Did I cross the line?

[Symarip]

Oh noes, for once a serious post.

Starting Friday, I began receiving calls from a few of my buddies back home regarding the behavior of one of our friends. This friend, we'll call him 'John', has been acting like a fucking moron lately. He has two failure to appears for a DUI, which he is likely facing 6-9 months of jail time for (second offense). He has not had steady above board (paying taxes, contributing to society, etc) jay oh bee in a few years and continues to do fly by night, under the table work. He has sabotaged any possible career changes out of the quasi construction bullshit he does now since John is now covered with tattoo's starting at his knuckles and going to his neck. He also owes people money which kind of goes with territory.

All of the above I've known about for quite some time. And honestly, it's his life, he can fuck it up. But apparently now, he's depressed (I would be too) and is habitually drinking far beyond normal limits. John has also taken to making up outrageous stories involving violence, police brutality, drugs, you name it. He sounds like he's some fucking mob character out of Grand Theft Auto. But unfortunately this activity isn't really impressing anyone. Most people are sick of him, hate being around him, loathe having to constantly cover his bills, and they're all beginning to feel like he's a liability. The potential of him running off his mouth and getting people hurt, especially given the area where I'm from, is high. To some degree, it's already happened with him recently getting into a barfight and not remembering anything about it except getting his ass beat.

All this at the ripe age of 26.

Most of the phone calls I received regarding my friend here were independent of each other. When they came in one after the other about this and that and this, I started to panic. He might be dillusional or spiraling into alcoholism or worse. So, I did what I thought was right... I called his parents yesterday. They laid into his ass and now, he hates me. Some of my younger friends are calling my actions as some sort of betrayal. But in sincerity, I didn't know what to do. Hell, now I don't know what to do. I feel bad that my friend is going through alot, and it's sad he put himself there. Am I supposed to sit back and let this kid possibly get himself, or someone else, hurt or killed? Do I take it easy while he royally fucks up his own life?

I don't know. I need advice. I don't know whether to apologize to him or just cut him the fuck off or somewhere inbetween. Part of me feels he has the right to feel angry. Part of me feels very justified in trying to help him get his shit together. Part of me says, fuck it I'm 3000 miles away.

[Midlodemocrat]

1. I think you did the right thing.

Even though he's an adult, he's making childish choices.

Maybe he secretly wanted someone to step in and kick his ass.

You done good, kiddo.

[mainegreen]

2. You did the right thing.

Now, just go with the flow.

[DS1]

3. NARWHALS - FUCK YEAH!

:woohoo:

[Symarip]

4. .

FUCK YEAH!!!1

[ThomCat]

5. The kid needed an intervention an while ago.

:(

[Nicole Lambeth]

6. I think you did a good thing.

You did the only thing you could think of to help him, and it sounds like no one else was willing to make that call. Why is loving him and wanting him to get help considered a betrayal? He may be thanking you a few years from now. And if things get worse from here, remember you were the only one that made an effort to catch him before it was too late. Sometimes, being someone's friend means having to say (or do) brutally honest things. I feel for you, but I'm so glad to hear that you at least did something.

The world needs more friends like you.

[redqueen]

7. I think you did the right thing...

and if it were me I wouldn't cut him off or apologize... if anything I'd just say I was worried becaues I care about him, and saw no other way to help... and that I did it because I think he does need help - fast.

[petronius]

8. You did the right thing - your "younger friends" have some growing up to do

I would give John a call in a few days (or weeks) to check on him, and see where it goes from there...

[Ikonoklast]

9. You cannot help someone until they recognize the need for help.

Do what you think is right, but don't expect anything to come of it.

And please realize one thing: no matter how hard you try, you can't save everyone. There are those that are on a self-destructive path and nothing can keep them from achieving that goal, until they understand this:

All true change comes from within.

[LaurenG]

10. If he recovers he'll always be grateful to you. If not at least you loved him enough

to do something to try to help.

[TZ]

11. I think you did the right thing

it sounds to me like he has some mental health issues. The only way he'll deal with that is to hit rock bottom...I know this sounds trite but its true...tough love is necessary IMHO. Just be prepared to cut him off completely if he doesn't stop the behavior..If you don't...you may be enabling it. Sadly, I have too much personal experience with this kind of thing...

[VaYallaDawg]

12. Ikonoklast nailed it.

You did exactly the right thing - in fact, you gave him the most help possible. And don't be surprised if he rejects any help offered.

You can lead a horse to water ...

[southpaw]

13. All that by age 26?

Shit, dawg. The dude is in one hell of a nose dive. Hopefully he can pull out before he crashes.

Not sure what choices you had, but between telling his parents and doing nothing, I'd definitely vote for telling his parents.

Doing what's best for a friend doesn't always leave you feeling warm and fuzzy.