...but I don't care for the word "aspie." Just call me an asp-hole.

[Bossy Monkey]

(Note: this was an email I just sent to all friends and family. Hope it is of interest.)
I have come to the conclusion that I have Asperger's Syndrome (and a chorus of multitudes cries out, "Well, duh!"). I am of two minds as to the relation between this sydrome and the celiac disease I found out I have a year and a half ago. Sometimes it seems that as the anxiety disorders caused by 45 years of starving for vitamin B12 relent, that the Asperger's (which sooner or later I'm going to call Alzheimer's. I'm not trying to make a joke; plaques on the brain cells are another side effect of celiac disease and mimic Alzheimer's and my brain is starting to go, hence the involuntary switching of similar-sounding words) seems to be getting better. The other week, I was making a couple of sandwiches for lunch (corn tortilla wraps, but "sandwich" sounds somehow less pretentious) and had an uneven number of slices of turkey. I caught myself getting ready to divide the last slice in half carefully so the sandwiches would be exactly the same size, and told myself, "John, the sandwiches don't care." This I took to be a good sign.

However, in other ways, it seems that the Asperger's is more, rather than less, in control. I used to be funny, for one thing. Or to speak more strictly (like an aspie or something), I used to want to be funny, to care about being funny, in short, to worry what other people thought. And it's the funniest thing of all, or anyway the most ironic, that what was killing me every day was what made me remotely tolerable to live with or be around. Because the anxiety disorders were what made me sufficiently eager to please that I spent almost all my energy hoping to amuse, in a sometimes successful effort to be liked, or anyway likeable.

I'm trying to regard the first 45 years as training, and want to incorporate the lessons of those years into the rest of my life. Reading the online literature about Alz--Asperger's indicates that nobody knows a hell of a lot about it, especially in the adult form. The DSM-IV, for instance, reads like copy for the Happy Fun Ball skit from SNL: Do not taunt unhappy Aspie patient, do not make him wait, do not expect him to have a sense of humor, etc. I had the strong sense that the entry was largely written by people with Asperger's who are in denial, so they basically described an autistic person so that they themselves wouldn't fit under the criteria. But maybe I'm being cynical again; after all, it couldn't be humor, could it? Another site, this one from Britain, basically said that once you're diagnosed with Asperger's, you can be happy that you have a diagnosis, but they didn't actually say anything about, you know, any treatment that might actually, you know, work. So I think I need to take it as further information about myself, something else to work on. It seems the best advice for an asp-hole like me is to try to pay attention to other people's feelings, not to assume that you understand what everyone else is thinking or feeling, not to assume that because you think you know what everyone is feeling that it is thus not necessary ever to talk about their feelings, and in general, try not be such a space alien. Which if you think about it is probably good advice for anybody (particularly space aliens).

So if anyone needs an apology from me for distantness, Martianality, coldness, aloofness, or aggressively equal-sized sandwiches, apply immediately and I'll put my heart into it. Such as it is.

[Bertha Venation]

1. I don't mean to sound pretentious

but I do understand. My eldest nephew is an asp-hole. ;)

Kidding. Anyone who knows about Asperger's understands how someone with that diagnosis acts, and hopefully accepts it.

I don't know you, but I wouldn't call you an asshole.

:hug:

[Bossy Monkey]

2. It's just a self-diagnosis or a suspicion, but thanks all the same

My online persona is markedly more pleasant than my real one; then again you can't necessarily put idiots on Ignore in real life, so it's easier to be pleasant.

:hug: back atcha and at your nephew.

[Dappleganger]

3. My sister's younger son has it

he was diagnosed in 2nd grade. They eventually had to remove him from the classroom to homeschool because of the sensory overload every day and the school could not adequately meet his particular needs. BTW, he is doing great with homeschool and they are hoping when he gets a little older to integrate him back into a regular classroom.

My father is diagnosed as bipolar with PTSD, but I could swear he also has asperger symptoms. He gets 'stuck' on issues just like my nephew...things which to most people make no difference at all. He is hyper-aware of his surroundings, making up conspiracies against him. He has no sense of humor and we constantly have to explain to him that 'so and so was only joking and didn't mean you, personally.' He has a very hard time with it.

My nephew is not on meds, btw. He is in counseling weekly for various things and the family is as well. Problem-solving through counseling has made a HUGE difference in their family life. Still, none of the neighbor kids will play with him and both they and their parents say some very hurtful things. My sister and her husband have tried to do their best and at least they have good insurance (they're also dealing with an older son who has CP). I really hope one day that my nephew can be able to handle himself well enough to be productive--he's an extremely bright and loving person and has a lot to offer society.

[Bossy Monkey]

4. Sorry to hear it; hope things get better for him

At worst I'd guess that I have a very mild case. But that sensory overload thing... I didn't know that other people don't hear when the TV is turned on. Or air pressure. Etc, etc.

Your dad might benefit from B12 supplementation. Beyond a certain age (somewhere around 50 I think) just about everybody needs it. Believe me that not having B12 makes a huge difference-- apart from permanent universal anxiety there's the joy of pins and needles sensations randomly all over your body. Having it makes a huge difference for the better. Though I add the usual caveat that I'm not a doctor, it's also true that B12 is water-soluble, so you can't overdose, you just pee it out. So it can't possibly hurt, and might help tremendously.

[Dappleganger]

7. My father would benefit from a number of different meds...

his ALZ meds, his bipolar meds, his diabetes meds and his blood pressure meds.
Too bad he refuses to take any of them since my mother passed away last year.
He won't even go so a family doctor anymore. :(

[Bossy Monkey]

12. They taste like candy. No? Oh well, sorry about that, too. Best wishes to you both

My dad went into a bit of a spiral when my mom died. Eventually, hanging out at the seniors' center, he was asked to dance by a live-wire; they've been seeing each other ever since. They got engaged last year. But they're not going to rush into anything; they're only 88.

[Dappleganger]

13. Good for him!

Dad tried that w/my mom's best friend, but she wouldn't have any of it.
He is spending money like crazy and eventually will run out, but he won't get a dime out of my sister and I after the way he's treated us.
The VA will have to deal w/him when it's all gone. We wish it could be different but he's made his choices.

[KamaAina]

5. Welcome to the club, fellow Asp-hole!

:evilgrin:

No, seriesly, there really is a club:

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_topics&forum=387

I had the strong sense that the entry was largely written by people with Asperger's who are in denial,

It was largely written by my former employers, for whom I did much of the data entry and analysis for the field trial. I do recall, upon first meeting one of them, thinking he was there to join the social group rather than, as it turned out, to speak to it. :P

[Bossy Monkey]

9. Cool, thanks!

As I note above, it's a self diagnosis, and I'm not incredibly confident in it. But it's nice to have a place to go.

As to psychiatrists and Asperger's, I had two, and my sister is one, too; all lovely people, but, uh, maybe a little stunted in some ways (not meant in a critical way, as I suspect I'm stunted in the same way).

[LynzM]

6. It was helpful for us as a means for better understanding each other.

Zornhau and I self-diagnosed him last summer, and it's been very helpful in learning to relate as an AS/NT couple. Still not always easy, but it gives each of us a better intellectual understanding of each other, and a framework within which to discuss our issues.

You might take a look at www.wrongplanet.net, if you're interested in finding a supportive AS-spectrum community. You might get more help there in terms of how to 'incorporate the lessons,' as you say.

p.s. - I would've split the turkey, too. :)

[Bossy Monkey]

10. I KNEW it! The sandwiches DO care!

:P (But seriously, there is a non-crazy (or non-obsessive-compulsive) argument for splitting the turkey: allows for even heating of the two sandwiches. But of course you know that.)

Good luck to both you and Zornhau. I self-diagnosed the celiac disease and was right. Don't know if I am this time, but I'd certainly be delighted to be wrong. And thanks for the link.:hug:

[LynzM]

14. They do!

LOL... yeah, I tend to have some number/balance/symmetry-related tendencies.

Thanks for the luck. He did have a formal eval after we did a lot of reading, which ended up emphasising the social anxiety aspect of things, with AS tendencies (as there was one criteria about obsessive interests that was not fully met.) Have you looked at the AANE site? It was another one that helped us solidify the tentative self-diagnosis. (I didn't look at your profile to see where you're located, so it might not be helpful IRL, but thought it worth mentioning: http://aane.org/about_asperger_syndrome/what_is_asperger_syndrome.html)

:hi: and :hug:

[Bossy Monkey]

15. He might want to think about giving up gluten. It isn't as hard as you'd think.

Just expensive. (semi-kidding, there.) I generally suggest that people try giving it up for four days and see if they feel different (ie, anxieties abating). If so, try giving it up for a week, and if that works, for two weeks. If that works, well, he's one of us. Gluten is in wheat, barley, barley malt and possibly oats. However, there are good gluten-free substitutes for everything, even beer, except maybe breakfast cereal and rotgut. If he has any Irish or Italian heritage, it's an especially good idea to look into it (as celiac disease is significantly more common among Irish and Italian people). There is extensive discussion of this in my journal, and if y'all are at all interested in gluten-free foods, just ask.

[LynzM]

16. Interesting.

I'm wheat-free due to it being an anxiety trigger for me, so quite familiar with it. Haven't gone the full step to gluten-free, though. Z does have Irish heritage... I'll send him a link to your post, thanks. :)

[Bossy Monkey]

18. The long version (but it's still shorter than "Hey Jude"):

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x7273537

[Deep13]

8. I don't like that term either.

I think it is in bad taste to give an irksome disorder a cutesy nickname. Besides, a disorder does not define my whole life. Do we have ampies (missing limbs), cancies, hearties (congestive heart failure), schizies, blindies or depressies too?

[Bossy Monkey]

11. Even if I'm not an aspie, my plate is already full as a myopie, an astiggie, and a celiacky

(from South Kakkalakky; my, in a different century I might have had a big band hit). And those 30-40 years as a depressie were a pisser. At my age, I'm hoping not to become a prostaty. And in a much less serious vein, I'm also coping with the realization that I'm also a foodie, another term I don't care for; I'll be posting one of these days asking Lounge permission to call myself a foodian instead.:)

[KamaAina]

17. Actually some "ampies" answer to the term "amps"

at least one (presumably small) support group calls itself "Delaware Amps".

http://www.delamps.com/peer.htm

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