Curfew for teens

[firedupdem]

My son is 15 and his curfew is midnight. Most of his buddies are 16 but in the same grade. I have been really good about letting him hang out as this is his first year here, new environment and all, and I was glad he made friends and got comfortable so soon.

He just sent a text to hubby asking to stay out until 1:00 am. He said okay, I said hell no! Hubby says what's an hour? Our oldest had a midnight curfew through his senior year! He didn't even ask what he needed an additional hour for. I called my son and told him to be here by midnight. Now everybody is pissy with me.

Am I out of touch?

[Drunken Irishman]

1. I had a 12:00 curfew until I was 18.

And even then, when I lived at home, my mom would wait up for me. haha

[firedupdem]

2. Good mom...she sounds like me! I'm just wondering what the

hell is wrong with hubby being so lenient all of the sudden. The other kid never got a break!

[Tangerine LaBamba]

6. They do that with second kids ........

My parents were like that with me (the second kid), and I watched my husband do that with our second kid.

I have several theories about that, the most prominent one being that men just can't sustain the kind of vigilance required in situations like this. It's sort of like "Well, the first kid turned out all right, so we can ease up with this one."

They are, of course, wrong ....................

[Tangerine LaBamba]

3. I don't think so ............

A midnight curfew for a 15-year-old is pretty good. With his older friends, and, yeah, one year makes a big difference at that age, he's bound to be annoyed because he probably has an earlier curfew than they do.

But, if this was the first time he ever asked for an extension, I might have consented - just this once. And I'd have let his father know that those decisions are NOT to be made unilaterally.

Give the boy a break, and tell him his curfew tomorrow night - or next Friday night - is 12:30.

How's that? No admission of fault, and a small gift, to boot.

You're a good Mom...........................

[firedupdem]

7. Last summer I gave him a little extension because he doesn't

drive and he said his buddies would have to leave wherever extra early to bring him home. I can be a bit lenient, I just don't want it to become a habit. The kid knew what he was doing going straight to Dad who is half asleep on the couch! Thanks for your suggestions...kinda caught me off guard and ticked me off too. :)

[Shell Beau]

4. Mine was 11:00 back in 1996-ish. My dad didn't waiver.

Unless it just couldn't be helped.

I will probaby be the same as far as the not waivering part.

[Inchworm]

5. It's dark outside.. you are home

Hmm.. maybe that's why she went to her mother's :rofl:

:hi:

[FedUpWithIt All]

8. My 16 yr old's curfew is 10:30.

I let her come in at 11:00 on occasion.

I don't think your out of touch but i am considered over-protective. :shrug:

[Left Is Write]

9. No, I don't think you're out of touch either. If I were asked to extend my kid's curfew by an hour..

I would expect to be provided with a reason for the extension. I would consider it, depending on the reason, but without explanation? No.

I turned 15 in 1981. My curfews were midnight in my sophomore year, 12:30 in my junior year, and 1:00 in my senior year.

[fizzgig]

10. that's later than mine was at that age

not that it mattered as i wasn't allowed to be in cars with my friends. once i turned 17, though, i didn't have a curfew, but i think that's more because the only place i hung out was my boyfriends. we never went to parties, but that's more because we didn't get invited to any :rofl:

[Richard Steele]

11. No, you're not out of touch. You're doing your job as a parent.

Real life is FULL of boundaries and limits-
some are reasonable, some are complete BS.

But all of them are pretty darned ABSOLUTE.
That's the real value of a CURFEW- teaching
young people to deal with boundaries.
It's not about "time"; it's not as if "bad things"
only happen at a certain time of night.

Hell, my curfew was 11:00 until I was 18,
and I GRADUATED High School and got a job when I was 16.
I got off work at 5:00, and I sure as heck managed
to do EVERYTHING my folks were afraid I'd do before
I dragged my ass through the front door at 10:45.

A curfew is not a limit, it's a LESSON.
REFUSING to grant exemptions to the curfew
is a VERY important part of guiding your teen
toward unlocking the wisdom that the 'Curfew Lesson' holds for him.

[rainbow4321]

12. With mine it was 15 minutes late turns into 30 minutes turns into 1 hour turns into 2 hours

And so on and so on.

My 18 yr old tried that in the beginning. She's in high school, graduates next month. Has a 10 pm curfew on school nights and 1 am on the weekends. Period. Usually her evenings are spent at boyfriend's or friend's house.

She went thru a spell where I'd get a text right AT 10:00pm: "On my way"...then other times "10:30, is that OK" or "is 11 pm Ok tonight?"

When it started happening more frequently, not just once in a while I said enough is enough. Kinda takes away from being given a curfew.

So I had to put my foot down..you can't manage 10 pm??? Then it will be 9pm.
She's gotten better with the curfew and also with texting me throughout the night about where she is/where she is headed.

It helps, also, to have their FRIENDS' cell phone numbers. That way, if for some reason she doesn't respond to my text questions on what she is up to, the friend who she is with suddenly is getting a text from "mom" and apparently that "is embarrassing".

[Dappleganger]

13. Your hubby is wrong.

NEVER go against what MOM said!

BTW, we have two teens and we were always strict with curfew and have never regretted it.

[Lil Missy]

14. Curfews never worked for me. I'd crawl out my bedroom window, and be home by morning.

I was incorrigible. :)

But seriously, I didn't get in any trouble and wasn't up to any. My mother was a fanatic about restricting me from slumber parties or overnight stays, or just simple teen gatherings.

So I took it upon myself to make my own rules. There was never any criminal activity, smoking pot, drinking, etc. We had a tent at one neighbors yard, and would just talk all night and have fun. At the worst, we smoked cigarettes.

Once I did get busted. My step dad's mother was staying with us, and came snooping into my room in the middle of the night. She made a big scene of it in the morning, and insisted I didn't have enough God in my life.

:eyes:

BTW, I didn't turn into a criminal, and I've never been arrested for anything.

[CreekDog]

15. yes teens need a curfew, they have until 10pm to GET OFF MY LAWN!

don't mind me. :crazy:

[Withywindle]

16. Curfew? Is that a kind of bird?

My parents were appallingly permissive - maybe because I was such a nerd that the rare occasions I went out at all were seen as something to celebrate, not quash. :)

I think midnight for a 15-year-old is pretty liberal already, though.

[crim son]

17. I don't think you're out of touch.

My son is a very good kid about to turn sixteen, and he has to be in by midnight. I know other kids the same age who should probably never be allowed to leave the house! but unless it's a very special occasion - say, a school function that ends after midnight, then I believe 12:00 a.m. is a respectable curfew.

[LibDemAlways]

18. I would mostly be concerned about how he's getting home.

Is a 16-year-old friend driving him? Is someone's parent? Are you going to get him? Is he walking? Who he's with and how he's getting home would be my determining factors in imposing a curfew.

[elleng]

19. No, but concensus is a good thing in these situations;

avoids upset to both good kid and involved parents. SO talk it over.

[City of Mills]

20. My city enforces an 11pm curfew for teens

Unless they are working...it's been in place for years but is currently being challenged:

http://www.lowellsun.com/local/ci_12071535

Imagine that? Out carousing after 11pm, you get arrested.

[Arkansas Granny]

21. My kids had a week night curfew of 10.00 and weekend curfew of 12:00 until

they were 18. They also had to tell me where they were going and who they were going to be with. With a good reason they could get a one hour extension. I was considered to be too strict by most of their friends and some of the parents. However, they got into very little trouble (silly stuff, nothing serious), I never had to bail any of them out of jail and they are all now responsible adults, unlike some of their contemporaries who had more lax rules.

It's called parenting. It works. I don't think you are out of touch.