Ever taken the "stress test"? Mine is 323.
http://www.healthcentral.com/sleep-disorders/stress-test-3454-143.html I feel like a country music song, and I really want to play it backwards right now. (You know that joke, right? What do you get if you play a country music song backwards? You get your house back, your wife back, your job back, your dog back....)
On the 31st, the man I loved walked out on me. Didn't have the decency to tell me what he was planning until the day he left. But I made plans and prayed in my own way, and found a residence and a very good landlord -- and I believe that was answered prayer. With no lease.
On the 6th, I learned that my father's HIV has spiraled down to the point it's very close to the end for him. He's 114 lbs. On the 8th he asked me if I wanted him kept alive on machines until I got there, and I said that I loved him and was very happy I had the memory of him healthy, at 150 lbs, and that I thought he would hear me kiss him on his forehead and say goodbye regardless of if he was in his body at the time or outside of it. He's not answering his phone right now -- he may be out on a binge, he may be in the hospital, he may be dead.
On the 9th, I learned that my office may be closing and we've already lost one major contract, which means layoffs.
On the 10th, yesterday, I learned that my grandmother -- the woman who raised me with my mother after my father and her divorced -- has lost two pints of blood due to a bleeding ulcer (caused by the medication to prevent osteoperosis) and has had to be taken off of Coumadin because she will otherwise bleed to death. That just means she will die of a stroke here soon.
Oh, and the dog? My cat is about to become a transsexual (PU surgery for bladder stones).
I called one of my bosses hysterical yesterday, about to drive to Little Rock, and she told me to go to sleep. I said "Thank you for being my mommy, and I think I will do exactly that." I sent her an email today apologizing for the snarky tone it may have come out in, but that I meant it -- I needed someone to tell me to go to sleep, I had worked all night the night before and haven't been sleeping well at all. I had some Trazodone, which is a mild antidepressant as well as as sleep aid, and I took that. I slept 16 hours. I needed it.
I'm going to do a load of laundry, pack up my clothes, take the cat to the vet, get a sandwich delivered, and then I'm driving to Little Rock to be there for my mother. I haven't told her about my dad's condition yet -- she has a lot on her plate right now and has a new life with a man who will take care of her -- I told him and said I would leave it up to him to tell her about Dad if he felt it was a good time.
I've talked to my bosses, who have recommended I apply for FMLA and take advantage of HP's counseling program for life-work issues.
I need any prayers, candles, energy, vibes, etc.... that you wonderful good-hearted Loungers have to give. Thank you in advance.