Can someone tell me how to function after the murder of my nephew?

[jus_the_facts]

...he was only 2 months old and was beaten (broken leg and older healing rib fractures) and shanken until he was brain dead....this is why I want the death penalty...right now I care not one ounce of sympathy for that monster...he should be put down like a rabid animal in my most humble opinion....I've not been religious but in my heart I hope that little precious beautiful baby is in my Daddy's arms in heaven.....is that too much to ask?

[CaliforniaPeggy]

1. My dear jus_the_facts...

I have no words that could possibly begin to heal you, but I still want to try.

My deepest condolences on the tragic and horrifying death of your precious nephew. I fully understand why you'd like to see his killer die...

Wherever your nephew is, it is surely a better place than where he was here on earth...

You may not believe me now, but time will heal you...:hug:

[jus_the_facts]

8. His killer was his own father and my 19 yr. old niece's husband...

.....I've already got a call in to the D.A.'s office to try to find out what will be done...he confessed at the hospital...just don't want him to get out of jail and hurt us anymore than he already has....his bond was set at 600K....dont think anyone can get him out....better not...I'm in a bitter state of mind and vengence seeps through my viens....hope having some connections in the system that he won't see the light of day for many years if ever.

:hug:

[Rising Phoenix]

2. My heart goes out to you and your family

and, I have never believed in Hell, but if there is one, may that bastard burn there for eternity.

I don't know how to tell you how to function after such a loss. I guess just keep breathing in and out, keep putting one foot in front of the other, even when you don't know how you could possibly take one more step.

Eventually, I hope, breathing and walking won't seem so hard, and it won't hurt QUITE as much.
Remember, where there is life, there is the possibilty of happiness. That bastard took that possibity away from you nephew, but you, and his mom, still live, and can make this world a better place in the name of that sweet little boy.

Big :hug:

[Catshrink]

3. I am so sorry..

I don't have advice for you or even know what to say. Just know that the DU community can be amazingly supportive despite our differences.

Take care of yourself.

:grouphug:

[latebloomer]

4. God, I don't know

This is horrific. How does one get past a horrific experience?

What comes to mind is

Cry
Scream
Rant
Write
Make some kind of memorial to him- a scrapbook, a garden?
Talk to people- friends and maybe a therapist or support group
Be very very kind to yourself
Remember that his pain and suffering is OVER. It was terrible but he is not in pain or fear any more.

:hug:

[LynneSin]

5. One day at a time

I didn't ever think that I would survive my father's death; it was alot to deal with when I was just 13.

But one day at a time. And alot of crying helps too. And your friends - they will always be there for you ready to listen to you or just give you a hug.

[NJmaverick]

6. That is terrible, I am so sorry

:hug:

Vibes to you and your family.

[Tuesday Afternoon]

7. ~~~~~~~~~~ O-O ~~~~~~~~~~~ O-O ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

:hug: :hug: :grouphug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :grouphug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :grouphug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :grouphug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :grouphug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :grouphug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug:

[sarge43]

9. My deepest condolences.

I wish I had more than words.

What late bloomer said, also as tough as it may seem right now, be a comfort and a source of strength for your family. They need you. In the future you might want to think about helping the abuse centers in your area. It's a positive thing to do and you could save a child.

One other thought: Revenge is a cold dish and not that satisfying. Consider this, if your niece's husband has a shred of humanity left, he will spend the rest of his life knowing he killed his son, probably the only child he will ever have. Whatever else happens, he's an outcast, in darkness and alone. If he has no humanity, then vengeance will make little difference. Oh you'll feel better for awhile, but in the end it won't be enough and it will be cold.

We're always here whenever you need us.

:grouphug:

[Arugula Latte]

10. Unfortunately, I don't have a magic answer. However, I can make one small suggestion.

You could circulate an e-mail asking for people to do good deeds in your nephew's name, and then tell you and your sister about them. It could be anything from picking up a few pieces of litter, helping a stray animal, making a small donation to an anti-child abuse organization, smiling at someone who could use a smile, volunteering at a food bank for an afternoon ... The possibilities are endless.

:hug:

[MissMillie]

12. that's a beautiful thought...

I hope jus_the_facts will tell us his name so we can all put a name to some "pay-it-forward" behavior.

[Arugula Latte]

13. jus_the_facts posted an article about it ...

It looks like that thread was removed, though.

Here is a link to a story about the basic facts. It is very upsetting:

http://www.shreveporttimes.com/article/20090605/NEWS01/90605003

[MissMillie]

15. For Chase, I will do an act of kindness today.

and one for jus_the_facts too.

[jus_the_facts]

20. I had to have the article removed for legal reasons....

....that article is from shreveport...and doesn't even show the monster's mug shot....he's got the looks of an adonis...but behind it is pure unadulterated evil....we were all fooled by him...each and every one of us...including my naieve and compassionate niece....she says he took her baby away from her and she doesn't want to see him...that's news I wanted to hear. :cry:

[MissMillie]

11. I wish I had some words of wisdom... there are none

There is nothing that can logically explain why someone would do this to anyone, let alone a child so completely defenseless.

There is no way to make sense of it.

I imagine you will eventually make peace with this loss, but I don't expect it will happen overnight. Right now, your anger is what you're focusing on (rightfully so) but eventually you will more often remember the joy he brought to your life rather than how he was wrongfully taken from your family.

Healing vibes to you and all those in your life affected by this. :hug:

[Swede]

14. Only time will ease this pain.

Be with friends and family. That is all I can offer you,in advice. I am so sorry for your loss.

[dembotoz]

16. you just do

Your biological functions continue.

Mourn the death, but don't let the hatred consume you.

Be there for the mother, she will need support.
and don't be totally outraged if she still has
feelings for the child's father.
They were married.

[Zomby Woof]

17. Sweetheart

Really, you NEED to stay off of DU. This place isn't healthy even during ideal circumstances. I have no idea how to tell you to cope otherwise, but avoiding DU is my first and best recommendation. :hug:

[jus_the_facts]

18. I understand....but just hearing from you helps a great deal....

....could you call me anytime soon....I could use your support. I love you and nini...always and forever. :cry:

[Zomby Woof]

22. Check your PM

I know you need all the support you can get, even on here. There are lots of good DUers. It's just that after that thread which unfairly and unnecessarily called this situation out the other day, I am still livid over that.

Much love from us, sweetie. :grouphug:

[cwydro]

39. There was a thread calling this situation out??!!

Geez.

I'm glad I missed that.

[ulysses]

19. oh no.

I'm so, so sorry. All best to you and your family, hon. :hug:

[jus_the_facts]

21. Thanks John.....this is so much worse than losing my dad....

...didn't think my sorrow could be deeper than it already was....but this trumps that loss even worse. :hug:

[theNotoriousP.I.G.]

23. I'm very sorry for your loss

As someone who has lost several family members in horrific and violent ways, the only thing that I have found that helps is time. The immediate hell and anguish you are going through right now might last for a while and I personally chose counseling to help me through it. Having friends and family close by also helped.

I wish you peace and I hope your nephew is snuggled up there in your daddy's arms in heaven. :hug:

[jus_the_facts]

24. Thank You....and everyone else who've responded....

....thank you all from what's left of my heart. :hug:

[Arugula Latte]

25. I am calling today to make an appointment to donate blood.

In your nephew's honor.

:hug:

[Dystopian]

26. Heartfelt condolences...

I'm so very sorry...this is a heart wrenching story...
My heart goes out to you and your family...
You will go on...painfully at first...Working through the stages of grief can consume us at times.
My deepest sympathies....

peace & love to you and your family during this time...and forever.

Rest in Peace, beautiful baby~

[JimGinPA]

27. My Nephew Managed To Survive Shaken Baby Syndrome...

My wife and I had custody of him from when he got out of the hospital at two months until he was two years old. My wife's brother's wife would never really admit to doing it "on purpose", but all the conversations with his doctors and surgeons convinced us without a doubt that her story that "he fell off of the bed while she was in the bathroom" was a fairy tale. Unless he bounced maybe thirty times or so...


Needless to say I have no compassion for anyone who harms a child.


My deepest sympathy goes out to you and your family. The only consolation I can offer is that when the asshole that did it goes to prison he won't be enjoying his stay. Baby killers are frowned upon there.

[merh]

28. i have no answers

I can only offer you cyber hugs and a shoulder.

If you don't mind, I will keep you and your family in my prayers. And yes, I'll betcha that your Daddy is cradling the little guy, taking good care of him at this very moment.

:hug:

[KG]

29. sorry to hear of it, amb.

:(

[RevolutionaryActs]

30. Good lord, I am so sorry.

I have no answers, only lots of good thoughts for you and your family. :hug::hug::hug:

[lightningandsnow]

31. I am so sorry.

I don't know what to say, but I'm thinking of you. :hug:

[mwooldri]

32. I'm so very sorry...

...and yes that precious baby *is* in heaven, with your Daddy - I can put that part of your mind to rest right now.

:hug: :grouphug: - I wish I could give you the hug in person but this would have to do.

If you're having difficulty functioning and if you can afford it (I don't know your financial/healthcare situation) go seek some counselling. Maybe even some short term pharma can help with the immediate situation but realistically talking it over, time, and more talking it over will help heal the sorrow. It will never go away though - ever - you will always remember and you will always have these feelings towards that "monster".

I want you to do one thing today, and I want you to do this every day for the rest of your life. Find one thing to do today that's just for you. Go sit down read a book, make an appointment with the TV if you must, go work out, go shopping, go pamper yourself, go do anything just for you. This is what my counselors encouraged our group to do when I hit the lows in depression and grief is very depressing. Therefore it is important to do something for you each day and it will help you cope in the long run with lots of things.

Take care, Mark.

[Mopar151]

33. I got no answers

I can only express condolences for all the losses.

[BeachBaby]

34. I am so sorry that you and your family are going through such a tragedy.

And I don't know if this will come as any comfort to you, but....as someone who has worked in the criminal defense field for many years, I can assure you that what he's done will not go over very well with the inmates.

Depending on the crime, criminals are revered or reviled in the prison system. He will most certainly be reviled for what he has done. Friendships with other inmates will be slim to none for him - and because even the inmates will see him for the monster that he is, he will constantly be looking over his shoulder.

He will live in fear for his entire sentence. GUARANTEED.

My thoughts are with you during this most troubling time. :hug:

[ZombieHorde]

35. I hope your family is able to find some peace.

If this happened to my family, and I had the strength, I would try meditation and yoga, since those things seem to calm me down.

If I were religious I would pray for peace several times a day.

I can only imagine how much you must hate that murderer. I hope it doesn't consume you.

[jus_the_facts]

37. So many emotions are consuming me........

....and VENGENCE is winning the chaos that is my psyche at present. :cry:

[jus_the_facts]

36. I want to thank each and every one of you for your kindness....

....it has helped fill the void in my heart. :loveya: :grouphug:

[Withywindle]

38. I am so unspeakably sorry for your loss.

It's so horrible to think how many monsters are like that among us, and we don't know until it's too late.

:hug: :hug:

I think a lot of advice in this thread is very good. Are you going to a grief support group? If you can find one, I'd recommend one that's especially for people who have lost loved ones to violent crimes. I've been through this myself (to a lesser degree) over friends who were murdered, and there are issues that come up that are different from any other kind of death. Hate and rage, specifically - it's natural and perfectly justified to feel these things but they can consume you if you let them.

You and your family are in my prayers.

[Shell Beau]

40. I just want to tell you how sorry I am again.

An innocent little helpless life was needlessly taken. A beautiful baby! I hope he has his little wings on now. My prayers are with you and your family. This must be a double blow to your niece. :hug:

[BreweryYardRat]

41. I'm so sorry.

I'm generally a pretty cold-blooded bastard, but...Christ, that's awful. Poor little kid.

Should the murderer have a tragic "accident" in his cell, would the justice system in your area be inclined to seriously bother pursuing the matter? If not...