Happy Passover!

[old mark]

:hi:



mark

[JustABozoOnThisBus]

1. Does that holiday involve beer?

because Easter is pretty dang boring, unless you love chocolate.

But hey, a day off is a day off!

:party:

[TZ]

2. Wine..lots of wine

A two hour Seder involves drinking FOUR full glasses of wine

[JustABozoOnThisBus]

5. So "Passover" and "Pass Out" are synonyms. Got it.

Four glasses of wine would do me in. Maybe I'd have to sneak in a couple Excedrins.

But, enjoy!

:hi:

[TZ]

8. We actually use grape juice instead.

Too bad I actually prefer Manischevitz wine to regular wine...

[seemunkee]

3. In our house beer is always Kosher

Considering my MiL bought take out Passover dishes we needed something palatable to wash it down. The soup was so salty I thought Lot's wife fell in it. And no one can make a Kosher chicken as dry as my MiL, any drier and it would be jerky.
At least we only do the 2 minute Haggadah

Opening prayers:
Thanks, God, for creating wine. (Drink wine.)

Thanks for creating produce. (Eat parsley.)

Overview: Once we were slaves in Egypt. Now we're free. That's why we're doing this.

Four questions:
1. What's up with the matzoh?
2. What's the deal with horseradish?
3. What's with the dipping of the herbs?
4. What's this whole slouching at the table business?

Answers:
1. When we left Egypt, we were in a hurry. There was no time for making decent bread.
2. Life was bitter, like horseradish.
3. It's called symbolism.
4. Free people get to slouch.

A funny story: Once, these five rabbis talked all night, then it was morning. (Heat soup now.)

The four kinds of children and how to deal with them:
Wise child—explain Passover.
Simple child—explain Passover slowly.
Silent child—explain Passover loudly.
Wicked child—browbeat in front of the relatives.

Speaking of children: We hid some matzoh. Whoever finds it gets five bucks.

The story of Passover: It's a long time ago. We're slaves in Egypt. Pharaoh is a nightmare. We cry out for help. God brings plagues upon the Egyptians. We escape, bake some matzoh. God parts the Red Sea. We make it through; the Egyptians aren't so lucky. We wander 40 years in the desert, eat manna, get the Torah, wind up in Israel, get a new temple, enjoy several years without being persecuted again. (Let brisket cool now.)

The 10 Plagues: Blood, Frogs, Lice—you name it.

The singing of "Dayenu":
If God had gotten us out of Egypt and not punished our enemies, it would've been enough. If he'd punished our enemies and not parted the Red Sea, it would've been enough.

If he'd parted the Red Sea—(Remove gefilte fish from refrigerator now.)

Eat matzoh. Drink more wine. Slouch.

Thanks again, God, for everything.

SERVE MEAL.

[old mark]

4. Another funny story," His brother was worse!"

My MiL, who also made the brisket, has died, so we now have to go to a cousin near Philadelphia for brisket (oy).
We are having a nice roast and Latkes today, the big dinner at the cousin's will be next week so everybody can make it.

Have a great day anyway.
( I am a family goy - "...but he's a nice man..." - , but I will party with anybody and frequently do.)

mark

[JustABozoOnThisBus]

6. Thanks for the clarification

I've never heard it explained in quite that way. "Seder for Dummies", I suspect.

Anyway, thanks.

:hi:

[TZ]

7. OMG! I'm so printing that out for my family...

No one can get together for seder during the week so we usually get together easter sunday..I want to do the two minute Haggadah...:rofl:

[seemunkee]

9. Credit were credit is due

Originally published in Slate
http://www.slate.com/id/2139601/

[old mark]

10. My MIL claimed she could never remember the blessing/prayer

to cut the bread, so she always said "Jewish, Jewish, Jewish" before she cut it, establishing a tradition my wife does every year.

mark

[siligut]

12. This is great, thank you.

I saw where you credited Slate down thread.

[Kajsa]

11. Happy Passover, everyone!

:hi:

[Commie Pinko Dirtbag]

13. Calendar curiosity: does it always fall before the Christian Good Friday?

Or are there calculation mismatches?

[seemunkee]

14. The Hebrew calendar is a Luna calendar.

You probably know this but the Last Supper was a Seder.

[Kajsa]

15. The lunar calendar determines

when Easter takes place, also.

The first Sunday after the first full moon after the Spring
Equinox=Easter Sunday.