Updated Fulmer Cup Standings!

[Blue_Tires]

http://www.sportsargumentwiki.com/index.php?title=Fulmer_Cup





1st* USF Bulls 17 +17 Pistol whipping spree *Additional USF player arrest required to be eligible for first place due to Ellis T Jones rules

2nd Hawaii Warriors 9 -- Taking after Colt Brennan
2nd Iowa Hawkeyes 9 -- DUI, Road Rage, Lots of drinking in public
4th Ball State Cardinals 7 -- Drinking and not driving, DUI
4th South Carolina Gamecocks 7 -- , Cheek Biting
4th Washington State Cougars 7 +3 , Passing out at police station, DUI with suspended license
4th Florida Gators 7 +5 Creepy Pervert, Sucker Punch
8th UAB Blazers 6 -- Forgot his sex offender registry
8th UCLA Bruins 6 -- Sexual Battery
8th Nebraska Cornhuskers 6 -- Drinking, Pillow Fight, DUI, MIP, suspended license
8th Florida State Seminoles 6 +3 Stoned in the drive thru lane, DUI
12th Louisiana Tech Bulldogs 5 -- Fight Night
12th Marshall Thundering Herd 5 +1 College kids smoking pot and drinking, Underage Drinking
14th Mississippi State Bulldogs 4 -- 1 pound of weed
14th Pittsburgh Panthers 4 -- DUI with suspended license
14th Ole Miss Rebels 4 +2 DUI, Making faces at the police
17th Oklahoma Sooners 3 +1 Peeing outdoors, Seatbelt violation, Failure to pay speeding ticket
17th Oklahoma State Cowboys 3 -- Drugs
17th Illinois Fighting Illini 3 -- DUI with suspended license
17th Arkansas Razorbacks 3 -- Public Intox, Shoplifting
21st Virginia Cavaliers 2 -- Disturbing the dance
21st West Virginia Mountaineers 2 -- DUI
21st Southern Miss Golden Eagles 2 -- Guns and Weed
21st Louisiana-Monroe Warhawks 2 -- Stealing Car Stereos
21st New Mexico Lobos 2 -- Woman Beating
21st Connecticut Huskies 2 +2 Fighting, Fighting the police
27th Troy Trojans 1 -- Choking and beating a woman
27th Penn State Nittany Lions 1 -- Disorderly Conduct
27th Iowa State Cyclones 1 +1 Drinking
27th Northwestern Wildcats 1 +1 Possession of a BB gun

[Chan790]

1. Slackers.

We have entire teams and nobody is living up to the example of Ellis T Jones. That man is like the Wayne Gretzky of Fulmer Cup, indisputably the greatest single talent in the history of this competition. 31 points all by himself in one year.

[KamaAina]

2. We're just not giving it 110 percent

:(

by the way, Colt Brennan is unusual among Fulmer Cup standouts in that he appears to have actually turned the corner and is behaving like an upstanding citizen these days. He was much in demand out here as a speaker to groups of troubled, at-risk youth.

[EastTennesseeDem]

3. Slackers

God, when my school's team can't even compete in the competition after whose coach it was named, something is wrong.

Kiffin better get it together.

[Fire Walk With Me]

4. Somehow I read this as "Updated Elmer Fudd Standings".

I don't understand either.

[Blue_Tires]

5. it's keeping track of college football teams

whose players get in trouble during the offseason...i'm mildly amused at how much general jackass behavior and arrests don't get into the news...



The player in question MUST BE ON ROSTER at the time of arrest. No Ex-Players!

Murder: 5 points.

Rape: 4 points. Downgraded to one if either participant is wearing a clown mask.
Bestiality: 4 points. It's a form of rape, really, no matter how much the goat has had to drink. High point value justified further by the fact that it involves having sex with an animal. You could say this was unthinkable, but in the past year alone two stories involving college athletes and at least the association with barnyard bonhomie of a most intimate degree have been reported, including the EDSBS Official GREATEST STORY EVER TOLD: the arrest of Oregon State player Ben Siegert for stealing a sheep used in a study on homosexuality in sheep.

Grand Larceny: 4 points. We use this as a catchall for players being involved in crime so outrageous and well-planned it can only be described as 'nefarious,' 'professional,' or 'legislation.' Applies to large drug rings, chop shop operations, and the Haitian human trafficking ring that's been run out of the Miami locker room since '93. (We kid! They didn't get that thing humming 'til '95 at the earliest.)

Hitting Girls: 3 points. We'll downgrade this to 2 if the girl can hold her weight and requires daily medication to prevent her from gouging her own eyes out (since those were the ones we always ended up dating, and we understand); or we'll upgrade to 4 points if the damage includes intensive care. Dad always said never hit girls, so we take this one seriously. Dad also said always double down with split aces, too, but we'll be damned if we didn't end up selling bone marrow in Macau the last time we followed that bit of advice.

Car theft/Assault/Driving through houses drunk/Drug possession of the Tyrone Biggums variety: 3 points. "Drug possession" never sounds all that bad until you add in 'crack cocaine,' which is society's signifier that your life has gone from that of high functioning simian in a complex society to that of a rat with electrodes in your brain's pleasure centers hitting a pedal in a glass box in a lab. Weed? Par for the course, especially if you're NFL-bound. Crack? Break out the Sports Century 'Weepy Sonata' music, because the story of your descent from boundless potential has just begun, and they haven't even begun to show the grainy shots of 130-lb you huddled in a shelter on Skid Row.

Fightin' in 'da Club/Weed Possession/Standard DUI: 2 points. Any scenario involving group fighting of a thugged-out, 'we run this place' variety, and marijuana possession of the nickel bag level. Possession of 100 pounds of marijuana is a totally different thing, and takes you right back up to the 4 point 'nefarious' level.
Drankin'/Suspended License/Assorted petty misdemeanors: 1 point.

Bonus points are awarded for multiple team offenses. Upon the 4th team arrest, four bonus points are awarded. On the 5th team arrest, 5 bonus points are awarded. 6 points are awarded for the 6th team arrest and so on and so on... This only applies to separate incidences. 5 players arrested at the same party counts as one incident.\