My kid (age 9) is freaked out about death...

[GoddessOfGuinness]

Lately it seems his world is filled with constant reminders of life's impermanence...everything from a neighborhood kid talking about "Doomsday" to catching a news talk show moment about the possibility of drafting our children if we invade Iran. Our recent museum trip, which included dinosaur bones and meteors leading to mass-extinction didn't help matters.

I must admit that I'm grasping at straws to help him deal with this; for while I would be devastated if anything happened to him, I really don't fear death. I feel like the best I can offer him is a promise to always protect him and a suggestion that he won't have to be concerned about dying for a very long time, and to try think about something pleasant.

Are there any good children's books you'd recommend to help him come to terms with his fear, and view death as just another part of life?

[CaliforniaPeggy]

1. My dear GoddessOfGuinness...

Alas, I don't know of any books that would be appropriate for your son...

I just didn't want to see your thread die...

I'm sure someone here will be able to help you...

Heck, I'm theoretically an adult, and death scares me...

:hug:

[GoddessOfGuinness]

2. My father's mother was terrified by the thought of dying...

I think that's part of the reason she lived as long as she did. :-)

My son's fear reminds me of hers...

Thanks for the hug! :hug:

[Parche]

29. My DearCaliforniaPeggy

"I just didn't want to see your thread die..."
No pun intended? :shrug: :shrug: :hi::rofl: :rofl:





"The great unknown: Limitless heavens crowded with sparking mysteries, challenging Man's curiosity. But the heavens are not oceans. Man cannot push a boat into its currents and set sail for the next horizon. The heavens are a mystery only science can solve, as it penetrates the unknown."

[JVS]

3. Tell him that if we're not out of the war in 8 years, you'll take him out of the country

Now about death: from dust you came and to dust you shall return

[GoddessOfGuinness]

14. I'll move sooner than that if these yoyos don't start moving to bring our troops home.

:toast:

[fizzgig]

4. try 'the fall of freddie the leaf'

my mom got it for me when i was little and it's geared toward helping kids understand death as a part of life

[GoddessOfGuinness]

15. I love Leo Buscaglia!

Thanks for the suggestion!

[Wcross]

5. Excellent! You can use that to aid your parenting responsibilities.

You will probably die if you don't eat your green beans.......
You will most likely die unless your room is clean.
Did you know that people have DIED because they didn't take out the garbage?
Unless you study harder you will probably work yourself to death at a low wage job.
You know son, people have died from not sleeping, go to bed.
You could trip and fall on those toys, put them up before someone kills themselves.

Of course take this advice with a grain of salt. I don't have kids so I am just telling you what I would do;-)

[Rabrrrrrr]

10. "You know who goes to Hell, don't you? Kids who fear death, that's who."

:rofl:

If you don't do your homework, grandpa will be killed, and it will be your fault.

Help mommy carry these grocery bags in, or God will kill grandma in a traffic accident. A real bloody one. And it will be your fault.

Remember when so-and-so died last year? It was because you were asking too many questions. It was your fault.

[Wcross]

11. Every time you cry......

God kills a puppy.

Hey, it's a cruel world so better get used to it early.

[GoddessOfGuinness]

19. see #18

:rofl:

[GoddessOfGuinness]

18. LOL...I might have considered it with son #1...

He was such a handful that I sometimes considered telling him that bad little boys go to hell. But if I had, he'd have been excited by the prospect. :rofl:

[porphyrian]

6. That's about the age I got freaked out about it.

My only living grandfather died. Nothing got me over it, and it still freaks me out.

[GoddessOfGuinness]

20. ...

:hug:

[tainted_chimp]

7. I remember giving birth

to the concept of Vast Nothingness (death) at around age 5.
it was obviously awesome and terrifying at the same time.

No one, and nothing ever rendered any peace of mind about the idea.

Only later did it occur to me that because of the eventual errant finality of things...that every moment should be recognized as the very precious gift that it is.



Hug him and assure him that your love is limitless....and that he should relish every moment he owns awareness.

[GoddessOfGuinness]

22. I tried to explain that worrying about it

is a waste of time that should be spent enjoying life. I redirected his attention to a day trip we'll soon be making to Skyline Drive in Virginia. I'm hoping he'll soon learn to redirect his own thoughts. :-)

[Rabrrrrrr]

8. Give him a copy of Dante's Inferno.

:P

Seriously, though, maybe just ask him what freaks him out about death. Get it out of his system, and then you can respond to those fears and offer your own sense of okayness with death. He's at an age where death is becoming something real, and he's starting to understand the finiteness of life. Not surprising to be a little freaked out at that point in life. So talk about his fears and anxieties, affirm them, let him know they're okay, and reassure him from whatever standpoint you look at death.

Generally, if the parent is calm about Topic X, the child will be calm about it as well.

If he continues to be obsessed for a long time, then I'd take him to a psychiatrist.

In normal cases, the kids will freak out about death for a little while, when they first realize what death is, and then as it settles into their brain and they comes to terms with it, they get over the obsession and go on as normal, until the next obsession (learning that adults are not perfect or always right) and then the one after that (girls, acne, puberty).

[GoddessOfGuinness]

24. That is the perfect gift for my older son!

Thanks! Seriously! :loveya:

Your advice makes sense. Hopefully the next time he's concerned about death, it'll be the middle of the day instead of bedtime! :-)

[YankeyMCC]

9. My approach has been

to teach my son (now 11) about the natural world and the cycle of life, how by dying living things (including us) 'give back' or return to the soil and help the new life come into being and grow. Along with that I've exposed him a little to philosophy (trying to keep it age appropriate of course) and ideas like "It wasn't scary for you before you were born, it'll be the same."

I also talk about what I'd like to happen when I die, like donate my body, have him remember my by hiking up our favorite mountain, and showing him how unconcerned I am about diing. I took him to that Body Works exhibit when it came to Boston to show it was not scary.

But he has not had any 'freak out' moments so I can't say how effective this would be for you at this point, you might need a different approach at this point.

[GoddessOfGuinness]

25. That correlates to our science lessons of late...

We've been discussing producers, consumers, and decomposers. I've been explaining how excellent mulch is. :-)

[mvd]

12. Some advice

If you are religious or of faith, you can draw on that, except for the Hell part. Jesus wasn't afraid of death. But make sure to tell him that you can only live this life to the fullest, and the rest is beyond our control. That is a simple thing that I follow.

[GoddessOfGuinness]

26. I've explained that some people believe (insert theory here)...

I want to be careful with that though, as I want him to feel free to explore his spirituality without pushing any one theory on him.

He likes the idea that people may be reincarnated; and once told me he was a housewife in a past life. !!! :-)

[Arugula Latte]

13. I remember being freaked out by death at age 9 as well.

Before that age, it didn't seem to apply to me or anyone I knew. When I finally realized anyone can go at any time, it scared the crap out of me. I wonder if it's a developmental thing, that your brain matures enough to really grasp the concept at that age.

[GoddessOfGuinness]

27. It seems like it must be a developmental thing...

though the age probably varies from kid to kid.

[Tyler Durden]

16. I've been death phobic as long as I can remember.

Dark phobic, too.

You should see me beat feet out of a dark space I'm not familiar with. I have bruises on my shins to prove it!

[GoddessOfGuinness]

28. My father was terribly impatient with my fears when I was a child...

Sometimes I think he scared the fears out of me.

[soleft]

17. I think I got freaked out about it so early i don't even remember the age

Might have been because my parents were older, or because I thought my sister was going to kill me in the play pen. The 2nd one more likely.

I'm still trying to ease my fear of death - the only thing I can think of that could be affective in combating it is to be in the present moment. If you're in really grounded in the present moment, engage in the hear and now, you won't think about what's happening down the road, including death. You won't think about non existent threats and dangers, you'll know you're safe for the time being, happy at what you're doing, and that's really the only sure way to feel safe in this world.

So - as opposed to getting him books about death perse' - maybe books that encourage being really engaged and involved with life, and just keep him present and aware that he's safe.

I've read that eternity isn't something that extends ahead of us forever - eternity is something that is experienced when you really feel connected to "now".

[GoddessOfGuinness]

30. Interesting thought on eternity...

Thanks for sharing it...And thanks for your advice! :D

[YankeyMCC]

35. I like how you explained that

and sounds like excellent advice.

[MissMillie]

21. Remind him that he can use all his energy worrying about the inevitable

or... he can have some fun and enjoy himself for today.

[GoddessOfGuinness]

31. Did that...

It does seem to help best at bedtime... :hi:

[La Lioness Priyanka]

23. maybe you should send him to child therapist.

sometimes professionals are the best way to go.

[GoddessOfGuinness]

33. If it persists I will...

We'll see. :hi:

[WritingIsMyReligion]

32. I went through the same thing at the same age.

Not so much *fear* of death (though sometimes, yes, it was wake-up-in-the-middle-of-the-night-sweating) as a preoccupation with it. I think that's the age you start realizing that dead is DEAD and that when you die, it's for an eternity and beyond an eternity--really strange for a mind to think about.

I got over it within a year, and your son probably will as well.

:shrug:

:hi:

[GoddessOfGuinness]

34. I hope so...

:hi: