I think the term Cougars is gross. Its weird and predatory, which may be considered fitting

[La Lioness Priyanka]

for what it is meant to describe, but still gross.

It give me an imagery of a bunch of older ladies waiting to pounce on prey.

Disturbing.

[mainegreen]

1. I prefer the term Velociraptors.

:D

Edited to add: you're right. It is kinda creepy.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

3. atleast that doesnt give the impression of a hiding feline

just waiting to pounce.
:p

[JVS]

2. It's what happens when you feed booze and cigs to a trollop for 30 years.

They become ferocious!

[La Lioness Priyanka]

4. you guys just wait till i turn 50.

[JVS]

13. Here is the car you can drive around in then.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Image:1977-1979_Mercury_Cougar_two_door_-_dave_7.jpg

[La Lioness Priyanka]

39. the car wiht the big red X?

[redqueen]

6. Yes, let's include all the labels for women who have the audacity

to enjoy sex and act like ... like it's their right or something.

[JVS]

18. Are we going to have to send you back to the nuns?

;-)

[redqueen]

5. I agree. Is there a special name for the men who do this? No.

*sigh*

[mainegreen]

8. 'Creepy Old lechers'

[redqueen]

10. That's for senior citizens. These women are not senior citizens. (nt)

[La Lioness Priyanka]

9. especially not one that is predatory

[redqueen]

14. Well it's bad. Bad and awful.

Women must not be the aggressors ever ever ever. Unless men want us to, cause then it's okay.

[NewJeffCT]

46. people say that

but, the reality is that most men like assertive women, we just have to keep quiet about it.

I do agree that the term "cougars" is less than desirable, to put it mildly.

[redqueen]

47. Wow... a guy who agrees!

I'd love to believe you're right about men liking assertive women... but from my perspective it seems that that is an opinion held by a minority of men. I hope I'm just seeing this from a skewed angle (I am in the South, after all).

[NewJeffCT]

66. well

As I said, I honestly think most men do like assertive women - it's just that neither men nor women are supposed to admit that in public.

I can tell you, though, that a woman asking a guy out on a date is far less likely to be turned down than when a guy does the asking (assuming both sides are available)

However, I'm probably not the best person to make that claim, since I ended up married to the first really "aggressive" woman I met (and, no she was not an older "cougar" woman, either)

[redqueen]

70. Aw man...

why'd you have to say that?

All my life I've had to do the asking out... and yes, I've been turned down. :(

[NewJeffCT]

77. hmm

maybe it's a Southern thing?

and, my marriage to said aggressive woman only lasted a year, and thankfully we had no kids.

Weirdly, though, the last time we spoke was 6-7 years ago and she told me not to contact her anymore (we occasionally chatted and/or exchanged emails after we divorced - all somewhat pleasant) because her new boyfriend forbid her to contact me and how he monitored all her calls & emails. It was mind-blowing, because if I had tried something like that with her, she'd have ripped my head off (well, figuratively ripped it off, she was 5'0" on a good day...)

[RainDog]

78. men aren't supposed to admit they like women who are assertive in bed?!?!

man, I have lived on a diff. planet.

again, I've never known (in the biblical sense) a male that didn't REALLY like that. I've heard men talk about liking this, and about how it ticks them off that men are supposedly always supposed to be the aggressor.

I guess I've been really lucky.

[MorningGlow]

89. I once dated a guy who didn't like it when I was "aggressive" when it came to sex

And I am SO not "aggressive"--but he even didn't like it when I lit candles and issued a nonthreatening invitation.

Then again, there was something pathological about him when it came to sex. He preferred his previous GF who, I believe, had been sexually assaulted in some way in the past, so he always had to beg for it with her. He kinda liked that.

We didn't last long, needless to say.
:scared:

[JVS]

23. I've heard the term Chicken-hawk before, but that is restricted to older gay men who date...

young gay men.

[Reverend_Smitty]

11. dirty old men?

:shrug:

[redqueen]

15. Key word: "old". These are middle-aged women. (nt)

[Schema Thing]

59. Of course, it doesn't help that there is a rather creepy TV show

with "cougars" in the title? Or used openly as the description?

[redqueen]

71. There is?

News to me...

[Schema Thing]

81. There is.

I just googled it, it's called "Age of Love"


http://www.post-gazette.com/pg/07173/796908-236.stm

[Carnea]

16. Sugar Daddies, Senator, Your Honor, Keith, Plenty of names nt

[redqueen]

21. Sugar daddy - income. Not the same, and not pejorative anyway.

The rest... ha. ha. ha.

[JVS]

28. Cougar is not pejorative either.

[redqueen]

32. Potayto, potahto.

Just like "bitch" can be used affectionately or with other intentions...

[JVS]

40. Stiffler's mom, Mrs. Robinson, (someone help with more examples), these women are revered.

They're glamorous and kind of like female versions of the Don Juan figure.

[Carnea]

42. Susan Surandon Demi Moore, Lois Lane....

[JVS]

45. Cougar=Milf+ confident poise

Cougar > Milf> Hausfrau

[redqueen]

43. I wish. (nt)

[JVS]

20. Dirty old man

[redqueen]

22. Do people really not see the diff?

Cougar - middle aged.

Old - 60's and up.

[JVS]

26. If you're a 50 year old man and trying to pick up 18-22, you'll get called old.

Middle age is longer for women for 2 reasons. 1) Our society is sensitive about women's age, for example one doesn't ask a lady her age. 2) Women live longer, so their middle can last longer.

[Reverend_Smitty]

31. I agree...

I see those types out at the bar every now and then and my friends and I would call them dirty old men

[redqueen]

34. Sorry... but no.

I'm 38 and my kids call me old. Does that change reality?

[Runcible Spoon]

85. when I was 17, I thought 24 was old

It certainly IS a double standard for women, since our range of conventional sexual desirability is shorter, but I have to agree that even a 35 year old man picking up college girls would be called "old"...


In my eyes, it's not about chronological age but about stations in life. As in, if you were 22 and worked at an office as a manager and dated a co-worker who was 35, it wouldn't be so awkward as it might be if he had to pick you up after your afternoon physics exam :evilgrin:

On a side note, I've almost exclusively dated younger guys. I'm only 28 but when your lover is 21 and not yet graduated those 7 years feel like a lot. I think culture is changing to accept older women with younger men, but as we transition we will be hit with shit like the "cougar" phenomenon.

[Carnea]

29. No you can be a dirty old man in your late thirties. Or so I've been told...nt

[redqueen]

36. *sigh*

We have to try to agree on an objective reality here or there's no point in discussion to begin with.

[XemaSab]

63. I knew a dirty old man who was 22

The thought of dating someone old and crusty... like 25 even... just grossed him out. :P

Bernie's going to be picking up on 19-year-old boys from his wheelchair in the home in 60 years.

[Patiod]

65. Wolves?

[NewJeffCT]

7. where does this come from?

may i ask? i missed something somewhere?

[La Lioness Priyanka]

12. i dont know really. seems to have become popular in the last few months

[Midlodemocrat]

17. Okay. Out of the loop. What do you mean? The animal?

:shrug:

[La Lioness Priyanka]

19. older women who date younger men/women.

[NewJeffCT]

24. ah, I see

it does make them seem predatory.

[Midlodemocrat]

25. Huh? They're called Cougars?

I never heard that before. I think that's a little unkind to say the least. There's no term like that for older men who date younger women.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

30. its very new. i am just going on record to say, i dont like it.

:)

[Midlodemocrat]

33. I agree with you.

I'm of a *ahem* certain age, and I wouldn't want to be referred to in that manner. It's insulting and just unkind.

Where's the equivalent name for a guy?

[La Lioness Priyanka]

35. why should there be? thats the 'natural' order. the natural order of the perennially

young sperm :eyes:

[redqueen]

37. Look upthread.

*sigh*

:(

[Midlodemocrat]

41. Yeah, I don't get it.

Why should women who date younger guys be vilified because of it? It's wrong on every level.

And, in the interest of full disclosure, I am six years younger than Mr. Midlo, so I have no dog in this fight.

[JVS]

52. Date? I thought the term usually meant one night standers, or people who have brief flings.

[redqueen]

55. What makes you think that?

All this "cougar" talk reminded me of this skit:

http://funnyvideooftheday.blogspot.com/2008/04/saturday-night-lives-cougar-den-skit.html

[JVS]

79. Because that is how I have heard the term used by people in real life over the last 2 years.

[Fleshdancer]

27. It grosses me out too

Sexuality is a beautiful and fluid thing. The need to turn in into nothing more than hunting analogies and power games is pathetic.

[RainDog]

38. and here I am again with another question..

or rather, a cultural observation.

would two women who love one another, tho one is... I dunno, 15 years older than the other.. would that be considered a predatory relationship?

I know of expressions for males/females and males/males but not female/female.

One of the great things about acceptance of diff. sexualities is the way in which cultural issues that are framed as biological or whatever can be examined to ask if something is odd to us because it's about power rather than love, or rather some gendered hierarchy that is so much a part of a culture that it seems "natural."

[La Lioness Priyanka]

44. personally i have issues with non peer group dating etc

you get more power as you grow older. intellectual, financial and social. with large age disparities comes large power disparity. (up to a point. i think a 40 year old and a 55 year old may not have large power disparities)

i think whether its same gender or different gender the power disparities exist. i do believe that its more in different gender relationships, when the man is older, because men have more societal power anyway.

i wouldnt date anyone much younger than me or much older. i have dated older before and believe that the power differences are unhealthy.

but ofcourse this is ONLY for me and mine.

[Midlodemocrat]

51. Interesting. I never thought of it that way.

I am six years younger than Mr. Midlo, and if you asked him, he would say I'm the one with the power. LOL.

To me, it's more an issue of interests than power. He makes way more than me, but I was out of the work force for 13 years raising my kids. I'm happy doing what I'm doing because I don't have to go into an office or do any traveling, which would make things difficult because he travels.

I think you may have a point, though. I do see some couples with power issues. We don't have that, so I don't think about it much.

[JVS]

50. There is an old guideline about half your age +7

18 and 33, no dice. The relative level of maturity is going to be way different.

[RainDog]

73. wow. you just quadrupled my dating possiblities!

It just so happened that I seemed to always end up with a guy who was three or four years younger... not knowing this going in, either... but that's really not outside of my own experiences. I had one relationship with a guy who was somewhat younger and I just wouldn't have been able to take him seriously, so I just couldn't keep going out with him. but I was younger then too... if you're in your twenties, a few years can be a big thing, not so much in your forties, imo. I dated one guy who seemed significantly older than me -- by 8 years -- and that didn't seem weird to me, but I was also young then.

I was married for forever, tho, so most all of my experience with this sort of thing was pre-marriage. Since I got a divorce, I haven't been out prowling the streets or anything, so I guess I'm in no position to be an expert.

[Left Is Write]

48. I don't like the term either. Hate it, hate it, hate it.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

49. agreed

:hi: :loveya:

[Left Is Write]

54. You, however....

I love.

We don't talk enough anymore. :hi:

[Schema Thing]

53. I agree. I think society needs to quit pretending that it is somehow

un-natural for people to be attracted to someone younger. That's.just.plain.silly.

Now we can and should write a social contract to deal with protecting children, but past the terms of that social contract, why don't we just let people decide on their own who they want to be with?


I'm the product of a coupling wherein my mother was half my fathers age, 28/56 respectively. It wasn't perfect (er, actually it was, for me), but it was certainly no worse and in some ways much better than many relationships of couples of the same age.

[Withywindle]

56. I kind of like it - and I'm creeping up on that age group.

Cougars are awesome animals. Powerful and beautiful. I think there's some admiration implied there. And hey, if younger men decide to recognize the fact that older women are often better in bed, great!

I would never use it seriously (does anyone?) but it makes me laugh more than it makes me angry. If some young dude called me that, it would probably be with at least semi-flirtatious intent, and I'd give it right back (though probably not go home with him - I'm not actually all that attracted to much younger guys.)

[IndianaJones]

57. I think it is derived from the predatory nature of their vaginas. nt.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

60. as opposed to a preylike penis?

[IndianaJones]

67. in the movie Cougar Club, the males are the helpless victims of these diabolical cougars. nt

[Schema Thing]

62. Vagina Dentata Puma concolor

[Zuiderelle]

58. Now that I know what it means, I agree.

[Carnea]

61. Here are some Cougar related PSAs

[Blue-Jay]

64. This is gonna get good!

:popcorn:

[Midlodemocrat]

68. And we're off.

:eyes:

Way to go, dude. Way to piss off half of DU.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

69. some people need to log off their computers and get laid. nt

[Midlodemocrat]

72. I worry though.

A poor unsuspecting cougar could get hurt.

[Carnea]

75. I agree 24 more minutes and work time is over....

I don't necessarily agree with the fake PSA's but it does show how much this term has been over used in the last six-months...

The last time I pointed out I hate the term cougar and thought it was overused I was accused of sexism ageism and immaturity... The latter of which I plead nolo contendre to.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

76. thats interesting. i think the term sucks.

[NewEnglandGirl]

88. Some log on

to get laid. At least they think that's what they're doing. :hide:

[redqueen]

74. Yes, these women are revered and looked up to.

This isn't a pejorative AT ALL. Heavens no!

*sigh*

[RadiationTherapy]

80. "old bitches have money, son"

fail.

[RadiationTherapy]

82. "eye fuck her"??

fail.

[Runcible Spoon]

83. it's an update of the ole' "vagina with teeth"...

get it? cougar=cat=pussy=vagina, clever :eyes:

I don't like this one bit either; looks like the perceived phenomenon is an outgrowth with our culture's fascination with "The Real Housewives of Orange County".

MILF I can live with; cougar is just a slur against any women who break the old/new conventional knowledge that women can only express sexuality:

1. When they are 30 or younger
2. When they are thin
3. When they are properly groomed (fully shaved, Mystic tanned, pedicured, etc)

But watch out girls! Better get a man fast before you retire to Cougar Country! :eyes:

[redqueen]

84. "conventional knowledge that women can only express sexuality: ..."

:applause:

[RainDog]

86. from the psa-s

cougars are in their 30s or early 40s and they go to bars and pick up men who are younger than they are for casual sex. This "the" definition - "the" context for this? -- this is how it's used for males who use this term?

it's not about a woman who is 45 who has a long-term relationship with a man who is 35? Or is that woman a cougar, too?

what I find interesting about the "psa" thing is that they are all about casual sex. so, it's okay for a male to pick up a female who is the same age or younger just to fuck, but not okay for a female who is a decade or so older to do the same. in the context of the psa-s, the fear seems to be that a male might actually LIKE a "cougar" and she wouldn't ever be serious about him... he wouldn't get to be the one who dumps her, or never calls her again, etc. etc.

it's a power issue and about male sexual confidence AND, more importantly, male fears of being "feminized" in a relationship. It expresses the same sort of fear that males have expressed toward gay males who have more effeminate mannerisms.

Which, imo, means that it ultimately comes down to a fear that a male loses his "masculinity" if he likes an older woman - tho, if an older woman pursues said male, he gains "masculinity" by being pursued and refusing. Or by being brutal about such an encounter.

In addition, the psa-s "put women in their place." Who are these older women to have the nerve to go out and "act like a male?"

So, yeah, the term is fucked up five ways to Sunday. My kids' high school team was The Cougars. I must go out and buy a sweatshirt asap to express solidarity with my sisters who want to fuck and run. Not for me, but so what.

[kineneb]

87. meow, swishes tail...

(kidding, am 49, not really interested in anyone younger than 40)Yes, I think it is a tacky term, but this too shall pass.

I am getting to learn all about this sort of thing. I have started almost dating again after my husband's death, using an internet site (I live in the boonies, where the trees outnumber the people by a large ratio.)

[ThomCat]

90. Geez! Like we need another sexist label making the rounds.

x(

I agree with you. I don't like it.