Crap! I think my mom know's I'm dating my boyfriend.

[lightningandsnow]

Or at least she knows I'm seeing someone...I think. Maybe.

I saw The Dark Knight with him a couple nights ago. I don't live with my mom, so I didn't tell her about this. Anyways, I was on the phone with her just now, and she was like "I know you went out last night, how did you get home?" I said, "I walked. With, um, friends." I'm such a bad liar and it was so awkward! And how did she even know in the first place?

Should I just fess up? I feel like she's either going to get super-pissed at me, since my boyfriend is 21, or overjoyed that I'm dating a guy instead of a girl. Ha.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

1. aren't you 15? if so your bf is far too old for you

[XemaSab]

2. We agree on something

:toast:

NO decent man that age would date a 15-year-old. It just doesn't happen.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

3. agreed

[JVS]

4. Ooooh an old lecher!

:popcorn:

[La Lioness Priyanka]

5. why are you calling me a lecher? bastard

[JVS]

9. I'm talking about the BF that is 1.4 times as old as the OP

[La Lioness Priyanka]

10. i know. was just pulling your leg.

[Midlodemocrat]

6. Completely agree.

:thumbsup:

[Shakespeare]

7. Agree 100 percent.

Bad, bad idea. And could get the guy into a world of trouble, too.

[MrCoffee]

11. Nothing like setting up a statuory rape charge

But we're in love!!!

[lightningandsnow]

17. The age of consent in Canada is 16.

I'm 16. Turning 17 in December.

[Shakespeare]

19. Still a bad idea. n/t

[Zuiderelle]

8. I'll join in the agreement chorus here.

[LostinVA]

30. Me too

[lightningandsnow]

16. I'm actually 16....almost 17 (Well, in Decemeber)

I don't usually date people this much older than me...my relationship is the kind of thing that I didn't really plan on happening, it just did. But I'm very happy.

[pitohui]

21. aspiegirl, we have an age-ist society

you are happy and you are of age, at some point i think you will have to follow your heart and not expect the crowd to applaud because people feel obligated to make certain noises based on nothing more than a very recent change in law and public opinion

probably every woman on this site who is now older than 40 when she was 16 dated or actually had sex with a person in their 20s or 30s but try getting any of them (other than me) to admit it, we are just not allowed to say those things any longer

[dendrobium]

46. I agree that this is not uncommon

My first boyfriend was 21 and I was 16. As long as everybody respects each other there really should be no problem.

[JVS]

59. Ok. Then go for it!

[CreekDog]

40. he is too old, look:

[JVS]

12. If this thread is any indication, I think your mom's going to be pissed.

[derby378]

13. The age of consent in Canada is 16

If you are indeed 15, there is a "close-in-age exception," where you can legally date someone less than five years older than you. 21 is definitely over the limit.

If the two of you are truly serious about each other, please wait just a little while longer. Otherwise, your BF is facing a heap of trouble.

[dembotoz]

14. way way way too old.

do not care how mature you are.
do not care how kind and caring he may be.
21 and 15 is just not good.
Your mom would or should freak and rightfully so

[lightningandsnow]

18. I'm not 15.

I'm 16. Turning 17 in December. It's a four and a half year age difference, not a six-year one.

[AlCzervik]

15. if i was your mom i'd be super pissed and he would no longer be your boyfriend.

[pitohui]

20. it's our job as teens to protect our moms from the truth

as you can see from the other posts, if you tell your mom, she will likely wig out

16 and 21 is not going to be a long term relationship but neither is it unnatural, in my day, we all preferred to date men in their 20s (it was legal then and no one thought anything of it and teen BOYS are not as mature as teen girls so it's actually a logical match)

since you are now 16 and can't get your BF in legal trouble you must follow your heart but always use protection aga. disease/babies

i don't agree w. consensus that a 21 yr old boy and 16 yr old girl is an evil unnatural pairing, i think it's just today's politics that make us feel obliged to say so

unfortunately the reality of today's world being what it is you can't really tell your mom and expect her to understand

even if she dated a 21 when she was 16 (and i promise you that she did)

if you are not strong enough to keep your secret then you're going to have conflict w. your mom on this issue, it will be impossible to keep everyone happy
in other words my advice is simple: NEVER FESS UP UNTIL YOU'RE READY TO DUMP THIS BOY -- then your mom's unhappiness will give you the excuse you need to move on, but while you're enjoying the relationship i think you should learn to be a better fibber -- lying is an essential life skill to have if you ever expect to hold a job as an adult, might as well learn it now, 16 is getting pretty old

[Catch22Dem]

22. What's wrong with him? Why does a 21 year old guy want to date a kid?

If I was your mom, I'd take step one on getting him thrown in jail. I'm not a mom though. I'm a dad and I'm a prick.

[Commie Pinko Dirtbag]

26. Apparently, she's above the age of consent.

Does that get you pissed? I hope it does.

[Catch22Dem]

36. Age of consent aside...

There's something "off" about a 21 year old guy who dates a kid. This guy will probably like 'em young when he's in his 50s. That should be a hoot.

Yes, it pisses me off.

[Commie Pinko Dirtbag]

61. Good. -nt

[Beaverhausen]

23. If you lie to your mom about this, she won't trust you in the future

You shouldn't lie to her.

Believe it or not, sometimes Moms know a thing or two that you don't.

And just my opinion, but a 21 year old is too old for a 16 year old.

[pitohui]

24. every teen girl must lie to her mom, it's an important part of growing up

i take it you are male, it's a key part of female adolescence to separate self from one's mother and unfortunately the process involves a certain amount of distance -- including the arguments, the lies, etc.

it doesn't matter what MOM knows, what matters when you're 16 is getting out there and learning for yourself so that YOU will know

21 wasn't too old for 16 until just a few years ago, when oprah said so, we used to know a bit more about human biology and psychology and we were aware that girls mature more rapidly than boys

i'm sure young men are LOVING all this horseshit about how young women should only date folks their age, but jeebus, a 16 yr old boy is so often a baby compared to the 16 yr old girl -- don't we remember anything about being young?

why so much negativity? she'll get enough from her mom when they do have the inevitable screaming, yelling showdown

[Beaverhausen]

27. I'm female and I'm step-mom to a teen (17) who was dating a 26 year old

He lied to her, stole a bunch of money then went off and married his old girlfriend.

Lying is never OK. If mom already saw her with the guy she should tell the truth.

[Midlodemocrat]

42. Oh, horseshit.

:eyes:

My daughter didn't and never did lie to me.

[alphafemale]

25. when you are 21 you will understand how absurd it is to want to be with a 16 yr old.

It may sound cliche, but he is after one thing, and the women his age want nothing to do with him.

I know you really feel special and flattered right know...but please, please, please be careful.

Many of us have have gone through a similar thing.

One of the hardest things of all in life is watching young people fall into the same mistakes and heartbreaks that you had.

The bitterest lessons can't be told. They have to be lived.

Bless you AspieGrrl. And in a way I hope we are all wrong. I hope you have found a true love.

But just keep some guards on your heart...OK?

:hug:

[Commie Pinko Dirtbag]

28. At the age of 43, I look back at my 21yo and 16yo selves

I was only marginally more mature at 21.

[alphafemale]

29. I did not hang around with 16 year olds when I was 21.

I wouldn't even have considered it.

And even looking back, also from 43 btw, I was WAY more mature at 21 than at 16.

I'd already been on my own for about 3 years at that point.

A 21 year old still living at home is probably not really more mature than 16 though.

But most of them are probably still averse to hanging out with teens, I'd guess.

[RadiationTherapy]

34. Yeah. usually there is an aversion. I can't imagine what I would have in common

with someone still in high school when I am old enough to have graduated college.

I work at a university, and the difference (physically) between freshmen and juniors and seniors is absolutely amazing. Our bodies may reach max height at 16 or 18, but the face appears to continue to change shape until the 20's.

[Midlodemocrat]

45. You're a guy. It's a well known, documented medical fact that

guys don't mature until they're 45.



:hide:

Of course, this is simply anecdotal evidence taken from the postings of the DU Lounge.

[asthmaticeog]

56. Not a good sample group though.

Not with jasonc skewing it all so drastically downward.

:hide:

[Midlodemocrat]

57. Good point.

Hey, OT, but have you heard from Aly lately? I'm worried about her.

[asthmaticeog]

58. Check PMs. nt

[HEyHEY]

65. But, you're from Brazil.

[lightningandsnow]

31. Actually, he's only dated people his own age up until now.

But your point is well taken, and thank you for being respectful.

:hug: back.

[alphafemale]

35. Back at ya'

:hug:

[Zuiderelle]

32. When I first read this I saw "I think my mom knows I'm dating her boyfriend."

That would be FAR worse.

[Catch22Dem]

37. But much more entertaining for the rest of us. :)

:evilgrin:

[Richardo]

62. ...but an excellent premise for a Penthouse letter

:)

[RadiationTherapy]

33. Where did you two meet?

[lightningandsnow]

38. A queer group.

Yeah it's this group for LGBTQ youth (in their teens and 20's).

[RadiationTherapy]

41. Cool. I couldn't get my head around where you two would intersect to meet.

I know you didn't want all this attention in this thread, but it is such an unusual situation these days.

[XOEnterprises]

39. I can see both sides here.

I'm 21, and my girlfriend's 18. While that's not quite as large of an age gap, we are over three years apart. On one hand, if both people really are mature enough about their relationship and about each other, I really don't see what's wrong if you're both over the age of consent.

However, on the other hand, you two are in completely different stages of life, and might want different things. My girlfriend is just starting college, and staying home to do so. I'm about the graduate, so I'm looking for a place to settle down for at least a year or two, so there's been some friction as to what we're going to do to work out our relationship. Her place in life is far different than mine.

I think you need to figure out if it's right for you to tell her. I felt I needed to tell my parents I was dating another woman, and my partner's not ready to do that yet. If you're ready to face the consequences, be what they may, then go for it. I will say that it's much harder to do something sooner rather than later.

Just my opinion.

[dropkickpa]

43. Just wanted to add

There's no way in hell I wanted to date a boy or girl my age when I was 16. The youngest person I ever dated was 18 when I was 15, and that didn't work out so well.

[snailly]

44. I just read that as your Mom is dating your boyfriend ...

LOL

Anyway, that is a huge age gap at your age. Please stop and think about this. Why do you need to be dating anyone? Why can't you find who you are without that added crap? You are so young. Enjoy this time without that bullshit, honey.

[HEyHEY]

66. JERRY! JERRY! JERRY!

[Madrone]

47. Well Jesus....

After reading this thread there's no WAY I'm going to tell you how old the guy *I* dated when I was 16 was. And he wasn't a freak. Or a pervert. And I have love for him (not IN love, mind you) even now - 20 years later. I haven't seen him in years but I'll always remember him fondly.

As for your mom - I dunno what your relationship with her is but I never told my mom shit. I'm still very selective with information given to her. She'd never "get" me in a million years - and I don't need her grief. You should do whatever you feel okay with.

Edited to add: When I was 17 I moved in with a man younger than the one referenced above but still well above what you're talking about. That didn't work out so well - I think he had woman-hating issues that didn't become apparent until I was under his control. But I've almost always dated men considerably older than myself. Those seem to be the ones that LIKE me. Guys that were my own age - not so much.

[Withywindle]

51. I'm with you Madrone

I had some considerably older men in my life when I was in my teens. I have no regrets at all. Maybe they were immature - so what? We enjoyed each other's company, that's the important thing.

Five years is NOT that big a gap, or at least it doesn't seem that way to me.

My parents were actually OK with the older-man thing, for a personal and quirky reason: my dad worked very rural law enforcement. He spent years pulling what was left of teenagers out of a lot of mangled wrecks. He saved a few. There were a whole bunch more he couldn't save. Their single biggest keep-them-up-at-night fear about me dating had nothing at all to do with sex and everything to do with teenage-boy drivers. They were relieved that I kind of skipped that part.

[TrogL]

48. One Aspie to another - you may be in waaaayyy over your head

The problem with keeping things like this from others is you don't have anybody to check against if you're being conned. Parents (especially of aspies) are protective for a reason. Granted some parents (like mine) may go overboard.

Regardless, be careful. It's a jungle out there.

If you can, post here and we'll give you what advice we can.

[MilesColtrane]

49. Uggh...sounds like this guy.

You know what he said about high school girls.

[Orrex]

50. If you're dating a 21 year old because you find guys your age to be immature...

In a few weeks you'll realize that the 21 year old is every bit as immature, but he can vote and buy beer and drive after midnight. Additionally, if you're dating an older guy because guys your age are too childish, you have to ask yourself why this older guy is dating girls your age.

I hate to sound like an old fuddy-duddy, but he's too old for you.


Now, if you listen closely, you'll hear the sound of me butting out of your business...

[darmok167]

52. A buddy of mine started dating a 16 year old when he was 20.

Everyone said they were too far apart in age to ever work. Now, many years later they are still together, married, and have two children. He's now 31 and no one thinks a thing about him being married to a 27 year old. LOL

[billyoc]

53. Slap your mother, dump your boyfriend, and run away and join the circus.

Nothing personal, that's just what I advise everyone to do. :hi:

[DarkTirade]

60. ... and that's why it's worth coming to the lounge.

Because every now and then you can find some FANTASTIC advice.

:)

[billyoc]

63. Here to help!

:rofl:

[Fran Kubelik]

54. Hey. Just be careful.

People here are just being protective of you. Madrone is right that many of us dated older men when we were your age, with varying results.

If you think talking to your mom would be beneficial, go for it. I don't know what your relationship is like with her. If she's not someone you regularly confide in, do you have someone who can fill that role who can be a sounding board for you?

[old mark]

55. AspieGrrl, I'm 9 years older than my wife.

of course, she is 52 now, so it isn't any problem.

Wait 10 years, then, if you still like him....

mark

[HEyHEY]

64. Your BF is a perv.

Seriously. THe dude is 21? Walk away.

[Seedersandleechers]

67. Hey 16

Your post made me think of this song


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cBD23rTqVRk


It's legal - do what you think is best for you.

[Karenina]

68. Na, Du, AG...

So we geezers are all flipping out on you, (much like you seem to suspect yer mom will) BUT PLEASE, PLEASE recognize that the "PROTECT OUR MUCH-LOVED BABYKINS" button has now been pushed. Not knowing your particular circumstances, allow me to make this gross generalization 4 decades and 1 year after making the transition you are now... 21 is the WORST AGE FOR MALES!!! THE ABSOLUTE WORST!!!

I say this from the experience of dating them when I was younger AND older AND as the mom of 2 who have passed that benchmark. Two words: POWER DIFFERENTIALS.

Just do your thing while looking out for yourself and (when you trust us enough), taking our concerns to heart. I can assure you that YOUR needs are far from uppermost in his mind! :rofl::rofl::rofl: My experience was that somewhere around 29-32 they begin to mellow out. ;-) I do hope you'll check back into this thread later. :hug: