Question for guys: Do you believe in "The Rules"?

[amitten]

Like, do you require that a woman play hard-to-get for chemistry to occur?

[Nickster]

1. Not sure what "The Rules" are, but I believe in Man Law and no to your example

[amitten]

2. I made a date with a guy I just met. He asked me out

for next Friday night and I said yes. One of my girlfriend's thinks I should have pretended to be busy to make him "work harder". WTF? I can't play games like that. I hardly have any free time as it is.

[Nickster]

3. I think it's just a maturity thing. I personally wouldn't care for the games and I wouldn't want to

date someone who was into games. Just don't let yourself get walked all over.

[amitten]

4. Oh, I never get walked all over.

No worries there.

[NashVegas]

10. He Asked

Which makes it okay, I think.

[JVS]

5. The Rules are something that is observed among women. Men might know the rules, and anticipate...

them, but we can't really be said to believe in them other than to believe in their existence.

[amitten]

7. But do you respond best to the hard-to-get routine?

I mean all that BS about not dating a guy on the weekend because you're assumed to already have "better" plans.

If I don't see a guy on a weekend night, I probably won't see him at all due to my schedule. So if I play that no-weekends game, we'll never see each other.

[NashVegas]

11. Not Dating On the Weekend?

Hadn't heard that one. I did hear the one about not accepting a weekend date that's offered anytime after Wednesday.

[amitten]

12. Well, this was offered a week in advance.

So I thought it was no big deal.

[JVS]

16. What's exactly your (or you friend who is giving you this advice's) goal here.

I could see how some argue that there are marginal gains to be made playing the game, but what kind of wins/ losses does your friend think playing will get or prevent?

[DS1]

6. No, I think that's horseshit

[old mark]

8. It's nonsense. If you like someone enough to go out with them,

why fuck it up by playing games? It's hard enough to find someone worth going out with, at least it was when I was doing that stuff.

If someone played that stuff with me, I'd take it as an indication that I had made a mistake about her and just walk away.

mark

[amitten]

14. That's what I think. And

this guy is already in his forties and I would think he'd be wise to that crap by now, or hopefully well past it.

[Oeditpus Rex]

9. Not exactly hard-to-get, but

I'd like her to make me "earn" her.

[amitten]

13. Yeah, but what does that even mean?

Does it mean you want her to withhold a first date 'till God-knows-when?

[Oeditpus Rex]

17. Not that long, no

In my case, it means I want her to let me know she's interested, but in a somewhat coquettish way. I like to be the pursuer, but I also like to have reason to believe that the pursuit will be fruitful if I do it well.

That which is earned is more highly valued, or something.

[Turbineguy]

15. I prefer "easy"

I just never seem to meet any.

Probably just as well as my Wife seems to have no sense of humor about such things.

[trof]

18. Ah..."The Rules" I remember the '3 times and you're out' rule.

If a girl turned you down for a date 3 times in a row, you knew not to call again.
:eyes:

[SPKrazy]

19. rules are made to be broken

no I don't like hard to get actually

[petronius]

20. When I was single, the number of times I'd try was directly proportional to

the interest I'd developed on first impression multiplied by my current state of neediness. However, the knowledge that a girl was 'playing hard to get' in order to follow some 'rules' would have been an immediate dealbreaker.

IOW, hard-to-get is not a catalyst in any chemical reaction that I participate in...

[kwassa]

21. There are no "Rules".

just some questionable authors trying to exploit the insecurities of some readers.

If you don't like games, don't play games.

[rockymountaindem]

22. Are you saying I shouldn't have deleted a girl's number after she told me she was "busy" 3 times?

I figured that having people come to visit her from out of town two weeks in a row, and then going somewhere to visit them the third week, thereby providing *three full weeks* of "I'm busy that night" excuses was not a coincidence. Are you saying it's possible she was just trying to make me "earn" her? If so I'm really glad I won't be talking to her anymore.

[flvegan]

23. Hell no.

Matter of fact a "Rules Girl" would probably be such a turn-off I'd be happy to not be involved with her.

[TK421]

24. Not really...but I feel like there are other"rules" I should be made aware of

[Chan790]

25. Not only don't I believe in them...

I've been known to unceremoniously dump women at odd and inconvenient times for utilizing "The Rules". One good manipulation deserves another. I don't dig hard-to-get.

I'm not by any means normative for men however...a friend of mine wrote a piece on the oddities of my dating practices for a major worldwide-distribution daily newspaper. (She was holding me up as an ideal even.) They got at least 15 letters claiming that I didn't exist.

[TrogL]

26. ...and these are posted where?

[pokerfan]

30. I had to google them

The Rules are predicated on the author's thesis that men are thrillseekers engaged by a hunting instinct.<3> While they seem mostly about "playing hard to get", they are also about training men, like for example rule 7.

* 01: Be a “Creature” Unlike Any Other
* 02: Don't Talk to a Man First (and Don't Ask Him to Dance)
* 03: Don't Stare at Men or Talk Too Much
* 04: Don't Meet Him Halfway or Go Dutch on a Date
* 05: Don't Call Him & Rarely Return His Calls<3>
* 06: Always End Phone Calls and dates First
* 07: Don't Accept a Saturday Night Date after Wednesday
* 08: Fill Up Your Time before the Date
* 09: How to Act on Dates 1,2, & 3 End the date first especially if you like him.
* 10: How to Act on Dates 4 through Commitment Time
* 11: Always end the date first
* 12: Stop Dating Him if He Doesn't Buy You a Romantic Gift for Your Birthday or Valentine's Day
* 13: Don’t See Him More than Once or Twice a Week
* 14: No More than Casual Kissing on the First Date
* 15: Don't Rush into Sex & Other Rules for Intimacy
* 16: Don't Tell Him What to Do
* 17: Let Him Take the Lead<3>
* 18: Don't Expect a Man to Change or Try to Change Him
* 19: Don’t Open Up Too Fast
* 20: Be Honest but Mysterious<3>
* 21: Accentuate the Positive & Other Rules for Personal Ads
* 22: Don’t Live with a Man (or Leave Your Things in His Apartment)
* 23: Don't Date a Married Man
* 24: Slowly Involve Him in Your Family & Other Rules for Women with Children
* 25: Practice, Practice, Practice! (or, Getting Good at The Rules)
* 26: Even if You're Engaged or Married, You Still Need The Rules
* 27: Do The Rules, Even when Your Friends & Parents Think It's Nuts
* 28: Be Smart and Other Rules for Dating in High School
* 29: Take Care of Yourself and Other Rules for Dating in College
* 30: NEXT! & Other Rules for Dealing with Rejection
* 31: Don't Discuss The Rules with Your Therapist.<3>
* 32: Don't Break The Rules!
* 33: Do The Rules and You’ll Live Happily Ever After!
* 34: Love Only Those Who Love You
* 35: Be Easy to Live With

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Rules#cite_note-Jet-1

[Iggo]

32. Sounds like a lesson in how to land an asshole.

Or maybe an idiot.

[JVS]

34. Some are good rules

The rules not to date married men or not to try to change him are good advice.
Of course the rule not to try to change him kind of undercuts the purpose of some of the other rules.

[Iggo]

38. Yeah, I noticed that.

It's just that a couple of them jumped out at me...for example: Don't call him, and rarely return his calls. I mean, WTF? How rude!

And Don't talk to him first and Don't ask him to dance. (Sounds like "Speak only when spoken to" to me...)

[BlueJazz]

27. I want her to be honest with Me as I am with her.

[Zavulon]

28. I don't know what the rules are, but

hard-to-get is a huge turnoff for me. I would never ask out a woman who has said no to me once already, there are simply too many fish in the sea.

[LostInAnomie]

29. If you go into a relationship with some kind of plan to manipulate...

... you are playing games. That's bullshit for everyone involved.

[datasuspect]

31. if the rules involve leaving a long line of satisfied women, then yes

[mwooldri]

33. I've got to kick you out of Rule Club.

The first rule about Rule Club is that you don't talk about Rule Club.

The second rule about Rule Club is... there are no Rules.

Mark.

[DFW]

35. Grasping from my dim memory...

I've been with the same woman for 35 years now, so my take on the matter will be less than
current, but I liked for a woman to be up front with how she felt. The hard-to-get routine
never worked with me, especially as even then I traveled a lot. I always made my own feelings
plain, and appreciated a woman who did the same. Maybe that's why I never had a ton of girlfriends,
but at age 22, I found the one who is still with me now at age 57, so I never felt I had the
wrong outlook on the issue, but maybe that was just me.

[BreweryYardRat]

36. No. I absolutely HATE game-playing.

If you're interested, say so. If you're not interested, say so. I have enough trouble in social situations without being jerked around.

[redqueen]

37. If a guy requires you to put on an act for him to be interested...

then... well...

I dunno but fuck that.