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I'm an addict. I've smoked marijuana for 16 years, drank alcohol for almost that long, and dabbled (but never got "hooked") in cocaine, meth, and heroine. What can I say? I live in South Florida, the stuff is everywhere around here.
Nowadays all I do is drink a few days a week and smoke pot whenever I can afford it. The friends I had who encouraged my addictions have all either died from overdose, parted ways, or just been omitted from my life. I've always had sleeping problems so I've abused night time cold medications and antihistamine sleeping pills as well. I've also abused prescribed benzodiazepines (ativan, klonopan, xanax), mixing them with alcohol, of course.
My question is this, what do you do when you consciously know that you're having negative effects on yourself and your family but your body just doesn't want to listen? I crave an altered perception. Being straight is like a nightmare for me because I suffer from nervous disorders and am diagnosed as bipolar and being high lets me relax and feel "normal". I've been through two inpatient detox programs but always seem to gravitate back to drinking and smoking pot because my prescribed medication just doesn't do it for me.
I know I'm hurting my family and my finances aren't exactly benefiting either. So to those of you in my position, have been in my position, or have/had family in that position what can be done? I've sought professional help but I'm literally at war with my body and nothing seems to change that.
Does anybody have any thoughts that could get me to see these things differently or better understand what I have to do get my life under control?
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