God, I feel terrible

[Droopy]

I feel like somebody has put a cake mixer inside my skull and turned it on high.

I've been talking to a woman that I met on a dating site by e-mail and phone for about a week. Everything seemed fine. We talked about ourselves and laughed a lot. We are supposed to go out this Sunday.

I have no idea why the following happened. I was talking on the phone with her last night and she started getting sarcastic in a friendly kind of way. So I kind of laughed and then the sarcasm started getting more intense and less friendly. It ended up that she called me an asshole in every way possible without actually saying the word. It came out of nowhere and was a total mindfuck.

I'm serious, guys. I'm successfully being treated for a severe mental illness, but right now I feel kind of like I did before I started taking the medication. I don't think we're going to be going out on that date this weekend. I don't even think it will happen if she apologizes and offers an explanation. I can't be around someone who can be like that.

[MissHoneychurch]

1. Oh I am sorry Droopy

that really sucks :hug:

Keep your head up and don't let her get into it. There are good women out there. Just one needs to find you.

:loveya:

[Bertha Venation]

2. No, you can't.

Life is too short to spend any time with toxic people.

But knowing that doesn't mitigate the hurt. I'm sorry, Droopy. :hug:

[Deja Q]

3. Humans - always useless in the end. I feel sorry for what has happened to you.

:hug:


I too dislike being single, but like a counselor of mine one said, like with life itself, it's "radical acceptance".

Everyone's situation is different, so take my scenario with a grain, if not bucket full of, salt.

Especially in today's "society", where even bacteria collected from a cesspool have a greater sense of community and compassion.

The right person will show up eventually. Most people are dickless pricks. Or in her case, the feminine opposite but that's not a term I want to contemplate right now... at least from my perspective; I'm bi. Twice as many chances to get turned down and the way the media has shaped modern day living, I need a lot of convincing TO date.

[redqueen]

4. Wow... she has issues.

Be glad you found out early. She did you a favor by taking the 'nice' mask off before you had a chance to really care about her or what she thinks.

:pals:

[Droopy]

5. I guess that's a good way to think about it

Thanks. :hug:

[redqueen]

7. My pleasure, Droopy.

:hug:

[moriah]

6. She sounds like she's the one who needs treatment.

I'm very glad you have the strength and insight to see that being with someone who can turn into an abusive bitch for absolutely no reason is a much worse prospect than being alone.

Some people are so desperate for companionship that they will tolerate verbal and emotional abuse, or even physical abuse, just so they aren't alone. My mom is like that, and she's gotten into so many relationships that were not healthy for her at all. It's refreshing to see a person with enough self-confidence to not feel like they have to take being treated like shit.

I'm lighting a candle for you in hopes that you can find a kind and caring woman someday -- a woman that deserves you.

[Droopy]

9. Thank you very much

I hope your mom finds a nice guy.

[JVS]

8. Dump her, move on.

[Danger Mouse]

10. She's not worth your time.

[Beausoir]

11. You didn't deserve that and she doesn't deserve you.

She's the one who needs serious help. What a horrid person.

Hang in there. You seem like a very nice person. Take care of YOU.

[auntAgonist]

12. You're right! You cannot

subject yourself to that. You deserve better !

I'm sorry it worked out this way, but as others have said, better to find out now.

She sounds horrible :(

:hug:

aA
kesha

[GCP]

13. She tore the mask off herself early enough to save you from serious hurt

She definitely has *issues*, and you're well rid of her :hug:

[undeterred]

14. Dating is exhausting.

You make yourself vulnerable to someone you don't know and hope for the best- but you never know what you will find. I believe that people are more honest in the beginning of a relationship in terms of showing who they really are. She showed you. Your instincts are correctly telling you to get away from her or you will experience more of the same.

Edit: :hug:

[harmonicon]

15. that sucks

meeting new people is hard. It's very hard to get to know someone and understand why they do what they do.

[amitten]

16. I'm sorry. You need to ask her what happened.

Sometimes people will be upset about something, and instead of confronting the person, they use snippy remarks as a "hint".

[UndertheOcean]

17. She probably wanted out , and was not honest enough to say so

she wanted it the come from you ....

But I must ask this , Are you absolutely sure there was no paranoia from your side ? you weren't being overly sensitive ?

[Droopy]

20. I have a better grasp on reality than a lot of sane people, UtO

It's because I really know the difference having experienced both sides of the coin.

[LaurenG]

18. Oh I'm so sorry

That happened to me with a friend I care very much about, suddenly she was calling me names. I couldn't figure out what happened, I do forgive her and care very much about her but I will never be friends with her again. I hope you can move on.

:hug:

[Jamastiene]

19. That sounds like a possibly abusive situation.

It is a good sign that you won't put up with it. You are actually doing the right thing, imho. Abusive relationships never get better. They invariably always get worse.

Someone who is more compassionate and doesn't personally attack you might be the better way to go, even if you have to meet a few more people until that one shows up.

I know it's incredibly hard to see it this way right now, but when you get to the point that you are feeling a little better, you can look back and see that you did the right thing for your own emotional good health to RUN, don't walk, away from a situation that is possibly abusive.

:hug:

[EFerrari]

21. Sadistic. I'm glad you're rethinking your date.

:grr:

[Haole Girl]

22. Droopy-

This is about her, not you. You deserve better. :hug:

[sohndrsmith]

23. I'm so sorry... do you know if she drinks?

First thing that popped into my head - because I've been surprised by a completely different "person" unexpectedly, especially in the evening - when that person has been drinking. Not necessarily drunk, but there is a marked personality change without the least hint of slurring or impairment. Ended up getting divorced to said person, and still recognize when alcohol has been ingested or not.

I have no idea if your situation is similar, and I don't mean to imply that this woman has a problem, but alcohol does cause behaviour changes and it sounds like a possibility to me.

If she does end up contacting you and apologizing, please proceed with caution - you are too important to YOU, and you need YOU to watch out for yourself. If there was alcohol (or something else) involved, you have to be realistic and ask yourself if this is something you're willing to deal with - it will happen again, and it will always be just as hard, if not harder, each time. If there was no chemical explanation, there are issues that you may not be able - or willing - to take on if you are in treatment yourself. All of these would spell red flags to me... and it sounds like you are on a good, positive path, and healthy people will only benefit you. Unhealthy people (mentally, chemically, ethically, etc.) will not.

Be selfish. It's one of the few times when doing so is more than appropriate, it can be life-saving.

I send you good thoughts and positivity. Take good care.... : )

[LeftyFingerPop]

24. I'm sorry Droopy.

[Schema Thing]

25. She's definitely effing with your mind...

....which indicates to me that she has serious mental issues herself. I agree that whether she apologizes or not, you're better off not going forward with any contact.


Please don't let yourself take it too personally (I know that's impossible when you had your hopes up already) and be glad you found out before you had more than just hope and a little bit of time invested.

[RandomThoughts]

26. quick reality check.

If she was being sarcastic. You might be reading things into what she is saying, when she does not mean it.

For instance, she says "your nice" you just think she is being sarcastic. It can be a bit nerve racking meating someone new. So you might be projecting what you fear she thinks into what she says.

If she really thinks your not for her, she wont spend time with you, unless she just wants a free meal. Plan an inexpensive type date, see if she wants to spend time. Park walk, or movie or something.

And if she does walk away, no worries, but you might just be reading into it. Everyone does it.

Or she might be being mean.

[Lil Missy]

27. When people show you what they are like, believe them. Dump her, and fast.

[Wapsie B]

28. God that's awful.

It's never enjoyable having to deal with that, when a person shows their true colors. But it should also highlight how desirable sanity is in someone you date. Look at it this way, you were testing her without even knowing it, and she failed big time.

[Maccagirl]

29. Dear Droopy

I have total empathy for you. I met someone on the internet and through about 3 dozen emails, etc. it looked like we were really compatible and decided to meet up for lunch at a restaurant. The lunch went fine (at least I thought so) and I sent another email that day thanking him for a nice time and ...nothing. I was in a funk for about two weeks wondering what I done wrong and feeling completely worthless. I certainly wouldn't go out with her this weekend-end it now and you'll get through the short-term pain (as others have said to you in their replies). Good luck!

[Radical Activist]

30. How odd.

Its funny how people you know online can be so different in person than what you expect.

[GoddessOfGuinness]

31. You don't need that kind of crap.

If it's not fun now, you can be sure it will be even worse later.

:hug::hug::hug: