Friend's fundy husband convinced her she doesn't need to take to take anti-depressants (read on)

[SCRUBDASHRUB]

OK, I have to vent about this...

I received an email from "Sally" last week (she and I grew up together; went to the same elementary through high schools), but I haven't seen her in years and I receive an occasional email from her (usually when something's wrong or she has news; whatever).

She emailed me, as she said she's been really depressed, has been yelling at her kids and her husband, etc. She said she's been like this "for a few years." She decided to talk to her ob/gyn about it, and the doctor prescribed Lexapro for her to try. "Sally" had been on an antidepressant some years ago when she was having difficulty at a job, and she said it seemed to help her.

Well, her husband (a fundy who used to write hateful letters bashing homosexuals, for instance, to our local paper (when they still lived in our hometown)), got her all freaked out about trying the medication. He started reading up about all the side effects of stopping cold turkey, etc.

I emailed her back and tried to be really supportive. I told her that you should take the medication while under a doctor's care, and if you were to go off of it, you would be withdrawn from it gradually (I've been on several SSRIs in the past, which is why she wrote me to begin with). I also told her that talk therapy in addition to medication is key. I said that once you're feeling better, the rest will fall into place.

I didn't hear from her for a few days.

I emailed her today to see how she was doing. I suspected her husband was going to convince her that only "crazy people" take antidepressants and that if she only goes to church and relies on him, she'll be fine. Boy, did I nail it on the head.

He told her that "there's nothing going on now that is causing you stress." In other words, it's all in your mind.

She said she realized she didn't need medication when she lost a parent, and that it was through the love of her husband and being involved in her church that got her through.

Thank G-d I am not married to someone like that dude. I hope she doesn't have a total melt-down one day; I'm sure he'll blow it off and say nothing's wrong with her.

[fizzgig]

1. that guy sounds like a real gem

i'm sorry your friend has to deal with this. i hope she doesn't (or didn't) quit the meds cold turkey, that can be dangerous.

[SCRUBDASHRUB]

2. She decided she wasn't even going to take them.

Pisses me off.

I've been taking anti-anxiety meds and have been going to therapy for about 5 years now. L-rd knows what that dickhead thinks of me (not that I really give a rat's). My hubby has been very understanding about all of this. In fact, if I start having worsened anxiety, he asks when I'm supposed to go to my dr. next, as he's concerned maybe the dosage isn't right?! He takes this stuff in stride.

[gmoney]

3. Can she send them to me?

Feeling like I could use something about now...

[Wapsie B]

4. If and when we finally get a decent healthcare system in this country I'd be all for

excluding clowns like this guy. He wouldn't want to be thrown into the same risk pool as those godless liberals and homosexuals. So just keep 'em out.

[SCRUBDASHRUB]

5. Yeah, he's an assclown.

[SCRUBDASHRUB]

7. My email reply to hers today was "Good luck."

Didn't feel like getting into an argument with her. Somehow I don't think church is going to help with a chemical imbalance.

[prolesunited]

6. Divorce him

Depression solved.

Frankly, why should this be his decision. It's between her and her doctor. She should just take them without telling him.

Judging him by what you wrote, he's a big bully and wants to control her. If she was to get better, she might start standing up for herself. If he keeps her unwell, she's his convenient doormat.

[SCRUBDASHRUB]

8. Right. She's his second wife (she's never been married before him).

I'm thinking the first wife probably got sick of his controlling bullshit.

Looking back, when we were in high school, she dated a controlling asshole. I would never hear from her when she was dating, but as soon as she broke up with someone, I'd hear from her.

[Odin2005]

9. She needs to get away from that moron.

She's at serious risk of suicide if she stays with that twit. :(

I take 20mg of Paxil (recently raised temporarily to 30mg for obvious reasons I don't need to repeat :cry: ) a day with little in the way of side effects.

[SCRUBDASHRUB]

10. One of her sisters I believe is bi-polar. Her nephew

died of a heroin overdose some years ago when he was in his 20s (I think he may have also been bipolar (he was the son of the sister I referred to)).

I told her that I believe depression is hereditary, and it's nothing to be ashamed of.

Odin, I hope you're feeling better soon.

[Odin2005]

11. It's defnitely at least partially hereditary and defnitely nothing to be ashamed of.

The way mental illnesses are treated as moral faults is pathetic.

[SCRUBDASHRUB]

12. I agree.

[Withywindle]

17. It's definitely hereditary, and it's PHYSICAL

It's an imbalance in the BRAIN, it's not something that be overcome by praying or positive thinking or any of that shit. Damn, that superstition pisses me off. Chances are her poor nephew was suffering and tried to self-medicate - that's a very common experience of how addicts and alcoholics get that way.

If she was diabetic and her ignorant shitlump of a husband told her she shouldn't take insulin, she should pray instead, would she realize then how clueless he was?

[SCRUBDASHRUB]

21. Mental health shouldn't be treated any differently than physical health.

They also moved way the fuck away (no family close by); makes me think he's isolating her, too.

[hedgehog]

13. He told her that "there's nothing going on now that is causing you stress."

In other words, it's all in your mind.

Of course it's all in her mind. That's why she's taking medication!

All too many people confuse appropriate anxiety (Say from unemployment, family illness, etc) and appropriate sadness ( death in the family) with inappropriate anxiety and sadness. The first is a normal response to conditions. For me, clinical anxiety and depression are responses to situations that aren't that bad or over-responses to a situation. It may very well be that to an outside observer, there is no need for her to be feeling stress. That doesn't mean she is not feeling stress.

I second the recommendation for talk therapy in addition to medication.

[SCRUBDASHRUB]

14. She was given the medication, but apparently has decided not to take it.

Her husband isn't "in her head," so how can he say "the stress is over"?

My husband knows me well; he doesn't understand why I'm anxious when I shouldn't be, but knows my chemical "makeup" and the medication and therapy are there to help manage it.

I have a feeling the issue isn't over yet. I just hope no one gets hurt (herself, the kids or the husband) because the pig-headed husband is giving her shit about getting the help I think she needs.

[quakerboy]

15. Wait... There may be more to it...

Perhaps he is a masochist?

I don't get it. When there are things that can make life better, I am all over that. When they offer my bipolar family members meds that make them more or less sane, I cheer. Who wants someone raging on them when it can be easily moderated and makes everyone happier?

[SCRUBDASHRUB]

20. Right; like I told her, once she begins to feel better with her medication

and if she starts therapy, everything will fall into place. She'll feel better and in turn everyone around her will, too.

[cherish44]

16. Sounds like Andrea Yates' husband

Thought it was all in her head and that people who are depressed just needed a "swift kick in the ass". My ex husband had the same attitude about it. He told me he didn't think he wanted to be with someone who needed to take antidepressants. Believe me if all it took was a swift kick in the ass to cure my depression I would have gladly offered my ass up for a swift kick.

[GreenPartyVoter]

18. I've heard all of that before. Thank heavens I have enough sense to stay on my meds! I hope

that if your friend finds she does want back on them that she can do it without alerting the hubby. That or just stand her ground about it.

[SCRUBDASHRUB]

19. I agree with all of the above.