Snappy answers to stupid questions

[mtowngman]

"Did you catch that fish?" is my favorite
http://www.leedberg.com/mad/satsq/satsq.html

[Tangerine LaBamba]

1. My favorite:

"So you're a writer? Have I read anything you've written?"

"Possibly. What have you read?"

[Chan790]

8. Alright, what genre do you write?

If I started listing books I've read we'd be here for a while. If I had a genre to limit to, we might get through what I've read sometime this year.

[Tangerine LaBamba]

9. Literary fiction .....................

See ya later, kid ......................

[Chan790]

10. Hmm...

that doesn't really help. I read a lot of lit. fic. I read a lot. period.

You're not Thomas Pynchon, are you? If you were, would you admit that you were? He's notoriously reclusive and supposedly an unabashed liberal-leaning-towards-socialist.

[Tangerine LaBamba]

11. Wait. Hold on. Wait ..........

You did realize the absurdity of the question I related in my post?

You did, didn't you?

Save yourself...................

[Chan790]

12. I did.

I'm just really really curious, by nature.

(I did notice you didn't answer whether or not you're Pynchon. :P)

[Tangerine LaBamba]

13. And you just became

one of those people asking me that question ..............................

[Chan790]

14. It's an admittedly dumb question...

but most writers I've dealt with evade the more-direct "What have you written?" by answering "Probably nothing you've heard of." so it's easier to ask the dumb question than the intelligent one.

[Tangerine LaBamba]

15. It would seem that

the writers you know are rude..................

[Chan790]

16. Yes.

I met a lot of them when I moved to NYC.

I don't mean that as a reflection of NYC but of the circle of people I've become involved with...they're film/arts-scene people for the most part and for a bunch of people who are basically-destitute (so am I, admittedly) they're kind of stuck-up about it all. They tell me frequently that I'm not published or that none of the screenplays I've written have sold. I don't have the heart to point out that it doesn't matter to me. It's what I do for fun, a hobby; it's not who I am. I don't care if I'm published or if I write something Oscar nominated.

People define success in the funniest ways. I judge my success by whether I like my writing; not whether it wins more awards, makes more money, sells more copies or is more pretentious than some other piece of writing.

I guess the best question at the heart of it is "Do you like what you've written?" I think a lot of them don't, that they're embarrassed by their work and that's why they don't want to admit to writing it or say what they wrote.

[Tangerine LaBamba]

17. My agent and publisher are in Manhattan,

but I don't have anything to do with the city. When I've had to go there - under threats because, well, I don't go there and people want to see me once in a while, although I don't know why - it's been work, and I don't care for work.

If you write as a hobby, you're not a writer. You are what you do for money - librarian, porn film star, cobbler, wine taster - but your hobby doesn't identify you in the larger world. Your work - the title you fill in on your 1040 - is what you do, in large part (in our society) what you are. As someone who's worked hard to achieve a certain degree of success, I'm just a bit put off by people who dabble and then identify themselves as "writers." Sort of like gathering a large collection of books on brain surgery and then identifying yourself as a brain surgeon.

You're not a writer until you've dealt with the heavy lifting of being published, having a film made, gotten into the machinery, and made enough money that you are obliged to put "writer" in that box on the aforementioned 1040.

That, of course, is just my personal view. Pay no attention to me.

Being destitute and being stuck-up is a rough combination. Doesn't sound very happy. Getting published is an impossible goal. I don't know how anyone does it today - it was a different business when I ventured into it.

Why are you guessing at what your friends are thinking? You said you were curious - so why don't you ask them?

They tell you "frequently" about your lack of sales? And these are your "friends"?

You need new friends, friend ....................................

[jberryhill]

2. Dumbest possible question - "Is that what I think it is?"

How would you even begin to know the answer to that question?

[HopeHoops]

3. "No, it is FAR worse than you think!"

Or, "No, it is a dildo."

[sarge43]

7. "You'll know in two minutes. 120, 119, 118 ....." n/t

[FloridaJudy]

4. My favorite

Is when I'm crouched in the dirt with a jack and a tire iron trying to get the lug nuts off and someone comes along and says "Got a flat tire?" I'm always tempted to answer:

1) No, it's just a hobby.
2) No, it's a new exercise program. I've lost twenty pounds so far.
3) No, this is the good tire. I need it to replace the one on the other side.

[sarge43]

6. Excellent! Must remember

:applause:

[sarge43]

5. Mine

A smart mouth parrot

Q: Can you talk?

A: Yes. Can you fly?

One more

Q: Does that hurt?

A: No. I'm merely testing my ability to shatter glass with my screams.

Really happened to me

In for an OBGYN exam, on table dressed only in an inadequate sheet, a tech pokes head around door ...

Q: Are you here to see the doctor?

A: No. I always take my lunch hour like this -- wearing a sheet with my bare ass on a steel table.