I just found the most unintentionally hilarious thing from a fundie site EVER

[ButterflyBlood]

Please note this is 100% serious and not something like Landover Baptist:

[krispos42]

1. I take it it's KJV or nothing?

Yanno, if they were really serious about the Word of God, they'd be learning Hebrew and Latin, right?

[Rabrrrrrr]

2. In certain fundamentalist (that is, "ignorant racist rapist hatefilled jeezo-whackos") it's KJV only

and even the conservative (and rather, therefore, shittily) translation New International Version (the NIV in the picture) is considered a tool of the Devil.

Seriously - for the die-hard KJV folk, there is absolutely no consideration of any other translation in English - anything that isn't KJV is inspired solely by the devil himself. Or, if not the devil, then by the Pope or some liberal church leader. Both of which are also, in the minds of the KJV folk, the devil. The Holy Trinity of Devildom, basically: Satan, The Pope, and Liberals.

It's such an utterly idiotic idea, it can only be laughed at. The KJV has a number of errors; it used a lot of newer texts (we have found older ones since then), and it uses an archaic language that no one speaks any more, and a language in which a lot of words have entirely changed their meaning since the 1600s.

These are also, of course, some of the people who say stupid fucking things like "If English was good enough for Jesus, it's good enough for me!"

[ButterflyBlood]

3. I never figured why the KJV was what they picked up on

I guess being the oldest modern translation or something.

[Rabrrrrrr]

4. What I think it is, is that it's simply the Bible they grew up with.

The KJV was pretty much the only game in English translations until the mid-1900s, so most anyone who grew up in a church - any church, except a rare few real progressive ones - up until the 1960s would have heard the KJV.

And conservatives, being fear-based and hating anything new, when new translations started coming out and making it t the bookstores and then into the pews of some churches, they felt their entire self-identification being challenged*, and so latched on to KJV-only nonsense.

* what I mean by this is that conservatives, capable only of thinking in black and white, cannot handle in their brains the concept that even though they might have grown up with a KJV Bible, and in their fifties their church switched to an NIV or NRSV, that doesn't invalidate every part of their previous life, now that it has changed. But the conservative sees that change and can only conclude "Okay, so the first fifty years of my life were worthless and wrong and meaningless, my church lied to me, and everything is bullshit" instead of saying, "Cool, we used the best translation we had for the first fifty years of my life, and now an even better translation has been made."

I've noticed that a lot of conservatives have a very difficult time handling the idea that what was in the past was good, even if something different is being done now; or the idea that what they think is good can be good, even if the other guy has something different, that's also good. No, it's "I use this Bible. Because I am smart enough to only use the best, then therefore this Bible is the best one. That guy, he hasn't a different Bible. Since we can't both be smart enough to use the best, then his Bible has to be shit, because otherwise that would mean that my Bible must be shit, because they can't both be good."

And so on.

Being conservative (in the modern religio-politico sense of the word, not in the sense of 'one who conserves' in terms of resources, money, people, etc.) is, in my opinion, a mental disorder. Fear of change, inability to handle ambiguity, inability to hold two different things to be equally valid, black and white thinking, and so on.

[jobycom]

17. I agree with that. Also, religion itself attracts those who don't like change.

That's part of its allure to some people, so change in religion itself is anathema to them.

[Shell Beau]

9. Do people really say that? OMG! My fucking dog knows better

than that. But then again, these are the same people who think Jesus was white with blue eyes!

[StrongBad]

13. I'm a liberal Christian but actually prefer reading the KJV.

I think the language and imagery used in the KJV are beautiful. Additionally, for some reason it is easier for me to grasp the spiritual ideas contained within the Bible using this version.

I also read the NIV, and don't have anything against it or think that the KJV is the "correct" version. Just prefer reading the KJV I guess.

However, I did not know that older texts were subsequently found and used to produce the NIV. Thanks for that tidbit. Maybe I'll start reading it again and see if I notice any big differences.

[ButterflyBlood]

15. There's nothing inherenetly wrong or fundie about the KJV

Just insisting on it being the only valid translation and all others as evil is rather inane.

[StrongBad]

16. Agreed.

[FloridaJudy]

18. I love the KJV

And I'm not even a Christian. The language and the poetry are inspiring. No one's come up with a better version of Ecclesiastes, IMHO, which is my favorite chapter. It's very Zen.

That said, Biblical scholarship has come a long way since the seventeenth century, just like everything else. I doubt the KJV is the most accurate translation around.

[Duer 157099]

5. Oh, they are serious. They mainly don't like anything "International"

They hate the United Nations too.

[KamaAina]

6. Why do they hate the Bible so much?

Heathens. :evilgrin:

[Orsino]

12. They think the Bible ought to speak exactly the same English that Jesus did. n/t

[Lionel Mandrake]

7. Speaking of unintentionally hilarious ...

I was watching a couple of televangelists just for laughs. They looked somewhat like Tammy & Jim, but they weren't. Their plan was to listen to Rock music played backwards and decipher the Satanic messages. The only problem was, the messages were so garbled that nobody could understand them. The dimwits kept playing the messages over and over and never could agree on the content. Was it "Satan is king" or "Satan is Lord" or Satan rules"?

[HopeHoops]

10. About 20 years ago, some TV preacher did that with old TV show theme songs...

The DJ at the radio station I always had on was interested because this preacher found "Someone sung this song for Satan" while playing the theme song from Mr. Ed backwards. So he tried it, and sure enough, where it says "Unless of course a horse of course", you can almost make out "Sommung Sum igs onns wonph Saygin" - which is close enough.

[Lionel Mandrake]

14. The devil is everywhere

if you look and listen hard enough. :evilgrin:

[Deja Q]

8. Why do they have stink lines drawn behind their backs? Did they eat beans for brunch again?

:hide:

[Deep13]

11. So the global spokesman for Christianity = the devil.

I can never figure out why they hate Catholicism so much.

[LibertyLover]

19. I understand that some fundies now won't use the KJV

because they have found out that James I was "gasp" gay. No joke. I don't know which version they will use, but it's not KJV.

[ButterflyBlood]

20. That's hilarious considering James didn't even have much to do it

It's named for him just because he gave the money to create it. He wasn't involved with any of production or translation.