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I've been thinking about death lately. I guess it's because my co-worker died suddenly last week. April is also the month my mother died.
Well, I'm getting off the topic. There are some things I'd like to tell the Lounge before... well, before I die. God, this sounds so melodramatic. But, you know, we never know when we might die. Don't worry, I am not suicidal. I just feel like anything can happen at any time. And it's true.
I'm stalling. I had all the words laid out perfectly in my mind while I was driving home from work today. Now I am stumbling over them. All I'd like to say is that there are some misunderstandings. There are people who I've said things to... people I've hurt. There are times I've closed my PM's and I'm sure individuals thought they were personally on ignore. It's not true. I closed off the PM function to everyone. I've since stopped "announcing" when I turn off my PM's because it was even becoming annoying to myself. :blush:
Ugh. I am not doing this very well. It's not really an apology, but it is. Someone told me recently I simply "turn on and off friendships...like a light switch." It's not true. I might go awhile without talking to someone... maybe need a "cooling off period" even. But it never meant I stopped caring.
One of the things I regret most is losing contact with people who were friends, but because of their friends, communication stopped. It is a regret I can't do anything about now. Just please know I wish it didn't have to be that way.
Man... I feel like I'm just making a bigger fool out of myself than I already am. But, well, I had to try. It's been weighing on me lately.
I hope this made at least a little bit of sense.
That's all.
:grouphug:
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