How many monosexuals (hetero/homosexual) are dating bisexuals? And what are the challenges you face?

[La Lioness Priyanka]

i thought this op would generate better discussion than my last one.

at some point hopefully, i can get lisa to participate on the challenges of dating me. :)

[La Lioness Priyanka]

1. cmon you guys. does no one care about my boredom?

[Gormy Cuss]

6. No, because I'm mad at you.

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_mesg&forum=105&topic_id=7195897&mesg_id=7195918

[Canuckistanian]

98. That was a bizarre trail of threads

But the punchline was worth it.

:thumbsup:

[Ellen Forradalom]

2. I'm sure there are challenges to dating you

but I doubt that bisexuality tops the list. You seem quite capable of honest discussion of any issues that might arise on that count.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

3. well you never know. one day i am just walking down the street with lisa

and a guy walks by, due to my bi nature, i rip his clothes of there and then and copulate.

you just never know.

[Ellen Forradalom]

5. that's hot

:-)

[Oeditpus Rex]

8. Er...

What street?

[WoodrowFan]

15. and

and what time?? :loveya:

[krispos42]

67. *pant*

:evilgrin:


You're a bad girl! Now go to my room!


:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

[NewJeffCT]

74. ok, that's it

I'm packing up and moving to NYC, and plan on walking by your place every day...

:evilgrin:

[PVnRT]

90. This post is useless without pics

/pervert

[Gidney N Cloyd]

4. I can't begin to tell you how disappointed I am by the lack of replies to this thread.

:evilgrin: :evilgrin: :evilgrin: :evilgrin: :evilgrin: :evilgrin: :evilgrin:

[LeftyMom]

7. I have.

It was a non-issue.

[YellowRubberDuckie]

9. There haven't been any challenges yet.

We're married, and we've had a few threesomes. It's been really fun. :shrug:
The only thing is the gay side comes out when he's drunk or drugged up. Actually that part's pretty fun.
Duckie

[ronnykmarshall]

92. He starts singing showtunes?

[YellowRubberDuckie]

94. Yes, actually, and he starts decorating and wants to talk about boys.

It's the weirdest thing.
Duckie

[_testify_]

10. The issue is not sexuality. It's monogamy.

And that's a whole different movie :)

[Gonzo Gardener]

11. Just dating? My hetero hubby married me...

and he could provide you with a very long list of the challenges he faces... without ever addressing my sexuality. ;)


:crazy:

[SarahB]

12. LOL!

I could post the same thing. We're too private to post our personal details for all of DU, but that part of me for our relationship isn't a challenge. It's all the other stuff that mutually strait married couples argue about that we fight about too. My sexuality's a fun part of things.

I've never seriously dated a bi guy, but it wouldn't be a problem if I had. As long as he were honest and safe. I tend to think outside the mainstream though I'm sure.

[Name removed]

33. Deleted sub-thread

Sub-thread removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[flvegan]

13. As much as I try to talk her into it

she just doesn't go for the chicks.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

14. lol

[leeroysphitz]

16. Wow the Lounge is now more confusing than an episode of Three's Company!

I like it!

[ghostsofgiants]

17. Not currently, but my last girlfriend is bi and there were no challenges aside from the normal ones.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

18. bi girls are only moderately evil. bi men however are part of axis of evil.

[Unvanguard]

34. Indeed. We devour puppies.

Whole. While cheating on our partners in orgiastic bouts of promiscuity.

[DarkTirade]

35. Wait... we're supposed to eat puppies now?

Jesus, I never get the memos...

[La Lioness Priyanka]

36. axis of evilers.

[DarkTirade]

37. It's not evil to keep somebody out of the loop... but it still hurts my feelings... *sniff*

:cry:

Besides... I don't even like puppies... they're too stringy.

[Unvanguard]

39. We're sorry.

We'll add you to the Evil Bisexual Conspiracy Mailing List immediately.

And don't worry about the puppies--you can still qualify as one of us as long as you carefully meet your monthly quota of lovers betrayed for someone of the other sex.

[DarkTirade]

41. That might be a problem too. I'm... *sniff*... monogamous.

I'm just not a good male bisexual, I know. I'm all washed up. I should turn in my badge and my {censored to avoid getting thread locked}.

:cry:

[Unvanguard]

42. I see the problem!

You don't exist.

All bisexual men are lying, cheating, and promiscuous, and spread AIDS to boot. Everyone knows that.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

44. now i see dark tirade.....now i dont.

god people are ridiculous

[DarkTirade]

46. Hence what I said a while back on another thread about bisexuality...

when people try to claim we don't exist, I smack 'em in the back of the head. :) Then when they complain, I just tell them they're imagining it, I don't actually exist. And then I remind them that it's not healthy to talk to imaginary people.

[DarkTirade]

45. Damn it, I just can't argue with that line of reasoning.

And now I must disappear in a puff of logic.

[redwitch]

55. Bisexual agenda lacks organization

because there are twice as many distractions? :-)

[La Lioness Priyanka]

61. good one

:rofl:

[DarkTirade]

66. I'm sorry, what was that?

I was too busy looking at your butt with one eye and someone else's with the other...

[zingaro]

76. Careful. Your eyes'll get stuck like that.

I should know. :rofl:

[DarkTirade]

91. It's not a problem, as long as people stand close together... :)

[originalpckelly]

97. So George Bush is going to invade me?

:puke:

[La Lioness Priyanka]

113. probably. unless you have nuclear armament. do you?

[cosmik debris]

19. I wish!

There are over 6 billion people on this planet who don't want to have sex with me.

Finding one who did would be nice, finding two would be a miracle!

[datasuspect]

20. can mono sexuals get staph?

[La Lioness Priyanka]

24. well whenever there is a thread especially about bi men, the concern

for health and safety comes up often.

so i am guessing heterosexuals specifically do not carry any diseases unless a bi person infects them :crazy:

[SarahB]

25. I think

anyone who practices any form of consensual non-monogamy (or non-consensual for that matter, but that's scummy behavior in my view) needs to be safe. But yeah, that train of thought is a little silly and uninformed.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

26. i love how people say deeply bigoted things, but if you call them out on it

1000 excuses will be made as to why a good liberal like them could possibly not be prejudiced.

[Bicoastal]

21. Heterosexuals, Homosexuals, Bisexuals, Monosexuals, Asexuals...

...I think we can all agree that the Tila Tequila show is too sleazy for words.

[Kucinich4America]

22. Yeah, but who do you think is going to win?

I'm thinking Dani, the butch firefighter.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

23. what show?

[Kucinich4America]

27. " A shot at love with Tila Tequila"

It's a "Batchelor" type reality show on MTV late nights, except she's bi, so she's picking from both men and women. Right now there's three people left to choose from. One guy and two women, one being a tall blonde "lipstick Lesbian" and the other being a butch firefighter.

The last episode was the "meet the parents" episode, and I thought that Tila clicked the best with Dani's family, so I think she's the favorite.

It is a little sleazy, but it's far more entertaining than most reality shows.

Here's Tila meeting Dani's coworkers and family...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7yDstp776Uo

[La Lioness Priyanka]

28. sounds fun.

[Bicoastal]

30. Believe me, it's not.

Tia comes off as a girl with Britney Spears's awareness, Lindsay Lohan's personal standards, and Paris Hilton's level of talent.

A cute girl--an Asian Kristen Chenoweth, sorta--but that's about it.

[petronius]

31. That's an excellent albeit generous description of her

Am I wrong in thinking that her only 'claim to fame' prior to this show was that she posted sexy pictures on her myspace page?

[Bicoastal]

32. I think she was a Playboy model for a while.

I wouldn't kick her out of bed, but it's laughable to think that any of the people on her show are actually "in love" with her.

[blm]

29. If you asked about bi dating or marrying hetero I could chime in.

In my personal affairs over the years, I don't think my partners had any problem at all with it. It was an added turn-on. I viewed it as an addition to my life, sexual and otherwise, and never really saw it as an alternative. It felt too natural.

[HEyHEY]

38. Challenges? What challenges?

As long as you're not pretending that sleeping with one sex isn't considered cheating, there's no issue.

[Critters2]

40. I'm bi, and still no one's interested.

I must be quite challenging.

[DarkTirade]

43. Not being entirely straight myself I don't quite fit the critera of your question

but my last serious relationship was with a girl who was bi, and most of our problems stemmed from the fact that she had some serious issues... but none of them were related to sex or sexuality. :P

The only issues when it comes to sexuality I can see having a problem with is if I was dating someone who was poly, since I'm not entirely comfortable with relationships that are that open. And there are plenty of straight or gay poly people out there. Bi/pansexuals don't have the market on it.

But that's just me.

[Redstone]

47. Now, that right there is a complicated subject / situation.

That's all I have to say on the matter.

Redstone

[La Lioness Priyanka]

51. would you change it if you could?

[Redstone]

83. No.

Redstone

[DarkTirade]

54. It's only as complicated as you make it.

It's no different than dating anyone else. There's no need to complicate it.

[Redstone]

82. Oh, I didn't say it was complicated for ME; but it could be for some people.

Redstone

[DarkTirade]

96. Ah, thanks for the clarification. :)

[Zornhau]

48. as someone who's bi

married to someone bi, we seem to do as well as other couples. We just have more fun in some areas ;)

[La Lioness Priyanka]

49. you two are also an exceptionally gorgeus couple.

:hi:

[Zornhau]

50. why thanks!

you two are quite the pair yourselves :D

[Danger Mouse]

52. well, i've done it in the past...

dated bisexuals, that is.
it didn't seem to be a problem for me. i'd just end up comparing tastes in women with my gf at the time :P

[DarkTirade]

53. Yeah, my last ex complained about my porn collection...

she was mad that I didn't have anything that SHE wanted to watch. :)

[Danger Mouse]

57. wow. what DID she want to watch?

:P

[DarkTirade]

59. Actually she wanted me to find her some hentai.

She was getting really into anime at the time. :P

[Danger Mouse]

60. dear lord no!!!

that's getting too far into anime.
hentai is scary :cry:

[DarkTirade]

65. Yeah... I'm not with her anymore. :)

[fizzgig]

56. you and i do that

:P

[Danger Mouse]

58. are you actually bi, though, or do you just make out with girls every now and then?

:P

[fizzgig]

62. i appreciate the female form

but it's more the second option

:P

[crim son]

63. I dated a bi man for two years, while in college.

It did raise issues, because it was 1983/1984 and it wasn't until well into the relationship that I learned he'd not only had another girlfriend during our entire relationship, but that he was having numerous one-nighters with various gay men. At that time AIDs awareness was new and people felt immune. Like many people, I had friends who died of the disease. When I discovered Mark's habits, I was terrified. I don't believe I was a bigot; I believe I was afraid. Would it be a problem now? Only in terms of jealousy: it's hard enough to keep track of all the gorgeous women around without having to worry about all the hot men too. Seriously.

[DarkTirade]

64. Being cautious when you know he's been around a few times is certainly not bigotry. :)

[bridgit]

68. why do you hate america!!

[TrogL]

69. I'm bi and dated a (gay) monosexual

At first he got jealous when I ogled girls, but eventually we ended up spending a lot of time at Hooters - I'd be ogling and he'd be doing gay to girl talk with the waitresses.

[Chovexani]

70. I haven't dated a mono in years.

It's not something intentional, either. I just find that energetically, emotionally, physically, spiritually--I attract and am attracted to other bis. My last mono relationship was with a lesbian who "took a chance", reversing her own policy of not dating bisexual women (I guess because I was hot). She cheated on me and broke my heart (note that I was completely faithful to her).

The only real bigotry I have is against straight guys. I'm not proud of it by any means, but I own it. It stems from the fact that far too often straight men make me feel like some kind of exotic fuck toy rather than a woman with feelings and needs. This isn't to say bi men aren't capable of the same thing, just that the kind of blatant objectification that drives me batshit invariably comes from straight men. I'm also so radically kink and queer-oriented that I would have a hard time with a straight guy who didn't feel comfortable in those sorts of circles.

I'm also poly, which puts the kibosh on a lot of potential mono involvement. The monos I run into tend not to want to deal with that kind of complication, or are otherwise militantly monogamous. Which is cool, nothing wrong with that, but it's just not for me. If there is hard-wiring for poly, I definitely have it. Right now I'm in a V with a bi woman and a bi man (I'm the common partner), and I've never been happier. They just get me in ways my past mono partners never could.

[SarahB]

77. A lot of strait guys have that stupid, frat boy mentality.

I think for a strait guy to be with a bi woman in a long-term relationship, he has to be an inherent feminist. I know there's things that do stimulate him, but he's never pushy, creepy, or objectifying. He loves women as humans first, not as toys. He responds to my needs, that's all. He's far too private (and probably respectful of me) to respond on these threads. Nor does he want to deal with any stupid junk from other strait guys (again, that overgrown fratboy crap of the straitguy world we both loathe) here or elsewhere.

[Chovexani]

84. I completely agree

Your hubby sounds awesome. :)

[DarkTirade]

100. That, and there are the occasional guys who don't get the whole getting off by watching lesbians

thing. :) They're rare, but they exist.

[cutlassmama]

71. living with one.

After several months, I found out he was a cross dresser, by accident. He didn't disclose this. Then about 7 months the sex waned and I found him looking at guys on the internet. He told me he was "bi-sexual" but would not do anything with a man. We've been together two years. This past weekend he spent it with a gay guy, not me. He says he loves me and will always stay with me no matter what. Part of me wants to believe him, but part of me is screaming that I can't compete with a man. He'll always stray and I'll always be uncertain. I guess that makes me the fool.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

75. unless he comes out he will stray. while i disagree that all bi people stray

any person who isnt comfortable with their sexuality will have problems.

your guy sounds very uncomfortable in his skin

i doubt he is bi, i think more likely he is gay and is having a lot of trouble coming out.

pri

[cutlassmama]

104. I've had a lot of people tell me that same thing.

but he keeps insisting he likes fat women and skinny men, both equal. His porn stash is of both. Can't a person be truly bi-sexual?

[La Lioness Priyanka]

111. sure they can. i am. its just the way you narrated the story made it sound

like he isnt overly comfortable with being bi

do most people know he is bi? like his friends and your friends?

[La Lioness Priyanka]

114. his dishonesty about his sexual orientation and cross dressing lead me to believe

that he isnt out and comfortable.

[tjwmason]

72. Not at the moment

and only for a short time.

It was ghastly, I mean he kept eyeing up these women, made me vomit in my mouth every time he did so...oh wait, there were no challenges other than the usual ones involved in a relationship with another human.

Bisexuals are no different to monosexuals, the challenges are just the same.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

73. i dont think i tell you this often, but i love your posts.

:hi:

[tjwmason]

106. .

:blush:

Though it doesn't impact me personally, I have a particular grit with biphobia (whether from straights or gays); it's good to see you tackling the issue head-on.

[IndianaJones]

78. I would be afraid a bi girl would be better than me at sports. nt.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

79. ...

:rofl:

[rbnyc]

80. I can try to answer for my husband.

My husband is straight and I'm bi. We've been together for almost 12 years. He worries about my ability to abstain from women because he knows they can offer me things that he can't. But he tends to worry about my ability to remain faithful in general. For one thing, he knows that I don't believe that monogamy is natural, that I think it's a choice. I think it's a choice worth making, but I think you have to work at it, and sometimes against nature. Chemistry is a powerful thing. He also knows that I have a history of open relationships. He also knows I have quite a history in general and he wonders how I can be satisfied with just him when I have had so many experiences.

He's a little jealous of my past.

I don't think that bisexuals in general have a hard time being faithful, but we have that reputation. I personally have had a hard time being faithful at different points in my life, as a bisexual woman, I'm not really helping our image.

When I was younger, I was simply a sex addict. My sense of self-worth was directly related to my ability to get a person into bed. Everyone I met had to want me and everyone had to think that I was the best they ever had. This wasn't healthy and it wasn't as fun as my husband imagines. What I try to get him to understand is that I am satisfied with him because I am with him for the right reasons. I was having sex 3 or 4 times a day, with men and women and groups, trying out ALMOST anything you can imagine, and I wasn't satisfied.

So for my husband, the challenge is not only being with a bisexual partner, but being with a more experienced partner with an addictive personality and a lot of issues to overcome.

It's funny. He's a musician. He goes out on tour. Girls are throwing themselves at him all the time. He has late nights, nights away from home. If he wanted to have an affair, his life is all set up for it. I'd never know. But I'm not worried at all.

I'm a senior level executive who is always in the office if I am not at home sleeping. When I am home and awake, my husband and son compete for my attention. I never have any alone time. The most time and space I have to myself is when I take these Lounge breaks. I don't drive. Every second of my time can be accounted for. But my husband's the one who is worried.

:shrug:

[xchrom]

81. me. -- and you already know my particulars.

my biggest problem s that i'm a better date than i am a mono-partner.

i'm simply not interested in certain aspects of relationships.

i've already buried one partner --i've had numerous long term affairs -- and being mono no longer holds any interest for me.

it's been real interesting to read this thread from my point of view.

[MonkeyFunk]

85. I'm gay, the bf is bi

and we're going on 6 years together.

No issues have come up. I think the fear of dating bisexuals is much worse than the reality of it. He's a nice, normal, monogamous man - we've had no problems at all relating to his sexuality.

[Q3JR4]

86. I've actually been thinking about this issue

for a couple of months now.

I hung out with a friend of mine and his wife for a couple of months before anything happened between us, but eventually we did get together with the blessing of his wife.

We tried to make the whole thing about sex and nothing more, but eventually other feelings (unwanted but there nonetheless) started to develop.

They had a daughter and moved to Alaska for work and I was relieved. The weird "relationship" was starting to take it's toll and I was having a hard time dealing with the whole thing.

She talked to me on the net, yahoo messenger, a couple of months ago and brought up the prospect of me engaging in a relationship, fully and completely, with her husband. Part of me wants to do it, but the other part knows that it could be a really bad idea. I'm sitting here trying to balance logic and feelings. I'll probably talk to him about it all before one or the other wins out though.

Even with all of this I probably would consider dating another bisexual man. I'd have to set some ground rules about his sex with women, assuming he'd still want to do that sort of thing. I don't think I'd be in a relationship with a guy who had sex with other men, but I wouldn't have the lady parts to keep the other half of a potential bisexual partner happy and engaged. I'd probably talk to him about his feelings and then give him lots of leeway as far as that goes.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

87. do you know why his wife encouraged this?

[Shine]

88. My best friend (who's hetero) has been married to a bi-man for 20 yrs

unfortunately, over the past several years, their sex life has gotten to be virtually non-existent and my friend became very unhappy, even though her hubby seemed perfectly content. They have two kids, one starting college and the other in hs. They've been the picture of a normal, healthy and loving relationship for all these many years.....but then....

She shocked the hell out of everyone this past spring by having an affair with another man. She is now having the best sex of her life and feels more in touch with her femininity than ever before. She says she never felt that way with her bi-husband. Indeed, the dynamic in their relationship was one where SHE seemed to have more of the typical "male" roles. I guess she finally got tired of it in her marriage and by starting up with this new guy, she's had a whole new awakening to what's possible...but on the other level, the emotional damage she has done within her own family will take years and years to bounce back from.

The betrayal that her husband and kids feel is deep and profound. It's been sad to see, but through it all I'm trying to support her to the best of my ability.

I thought I'd input their story to add to the picture of the "challenge" of a hetero woman being with a bi-man. It might work long-term, it might not....but in the end, the sexual attraction thing is a key element to maintaining a healthy, loving, and fulfilling relationship.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

89. its seems that they have top-bottom issues and gender roles issues.

that occur in almost all sexual orientations but i think queer people tend to be able to talk about it more.


its hard being a femme top. thats all i have to say about this matter :P


on edit: shine thanks for posting a meaningful post. its also nice to see one post where the bi guy isnt the cheater.

[DarkTirade]

101. ... I could stand to hear a little more about that... :)

I keed, I keed.

[Greyskye]

93. Challenges? nada.

Five out of my past six partners have been bi, including the woman I'm married to. I'm mono/hetero, although for a significant majority of that timeframe I considered myself to be Polyamorous. Living a poly lifestyle for over a decade has a way of getting rid of any of those jealousy issues which can turn ugly fast unless communication takes place.

Challenges? None to speak of. It's pretty nice when you're both able to check out the eye-candy without fearing a whap on the side of the head because of an admiring glance. :evilgrin:

I've faced more challenges when dating monosexuals. They always had a lot more hangups, jealousy issues, etc. :shrug:

[Withywindle]

95. I used to really hate "You're bi? Can I watch?"

Until I developed a slash fanfiction and gay porn habit. Now I want a bi guy who'll let ME watch. :blush:

[DarkTirade]

99. Yes, but do you walk up to random bi men you don't even know and ask them that? :)

[Withywindle]

121. No.

Although it would be amusing to walk up to random male buddies in bars (most likely straight ones) and demand, "Are you two together? Can I watch you make out?" :evilgrin:

[DarkTirade]

122. Hey, turnabout's fair play. :P

[Chovexani]

102. I am living the yaoi fangirl's dream

That's all I'll say. :evilgrin:

[La Lioness Priyanka]

109. you're such a show-off but i love you anyway

[Chovexani]

117. LOL

:hug: :loveya:

[DarkTirade]

115. This comment is useless without pictures... :P

Of course, this thread would be locked with pictures... hmm. Could be a problem.

[Chovexani]

118. I wouldn't want to exploit my bf

That would be wrong. :P

[DarkTirade]

123. Oh... well in that case...

you should just PM the pictures instead of posting them publicly. O8)

[friedgreentomatoes]

103. dumped

I am gay, my gf was bi. we dated for 7 years and then she dumped me to marry a guy. i think i am being unfair to her by saying she dumped me, it was a thought-out, discussed decision, but by no means mutual. things were complicated by the fact that we were both in India then, and going to be there if we decided to stay together. I am in US now, she is back there.
the biggest challenge though was she entertained men a lot.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

110. entertained men? as in slept with them or had them over for martini's?

[friedgreentomatoes]

124. had them over for martini's...

...that is more like it.
Honestly, "us" was never an option for her..

[Evoman]

105. I once dated a girl I VERY strongly suspected was bisexual.

I think she dumped me because I didn't put out fast enough :wtf:.

The worst thing is, I'm almost a man-slut but I was trying for something "deeper". I didn't want to just sleep with her after a week, so I didn't put the moves on. She dumped me. Never made THAT mistake again, lol.

[NewWaveChick1981]

107. I'm bi, and every guy I've ever been involved with thinks it's....

...shall we say, VERY interesting. ;) :evilgrin:

[taterguy]

108. She was always asking me to sleep with her friends so she could join us

Such a drag

[La Lioness Priyanka]

112. i know. its tragic.

[DarkTirade]

116. You know what might help?

If you videotape everything, and show it to people so they can understand what you're going through. Or at least take pictures. :P

[RebelOne]

119. I dated a bisexual guy briefly.

It didn't last long because we had to take his boyfriend along on our dates.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

120. lol

ok but thats funny