rant on tween porn "twilight"-spoiler so beware

[uppityperson]

how can a vampire impregnate a woman? I mean, seriously? They've gone on and on and on and on and on and on and on about "marble chest" and how cold and hard his body is. Blech. So where did the sperm come from and how did they get into her?

I haven't read that far, but seeing reviews it pisses me off. Oh, it's soooooooooooooo romantic! No. How about wtf?

What a bunch of annoying claptrap tripe in a book. How did she get pregnant?

[Aristus]

1. Maybe the vampire is a Mormon. Those guys can impregnate ANYTHING!

:P

[uppityperson]

2. Guess we're not supposed to think about "the act"

I read a review that Bella was made to be so bland so every female tween (and older ones) could easily imagine themselves in the middle of a "I'm so alone, I am special, no one understands me except this really HOT dude who stalks me and saves me and luvs me forever" fantasy.

[petronius]

3. Well, if he's "hard" I'd say that's half the battle

:shrug:

[uppityperson]

5. there is that, but I am sorry. I NEVER had any desire to stick a rock hard cold thing

into myself. And, wouldn't his spermies be a bit...something? If his skin is that hard and cold, wonder what his testicles are like, not to mention how the heck he makes sperm.

[petronius]

8. I thought cold(ish) temps were good for sperm production

isn't that why fertility docs recommend boxers?

From your description I'm guessing she wouldn't enjoy it very much, however...

[LynneSin]

14. I'm guessing you've never been to a Gynecologist then....

we all get 'rock hard cold things' stuck into us

[backtoblue]

20. great...

Now I'll have fantasies of Edward Cullen every time I go in for my pap....thanks...:)

[LynneSin]

21. Well it'll help with the posters of scenic places that always seem to be on the ceilings

Although my first gynecologist had pictures of Zebras - not sure what was up with that.

[Lethe]

4. the idea of a romantic vampire is beyond silly

the original idea was that the vampire acted romantic, or at least seemed romantic, through supernatural charismatic powers, so that they could drain the woman's blood and murder her.

[uppityperson]

6. "I want you, need you, you are like my personal heroin drug" is not romantic to me

but then I'm old an uppity

[LynneSin]

15. Hey I called the KFC down the street from the the 'Local Crack Chicken'

Told my roomie that if I stop in there even once I'll be there all the time.

[Richard Steele]

7. You might as well be dwelling on the plot holes in 'Naughty BiseXXXual Nurses vol. 122"

It's CRAP! Stop overthinking it!
The answer to ANY concern you have about that film will always be:
"Because it's CRAP!"

You said it yourself: it's PORN.
So why the hell are you expecting any LOGIC in it?

You might as well be trying to DIAGRAM the sentences
in one of Dubya's "State of the Union" addresses.

Stop now, and go back. In that direction lies MADNESS.

[DarkTirade]

9. Most insightful comment I've seen on the subject.

:P

[WildEyedLiberal]

11. +1

:thumbsup:

[uppityperson]

23. That's what I came up with also. I can suspend belief in a lot of it but

jfc, at least make the suspended beliefs logically match up.

[Yavin4]

10. Was The Vampire Named Levi Johnston?

Levi can magically impregnate abstinent women.

[PittPoliSci]

12. what's more disturbing is that a 200 year old creature is in love with a 15 year old.,

nobody talks about how the hero is a pedophile.

[motely36]

16. I thought this the first time i read it

I posted on this a while ago and people ignored it.

[PittPoliSci]

30. that's because twilight fans are insufferable.

and nobody else will sink as low as us apparently. screw 'em!

[uppityperson]

24. Oh, come on. He's only 100, she's already 16!

I know, a pedophile stalker, watching her sleep, needing her...like a drug...like heroin...

creeeeeeepppppppyyyyyyyyyyy

[Tommy_Carcetti]

13. How can vampires go out in the middle of the day?

That's what I want to know about Twilight after seeing the movie. Totally defeats the point of vampireness. I don't care if they live in gloomy Washington state, vampires still shouldn't go out in the middle of the day, and that's that.

[LynneSin]

17. In Twilight they cannot be in direct sunlight because it gives them away

That's why the Pacific Northwest is overrunned by Vampires - it rains all the time there. Anytime it was sunny out the kids would not show up to school

[RandomThoughts]

18. Vampires

are a complex set of metaphors with many translations. Movies of vampires are combinations of real world plots mixed with different elements of different interpretations of different metaphors, making for a huge range of what is and isn't possible in vampire films.

[Orrex]

19. They've become a catch-all, and in the process they've become nothing

[bikebloke]

22. Let the Right One In

A Swedish film on the human/vampire premise. It leaves Twilight in the dust - which I thought was a maudlin Buffy without the wit. Though the protagonists are twelve.

*The DVD by default plays in awful English dubbing. Go to set-up and switch to Swedish with English subtitles.

[EastTennesseeDem]

25. Best. Movie. Ever.

Well, maybe not. But I have seen it more times than I can count. It stuns me--especially the climax--every time I see it.

BTW, I'd recommend everyone wait till the DVD with the theatrical subtitles comes out. The English subtitles have caused quite a storm of controversy (see its Wikipedia entry), and with good reason. Thank God I've seen it enough not to need them.

[bikebloke]

26. I noticed

I understand some Swedish and noticed the subtitles sometimes jibed with what was said on screen.

It may be the company. I recently saw a Spanish film called Timecrimes (recommended)from the same. My Spanish isn't that good, but at one point the character looks at a calender showing the month of Septiembre. A subtitle popped up saying September.

[EastTennesseeDem]

27. Did you see it on the big screen?

They were perfect, and captured the attitude of the entire movie beautifully.

It was, in fact, the company. They replaced them and offered no explanation, just an apology.

Here's a good summary of it.
http://iconsoffright.com/news/2009/03/let_the_wrong_subtitles_in_to.html

[bikebloke]

29. Haven't been to the big screen in 9 years.

Talkers drove me away.

I keep going to YouTube to rewatch the trailer. This might have been a purchase, but maybe after waiting a year for fixed disques to become prominent, it might be worth a chance.

[uppityperson]

28. good grief, I thought you mean Twilight. Had to reread a couple times

to figure out you meant another movie. Whew. Twilight, best movie ever! oh. kay.