So I was right, they really don't like me at my job

[Susang]

I don't know if anyone remembers, but I posted last week about whether it was important to be like by your co-workers. Today I was confronted by one of them. She basically told me that she represented the other employees in our department (all three of them) and that apparently, I am doing everything wrong, though when pressed for specific details of what I was doing wrong, she was unable to provide me with any of my supposed offenses other than vague personality related issues. I inferred from the conversation that basically, she and a couple of the other employees just don't like me personally. Which is actually really funny, since I already had guessed they weren't my #1 fans.

It just goes to show, just because you are paranoid, doesn't mean they aren't out to get you. :-( I've decided to re-name them all "Heather", find myself a Christian Slater look-a-like and blow up the place. Sounds good in theory, at least. :evilgrin:

[dolo amber]

1. Well Susang...

They're just ASKING for it...what else is a girl to do? :D

[Disandra]

2. Keep up that sense of humor...

...and just grit your teeth until (if?) the job market gets better.

:thumbsup:

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

3. What was her real issue?

Did something happen? Are you too efficient and make them look bad? Does this effect you with management?

[Susang]

16. ding ding ding ding ding................

You win the kewpie doll. I was told that most of the customer service related actions I'm taking are not done by the rest of the employees and therefore should not be done. Her assertion was that during the busy season (spring and summer months) none of us (myself included) would be able to keep customers informed about their orders, etc.

Of course, I recognize this as utter bullshit. They just don't want to do the extra work, that's all. I seem to be somewhat threatening to them in this respect.

As far as management goes, there really isn't much. That's why this kind of confrontation was possible. She complained to our manager directly, but he's an IT guy at heart and doesn't want to get involved in personality conflicts. I heartily agree with him and have been trying to avoid this myself. But when you are an experienced 38 year old woman who works with inexperienced, spoiled, early 20-somethings (I'm not generalizing 20-somethings, I'm specifically referrring to the small group of them I work with), I guess there's bound to be conflict. It doesn't help that they keep forgetting that I'm not the same age that they are. Just because I don't look as old as I am, doesn't mean that I've forgotten my past experiences.

Can you tell I'm a little sad and pissed off by all of this? I was really hoping for a job that I could leave at work, so I could concentrate on my creative pursuits in my off time. Instead I'm crying about not being liked by my peers. It sucks, because there are so many more important things I could be worrying about. :-)

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

20. My sister went through a similar occurrence last year and

it cost her a job. She handled an issue while interviewing that made the others look bad and she was informed she "just didn't fit in."

In the long run, after running herself through the ringer, she ended up getting a fabulous job.

BTW..you seem great on organizational skills, you have a computer and you know the club scene...maybe think about starting a mailing list and booking gigs for good local acts...I am doing something similar..whenever the economy goes bad...I like LOTS of eggs in lots of baskets...fuck these petty little morons..they'll be our age someday...living well is the best revenge.

[alwynsw]

23. A small correction

They are not your peers. Co-workers, yes: peers, no. !0-15 years isn't so much at middle age and after, but it a huge gulf between early 20's and late 30's.

[Susang]

26. I've been working with people significantly younger for years

This is the first time I've ever had a problem with it. The difference is, my last career was in food & beverage, and that's a completely different environment. Up until now, I've always been liked more by people younger than myself. :shrug:

People automatically assume that if you are in that business, you are different in some way. It has that kind of "siege mentality", or us vs them. My former co-workers at the restaurant I managed almost always appreciated my personality and we often socialized after work. It was much more of a team atmosphere.

I had worked in office situations before, but always in a creative profession (photography, advertising, theatre, etc). I guess I hadn't realized how different I really am until today.

[kmla]

33. I had something similar happen to me at my last job...

With the exception of one other project manager, I was the eldest person there, besides the two principals in the firm (interior design). All of the other employees were much younger, single, and pretty cliquish. However, I did my work, and did it well. (I was a project manager, as well as the office IT guy).

Things went along fine, until it came time for my employee review. At this company, they did employee reviews by a process called "peer review". That means that all of your fellow employees have a chance to let the bosses know anonymously what they think of you and your work. I didn't fare well, primarily because I didn't fit in. There were no comments about my abilities, only snide comments that I wasn't a *team player*. Some of the other employees were annoyed by the fact that I didn't participate in social activities with them after work - and even said so in the review process. WTF?

Now, 2 1/2 years later, I am glad that I was downsized from that bad decision. I'm much happier where I am now.

My advice? If they don't wanna work hard, let 'em bitch. You at lease can go home with a clear conscience, and know that you gave your best at your job. And if your boss in any way reprimands you for that, he or she is not worth the money he/she is making. Karma will catch them in the end. And you will still feel good about yourself.

Just my 1/50th of a dollar's worth...

[alwynsw]

36. Maturity meets youth.

I had worked in office situations before, but always in a creative profession (photography, advertising, theatre, etc). I guess I hadn't realized how different I really am until today.

When maturity is what makes you different, it a good thing.

[shugah]

27. hey you!

i'm having a hard time picturing you shedding tears for the unenlightened! i'm sure you feel sorrow for their plight, but you are not one to waste tears.

you also don't waste words. so, are you feeling your age? you shouldn't! it takes a long time, and double work, for a woman to acheive "general manager" in the hospitality industry - but having worked as a peon, front desk clerk, housekeeper, night auditor, purcahsing agent, etc --in a variety of hotels -- i am more than convinced that they NEED you!

[greatauntoftriplets]

28. What NSMA said, Susang and my sympathies.

I am in a somewhat similar situation where I work. I also am older than the people in my department (including the boss) and take a different, more serious approach to getting the job done. The other day, in fact, I heard one of my co-workers boasting to another about "finding creative ways to waste time on the job." I was not surprised by the admission -- only that she would own up to it and laugh. Unfortunately, management in my department operates on the same level.

You are correct about these people being spoiled; to that I would add self-absorbed.

My advice is to do your job and not let them bother you too much. You have friends in real life, you don't have to depend on your job for companionship. Keep your chin up and :hi:

On edit: A couple more thoughts now that I am awake. Also, Susang, you are very intelligent, you read and you think. You have great depths and these people -- wrapped as they are in their self-absorbed world -- envy. I know it bothers you, but it shouldn't -- you are a far better individual than those jerks.

[ikojo]

37. I had this problem when I first started at the job

I just left. When I would fax something back to an insurance carrier I actually COMMUNICATED with them on the fax. I explained how the claim was priced by the PPO and referenced some other stuff. One day one of the other reps saw what I had put on my fax and said "no one else does this. You are doing too much work. All we have to do is fax the pricing sheet and claim. That's it."

Well, lo and behold a few months later, after many complaints from the insurance carriers the manager and supervisor started requiring the reps to fax a letter of explanation back when they were faxing anything to the insurnce carriers! HA!

I ended up getting the last laugh. Although I had been with the company less than a year I was tapped to be promoted to the auditing department where I audited their work! I was told it was because I didn't get into all the personality stuff, my attention to detail and the fact that whenever my manager saw me my head was down concentrated on my work.

Hee...hee....hee!

[Tandalayo_Scheisskopf]

4. Ignore them and do your job.

Avoid neurosis. And neurotics. If they keep this stuff up, have a meeting with your supervisor.

They are bordering on harassment, and it would not surprise me one bit to learn they have a common friend who needs a job.

They sound like pack animals to me. Savage.

[bobthedrummer]

5. They could be jealous that you are a musician

I get that a lot.

[Lars39]

6. Did you, by some remote chance,

get hired over their pick/friend? Stranger things have been known to happen. :shrug:

[Susang]

17. I actually replaced the ringleader's friend

To make matters worse, he was fired for incompetence. And that's a really hard thing to do at this place. :-)

[Lars39]

21. Ah. That explains some of it.

They would have had it in for whoever took his place. Sad waste of life/experiences. I'd be a little wary of them, there's enough of them to make something/anything *stick* against you. Good luck ! :)

[Susang]

22. Thanks for the kind wishes

Everything was actually pretty good when I started this job, as the head "Heather" was taking a month off, ostensibly to finish her applications to grad school. When she came back, everyone told me to just ignore her moodiness as they supposedly did.

Unfortunately, she seems to have taken it upon herself to stage a crusade against me (something I would have never fathomed she would do-I guess I'm naive), and it appears to be working. Even the person who helped me get the job appears to be siding with her. That makes it even harder to deal with.

Of course, I'll be just fine in a couple of days, so don't feel too sorry for me. I've been through far worse job situations than this, with co-workers and bosses who've hated me far worse and more creatively than this girl (and her clique) could ever dream. The drag for me is, that I took this job to decrease my stress level. ;-)

[displacedtexan]

32. Hmmm... did she get into grad school?

if not, she's facing the tough reality of rejection.
Kill her with kindness. Bake cookies. Compliment her fashion sense. Soon the others will start defending you.
Trust me. It really works.

[Name removed]

7. Deleted message

Message removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[PROGRESSIVE1]

9. What do the administrators have to say about your calling....

someone a "democRAT"???

[Shananigans]

10. putz...

you suck

[prolesunited]

11. Sure beats

being a brainwashed freeper. :hi:

[Susang]

25. I'm sad I missed his comment

If anyone would care to PM me and let me know what he/she said, I can add it to my memory book of today's events. :crazy:

[Mikimouse]

12. Your point? I don't know at whom the statement is directed

:shrug:

[Bhaisahab]

8. maybe..

they saw u visiting DU at work and think you are a nookoolar terrist?

[Obamarama]

13. Deja Vu!

I was hired to get a new business up and running that is an off-shoot of an existing business. I share office space with the folks who work for the existing business.

I am a nose to the grindstone kind of guy and have always been proud of my strong work ethic and professionalism. It became apparent after my first week that it was going to be a challenge.

They're all nice people, but it's an open office environment and they yap their damned heads off and then complain because they never have enough time to get their work done.

Instead of running to my boss, who is their boss as well, I took the one whom I was most comfortable with out to lunch and was very tactful and professional and explained how their distruptions really prevents myself and probably others from concentrating, maybe she wasn't even aware of how loud they were actually being, etc... and asked if she could be a little more concious of the fact that we can all hear everything they say.

Well, now I'm the bad guy and they don't fail to let me know. Thankfully I don't have to work with them as a team since we are separate entities. I say screw em. I'm not an asshole back to them, but I'm not exactly bending over backwards to be nice to them either.

I've always been of the mind set that work is work and I usually make it a rule not to socialize with people I work with, so I really couldn't care less if they love me or hate me.

[madrchsod]

14. heather is good but

i doubt they would get it.maybe you should actually call them heather. you could also get a picture of cs and put it by where you work...

[democracyindanger]

15. Be sure to talk to your HR person

Don't make it a big deal, but I'd be wary. If one of them marched up and told you they don't like you, could you trust them not to backstab you with management?

[Susang]

19. They already tried

She told me point blank that she'd spoken to our boss, who supposedly told her that he'd speak to me. She was very annoyed and disappointed that he didn't. Hell, I've known the guy 3 months and I could have told her that he would never speak to me about it. The dude hates confrontation so much, he would do anything to avoid it. It really says a lot about her, that she could work for the guy for 4 years and not realize that about him.

[Lost4words]

31. HR is only there to protect the company, never think they r-4-u

based on my personal experience that is!

Going to HR with a dispute is like telling a prison warden your cell mate stole your stash!

[Lostmessage]

18. I got fired for typing too fast one time

I was doing two to three times more work then the others and by the time that I found out that they didn't like me i had one foot out the door without knowing it.
Watch out they might be plotting to get you fired because you are a threat to them.

[mykpart]

24. I once got a bad evaluation for

being too negative. So I started being very positive, and the next evaluation I was chastised for being sarcastic!

[rasputin1952]

29. Susang, while I know you only from your posts here on DU...

I find you to be one of the great shining lights here. I would not let this get to you, and just keep being the grand person you are. These immature pinheads don't seem to have a clue, and in the future, they just might realize what fools there are.

Petty jealousies are absurd, and you most likely make them look like fools, therefore they feel threatened. Hang in there as long as you can, you are a far better person than they make you out to be.

O8) :loveya: :hug:

[GOPisEvil]

30. Ah, to hell with 'em!

Your REAL friends love you! :D:hi:

What a bunch of brats.

[dolgoruky]

34. I'm not exactly loved in my job

But as I work as part of a virtual team, it's no big problem. It's just awkward when we meet. I suppose the reaso they don't like me is because I'm not exactly like them, and I don't live for my job.

But then, if you want uniformity and total compliance, buy a fuckin robot.

[prolesunited]

35. Sorry I didn't get back to this last night

But I am positive it is because they feel threatened by you. Knowing you and what we discussed about your job, you're already blowing them away in the short time that you've been there. You're making them look bad and they want to eliminate you.

Please don't play into their crap and give them the satisfaction of undermining you. You can rise above this by being nice and cordial to them. You don't need to be their friends. Two things will happen: They'll get bored and stop or they will escalate it to the point that THEY look like idiots.

The same thing happened to me at a job a long time ago. Faced with the threat that the crew would quit, the boss transferred me to another location and put me in charge of opening the store. :-)

Hang in there! :hug:

[ploppy]

38. You are the best!

They are mean spirited, petty and waaaaaay out of line. I wish you could work at my office - we would like working with you! No one should have to put up with that sort of abuse at work.

You may want to make notes on a calendar for yourself. It is good to keep some sort of a journal at work in case you need the information at some point. If you do choose to complain you will need the specifics. If you report to HR they may seem like they don't care but they are required to keep your complaint on file - if you don't report it "nobody knows" and that is how a company can not not deal with a bad work situation and not be held accountable for it. You really shouldn't have to work in an environment were people act in such an unprofessional manner. Good luck to you and keep your head held high! :hi: :loveya:

[arwalden]

39. Have You Tried Bribing Them With Your Lunch-Money?

Or with cigarettes?

[truthspeaker]

40. play their game back - ask your supe about your performance

Ask him what the procedure is about calling clients back. Mention that one of your coworkers told you not to and you would like clarification. Ask him if there is anything else you should be doing differently.

[Skittles]

41. WHO DOESN'T LIKE YOU SUSAN

I WILL KICK THEIR ASS

[SOteric]

42. So, you have a sort of supervisor (The IT guy)

who's heart is really in IT, start offering to help him more with the admin tasks and work your way into a position of being supervisor to the little punks who've been giving your grief.

Living well and advancing rapidly is the best revenge.

[Melsky]

45. I second this advice

Good luck to you in a frustrating situation!

[Susang]

49. I have been doing that

Unfortunately, I think that's part of the reason this person resents me. I think she used to be the manager's "go to girl", so to speak. It's a very complicated work environment that isn't made much better by the complete lack of actual management. I'm dreading Monday, when I have to work eight hours with them all. :scared:

[noonwitch]

43. F&#$ them. Wait til they need something from you

then they'll all try to be nice to you, and you can just say "Well, I'd like to help, but I'm afraid that I'll just mess it up because I'm such a bad worker". It's even better if you can throw their exact words in their faces.

Or, you can just ignore them and know that you are above their stupid pettiness and be confident in your own abilities.

[Darth_Kitten]

44. Sounds like bullying to me.........

http://www.bullyonline.org/workbully/defns.htm

She represents only her own dumb interests. :eyes: Too bad some nameless cowards are allegedly backing her up. :eyes:

Again, sounds like bullying:

Gets other employees to gang up on you. (doesn't matter if other people like you or don't, saying what she did to you is very unprofessional and very cowardly)
Can't back up her stupid accusations.
Is very vague.
Needs to feel some kind of power over you.

She feels threatened by you. Please go to the site I've listed, it provides a lot of useful information.

[Susang]

48. Thank you so much

That was a fantastic site. I'm actually at work, printing pages from it. I can't wait to read what I've printed, though it will probably make me even angrier than I already am. Well, at least I'm not crying in my vodka any more! :-)

[Nikia]

46. Don't let it get you down

She is only cool to herself and her little friends.
The situation still sucks. Try to ignore them. If they harass you, go to your superviser.
Good luck.

[Ellen Forradalom]

47. That's outrageous

My very first job at 14 was scooping ice cream. Another employee took me aside and told me that either I was with them or with the manager.

How well do you get on with your boss? Keep him apprised of what's going on so that none of this is a surprise to him.

[Susang]

50. Thanks everyone!

I really appreciate all your kind words. This whole situation has really made me pretty upset, it kind of brings back all those grade school feelings of cliques and popularity contests. To have to be confronted with that kind of bullshit again at 38, particularly while I'm trying to make positive changes in my life, really really sucks. All of the nice things you've posted about me and the great suggestions have really helped me out. :loveya:

[dawn]

51. I experienced this at my last job.

I think going to your manager is a good idea, as is (sorry) looking for a new job. I agree with everything on that Bullying site.

I'll send you a private message, because I don't want to drone on here. To make a long story short, I am very happy that my department was eliminated and I no longer have that job. The person still harrasses me by sending me rude emails and making comments on my blog. (I've since banned this person from my site.)