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I swear the cats are trying to kill us off.

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davsand Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Apr-26-09 01:11 PM
Original message
I swear the cats are trying to kill us off.
I swear to gawd my cat is plotting to kill me.

He keeps kneading on me. I know he's checking my internal organs for weakness.

He keeps on scratching in his kitty litter. I know he's practicing to bury my dead body.

He left me a dead animal on the doorstep. That was no gift, that was a warning.

That vomiting up grass stuff he does is his way of purging before combat.

He keeps on pawing at my face whenever I'm sleeping. The little bugger is plotting to smother me, I can tell.

He keeps on hiding under the table or on top of his cat tree. He's observing me for weakness.

I swear he tried to trip me this morning...

:scared:


Have you all noticed this behavior in your own cats? Is this some kind of cat uprising?


Laura
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Lil Missy Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Apr-26-09 01:37 PM
Response to Original message
1. Yes, I've noticed it too. And!
The dog is stealing my pillows! And shanking my blankets! Every day!

Just ask Raven. Her cat is stealing her credit cards!

Oh, Damn. Just wait till flvegan checks in. I'll bet his pitbulls are taking over the world. Fuckin ask idiot6.
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davsand Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Apr-26-09 02:36 PM
Response to Reply #1
2. He just tried to sleep on my keyboard.
I think he knows it is how I contact the rest of the world. He's jealous of our technology and he is attempting to isolate me!!!

Raven's cat is probably attempting to prevent her from buying a plane ticket and making an escape! He is denying her access to her finances!!!!

As for your dog stealing your pillows? I just bet he's trying to damage your neck so you'll be unable to turn your head when he gasses you with his doggie morning breath!

These animals are getting more clever by the day!


Laura
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Lil Missy Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Apr-26-09 04:12 PM
Response to Reply #2
5. A few corrections.
Raven's cat is getting into her pocketbook, taking charge cards, and trying to steal her identity!

My dog is more clever than you think. He doesn't try to damage my neck while I sleep. I sleep on the couch most of the time, because my arthritic knees and hips feel better there.

He goes there, and the pillows fly! And my blankets go flying everywhere! I think he is "nesting" but it is sure annoying. I have to re-make my bed every single time.

But I loves his ass. So while my bed is flying, I just shake my head. He's obviously brain damaged. :eyes:
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davsand Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Apr-26-09 04:17 PM
Response to Reply #5
6. He WANTS you to think he's brain damaged! Very smart dog you have there!
Quite cunning, that canine of yours! I would be on my guard if I was you. Crafty as he is, you just never know what could happen next!


Laura
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Lil Missy Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Apr-26-09 04:53 PM
Response to Reply #6
9. He DOES agree to meetings with the cats. Hmmmm.
I do know the cats are plotting against me. I switch the end of my sleeping area to trick them. Then they have to have a new meeting. :rofl: :rofl:

I think they just draw the pooch into these meetings. He just says, well okay. He's pretty docile, and just guards and protects me after the meetings.

I do have one "special needs" cat that sleeps on my butt all the time. Maybe he is waiting for the kill?

Oh, and they are all brain damaged. I'm doomed.
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kiva Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Apr-26-09 02:45 PM
Response to Original message
3. No doubt there's a major shift afoot.
With 6 cats in the household, there is always a COD (Cat on Duty). For the last 2 days, there have been large periods of time without a visible cat. They are, I believe, resting up for the major assault. We are about to go to the store to buy much cat food to appease them...if this does not work, may the great Ceiling Cat have mercy on our souls.
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davsand Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Apr-26-09 04:22 PM
Response to Reply #3
7. Do not let them lull you into a false sense of security, my friend.
All may appear to be well, but it could just be the calm before the storm. Watch for the signs! If you start to find the hairballs in your shoes prepare to flee to a place of safety immediately!


Laura
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elshiva Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Apr-26-09 03:42 PM
Response to Original message
4. Also cats are dancing on their hind legs like humans.

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davsand Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Apr-26-09 04:26 PM
Response to Reply #4
8. They prepare to replace us.
Have they started to grow opposable thumbs yet? Are they practicing the use of your can opener?


Laura

I have noticed that my cat has NOT attempted to learn how to scoop his own box. I now have a sense of what his plans are for me.
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