If you are offended by blonde jokes, DO NOT read this post.

[HopeHoops]

Consider yourself adequately warned...

Post your blonde jokes here.

Mine:

Joke 1:

A blind guy walks into a bar, sits down and says, "So, anyone want to hear a blonde joke?"

The bartender says, "I'm an ex-marine and I'm blonde."

The woman next to him says, "I'm a third degree black belt in karate and I'm blonde."

The man to his other side says, "I'm an Olympic champion wrestler and I'm blonde."

The bartender says, "So, do you still want to tell that blonde joke?"

The blind guy answers, "Nah, I don't want to have to explain it three times."

<rim shot>



Joke 2:

A blonde gets on an airplane and takes a seat in first class. A few moments later, a
man gets on the plane, looks at his ticket and notices his seat is taken. He goes to
the flight attendant and explains that someone is in his seat. He goes over and says,
"Excuse me, but someone else has that seat, may I see your ticket please?"

The blonde hands over her ticket and he says, "I'm sorry, but you're back in seat 23B in
coach."

She answers, "I'm blonde and I'm smart and I'm not getting out of this seat until we
get to Los Angeles."

He tries a few other nice ways of explaining, but always gets the same reply. Finally,
he goes to the head flight attendant and she comes over and gets the same response,
"I'm blonde and I'm smart and I'm not getting out of this seat until we get to Los Angeles."

After a few minutes, she is exasperated and she goes to the captain to explain the problem.

He says, "I'll handle this." He leaves the cockpit, approaches the blonde and whispers something
in her ear. Without a word, she gathers her carry-on bags and moves back to her seat in
coach. The captain heads back to the cockpit.

The head flight attendant stops him and says, "I don't understand - how did you get her
to move so easily?"

He replies, "It was simple. I told her the front half of the plane wasn't GOING to Los Angeles."




:hide:

[underseasurveyor]

1. Always funny but MY favorite blonde joke......

What's black and blue and brown?


A brunette that told too many blonde jokes :evilgrin:

[Zavulon]

7. That's great!

Never heard that one.

My favorite, which you probably have heard, is this:

Q: Why did the blonde stare at the can of frozen orange juice?
A: It said "concentrate."

[KamaAina]

2. So the blonde says to me, 'Could you help me with this jigsaw puzzle?"

"I've tried and tried, but I can't get these little pieces to look like the picture of a rooster on the box!"

[blondeatlast]

3. The second one is my all-time favorite--except I heard it a little funnier,

with the front of the plane destined for Newark (sorry, NJ fans). Told to me by a fellow blonde.

[csziggy]

4. Read a true life blonde story

Judge Tosses Blonde’s Suit Claiming Wrong Hair Dye Ruined her Social Life

Posted Oct 8, 2008, 12:24 pm CDT
By Debra Cassens Weiss

A Connecticut judge has refused to get tangled up in a woman’s suit claiming a switched tube of hair dye turned her blonde hair brown, wreaking havoc on her social life.

Judge Richard Gilardi of Bridgeport said the root of the problem with the lawsuit was a lack of evidence showing that L'Oreal was negligent, the Connecticut Post reports.

The woman, Charlotte Feeney, had claimed she bought a tube of blonde hair color to touch up her naturally blonde hair, but brown dye was apparently put into the blonde box, the story says.

"I can never go back to my natural blonde hair," Feeney stated. "I feel fake about that. Also blondes do get more attention than brunettes. Of course, emotionally, I miss that."

She contends the change in hair color caused anxiety and depression that she treated with anti-depressants.
http://abajournal.com/news/judge_tosses_blondes_suit_claiming_wrong_hair_dye_ruined_her_social_life/

[blondeatlast]

6. Once you've dyed, you can never regain your former life.

At least, until your roots grow out (and she can dye over the brown, my first venture into blondedom required 2 processes).

She needs to be a joke, she gives this unabashedly fake blonde a bad name. HMPH!

[csziggy]

9. Yes - I could not believe this was a true story when I read it!

But since this is a thread about blonde jokes - here is my all time favorite one:

A blonde walked into the Bank of New York City and asked for the loan officer. She explained him that she's going to Europe on vacation for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000.

The loan officer said the bank requires some sort of security for the loan.

The blonde offered him the keys to a brand new Rolls Royce. The car was parked in front of the bank and the loan officer inspected it and its registration. Everything was in order so the bank he accepted the car as collateral and gave the blonde $5,000.

As she left, everyone in the bank started snickering at her for using a $250,000 car to secure a $5,000 loan. After the laughter died down, the loan officer got into the Rolls and parked it in the bank's underground parking lot.

Two weeks later the blonde returned and paid back the loan as well as the interest, which was $15.41.

As she handed over the money the loan officer said, "Miss, the bank was very happy to do business with you but we're a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked your credit standing and found out that you are a millionaire several times over. Why then would you bother to take out a loan for $5,000?"

The blonde smiled and replied, "Where else in New York could I park my car for two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there when I returned?"

[blondeatlast]

12. Sa-NAP! HAH!

Love it! :rofl:

[davsand]

10. You DO know what they call a brunette with blond roots?

Artificial Intelligence

After I saw that news story I just HAD to tell the joke.

:evilgrin:


Laura

[csziggy]

13. LOL!

Though I grew up knowing a girl who was a white blonde as were all her family, but their hair had dark roots. It was very strange and I have never seen anyone else with hair like that.

[bluesbassman]

5. Three scientists, an American, a Russian, and a Blonde, were discussing who's group was the best.

The Russian proudly proclaimed that the Russians were the best because they were the first in space.

The American countered that they were the best as they were the first to put a man on the moon.

The Blonde then chimed in that her group was the best because they were going to land a spaceship on the Sun!

The two other scientists went into fits of laughter, and said she must be joking because the ship would surely burn up long before landing.

The Blond exasperatedly replied, "we know that, that's why we're going at night"!

[Tuesday Afternoon]

8. Must.Not.Copycat.

Must.Not.Copycat.Must.Not.Copycat.Must.Not.Copycat.Must.Not.Copycat.Must.Not.Copycat.Must.Not.Copycat

[mwooldri]

11. Ok, here's two...

Joke #1:

A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his attractive blonde neighbor came out of the house and went straight to the mailbox. She opened it then slammed it shut and stormed back into the house.

A short while later she came out of her house again, went to the mailbox and again opened it, and slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she went.

As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, she came out again, marched to the mailbox, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever.

Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, "Is something wrong?"

To which she replied, "There certainly is!"

My stupid computer keeps saying, "You've got mail!"

Joke #2:

A blonde and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from LA to NY. The lawyer asks if she would like to play a fun game. The blonde, tired, just wants to take a nap, politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.

The lawyer persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun. He explains, "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5.00, and vise versa."

Again, she declines and tries to get some sleep.

The lawyer, now agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5.00, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500.00."

This catches the blonde's attention and, figuring there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, agrees to the game.

The lawyer asks the first question.

"What's the distance from the earth to the moon?"

The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches into her purse, pulls out a $5.00 bill and hands
it to the lawyer.

"Okay" says the lawyer, "your turn."

She asks the lawyer, "What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four legs?"

The lawyer, puzzled, takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references, no answer. He taps into the air phone with
his modem and searches the net and the library of congress, no answer.

Frustrated, he sends e-mail to all his friends and coworkers, to no avail. After an hour, he wakes the blonde, and hands her $500.00.

The blonde says, "Thank you", and turns back to get some more sleep.

The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, wakes the blonde and asks, "Well, what's the answer?"

Without a word the blonde shrugs, reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5.00, and goes back to sleep.

[MajorChode]

14. An oldie, but goodie

Cheney and Rummy are sitting in a bar.

A guy walks in and asks the barman, "Isn't that Dick Cheney and Donald Rumsfeld sitting over there?"

The barman says, "Yep, that's them."

So the guy walks over and says, "Wow, this is a real honor. What are you guys doing in here?"

Cheney says, "We're planning WW III."

And the guy says, "Really? What's going to happen?"

Cheney says, "Well, we're going to kill 140 million Iraqis this time and one blonde with really big tits."

The guy exclaimed, "A blonde with big tits?" "Why kill a blonde with big tits?"

Cheney turns to Rumsfeld and says, "See, I told you no one would worry about the 140 million Iraqis!"

[Inchworm]

15. Russian, Mexican, and Blonde Ironworkers finnished eating lunch on the iron

2-300 feet off the ground.

Russian says.. If my wife packs me ONE more Reuban sandwich I'm fucking jumping!
Mexican says.. If the ol' lady give me one more taco I'm taking the leap!
Blond says.. Fuck! Peanut butter and jelly again!! One more and I'm splatting!

Next day...

Gah! Reuban SaNDWICH! Aaahhhhhh.. THUD.
WTF! Tacos!!! Ahheeeee! KERSPLAT
Peanut Butter and Jelly again!! Weeeeeeeee! SPLAT!

At the funeral services all three spouses were crying. They were told why the guys jumped and the blonde's wife busted out laughing. Shocked, she was asked what was so funny...

He packs his own lunch!

:D

(I probably butchered the joke, but you get the jist)

:blush:

[csziggy]

16. Late but worth it - Three Blondes & Easter

Three Blondes & Easter

Three blondes (natural) died and found themselves standing before St. Peter. He told them that before they could enter the Kingdom, they had to tell him what Easter was.

The first blonde said, "Easter is a holiday where they have a big feast and we give thanks and eat turkey."
St. Peter said, "Noooooo," and he banished her to hell.

The second blonde said, "Easter is when we celebrate Jesus' birth and exchange gifts."
St. Peter said, "Noooooo," and he banished her to hell.

The third blonde said, she knew what Easter is, and St. Peter said, "So, tell me."

She said, "Easter is a Christian holiday that coincides with the Jewish festival of Passover. Jesus was having Passover feast with His disciples when he was betrayed by Judas, and the Romans arrested him. The Romans hung Him on the cross and eventually he died. Then they buried him in a tomb behind a very large boulder ....

St. Peter said, "Verrrrrry good."

Then the blonde continued, "Now every year the Jews roll away the boulder and Jesus comes out. If he sees his shadow, we have six more weeks of basketball."

St. Peter fainted.

[MajorChode]

17. Blonde + Library

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DctVteQDRIM