We have a slight issue with the neighbors. What would you do?

[Missy Vixen]

We've lived next door to the same people for the past eight years. We've gone out of our way to be friendly, helpful, all that stuff. We'd like to be on good terms with the neighbors. Let's just say that we're acknowledged when they want something, and dead to them when they don't. I really don't think they read DU, but frankly, I'm disguising details, just in case.

The neighbors got a purebred Big Dog puppy a few months ago after a somewhat overaggressive door-to-door salesman came through. I told my husband that the dog wouldn't last a year. The male neighbor is clean to the point of OCD. (They can't have a cat; he's afraid Kitty will "get on the counters", for instance.) He also has little to no patience with the antics of an active puppy. The female neighbor is 48 and has NO common sense. (First rule of survival as an adult: Do not tell a door-to-door salesperson any of your business, which is why her husband freaked out and produced a "guard dog" within two weeks.) Sure enough, the very large and rambunctious dog caused an accident with his dog mom that left her significantly injured. She is having surgery in two weeks to fix the injury, and probably a protracted convalescence as a result.

The dog mom mentioned to us two weeks ago that they were thinking about getting rid of the dog. We immediately offered to take him. We love him. He's a sweet boy that just needs a bit more exercise and some consistent training. It would be tough at first with the felines, but we've wanted a dog for a long time, and we're prepared to do the training, etcetera, that will come along with introducing him to the household. So, for the past two weeks, we've been taking care of the dog. After all, if we want him, we need to take care of him, don't we? This was all done with their blessing. When we've not been doing that, we've been running the wife all over town. She can't drive as the result of her injuries.

The male neighbor met Mr. Missy Vixen in our front yard about an hour ago. They've given the dog away to someone else. He's getting picked up tomorrow. After all, it would "hurt them too much" to have him just next door. They never even talked to us about it before now. How convenient. Let's put it this way -- nice to know that our feelings in this matter are completely unimportant.

So, if you were in our shoes, what would you do? Would you say something, or would you remain silent? One thing's for sure: Playtime's over. I think it's best to pull up the moat, so to speak, and move on.

[mzteris]

1. I'd tell them - nicely -

that you really love the dog and were under the impression you were going to keep the dog AND that you think it is very insensitive of them to just "give the dog away" to someone else after telling you that you could keep the damn dog. Ask them to please please please reconsider. . .

and if they're still assholes about it, tell them they are selfish and inconsiderate and that you will no longer be their doormat. hmmph!

okay - maybe not the last part - but I'd be very unavailable for ANYTHING in the future.

:hug:

[Missy Vixen]

2. Thank you, mzteris

I think what happened is that they got some information about how much a dog walker would cost. ;-)

In the meantime, I'm thinking "very unavailable" is a great idea. We're not in a space right now in which moving would be a great idea, but if we're in that space anytime soon, it's now on the table as well.

[ThomCat]

22. That's the right answer.

Definitely tell them what you think.

And if they don't care, then cute them off. You don't deal to deal with people like that who don't care about what you think. :(

I'm sorry you have had to go through all of this. They are taking advantage of your kindness and taking you for granted.

:hug:

[Missy Vixen]

23. ThomCat, thank you

I hope that you are feeling better. I think of you a lot.

:hug:

[redqueen]

32. Perfect response.

[Sequoia]

34. ....and the missus can find her own ride to where ever she needs to go.

No more taxi service either.

[flvegan]

3. I'm with mzteris on this one.

One caveat, in that if they have indeed found a good home for the dog (even if that's not yours) I'm glad they didn't just dump the dog at a shelter. They're better than most people in that one regard. Still, I think the dog going to you folks is best for the dog. He's already familiar with you, and a move to another place really creates the dog's third home as opposed to second home with you.

[Missy Vixen]

8. flvegan, I just keep thinking about the poor dog

Yeah, we love him, but sheesh! Two homes in less than a year? If it was going to "hurt them so much", maybe they shouldn't have acquired a dog they do not have the time or patience to care for in the first place.

Grrr.

I hope the new people adore him, and take good care of him.

[Lil Missy]

4. It's done, so you have no choice anymore. You got screwed. I'd be hurt too.

The dog has been given away. That's done.

I wouldn't raise a ruckus about it, because they have already had the final say.

I wouldn't be available to mom for rides anymore. No need to make it nasty, you're just too busy from now on. That's how I'd do it.

I had a similar situation with a neighbor once. I offered to take the dog. It did not end well.

[Missy Vixen]

9. Oh, LilMissy, I am so sorry to read this

>I had a similar situation with a neighbor once. I offered to take the dog. It did not end well.<

That must have hurt. I am so sorry this happened to you.

:hug:

[Lil Missy]

17. Oh, I have broad shoulders. I mentioned that in another post. But there was another time.

These other neighbors were fucking disgusting. They used to plug into my outside outlet when their electricity got shut off. When they got evicted, they found dead bats in there.

The fridge sitting outside scared me that some kid could crawl in there and not be able to get out. I called the Police. They taped it shut, and told me there was so much stinking rotten shit in there, no kid would approach it without a death wish.

They had killer dogs in the back yard next to me. I asked them, you are going to take care of these dogs, aren't you? (They were very neglected and mean dogs, to alert them for drug deals.) Next day, neighbors were gone, and the dogs were still chained in the back yard with no food or water.

They were too mean to approach. So I just set a bucket of water over the fence, and dumped a bag of cat food over. They were starved. They snarfed up that whole bag of food, and couldn't stop drinking the water because they were so thirsty.

I had animal control on the way. I suspect they got put down, because they were awfully mean. They were not adoptable; I sure wouldn't take them. I just think it's awful to treat or train animals like that.

[Rhiannon12866]

5. I'd probably freak out. mzteris has it right.

I'd also make it a point to be firm, like you're talking to children, which you apparently are. :-(

You might also explain that the dog has bonded with you, which he apparently has. And that no stranger, who's never met the dog, could love him and be willing to spend the time and money to work with him, as you are. :-)

I don't know these irresponsible and blockheaded folks, so I can't judge. You can either appeal to their respect for authority or to their emotions. :shrug:

And, don't forget that possession is 9/10 of the law. :-)

Best of luck with this. I understand how you feel. I adopt rescue dogs and I always have felt that nobody could love any of them more than me. :pals:

[Missy Vixen]

10. My poor husband is just crushed.

>And, don't forget that possession is 9/10 of the law.<

The dog wasn't actually living at our house. He was still at their house, but we were walking him at least twice a day, playing with him, etcetera. Our female neighbor's injury requires reconstructive surgery. She can't drive, can't walk him, nothing, so we've been doing it.

At this point, we think the best thing to do is to back away. We hope the dog is happy with his new people, and they don't think he's quite as disposable. :cry:

[Rhiannon12866]

15. I'd be forceful with them, as mzteris said.

Sorry that I misunderstood. You'd think that if the dog caused such angst for them, they would have just given him to you without looking back. :shrug:

I'd also do anything possible to keep the dog. After all, it's in his best interest. You have no idea what kind of loonies that these idiots have arranged to take him. :scared:

Hell, I'd even make up stuff, if these bozos are that clueless. Like big dogs aren't good with kids, if the unknown people have them (though the opposite is true...), or that he's the perfect dog for your husband, that he's not allergic to this particular dog, that you were working on training him to to alert you to the doorbell or phone, because one of you is hard of hearing. Or that this is the only dog that your cats have ever liked.:shrug:

Not only will being separated from you be a blow to the dog, but it sounds as if your husband would be terribly hurt, too. :-(

BTW, I can't move just now. My little guy is lying across my feet, chewing on a cookie... :loveya:

[cwydro]

24. I agree.

Make an effort to keep the dog if possible or find out where it went. They sound like people without a conscience or any empathy whatsoever. Wouldn't hurt to check at the pound; they may have dumped him and are lying to you.

That all said, I would definitely not be available for any more favors.

I feel for you - what an awful situation.

[mzteris]

45. god i never thought of that!

They COULD just "dump at the pound" - yeah, I'd definitely follow up on their "story". they sound like totally selfish jerks.

[Missy Vixen]

37. Your doggie is adorable!

Of course he adores you. :hug:

[Rhiannon12866]

56. Thanks so much...

He is a little cutie. He's also a handful because I adopted him at five months, wasn't used to puppies, usually take senior dogs from rescue. Now I know why... ;)

He lost his 100 lb. "brother" in February ;(, misses him terribly, so now I've become his chew toy. *sigh* But he has such a winning personality, he's pretty hard to resist... :loveya:

[Jamastiene]

6. I would never speak to those neighbors again.

Plus, I'd glare at them every time they tried to make eye contact, after that situation. I shit you not.

That's just me though. I'm not the "neighborly" type on a good day, much less if a neighbor pisses me off. I want to be left the hell alone.

My house is my house. Their house is their house. My yard is my damn yard. Their yard is their damn yard.

My whole family is like that. We like our privacy. We don't get involved with the neighbors any more than we have to. We may nod at them or wave, but that is IT.

That is ALL, AT MOST, that we do. If we get involved with them any at all, it is inevitable that hard feelings will eventually happen.

The reason:
Two VERY DIFFERENT families with VERY DIFFERENT core values can live right next door to each other, especially in the area where I live. I stay away from the rednecks and if the rednecks know what's good for them, they stay the hell away from me.

Yes, I'm extremely antisocial unless I like somebody. So, in the scenario you just described, I'd cut my losses and not get involved with those assholes any more. Sorry for the blunt answer, but it is one of my few ABSOLUTE rules in life. I don't bother my neighbors. They don't bother me. We get along fine that way. I don't want to know them, because inevitably something like you just described always happens. Been there. Done that.

If you want the history as to why I've invented and stuck to this rule, it involves a puppy (a whole litter of 5 puppies, actually) that were left in the woods to starve to death AFTER we had paid for the shots ahead of time AND said we wanted Sockie's son.

I still hate that son of a bitch to this day. He let his feist come over into my yard and get pregnant. My dog never left our yard. Period. We said we'd find homes for the puppies and paid for their shots ahead of time. They weren't weened yet, but we wanted to make sure we took care of them.

That son of a bitch took the puppies out on one of the coldest nights of the year into the woods and left them there to freeze to death and starve. He also refused to tell us where he left them. We never found them.

I never looked that neighbor in the eye again after that unless it was to send a hateful evil eye look. He knew I hated him after that. I was just a kid at the time, but I'll never forget it as long as I live. I hope there is a special spot in Hell for him. He never asked for forgiveness and I never gave it. I smiled when I heard that son of a bitch died.

TO HELL with neighbors. All they do is make a bunch of noise and kill animals needlessly.

Sockie Junior was loved for the 2 weeks he was alive. He had a home already. RIP Sockie Junior

[Lil Missy]

7. Oh, that's just awful and so cruel.

The one I offered to adopt was a deaf dalmation. Neighbor kept him locked in some fancy jail he made between our garages. Never paid any attention to him. I put the food out there for him. The dog kept escaping.

That dog was so neglected for attention. And when he did escape he was was so unruly and starved for TLC. He'd practically love and hug me to death when he got out. I offered to adopt him. (And give him a bath!)

I was so pissed off to come home one day and find animal rescue in front of my house. He had escaped again, and got hit by a truck. A semi-truck. He was road kill. I was so fucking pissed.

[Missy Vixen]

13. Here's a dumb question

WHYYYYYY do people get dogs they don't pay attention to? I mean, really. Our two felines are the most spoiled cats on the face of the earth, and any dog that joins our household will be just as spoiled and loved.

What is the deal?

At least he knew someone loved him. :cry:

[Lil Missy]

19. That's what I think. What's the point of having a dog that is abandoned outside all the time?

He didn't even have a yard to run. Just a fucking little cage all the time???

I'd have taken that dog. But some macho bullshit about I gotta have me dog prevented it. And he got killed.

[Missy Vixen]

11. Most of the reason why we tried to stay on good terms with

the neighbors is that we live in a fairly rural area. Our town had a week-long power outage as the result of a windstorm two years ago; it made us a little more conscious of being sure everyone was okay. Yes, this makes us suckers.

>That son of a bitch took the puppies out on one of the coldest nights of the year into the woods and left them there to freeze to death and starve. He also refused to tell us where he left them. We never found them.<

Oh, my GOD.
When I read stuff like that, I can only hope that Karma does her work. I am SO sorry about this. You must have been just crushed. And, no, I wouldn't talk to that son of a bitch anymore, either. If he lived in Washington, he'd be prosecuted for it. (See Pasado's Law.)

People really suck sometimes, don't they?

[InvisibleTouch]

12. I would absolutely do everything in my power to keep the dog.

You may even have some legal recourse, since it sounds like there was already a verbal agreement that the neighbors had given him to you. And either way, I would let them know that you were no longer on speaking terms with them, and gods only help them if they were ever in trouble and needed something from you - because you would no longer be there to help.

And if you can make a quick move to a new home, take the dog with you, and don't leave a forwarding address.

[Missy Vixen]

14. Unfortunately, we don't have the dog

He's at their house. Tomorrow, he'll be with his new people.

Let's just say they've done this to us for the first and last time. The female is going to need help after her surgery. We're not going to be offering.

Thank you for the kind words. :hug:

[InvisibleTouch]

16. Damn. :(

Don't even lend them a cup of sugar after this. Even if they come crawling to you. Sorry, but I have no sympathy for these kinds of people.

[LisaL]

18. Sounds like your neighbors needed a dog walker-and there

you were. I would certainly stop driving the wife all over town, after the way you were treated.

[Missy Vixen]

39. Lisa, you're right

I think this was a combo of "a dog walker costs HOW much?" and "we got a guard dog for free, but with that gift comes responsibilities?"

Let's just say that I know they'll be approaching us in the near future. After all, she's going to have some PT appointments she won't be able to get to. They're about to find out how expensive it'll be for her to take a cab to those appointments.

[M155Y_A1CH]

20. kick 'em to the curb

It's likely they are just users (the lowest form of life)
and used the dog to buy someone else's favor. They think they already have you on a string or that you are starting to get wise. It wasn't as important to curry your favor as another's, somehow. Watch your back with these people, they may look all innocent... I'm just saying...

[Rhiannon12866]

21. Another thought.

Since you've been doing them so many favors, driving the wife all over town, just say, matter-of-factly, that you did so much, even when it was inconvenient for you, because you expected the dog in return. They can't argue with that, since your good deeds are already done. And they have to catch on that if they ever want anything else from you, that they'd better live up to their part of the bargain. :hi:

[cwydro]

26. Good idea.

I like that one.

[Rhiannon12866]

55. Thanks!

I do so hope that this story has a happy ending... *fingers crossed* :kick:

[Skittles]

25. you know what I would do

[Missy Vixen]

36. Skittles, if you lived here, I'd be offering you whatever it was you needed

to perform an asskicking.

STAT. ;-) :hug:

[Jamastiene]

44. I love you.

:hug:

[Blue Diadem]

27. Most definitely say something.

We had a similar situation but with a neighbor whose yard borders our back valley. While we didn't get the dog directly from that neighbor, we did get him almost immediately from the family who accepted the dog back from them after originally giving him away because of his size. He was 9 months old and tied to a tree when I picked him up. He spent the rest of his life with us and passed away at almost 14.

My neighbor was and is an asshole, so it doesn't bother me that we don't speak. He was abusive to his wife and kids until she left him. The reason they got rid of the dog after having it for 3 months? He was punishing his son by taking his dog away. That boy was my son's friend and was so relieved and happy when we ended up with the dog.

IIWY, I'd be furious and would never do anything again for them. I'd also let the new owners know you'll take the dog if things don't work out. :hug: IMO, what your neighbors did is really cruel with no regard for your feelings.

[raccoon]

28. I'd (1) say something about how shitty it was for them to give the dog

away to someone else after they'd said they would give it to you, and (2) quit driving the wife around. In fact, I wouldn't do any more favors for them at all.

Pull up the moat! I mean, drawbridge! :thumbsup:

[Missy Vixen]

38. I got that whole "moat" and "drawbridge" thing confused.

I am a natural blonde. :woohoo:

You are right: Best thing to do is to insulate ourselves from them. I have a sneaking hunch that they will wait till after the surgery. After all, we'll have forgotten allll about it, won't we? Then it'll be "I need a ride to physical therapy. Can you help?" :mad:

Thanks for the advice. :hi:

[petronius]

29. I would blow them off based on your first paragraph alone, but I would cut them

some slack on the dog. If she was that seriously injured as a direct result of the dog, then I can understand if they're not thinking too clearly (especially the way you've described them) and she may really be uncomfortable having the dog next door.

As long as it's going to a good home (you would be justified in checking on that), I'd let the situation rest...

[LisaL]

31. If they didn't want the dog living next door,

they should have told that to the OP before she walked/took care of that dog for two weeks.

[petronius]

35. Of course they should have - that's the "slack"

Or more precisely, they should have thought of that before offering the dog. Caring for a neighbor's pet during a time of crisis is common courtesy, but it sounds like these neighbors used up their common courtesy allotment long before the dog situation came up...

[Lex]

30. Find out who they gave the dog to. Offer them $200 for the dog.

Tell the neighbors you were upset about them reneging on the deal and went and got the dog.

[cwydro]

33. Best idea yet!

[Missy Vixen]

40. We have two different pals that would have been amazing

options for our friend the dog, if we were unsuitable. They never asked.

In the meantime, this is a great idea. LOL ;-)

[DeepBlueC]

41. excellent idea

I wonder if they will volunteer "but WE paid $xxx.00". I had an immediate suspicion that they sold it.

[dysfunctional press]

42. or if that's not possible- i'd go to petfinders.com and find another of the same breed.

nt

[Lex]

43. heh

nice :thumbsup:

[AwakeAtLast]

48. I was about to post the exact same thing

Great minds, ya know! :D

[mzteris]

46. okay one more less honest idea

but hey - these people sound like they have no scruples, so - so what?

anyway - take the dog for "one last walk" - get one of your friends to take him for a while - tell them the dog ran away. After whoever these other people are have given up, the dog miraculously "returns" - but to YOUR house, of course. TADA!!

well - it could work.

:hug:

[Laelth]

47. This is not what you want to hear, but ...

Gratuitous promises are not legally enforceable contracts. If you had agreed to pay them for the dog (i.e., if you were giving them something in return), you would have a legally enforceable promise, but you have no legal right to expect that any promise made to you for free will be honored.

I'd suggest dropping the whole matter. Under the law, you do not have the right to be upset. I understand that you are upset, but perhaps your neighbors simply understand the law.

:shrug:

:dem:

-Laelth

[Romulox]

49. Ah, but gifts are effective upon delivery. Who has possession of the animal again? nt

[Missy Vixen]

50. As I explained on the other thread

there was never a request for payment.

We also know that they received the dog for free from a friend that's a breeder.

It's over. There's not a lot we can do about it. At the same time, if you read my words a bit more closely, you would have seen that we have repeatedly walked and cared for the dog. In other words, we weren't ripping them off, and we would have been happy to pay a fee for him if they'd asked. They did not.

This has nothing to do with "the law". What happened here is a classic case of our neighbors taking advantage of us and our good nature, and it's not going to happen again, at least with them.

[Laelth]

53. I didn't suggest you were ripping them off.

And the poster above is correct. Gifts are effective upon delivery. You could have told them that you were keeping the dog once they gave it to you.

I suspect you won't be driving the dog-mom around town any more, and I wouldn't blame you for that.

Cheers. :toast:

:dem:

-Laelth

[annabanana]

51. If neither of you is planning to move any time soon. .

I'd express my regret in their choice, let them give the dog away, and then not have much to do with them afterwards... (If they are the "users" you describe, they should look elsewhere for favors).

Cordial coolness isn't prone to escalation... some of the other suggestions on this thread are.

[femmocrat]

52. JMO.... but I think they did you a favor.

That dog sounds like a huge responsibility. Maybe it really is better for them to place it somewhere where they don't have to see it all the time, considering that it did injure the woman.

You were being a kind, wonderful, helpful neighbor, caring for the dog and driving the woman around. If you did this out of the goodness of your heart, you should be happy. If you expected the dog as a reward, of course you are disappointed.

In the end, it's their dog and they can do what they want with it. I do hope they at least expressed their appreciation for all your help!

[BikeWriter]

54. #### them, that was inconsiderate.