. Roads not taken, and so on. :thumbsup:
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eyepaddle Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jan-18-07 09:15 AM
Response to Original message
4. Cue up the reflections and ruminations on life....now.
As far as I know I don't have any close connections to that, but yours is a very poignant story that almost has to make one ponder....
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ccjlld Donating Member (246 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jan-18-07 10:05 AM
Response to Original message
5. When I was a teenager
I living in south western Kansas. For reasons I can't remember now, my best friend and I ran away from home and ended up spending the weekend at her boyfriends house. I was maybe 15, she was 14 and so was he. He family had a rep around town and the local cops knew them well. The next year, I decided to go and live with my Grandparents. While I was there my mother made the decision to move to Missouri. I only saw my best friend 1 more time and by that time her boyfriend was in juvenile detention and she had a baby by another fellow.

Over the next few years, she reunited with her original boyfriend and they had another child together. Apparently in 1983, they were in the process of splitting up and she had filed a complaint against him with the police. Their kids were at his parents house when she walked up to pick them up. I guess they argued and he then shot her several times. He just got out of prison a couple of years ago. I don't know all of what happened, but I've been able to find some stuff about it on the internet because apparently, it's a case used a lot in lawschool. Has something to do with determining "heat of passion".

When I heard about this all I remember thinking is that if I hadn't made the decision to spend a year with my Grandparents, my Mother wouldn't not have left that town and I would still have been friends with her and might have been with her that day.

It's hard to reconcile the memories I have of her and her boyfriend with the final outcome of their relationship. I still see them as 14 years old and remember all the fun we all had together.
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jobycom Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jan-18-07 10:23 AM
Response to Original message
6. Well written. You go into a bit of shock over news like that.
Sounds like you are in it, a bit. You go through a phase where something is wrong deep inside, and you spend a lot of time trying to wrap your thoughts around it, to understand what part bothers you. You never do figure it out, you just heal from that. Sorry about your friend, and the shock it's given you. I learned something about my late brother recently that did the same thing to me. Not murder--that wouldn't have surprised me.

Anyway, you've written that very well. There's always a story behind these senseless acts, that make sense of them, even if they don't lessen the tragedy. Truman Capote wrote about that, too. You've written a poignant introspection, and I'm glad I took the time to read it. Even though it's made me late for work! (I'm telling the boss it was your fault!)

Thanks.
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BarenakedLady Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jan-18-07 11:10 AM
Response to Original message
7. That was quite a story
So sad too. I'm sorry for his victim.
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Crabby Appleton Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jan-18-07 11:23 AM
Response to Original message
8. interesting story
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johnnie Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jan-18-07 11:26 AM
Response to Original message
9. That's pretty heavy
Thanks for posting this.
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Phillycat Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jan-18-07 11:33 AM
Response to Original message
10. Very interesting post.
Thanks for writing it and sharing it with us.
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Gormy Cuss Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jan-18-07 11:36 AM
Response to Original message
11. Thank you for sharing your story.
When I look at that photo, I see a man seething in rage. With your context it sounds like this man held anger throughout his life. Anger probably fueled his desire to get wasted. Anger probably cost him any chance at making it in music too. Now his anger has cost that poor woman her life and will send him to prison for much of the remainder of his life. It's unlikely that he will learn to manage his rage in prison. What an utter waste.

Been there, and there is a period of shock and disorientation that comes with the knowledge that you knew this person before he was a murderer. jobycom said it nicely so I won't try to write about it. Take comfort in the fact that your life is good.

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scarpa43 Donating Member (157 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jan-18-07 12:59 PM
Response to Original message
12. Wow, never would have thought....
that the guy from House had it in him.

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zingaro Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jan-18-07 01:22 PM
Response to Original message
13. Every picture tells a story, don't it?
Thanks for telling that one. It really brings home the notion that behind every picture lies an entire life and the sum of it.

I'm sorry...I'm not sure for what, but I seem to be.
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opiate69 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jan-18-07 09:12 PM
Response to Original message
14. Thanks guys for all the thoughtful responses.
I suppose Jobycom nailed it.. a little kind of shock set in for me.. it was weird.. almost like I didn't even realize it was bothering me so much until I started writing it out. I imagine that with my birthday coming right up, it's sort of helped me take a little bit of a look at where I've been, and where I think I'm going. And I realize, I like where I've been, I like where I'm at, and I feel good about where I'm headed...
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Little Wing Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jan-18-07 09:13 PM
Response to Original message
15. rec'd
but lounge threads won't make it to the greatest page - rec'd anyway
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opiate69 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jan-18-07 10:07 PM
Response to Reply #15
16. Thank you for what I believe is my first rec ever!
Think maybe I should post in in GD? I really don't want ot be one of those guys who posts the same thing every damned where, but I know there's people there who never come to the lounge.
:shrug:
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Little Wing Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jan-18-07 10:16 PM
Response to Reply #16
17. It's an interesting read, really.
It's not often you get the background of something like this. It's not anything heartbreaking, I don't want the guy to walk or anything, but it's still interesting.

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Zookeeper Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jan-18-07 10:32 PM
Response to Original message
18. Recommended.
I'm sorry for your shock, Opiate. From your description, he sounds like he was capable of being engaging and manipulative. I'm glad you were able to distance yourself.

Thanks for sharing your story. :hug:
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opiate69 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jan-18-07 11:40 PM
Response to Reply #18
20. Thanks
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SeattleGirl Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jan-18-07 10:37 PM
Response to Original message
19. opiate, that is one hell of a story. You must have been shocked
when you saw his picture and then read the story.

Thanks for deciding to share this with us. It really does point out how interesting life can be, and how people's lives can take different trajectories.
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opiate69 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jan-18-07 11:41 PM
Response to Reply #19
21. Yeah.. shocked like a son-ofa-bitch..
Strange world, indeed.
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