GODDAMN AIRLINE PRICING FUCKING BOOGABOOGA MYSTERY FUCKING NONSENSE!!!!

[Rabrrrrrr]

:grr:
:banghead:
:nuke:
:mad:
:banghead:
:grr:

Why can't they just price flights like trains, theater tickets, and hardware stores?

Why the fucking nebulous shitass mysterious fluctuating nonsense?

Gee, the ticket seems to have gone down $100 from ten minutes ago - do I buy it now, because it might be the last goddamn seat? Or do I wait until the day before my flight leaves because it's still 90% empty? Or do I buy it now because in five minutes, and for all the future, it's going up $600?

Or could I leave a day earlier and save $500? Or fly a day later and save $1200? Come home a day earlier and get special in-air blowjob service and a free cruise?

We don't fucking know!

No one fucking knows!!!!!

I get on the plane, and the dude next to me got a free flight because of some special "If you say aardvark to the phone salesperson for this four minute window on the fifth Sunday of any month that starts with 'M'" you get a free seat" and the gent on the other side of me paid $2421.09 because he had the audacity to tell the airline he needed the emergency cheaper compassionate "funeral" fare to go to his mom's funeral, when he could have instead called some bumfuck no-one-knows-about travel agency in Malibu and gotten a special "Ocelot Wednesday" fare of $17.22 that the airline offers only to that particular travel agency on odd numbered months for that particular flight, and woman behind me managed to call her travel agent at some magical three-second window 18 months ago and got a fare $219.59 less than mine, while her travel partner, who unfortunately couldn't confirm her vacation with her company until the current year was just one less than the year she wanted to go, paid $748.38 more.

:grr:
:banghead:
:nuke:
:mad:
:banghead:
:grr:




It wouldn't be so bad if the airlines guaranteed that if the price went down after we buy a ticket, we get a refund. Or if the airlines would let us change our tickets if we need to change our schedule, since they practically require us now to buy tickets 6 months in advance if we want any kind of decent price (and/or ensure you can actually get on the fucking flight), or take the risk of not getting a vacation by waiting until the last 24 hours and getting a ticket for 5 fucking dollars because they're desperate.

And the online travel sites? What the fuck is up with them?

Tell me - seriously - what in the hell is the fucking difference between priceline, travelocity, orbitz, kayak, cheapflights, and the other ones? Over the past ten years, every one of those fucking sites has always, no matter or when I'm flying, given me exactly the same set of flights for exactly the same dollar amount.

:grr:
:banghead:
:nuke:
:mad:
:banghead:
:grr:

If I were president, one of the first things I'd do is get all the airline CEOs together and tell them they have four days to set a coherent, predictable, usable, plausible, customer-friendly pricing schema, or I'm gonna have the secret service start kicking them in the balls every hour, on the hour, until they do.

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

1. Airline ticket sales are actually auctions.

But I really like those Ocelot Wednesday fares.

[flvegan]

2. What if the CEO is a woman?

[Lyric]

4. Always gotta piss in the punchbowl, dontcha?

:P

:rofl:

[Rabrrrrrr]

5. A woman CEO? Women can't run businesses. They don't think.

That's why God made them with aprons and bottles and whatever the hell it is they do in the bathroom and in the kitchen and whatever while we're working.

[Midlodemocrat]

12. +1. I thought everybody knew this.

[Rabrrrrrr]

13. Thank you! It's about time one of you purty little morons admitted it.

I'd pat you on the ass to show you how appreciative I am, but this is a virtual medium.

Whoops, sorry - I mean, this isn't real. This Internet thingy you're posting on. Don't try to understand it, but if you need to know, ask your husband what I'm talking about. I'm not really in your computer. But, anyway, I don't want to confuse that little brain of yours! Might knock some recipes or hair ideas out of your teeny head, and I don't want your husband getting all made at me! LOL! I know you weaker sex can't handle more than about... zero... thought in your head at one time, and I'd hate to bounce out your roast beef or special meatloaf recipe by filling your head with man-think.

[Midlodemocrat]

14. If you patted me on the ass? I would probably kill you.

In spirit only of course, because the internet isn't real. Al Gore hasn't invented it yet.

[rug]

3. You can get exceptionally good deals on sex tour flights.

[Rabrrrrrr]

6. I'm not flying to your house.

:P

Or anywhere in the south.

[rug]

8. Ah, shit.

:cry:

[Pierre.Suave]

7. This is the BEST. POST. OF. THE. DAY.

:rofl:

[Rabrrrrrr]

9. This is the BEST. POST. EVER.

:grr:

[Pierre.Suave]

10. Why thank you Sir, I am honored you think so.

:P

[Rabrrrrrr]

11. Seriously, people, all this rage and only four responses?

Am I the only one who is driven crazy by the airlines every time I try to fly somewhere?

[Midlodemocrat]

15. Meh, it's late. We're all reeling from the goodness that is Supernatural.

[Rabrrrrrr]

18. Supernatural with a capital "S"? Is that a TV show, then?

[Midlodemocrat]

21. Oh, dude. It's practically made for you and DS1

almost every other word out of the boys' mouth is douchebag or a variation thereof.

Plus, seriously? Dean? the older brother. I could have birthed him. From the sarcastic mouth, smart assery, love of classic rock right down to the green eyes. It's a little scary. It's like Jim Carrey in Truman brought to you live.

Fortunately, I don't stalk celebrities.

[Rabrrrrrr]

23. Never heard of it. Makes me wish I had cable, if it's made for DS1 and me.

That speaks highly of it!

[Midlodemocrat]

25. Dude. Any show that has an episode entitled

'Criss Angel is a douchebag' is tailor made for the lounge. :rofl:

I found the show a couple of months ago, clicking around to see what was on. :not much:

But I latched on to it because of the soundtrack; all classic rock. And now? I am hooked on the show.

I can PM you a link to watch the older episodes if you are interested.

[Dr. Strange]

16. Flying is not a right, it is a PRIVILEGE.

So you pay your fare, you get your hiney on that plane, eat your airline peanuts, and then put your tray in the motherfucking upright position, or so help me, I will land your ass in the Hudson!

[Rabrrrrrr]

17. Ooooooooookay there, Captain Stubing.

:eyes:

[Dr. Strange]

19. Stubing was the captain of the fricking love boat.

Shit, man, why you talking boat nonsense in a thread on airlines? Get your head in the goddamn game!

[Rabrrrrrr]

22. That was my point.

You have failed my gom jabbar.

[Dr. Strange]

26. Oh no you don't! Don't you pull that Bene Gesserit crap on me!

You want to know why airplaning costs so much more and why that price fluctuates? Look, have you ever heard of a train falling off the ground because of snakes? Or gun shots? That shit can happen on planes, man! You get one or two snakes on a plane, that plane will fall right out of the sky. How else you gonna deal with that? You got to have fluctuating prices, man! That's all there is to it. Plus, those motherfucking guild navigators moving the planes and shit by folding space--they ain't cheap. They need their cut.

[Rabrrrrrr]

29. "Fluctuations within fluctuations. Why cannot I see it?" though Muad'dib,

as he searched with his mind for the pint of Cherry Garcia that Chani had hidden from him. "There must be a link between spice production, guild navigator prices, and the ludicrous amount that Stilgar charges me for ice cream at his new ice cream store. We were brothers once, until profit got in the way. Leaving the sietch after our triumph to set up an anarcho-communist dairy cooperative? By the Orange Catholic Bible, I'll never understand that man. Where did that damned woman put my ice cream? My fat flows like the spice and the blood of the sardaukar, she said. I wonder if the Baron's lifters are still salvageable? Maybe Irulan will get me some ice cream."

[Dr. Strange]

30. Orson Welles in sandy overalls!

I wonder if the Baron's lifters are still salvageable?

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

[Ellen Forradalom]

51. Oh, so it's you who is writing that text for Bayesian filter-evading spam

I was wondering.

[Midlodemocrat]

40. Oh, bite me.

[Dr. Strange]

44. Foreplay fail.

[krispos42]

20. I fly on Sun Country

Their pricing is pretty simple.


Of ocurse, they may not fly where you need them to go. I fly from MSP to JFK.

[quakerboy]

24. Know what I hate?

Damn jet setters flying all over the fucking country, then shoving their high flying lifestyle in my face. Thats what I fucking hate. Prolly a god damn fucking mile high member too. Know what? You just keep your personal issues personal, and we can just pretend we don't know each other from Adam and move on, thats what.



You're right though. If I had money, and a place to go, airline fuckitude would really piss me off too. In the mean time I will have to settle for lesser carping about gas prices and the weather.

[elfrangel]

27. ROFLMAO..

I have yet to EVER fly, my feet stay firmly planted...but I just had to say that this thread gave me a very good laugh...

Thanks for the jollies. :hi:

[Marrah_G]

28. I decided to come post just to share with you.......

....That I can fly anywhere in the world on Delta for 100 bucks round trip!

Aren't you happy for me?

Oh yeah.....and when I say I do.... I'll be the person sitting next to you that is flying for FREE !!!!


:evilgrin:

[fizzgig]

31. you too?

i'm pretty good at sniffing out cheap fares, but it still drives me buggy. some airlines will give you a refund if you find a lower fare for the flight you booked, it just requires vigilance.

[mnhtnbb]

32. The last time I flew was to Cincinnati. All the airlines wanted $250+

I booked to Dayton (OH)for $70, which stopped--you guessed it--in Cincinnati! Yeah! I went to
Cincinnati by booking another city for $180. less than I would have paid if I'd booked to Cincinnati!

Is that nuts, or what?

:wtf: :crazy:

[billyoc]

33. I don't see the checkbox for the blowjob.

:shrug:

[mwooldri]

37. It's only offered on Ryanair's new transatlantic service.

If you buy a business class ticket of course. Where everything including the blowjobs are included. Michael O'Leary said so.

However if you purchase the new NYC-LON tickets in economy class better get some of those gold dollar coins cos you'll need them for the bathroom.

[Initech]

34. Yeah its such a pain in the ass isn't it?

Why cant airlines charge flat fees like they do in Europe? I mean shit in Europe you can fly from one city to another for like E25.

I booked a flight to Detroit the other day to go hang out with my friends from my Europe trip. After searching I found a flight on United that was nearly $750. Then I checked Northwest and they were $450. Then I checked American and they were $340. Finally I found the cheapest one on Southwest - one way Los Angeles to Detroit was $221. I tried to book as a reward flight but the fuckin' Friday I wanted to leave was blacked out because of a holiday. I could only use the reward on the return flight. :grr: :mad:

[gmoney]

35. the changing thing bugs me the most

usually the penalty for switching is more than the damn ticket.... why? does it really cost them that much more for me to fly thursday instead of friday? I know it's to discourage rampant changing of reservations that could get really messy if left unchecked, but with everything on computers now, it shouldn't be THAT big a deal.

[Tuesday Afternoon]

36. I just hope I never have to fly with the guy who is in LilMissy's thread

and if I do...I pray to God that he does not over eat :o

:yoiks:

[mwooldri]

38. Then don't fly Ryanair.

That is the most mysterious airline for figuring out the price. Then you got to add on all the extra fees for things like checking in, baggage, oh and you have to pay to buy the ticket too.

Naaa... I'll stick with BA if I can.

Mark.

[TZ]

39. I've come to expect nonsense from the airlines.

Basically I go to one site that I've gotten the best deals on..find the times I want and the flights I want and book. If you shop around I actually thinks it makes life more miserable..I'll go with a slightly higher fare for the direct flight that I can get a definite seats on. I won't play the bidding war game..it just makes me crazy.

[AirmensMom]

41. It's a crap shoot.

We had to buy a ticket for a quick trip a few months ago. We assumed it would cost a fortune to book a round trip flight for the next day, with the returning flight on that same day. They usually tell you that overnight or weekend stays will buy a cheaper ticket, as will booking the flight at least 2 weeks in advance.

Well, this was the cheapest round trip ticket I have ever seen going out of this very small airport. Of course, someone else was reimbursing us for the flight. We would never get such a rate if we had to pay for it ourselves. The online travel reservation site (Expedia, Travelocity ... can't remember) didn't know that, so it truly did seem to be a matter of luck.

Of course, it's fun when you're the one to get the cheap flight because you happened to say the right word at exactly the right moment. No fun at all when they take advantage of you just when you've lost a loved one and will pay just about anything to go to the funeral. Yep, we've been that route, too. Seems like they charge more when you tell them you need a "bereavement rate."

:banghead:

[miss_american_pie]

42. I heart Rabrrrrrr

That is all.

:hi:

[LibDemAlways]

43. I worked for several years as a travel agent. It's called

"capacity control" mixed with a healthy dose of what the car industry would call the "loss leader" ad. As long as you've got one car on the lot you're willing to sell at or very close to cost, you can advertise that price in big bold letters to attract customers. It's a form of bait and switch, and what the airlines do flirts with being the same thing. Advertise a price. Put a lot of restrictions on it. Make it available in very limited quantities, and when customers call looking for it, tell them, "It's sold out, but for $50.00 or $100.00 more I can get you a seat if you are willing to be flexible with dates/times."

I was on the receiving end of a lot of verbal abuse telling people that what they were looking for basically didn't exist.

It's a pain in the ass and should have been overhauled long ago.

[Rabrrrrrr]

47. Kicking so that the overhaul can begin!

Woot!

Fucking airlines.

Fuck 'em.

Not only does their pricing suck diarrheaic donkey ass, their service is a pile of shit compared to every other first world airline.

Lufthansa and every other first-world carrier that isn't America: "What can I do to help you, sir?"

American airline companies: "Here's yer fuckin' pretzels and yer shot of soda, now shut up and sit down, and if you go to the bathroom, you better have a goddamned good reason because I'm gonna stare at you the whole time you're moving. And then when the flight is over, you can go fuck yourself."

[DS1]

45. This fucking shit should be right the fuck on the front page of DU and every other goddamn blog on

the Internet

[Midlodemocrat]

46. 44-6

[Kali]

48. ...

:rofl: :applause:

[Pacifist Patriot]

49. I heart you.

I'm still trying to figure out why I have to fly through Seattle or Singapore to go from Orlando to New York when last year around the same time I had 157 different direct flights to choose from.

[trof]

50. It's really very simple.

If you want to fly when there are very few seats available, it'll cost you a lot for the privilege.
If you want to fly when there are a lot of empty seats, it's cheaper.
Sometimes.
But not always.

Sometimes you can get the very last seat on a flight for bupkis.
And sometimes the whole damn airplane can be empty and they'll make you pay for ALL the fuel it takes to get you from New York to Mumbai, or whatever they're calling that place this week.
But they may move you up to Business Class (NOT First, God Forbid) and give you free drinks if you're the sole occupant of a Boeing Monster Hauler.

Capiche?

[DS1]

53. I don't buy it

What with computerized booking, it should make no difference whether a seat was bought 2 months in advance or 20 minutes in advance. The system knows if there's seats or not, and the booking is instant. Besides, if you're the only one flying on that flight, they'll simply cancel it for "maintenance reasons" and dump you on the next one with more people.

[Midlodemocrat]

52. YES!!!!!

Kicked back up!!!!

:woohoo:

:woohoo:

[Ellen Forradalom]

54. There are warehouses full of humming computers

following every convoluted heuristic known to man (and a few that aren't) in the eternal pursuit of all full flights at maximum profit, all the time.

It is very much voo-doo.

[sniffa]

55. I'm sorry you didn't get your pony

GROW UP7

[Midlodemocrat]

56. Nice one.

I bet you're an IED, too.

:eyes:

[sniffa]

57. FU IDIOT6

[Midlodemocrat]

59. Asshole.

I'm a lowlife. Can't you fucking read?

[sniffa]

61. Whatever prego

:eyes:

[Rabrrrrrr]

62. The next time you bring up the pain of my ponyless childhood, I'm ripping off your head

and shitting down your neck.

totally unl33t freakwad.

[pitohui]

58. you just don't have any gamble in you, do you, my son

i have to admit, i like it the way it is, because i've learned my way around the casino and i usually win

i get lots of free flights and the rest are super cheap as hell

if you rarely fly and get jacked a little what difference does it make? you get jacked on the price of milk and gas every day and it ads up to more than that extra $350 you paid for your airfare for your one trip a year


you say "no one fucking knows" but the reality is, lots of us fucking knows, and you could hang out at flyertalk or you could investigate for yourself but you don't want to invest the time

is your time worth money? then why are you angry that you are charged slightly more to save you some time?

[RoyGBiv]

60. I love this rant ...

I once played the game and got a flight from OKC to BWI for $88 on a Friday. The flight went via Chicago and Detroit, and I'll never fucking do that again, but I was just seeing if it could be done.

As I was sitting on the plane in Detroit waiting to be de-iced and trying to remove the iron rod from my ass that had shown up at some point over Lake Michigan, I heard the guy next to me, who was only flying from Detroit to BWI, talking about his ticket, which had cost him somewhere around $300. That made a guy in the seat behind us, who had also gotten on the plane in Detroit, perk up and exclaim, "Mine cost $900!"

It's frickin' magic, I think.