I need vibes. Badly.

[moriah]

Ever taken the "stress test"? Mine is 323. http://www.healthcentral.com/sleep-disorders/stress-test-3454-143.html I feel like a country music song, and I really want to play it backwards right now. (You know that joke, right? What do you get if you play a country music song backwards? You get your house back, your wife back, your job back, your dog back....)

On the 31st, the man I loved walked out on me. Didn't have the decency to tell me what he was planning until the day he left. But I made plans and prayed in my own way, and found a residence and a very good landlord -- and I believe that was answered prayer. With no lease.

On the 6th, I learned that my father's HIV has spiraled down to the point it's very close to the end for him. He's 114 lbs. On the 8th he asked me if I wanted him kept alive on machines until I got there, and I said that I loved him and was very happy I had the memory of him healthy, at 150 lbs, and that I thought he would hear me kiss him on his forehead and say goodbye regardless of if he was in his body at the time or outside of it. He's not answering his phone right now -- he may be out on a binge, he may be in the hospital, he may be dead.

On the 9th, I learned that my office may be closing and we've already lost one major contract, which means layoffs.

On the 10th, yesterday, I learned that my grandmother -- the woman who raised me with my mother after my father and her divorced -- has lost two pints of blood due to a bleeding ulcer (caused by the medication to prevent osteoperosis) and has had to be taken off of Coumadin because she will otherwise bleed to death. That just means she will die of a stroke here soon.

Oh, and the dog? My cat is about to become a transsexual (PU surgery for bladder stones).

I called one of my bosses hysterical yesterday, about to drive to Little Rock, and she told me to go to sleep. I said "Thank you for being my mommy, and I think I will do exactly that." I sent her an email today apologizing for the snarky tone it may have come out in, but that I meant it -- I needed someone to tell me to go to sleep, I had worked all night the night before and haven't been sleeping well at all. I had some Trazodone, which is a mild antidepressant as well as as sleep aid, and I took that. I slept 16 hours. I needed it.

I'm going to do a load of laundry, pack up my clothes, take the cat to the vet, get a sandwich delivered, and then I'm driving to Little Rock to be there for my mother. I haven't told her about my dad's condition yet -- she has a lot on her plate right now and has a new life with a man who will take care of her -- I told him and said I would leave it up to him to tell her about Dad if he felt it was a good time.

I've talked to my bosses, who have recommended I apply for FMLA and take advantage of HP's counseling program for life-work issues.

I need any prayers, candles, energy, vibes, etc.... that you wonderful good-hearted Loungers have to give. Thank you in advance.

[auntAgonist]

1. Moriah

You have dealt with so much and again your plate is filling up. I'm so sorry things are so tough right now. Good that you got some sleep!

Best wishes, prayers and good vibes for all concerned.

Please be attentive in your driving and be safe.

:hug:

aA

[AwakeAtLast]

2. You've got 'em here!

So sorry to hear of your troubles. I wish I could do more than this ---> :hug:

Try to take care of yourself and remember to breathe. Sometimes in the midst of crises we forget the simplest things.

:hug:

[NJmaverick]

3. ....

:hug:

[Bertha Venation]

4. hi, moriah

:hug: You'll be in my thoughts.

[applegrove]

5. You have an awful lot on your plate.

[MorningGlow]

6. Oh dear Moriah

That's a hell of a lot to handle all at once. But you are receiving blessings every day, despite the hardship (new place to live, good bosses, loving family members)--focus on those and try not to think too far ahead (I know that's hard to do).

Sending you light and also sending some for your family members. :hug:

[crim son]

7. Yes you need vibes and I'll send them, and a prayer

and I'll light a candle for you tonight. I can't imagine the pressure you're under. :hug: :hug: :hug:

[ThomCat]

8. You have all my best wishes, and I wish I was there to hug you in person.

I hope you can find a way to relax for part of each day and let things go.
And then, tackling things a little at a time to the extent that you can. :hug:

[auntAgonist]

9. .....

:kick:

[bridgit]

10. Stand-by for vibe transmission in 4,3,2,1: Beep! zzt-zzt-zzzt - Vvv-iiiibes!~~~~~~~

[DFW]

11. You're right, that DOES sound like a country music song

I'm so sorry to hear of all this, and all happening at once. Besides sending good vibes your way,
you also get my unwavering admiration for not having jumped off a cliff by now. I hope that the
inner strength that has kept you upright this far sees you through to the other side, to when you
can tell people you care about what you survived (you can start with us!).

[Gormy Cuss]

12. Vibes coming your way, moriah.

Please try to keep up on your sleep. It helps. :hug:

[Callalily]

13. I am truly at a loss

for words, but sending massive vibes your way.

[Dangerously Amused]

14. All my best, for you and yours.

[fizzgig]

15. oh moriah

i wish i had something to say other than to be good to yourself. my thoughts to you and yours :hug:

[rockymountaindem]

16. Man... best of wishes

I hope everything turns out as well as it possibly can :hug:

[moriah]

17. Thank you, all of you....

Leaving for LR now. Still haven't heard from Dad, but I called the hospital he would be admitted to and he's not there -- so he's either on a binge or on his last journey.

Thanks again....

[Juche]

18. You need to start preparing now for the consequences of this stuff.

Seriously. When your score gets that high there is a giant chance (something like 80%) that you will have health problems or a major accident within 2 years. I know from my own experience I suffered severe depression starting about 3 months after my score went to over 300 and the only thing that helped keep it down a bit was magnesium. But even with that and all the other things I was doing it was still hell. Also, go make an appointment with a counselor now because you are going to start really needing it soon.

You are going to need to make sure your brain can physically handle the extra stress and that you have someone to talk to about the fear and confusion or else it'll start coming out in destructive ways. There are a variety of neuroprotective agents such as vitamins, herbs, essential fats, etc. They aren't perfect, but they can help. PM me if you want more info.

[FloridaJudy]

19. You got 'em

Hoping that things work out for you with a minimum of pain. :hug:

[EFerrari]

20. You're going to be all right.

:hug:

[WinkyDink]

21. {{{Moriah}}} You have my best wishes! I'm proud of you for having the strength to WRITE

all of that!
One step, one day at a time.

[Tangerine LaBamba]

22. Big hugs on you, honey ..........

These things happening all at once is a tremendous strain on you, not just emotionally, but physically as well.

You already know all this, but I'm gonna say it anyway, just so you don't overlook it:

Get your rest. Without adequate rest, you're going to get sick, and if you get sick, everything will be so much harder to deal with. So, use the medications, even if it's over-the-counter Benadryl, and get a good night's sleep every night. If you have the chance to nap, take it. Sleep is SO important.

Eat properly and as well as you can. Now is NOT the time for junk food. You need the right kind of fuel to keep yourself healthy, and so you have to eat regularly and eat the good stuff. A sandwich will get you through, but try to have a regular meal at least once a day. And ice cream is a necessary part of a balanced diet. Don't forget that.

Within all of this, try to laugh. Your grandmother will probably be all right. There's no reason, is there, to think she's gonna have a stroke right away? She took that osteoporosis medication without enough in her stomach, and that causes awful pain and internal bleeding. Being on blood thinners made it all happen faster and worse, but it's fixable, so don't give up on her just yet.

I am sorry for your Dad, and it sounds like he loves you a whole lot if he offered to go onto a machine in order to get you time to get there. And you are a great daughter, giving him his release and love the way you did. I don't know that most people would be that generous at a time like that. You have some great love all around you, Moriah, and within you.

The man walking out on you like that? He's a fuck. Don't look back, and have nothing to do with him ever again. If he'd do something that low, he doesn't deserve someone as good as you. You're better off without him and it sounds like you found a great living arrangement. So, it's a change for the better. His loss, the evil prick.

The job situation, well, that's one I can't say anything about except that it sucks, and it also sounds like you've got a good employer who will help you, so stay rested and properly nourished and be as strong as you can be and it will be all right.

It has to be all right, because you are special, Moriah.

I'll be thinking of you, wishing you well. Be careful driving, and walking, and everything. You're prime for some kind of accident when you're under that much stress, so slow and steady are your bywords, and I send you a thousand hugs................

:hug: