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> Oil Change instructions for Women: > 1) Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 miles since the last oil > change. > > 2) Drink a cup of coffee. > > 3) 15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly maintained vehicle. > > > Money spent : > Oil Change $20.00 > > Coffee $1.00 > > Total $21.00 > > =================================================== > > Oil Change instructions for Men: > > 1) Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts store and buy a case of oil, > filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree, write a check for $50.00 > 2) Stop by 7/11 and buy a case of beer, write a check for $20, drive home. > 3) Open a beer and drink it. > 4) Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands. > 5) Find jack stands under kid's pedal car. > 6) In frustration, open another beer and drink it. > 7) Place drain pan under engine. > 8) Look for 9/16 box end wrench. > 9) Give up and use crescent wrench. > 10) Unscrew drain plug. > 11) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: splash hot oil on you in process. Cuss. > > 12) Crawl out from under car to wipe hot oil off of face and arms. Throw kitty > litter on spilled oil. > 13) Have another beer while watching oil drain. > 14) Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench. > 15) Give up; crawl under car and hammer a screwdriver through oil filter and > twist off. > 16) Crawl out from under car with dripping oil filter splashing oil everywhere > from holes. > > Cleverly hide old oil filter among trash in trash can to avoid environmental > penalties. Drink a beer. > 17) Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to gasket > surface. > 18) Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine. > 19) Remember drain plug from step 11. > 20) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan. > 21) Drink beer. > 22) Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor. Throw kitty > litter on oil spill. > 23) Get drain plug back in with only a minor spill. Drink beer. > 24) Crawl under car getting kitty litter into eyes. Wipe eyes with oily rag > used to clean drain plug. > > Slip with stupid crescent wrench tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on > frame removing any excess skin between knuckles and frame. > 25) Begin cussing fit. > 26) Throw stupid crescent wrench. > 27) Cuss for additional 5 minutes because wrench hit bowling trophy. > 28) Beer. > 29) Clean up hands and bandage as required to stop blood flow. > 30) Beer. > 31) Dump in five fresh quarts of oil. > 32) Beer. > 33) Lower car from jack stands. > 34) Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during steps > any missed steps. > 35) Beer. > 36) Test drive car. > 37) Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence. > 38) Car gets impounded. > 39) Call loving wife, make bail. > 40) 12 hours later, get car from impound yard. > Money spent: > Parts $50.00 > DUI $5500.00 > Impound fee $575.00 > Bail $1500.00 > Beer $40.00 > Total $7,665.00 > > But you know the job was done right! >
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