a question for you ladies

[Rising Phoenix]

I have conflicting beliefs sometimes
1. I should respect myself as a woman, a human, and only give my body to those I feel special, and who feel the same about me.

2. I am my own woman, my own person, my own body, and if I feel like getting it on with someone just because he/she is good at it, then more power to you sista


thoughts?

[latebloomer]

1. depends on how sex affects you

If a woman can just get it on and enjoy herself and not care about whether it's going to turn into a "relationship", yes, more power to her.

On the other hand, sex can really stir up the need for attachment, and sometimes when it's clear that the sex is not going to turn into love, it can hurt.

I know when I was young I was always looking for love in all the wrong places, acting like I was wild and free, but really wanting to be in love with one person. And I was in pain a lot of the time.

You just have to know yourself and your own reactions and needs.

[Rising Phoenix]

2. thanks for responding

I do know that I form some sort of attatchment to the man/ woman......but I don't need it to go beyond a friendship the majority of the time


I have been getting into a lot of feminist literature.......and i become confused when reading too much into it

[Shell Beau]

3. I don't know.

You have to do what feels right. I am not one to ask. My husband was my first (high school sweethearts). We broke up a few times and did our thing, but I was never one to go have sex because I wanted it. I was young young when I married. 23. So I never had that really adventurous side outside of my husband. Not to say I didn't venture out, but probably not as much as a lot of people do. And to be honest, I don't think I would have. There was this one other guy and that was it for me.

There is nothing wrong with filling your desires, but you also want to remain true to yourself. :shrug: You just gotta figure out what that is.

[Rising Phoenix]

4. thanks for responding

I don't know where I stand.....maybe I think the physical means more than it does....but then if I have to question it i probably is't right.....thanks!

[skygazer]

5. I kind of think we put rather too much emphasis on the sanctity of our bodies

Not that I think we should dash right out and have sex with the entire offensive line of the Miami Dolphins but I do think we make rather a bigger deal about sex than it should be. It's a biological urge, it's fun and it's natural.

If you're not involved in a monogamous relationship and you want some good old down and dirty, I really don't see a problem there, as long as it involves 2 consenting adults and isn't hurting anyone. As someone upthread said, you just need to be aware of how it will affect YOU emotionally.

Not much of an answer, huh?

[Shell Beau]

6. No, that is the answer. If it hurts you emotionally, don't do it.

If it doesn't, and you have fun, go for it. I think you answered it just right, really.

[supernova]

12. Agreed

You have to decide what role sex plays in your life, then act accordingly.

[LeftyMom]

7. Your phrasing concerns me.

Your body is not a gift to give. You can choose to do things for it that are (ideally mutually) pleasurable, but it's yours, it belongs to you, and nobody else is likely to respect that unless you do.

Where you strike a balance between sex for pleasure and sex for relationship building is up to you. The important thing is to make sure you're not confusing the former with the latter, which women in our culture often do. Keep in mind that you can have totally different sex with the exact same person depending on which aim you're working toward.

Unless you're talking about donating a kidney or something, in which case yeah, that's totally a gift and I apologize for the misunderstanding.

[astral]

8. I think #2

But of course you need the part of #1 -- respecting yourself as a woman. Casual sex can be a perfectly healthy thing. I don't think at my age I would do it but that is because of my life experiences up to this point and I could just as easily feel differently about it. Just be careful.

[Fleshdancer]

9. Both

Respect yourself as a woman while acknowledging that sex for pleasure is as valid as sex for love just as long as you are honest with yourself and your partner(s).

[La Lioness Priyanka]

10. both are true, your body is precious and yours to share.

you can share it out of love or for pleasure or both.

[Rising Phoenix]

14. thanks hon!

[Captain Hilts]

11. Depends on your mood. It's up to you! nt

[Rising Phoenix]

13. yes it is.....and that is a wonderful thing!

[Z_I_Peevey]

15. From an elder:

Realize there's probably a lot more (1) in your subconscious than you are aware of. Find it and work toward the goal of more (2) thought if you can.

[Rising Phoenix]

16. thanks for the advice!

much welcome.